Crack Fic!

[kanesu]

Title: Tons of Squirrels
Author: Kanesu
Pairing: Arashi/none
Genre: comedy
Rating: pg
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and no profits are being made off of it. The story is all mine, Arashi, on the other hand, is not. *sigh*
Summary: Ohno is somewhat interested, Nino tries to get some action, Jun is being an ass and Aiba is so very sorry. Did I forget anyone? No? Oh goooood~
A/N: Un-betaed. This is for Rikke rikke_leonhart , because she's the cause of all the recent crack in my fangirling life. Also because of AG. XD

Tons of Squirrels

To everyone's general amazement, it was Ohno who first spoke,

“This..is bad”

“Not exactly how I would've put it but it covers the idea,” said Nino wide eyed and leaned closer to Ohno as if seeking for protection.

“...” said Sho.

“I'm really sorry, Sho-kun, really, really sorry. Really, really, really s..”

“That'll be enough, Aiba,” Jun interrupted and patted the man awkwardly on the shoulder. It was possible for Aiba to not exaggerate his apologies, but it was more likely he'd just go on until someone forgave him..

(“...” said Sho again.)

..which seemed quite improbable right now, given the state Sho was in.

“I think we broke Sho-kun,” Ohno pointed out sounding mildly interested.

“I'm really really rea..”

“We know already!” Nino snapped, but it was more of an automatic response, a result of years exposure to Aiba's behavior, than an actual insult.

“...urgh...” Sho stated, with haphazard gestures this time.

Aiba gave a pitiful little squeak of regret and hid his head behind the tightly hugging Ohmiya, leaning heavily on them both and causing all three to seek for balance in the other three and get them tangled with each other. Therefore it was left for the annoyed Jun to reach his arms around Sho and mumble the soothing 'there there's' while shooting murderous looks at the others, who were very busily not looking at Jun's direction.

None of this had actually been Jun's fault, the way he saw it, and yet he was the one comforting the sanity-compromised Sho. It hadn't been his idea to give Aiba the keys and allow him to climb to the drivers seat 'just to get the feel of it, Sho-chan, I promise I won't start driving or anything, haha'. In Jun's opinion, Sho should've know better than to look too deeply into those puppy eyes of doom again. Anyway, it wasn't Jun's fault either that Nino had decided to 'test the suspension of the backseat' with the ever willing Ohno, although Jun might have been the one to sit there first and admire it's comfiness. Really, it was Sho's own fault, in fact if you asked Jun, to show his brand new car to his retarded band mates in the first place..and then fall asleep in the middle of it just because of some ridiculous excuse like jet lag.

It wasn't like Jun could've stopped it when Aiba finally did manage to start the car, purely by accident and Nino's meddling (which was considered basicly a force of nature within Arashi), and it just rolled down the driveway all by it self. Furthermore, no one in their right mind would've tried to stop Nino when he was determined to do something wicked, so helping the little fox climb to the front so he could show Aiba how manual gears worked, couldn't really be counted against Jun.

It was a mystery however, how exactly Aiba got tickled at the process, but the result was lots of flailing hands one of which slapped Jun straight to face, an action which he swiftly retaliated by pushing Nino painfully against the gear stick. Nino was somehow lead to believe it was Ohno so he kicked with his feet (not hard, it was Ohno, after all) to his general direction where it got stuck to the front passenger seat's position controller stick. The very same stick that controlled the position in which Sho was..had been sound asleep so far. Anyone would have woken up screaming when your seat suddenly tries to kill you by doubling you over while gently massaging your back.

Actually if anything, it was Sho's dream that had caused Aiba to steer wildly to left. It was absolutely no one's fault, though, that the car had hit the dam in an angle that caused it to flip neatly over. Pretty amazing, thought Jun, that none of them had gotten hurt. Except for Sho's head, Jun corrected himself, which must've gotten some kind of a nasty bump somewhere along the way.

“...tis mah prettyh car...” Sho explained dreamily to Jun while pointing at the sad sight of an up-turned wreck.

“Yes, Sho-kun. Now say byebye to the pretty car, I want to get home and forget that any of you exists.”

“Awww..Jun-tan, we love you too!” said Nino's automatic response system as he stared at the car from behind the mass of Ohno and Aiba's hair still in a mild state of shock.

“What I'd like to know,” Ohno said later, when the tow truck had pulled the car away and Sho had gradually stopped crying, “..is what kind of a dream was Sho-kun having exactly.”

“Me too,” said Nino. “I'm really curious of what can make a man, not particularly suicidal mind you, scream 'tons of squirrels on the road' while it's Aiba the animal lover on the wheel.”

“...I'm really, really, really s...”