The Princess and the Pea -- } ~*~ { -- First Half

[bclar]

Title: The Princess and the Pea
Word Count: ca. 9.600 (split in two parts)
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don’t own Arashi or anyone mentioned in this fic. This is for fun. Don’t you take it seriously.
Summary: Arashi version of Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Princess and the Pea”
A/N:
(1) Beta’d by i_am_zan . Even though she had some rl things going on she took the time. Thanks a lot!!
(2) Written for the fairy tale fic-a-thon  by inappropri8 . For the original tale see Wikipedia; there’s a summary as well as links to the full story (not by the Brothers Grimm, of course - I lied  >_<).
(3) Sorry, no Jun. The main cast was already decided upon, and I thought instead of squeezing him in with a minor supporting role I’d rather give him some free time. That guy works too much anyway.


“Son, you need to marry.”

“Yeah. You should marry some nice girl and start producing grandchildren.”

“Ma!”

“What?”

“I don’t want to marry and make grandchildren.

…

How does one actually make grandchildren?”

“Dearest husband, you’re right about this. He so needs a girl.”

And with this dialogue at the breakfast table, initiated by the king while having his mouth full of peppered capon, it all started.
Ohno had his reasons to advise the prince to marry. He was getting old. He ruled the country ever since his father died, and even though no one expected a sixteen-year old mother’s boy to last for more than a month he lead the country quite well for twenty-seven years. However, now he was, figuratively speaking, fed up. He simply wanted to retire and indulge in his hobbies: drawing, fishing and spending time with his wife. There was just one tiny problem: the law forbade the ruling king to hand his power to his successor when said successor hadn’t had children. The idea behind it was that only someone who knew how to take care of a family would also know how to take care of his people. Of course the rule didn’t catch on when the king died, but Ohno didn’t consider this option seriously. After all he wanted to be able to hold a fishing rod while his son did all the paper work.

His wife Nino supported this idea. She thought her husband spent far too much time ruling and not nearly enough with her. Furthermore she was a little worried that her son, although handsome, charming and altogether very likeable, would become somehow weird when not getting used to a girl around him, and his question this morning seemed to proof her right. Maybe he would even start chasing after guys, like Ohno’s cousin Shun whose name no one ever mentioned since he eloped with some crooked-nosed juggler.

Aiba himself wasn’t too enthusiastic about marrying. All he knew about marriage was that it involved a man and a girl and it meant they would share their bedroom. The last time he shared his bedroom with another person was when the royal foster mother needed to feed him or change his diapers. He liked having his own room. Sharing it with someone was a step in the wrong direction. And furthermore, girls. He didn’t know any girls. His mother had long since made sure that all palace servants were male. When at some point he found out that there were actually humans without a weeny, and that they were very common outside the palace, he asked his most trusted valet why there weren’t any in the palace. In a very low voice he was told something about a young, round-faced maid who was a little too fond of the king, and that would also be the reason why his mother threw a pretty blue vase against the freshly painted throne room wall when Aiba told her he named his new puppy Chinen. Aiba didn’t really understand that, but that was okay, because his mother often did strange things, like she sometimes would eat her meals standing, claiming some evening relaxation gymnastic responsible for kind of a muscle soreness that made it impossible to sit, but even though she had trouble walking, she would smile brightly and hum the whole day.

-- }  ~*~  { --

The king and the queen immediately started searching for suitable young ladies. They wrote numerous letters to all nobles they knew to have daughters in a considerable age for dating and asked for pictures, extensive résumés and an essay titled “Why I am the perfect choice to marry Prince Aiba, and one hundred reasons why Halo III is better than Counter-Strike Source”, written by the girl in question herself. They received more than two hundred answers, and after reviewing them meticulously, they decided to invite the top five candidates to the palace, let them stay for a few days and see which one was the best.

Aiba still didn’t want to get married, but he also knew that nothing could stop his parents now. He kept distracting himself with his menagerie of puppies, cats, bunnies and other fuzzy mammals, and even on the day the princesses arrived at the castle gate he had to be pulled out of the guinea pig enclosure by three servants. They had been looking for him for hours and were on the verge of tears due to the galled queen and her very explicit explanations of what would happen to them if they didn’t manage to bring her son to the main entrance in time.

When the princesses’ carriages drove into the courtyard, the visitors were greeted by the royal family standing in front of the impressive ornamented door. Only when looking closer one would notice the king staring into space, his fingers playing with a fly-fishing lure, the queen staring cross-armed at the princesses, her fingers tipping fidgety at her upper arm, and the prince staring at the heap of lady’s maids, female attendants and governesses accompanying the princesses, his fingers trying to inconspicuously remove some guinea pig poop from his right knee that miraculously hadn’t been spotted by his mother up to now. Meanwhile, the princesses and their entourage were told where they would stay during their visit, and finally, finally all those nervous princesses and giggling maids and hushing attendants and hectic governesses vanished into the north wing of the castle.

Although loving to discover the many strange things nature created, Aiba was still unsure about the princesses. On one hand, there was clearly a big blank in his knowledge about the world if he missed out a whole species that, at least by the looks of it, seemed to be closely related to his own. On the other hand, if his mother had kept them out of the palace she must have had good reason to do so. She might have been strange, but she was very smart. If it was better to keep his distance he didn’t want to find out why. He hadn’t listened to her when she warned him about not touching hot stoves. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

Since the princesses were tired and exhausted from their journey, there were no plans for this day, so Aiba had the chance to return to his small cuddly friends. He spent the rest of the day sitting in the puppy play room, absentmindedly stroking whichever dog happened to be in his lap, and wondered about these mysterious beings that invaded the castle.

-- }  ~*~  { --

The next day was to follow a painstakingly detailed schedule. There would be breakfast for the royal family together with the princesses. The whole group would then tour the palace with the king as guide culminating at the royal arcade, where the queen would introduce the newest game releases. Afterwards the princesses would retire to prepare for lunch, once more to be taken together with the royal family. The afternoon would be spent in the park surrounding the castle, including a picnic at teatime, before the princess would retire to prepare again, this time for dinner. Then, when everyone was full and comfortable, the princesses would present their special abilities in a show.

It went as it was planned, but not with the expected result.

Aiba was utterly confused by these girls. Their bodies had strange proportions, including excrescences at their chests. They walked funny, their shoulders stiff but their hips moving in a way that made it hard not to laugh. They didn’t eat a lot, and Aiba wondered how they could possibly have the energy to follow his mother through her detailed demonstration of the latest games. Currently she was experimenting with different styles. While up to now she preferred ego shooters, her latest acquisition was a business simulation game named “Pilgrims’ Exotic Adventures”, and she explained all the differences between the games at length. The king and Aiba fell asleep in the back of the room.

And the clothes they wore! Masses of satin and silk and other delicate materials, cut in a bell-like form around their legs. They were careful when sitting, standing and walking, always afraid of dirtying their garments. Clearly, Aiba thought, these beings may look more like him than his beloved animals, but they were far less likeable.

Before dinner, the queen grabbed her son and pulled him aside.

“Aiba, you should talk to the girls. That’s why we invited them here.”

“Talk to them? Do I have to?”

“Yes.” The queen, who had been strained the whole day, didn’t react well to the listlessness in his voice.

“But how?”

“Just like you talk to other people, dummy. You speak the same language.”

“Yeah, but about what?”

“Whatever. You. Want.”

Aiba could read the aura his mother emitted, and so instead of asking further and endangering his health he just nodded and entered the dining hall.

A few minutes later dinner started. In order to retain his honour it has to be said that Aiba did his best. He stared neither at their misshapen chests nor at their hairdos which made him dizzy just by looking at all the curls and pearls and flowers towered to giant shapes. He politely asked the girls whether the food pleased them, made some comments about the weather and overall used his well-trained conversation skills. The princesses next to him answered just as politely that the quails were very appetising, thank you, and yes, it was indeed a little windy today, but the conversation remained clumsy and awkward. Just as Aiba was about to give up a loud “BANG!” shook the hall.

The princesses shrieked, the king choked on his wine, the queen jumped up and Aiba jerked his head to the door.

The source of the noise was the double doors slamming open against the walls. There in the doorway stood the reason.  It was a strange sight presented to the surprised crowd: a figure, vaguely human, dripping wet and altogether looking as if drawn through a puddle, head bowed as if the being hadn’t got any energy left to lift it.

The uproar caused by the arrival was followed by absolute silence. Finally, the queen raised her voice. “Who are you, and what are doing in my dining room?”

“I’m Sakurai, and also I’m very sorry to invade your dining room, but would you be so kind to let me stay in your house until the storm is over?”

“Storm? Which storm?”

Only when the queen asked they did notice the rumbling and howling outside. The soft breeze they enjoyed in the afternoon had grown into a stalwart hurricane.

“Of course you can stay,” said the king who finally managed to clear his throat. “You should take a warm bath first, and then you come back here, eat something and explain why you would look for shelter in the royal palace, of all places.”

“This is the royal palace?” squeaked the being. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know! I’ve been walking through some kind of park for ages now, and it was the first building I could find…”

“Then,” said the queen, “you will have to tell us how you got into my garden in the first place.”

“Darling, let the poor thing get something dry to dress in first. We’ll get the details afterwards.”

“Hmpf,” said the queen and sat down while a hastily called servant guided the intruder out of the room.

Aiba was even more confused now. Not only were there girls, there were obviously also Sakurai’s in this world. As soon as this Sakurai-thingy came back he’d have to watch him carefully.

They finished eating and the presentations of the five princesses began. One after the other, starting with the oldest, they stepped forward, made a neat hedgerow, introduced themselves formally again and showed what they were capable of.

Princess Satoko made a draft of the royal family she announced to use as basis for a portrait in oil and brought other artwork she did at home, mainly still life art of delicious looking dishes. Princess Shonoko read out a story from a book in a foreign language, as she often did for her little brother to improve his language skills. Princess Masako played on a shawm, first the national hymn, then a fast and funny folk dance. Princess Kazuko enacted a scene from a drama, taking over all the roles by herself and dying a wide range of different deaths. Princess Junnoko made a fashion show and presented a variety of self-designed and hand sewn robes which outshone every piece of clothing they ever saw.

Just as the last princess finished the door opened again. This time it was treated very gingerly, and the Sakurai warily poked his head into the dining room before entering. He was clearly a little nervous. Now that he was dry he looked far more human, Aiba noticed.

Although the servants had already cleared the table, they did leave some plates out for the Sakurai, so he sat down and dug in. Judging by the amounts of food vanishing in his mouth and the tempo that happened, Aiba decided he was in all likelihood not a girl. The prince watched the Sakurai as the princesses whispered a lot. Aiba thought he heard words like ‘gross’ and ‘demon’ said with a certain amount of awe and quite a bit of fear. Aiba had never had the opportunity of meeting a demon, so he was very interested in the person sitting at the end of the table, for this might be a once an in lifetime chance.

When the Sakurai finally put his cutlery down, the queen demanded an explanation for the Sakurai’s appearance, and so they got to hear his story.

“I was on a trip from my uncle’s back home, when suddenly the wind became stronger and stronger. Then it started raining, and there was thunder and lightning, too. My horse panicked and threw me off, and so I was standing in some field, all alone, because my attendant’s horse ran off as well, but while still on horseback. I immediately looked for shelter, but I didn’t see any houses or even huts, so I just started walking. After a while, I reached a wall, and I thought a wall means that there is something behind it. It was a very high wall, and I tend to be a little uncomfortable with heights, but this was better than staying out in the rain. So I climbed over it to find myself in your majesty’s lovely park, and I walked again, searching for any buildings I could find. Finally I discovered the palace, and without looking up or even noticing how big this house was, I just entered, and that’s how I came to disturb your dinner party, which I am truly sorry about.”

The king and the queen exchanged a look, the king encouraging, the queen a little crotchety, but then she sighed and said, “Oh well, okay. Stay here for the night.”

“May I ask you something?” Aiba couldn’t hold his curiosity back any more.

“Of course,” said the Sakurai.

“What is a ‘Sakurai’?”

The Sakurai seemed a little confused. “Sakurai is my name. What’s yours?”

“My name’s Aiba,” answered Aiba knowingly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Aiba,” said Sakurai, politely bowing his head a little.

“Yeah, nice to meet you, too, but if Sakurai is your name, what are you?”

“What do you mean, what am I?” Now Sakurai seemed very confused.

“Are you a girl?” asked Aiba.

“I’m a princess,” said Sakurai.

There was a murmur around the table, but the prince ignored it.

“You don’t seem like one.”

“Well, what do you think I am then?” asked Sakurai curious.

Aiba contemplated a little. Sakurai said he was a princess, but he ate a lot and could climb over walls, and those were two things that none of the other princesses would approve of, as Aiba was quite sure. And he didn’t look like a princess either. He hadn’t got this strange chest, and he wore clothes Aiba recognized as some of his own. On the other hand, he was strangely different from the men in the palace he knew. Something about him was interesting. Sakurai’s face made him want to watch it, and he was really curious about how Sakurai would look like when he smiled. So he answered “I’m not sure what you are, but I think you’re unique.”

An awkward silence followed, in which Sakurai blushed a little and Aiba discovered that it improved his looks.

“Wait a minute,” said the queen. “You’re a princess?”

“Yes,” said Sakurai.

“I don’t believe you,” decided the queen.

“That seems to be custom in these walls,” said Sakurai.

“These girls are princesses.” The queen pointed at the princesses, who shrieked back a little at her finger drilling in their direction.

“And pretty princesses they are indeed.” Again, Sakurai politely bowed his head. The princesses seemed unsure whether they should be flattered by a compliment from him.

“Why don’t you show us something you’re good at? These five lovely ladies just presented us with samples of their talents. Do you have some kind of hobby?”

Aiba was taken aback by the way his mother spoke to Sakurai. Okay, so he stumbled into the palace and dripped all over the carpet, but he seemed to be nice and friendly and Aiba couldn’t understand how anyone could not like him. Sakurai, meanwhile, didn’t seem bothered by the fact that with every sentence she addressed him with the queen sounded a little more unfriendly.

“I tell news.”

Everyone stared at him. They already did that for a while now, and Aiba was fascinated to find out they could stare even more still.

“You tell news?” asked the king curiously. “Could you explain what you mean?”

“I think it’s easiest if I just demonstrate, your majesty.” With these words Sakurai rose gracefully from his seat and walked over until he stood in front of his audience. He looked at the floor as he positioned himself to his liking, adjusting his feet and folding his hands in front of his tummy, before he took a deep breath and raised his head.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, your majesties, good evening. My name is Sakurai Sho, and these are the news.

The thief haunting the neighbouring kingdom known as RoPi Hoto was identified as the son of dead Baron Yamashita. He declared to help the poor by taking from the rich. The officials couldn’t stop him up to now since the inhabitants of the concerned county of News are covering for him.

The noble families Montatsu and Kapulishi signed a peace treaty after the respective heirs Jin and Kazuya threatened to kill themselves if they weren’t allowed to marry. The city of Verona suffered under the dispute of the powerful families for more than one hundred and fifty years now. This treaty is expected to end the rivalry and improve the economy as well as the citizens’ average life span.

Count Ueda announced to travel around the world. Good informed sources revealed that he had a heated discussion with Count Nishikido about whether it was possible to undertake this journey in a span of merely 80 days, which resulted in a bet Ueda set his fortune upon. Ueda will depart the day after tomorrow.

Pope Kitagawa fractured a bone when falling down the stairs to the altar in Tokyo Dome during Sunday mass. This was witnessed by approximately five thousand worshippers; his official speakers, however, denied the incident.

Yesterday was the well-criticised premiere of the highly anticipated musical “The King and I”, based on the bestselling novel by former maid Chinen Yuuri. She revealed the book to have autobiographic tendencies, that she’s very proud people like the musical, and she invited King Ohno to come and watch it.

The weather tomorrow is still going to be windy, but the storm will lose its force over night. Few clouds and lots of sunshine will result in temperatures about 65 degrees Fahrenheit.

These were the news with Sakurai Sho. Thank you for listening, and please have a wonderful night.”

And with that the assemblage dispersed. The queen was in a horrible mood, and even the king was at a loss of how to stop her from pacing through the room, barking randomly at whoever happened to cross her path. The princesses, who were completely overstrained with the situation (a weird person who interrupted their dinner, claims to be a princess and talks about uninteresting happenings he calls “news”, and, on top of that, a hysterical future mother-in-law), were quick to claim exhaustion from the day and fled. Sakurai silently retreated, not without wishing everyone a pleasant night again.

All the while Aiba just sat in his chair, wondering about the things he heard and the person who spoke them.

-- }  ~*~  { --

The following day started a lot less spectacular than the previous ended. The queen didn’t come down for breakfast (it was announced she was “feeling unwell”, which Aiba correctly translated to “still is bitching, and be glad that you’re not the one who has to scrape the meals from the walls”), and without her presence neither the king nor Aiba saw any reason to bother talking to the princesses. That resulted in a silent king and a conversation between Sakurai and Aiba, which carried on even as they finished their meal and strolled through the castle and the park.

It was no problem for the prince to talk with Sakurai. That is, it was more like Aiba asked and Sakurai answered. About his home, his family, his favourite food and about the news. Aiba was fascinated by it, and he found out that Sakurai had profound background knowledge, too.  Sakurai explained that he had lots of friends, acquaintances and contacts all over the country who informed him via telegraph of everything important. Aiba thought it to be a very strange hobby, but in a good way. He was well-informed, too, for of course he had to learn how to rule the country and thus had to be up to date with all the happenings, but he never found joy in it. Now Sakurai was here, explaining the reasons for the seemingly errant behaviour of diplomats and why the people in one region were so much more dependent on the spice traders than the others. And how he explained! Colourful and thoroughly, like fairy tales, and for the first time in years the prince was interested in his future job.

Sakurai himself warmed up noticeably, too. Aiba’s never ending stream of curious questions and his wonder about the answers made him slowly open up and showed the person behind his composed and polite behaviour. He turned out to be just as curious a person as Aiba, interested in how the world worked and why so, and had some impressing questions to join Aiba’s list of “Things to find out in constructing experiments no one else would think of”.

Sakurai laughed a lot that afternoon. Aiba rather liked that, so he tried to be as funny as possible and found Sakurai an enthusiastic audience. Aiba studied every kind of laugh Sakurai would respond with thoroughly. When a gag wasn’t that funny, Sakurai would hunch his shoulders a little, close his eyes and give an amused snort. When Sakurai said something funny himself, he would try to look earnest, but his eyes would already laugh and the corners of his mouth twitch. Then there was this short giggle when Aiba cracked a good joke. But what Aiba liked best was when Sakurai burst out in laughter, bending his knees and leaning forward, clenching his aching tummy. His smile was so wide, Aiba feared it would break his face apart, and his eyes were nearly shut. He radiated pure joy in these moments, and the prince felt as if he saw the personification of all things good. That was why he took Sakurai to see his numerous pets.

Aiba was careful to whom he showed his little friends. The palace servants were okay since Aiba knew and liked them, and they liked Aiba and the pets just as well, and after all they were the ones who did most of the work required in caring for them. His parents were okay, too, even though they didn’t come to the enclosures often, but when they did, they were nice. Strangers, on the other hand, were not allowed near the cages. When Aiba was small, he would invite every palace guest to visit his pets and proudly present the tricks he taught them. Until a diplomat’s son kicked one of the bunnies, and when the brat’s father scolded him after Aiba told him about the incident he returned that night to satisfy his desire for revenge at the expense of the animals. Since then no one was allowed near the cages unless Aiba took them personally. Needless to say Aiba was very selective.

Sakurai didn’t disappoint him. He got all cuddly and maidenly as they entered the pet area in one edge of the park, and couldn’t stop caressing the bunnies, the guinea pigs, the hamsters, the mice, the rats, the puppies in the puppies’ box or even the turtles.

“Do you think they notice when you pet them?” asked Aiba. “I think they do. Somehow.”

“Maybe they sense the warmth and the weight of your fingers,” Sakurai answered. “They are so adorable.”

“You should have seen the baby turtles we had. Five cute tiny turtles, barely able to walk, and the shell felt soft, like velvet, but they already were complete, you know, four legs and armour and everything.”

“What happened to them?”

“My mother said we had enough a menagerie already, and that she needed them as a gift for some friend of hers. I guess it was sort of a joke. I can’t imagine anyone would have asked her for turtles as a birthday gift.”

“You mother is quite unique.”

“Well, she is a little crazy, without doubt. But she is very clever, and loves my father and me a whole lot. And she really cares about the country, too, even though she always complains about father spending more time with his papers than her, but in fact she is very proud of him.”

“She seems to be an admirable person. I like her, but I don’t want her to be cross with me.”

“That’s very smart of you,” stated Aiba, and then, remembering the conversation he had with his mother during breakfast the other day, he asked “Say, do you know how one makes grandchildren?”

Sakurai’s hand stopped midair above an armour. “Um. Why would you want to know?”

“Because my mother asked me for some, but I don’t know how they are done. Do you?”

“I. You don’t know. That is…” said Sakurai, suddenly sounding not half as knowledgeable as he had before. “You have all these animals and you don’t know where babies come from?”

“Well, I know they are born. I’m not stupid. But how do I get pregnant? It doesn’t happen randomly, does it? When my mother asked me, she sounded like I had to do something first.”

“Um. Yeah. You… um. There have to be two…” stuttered Sakurai, and he was redder than ever before, and again, Aiba was amazed. He thought Sakurai was cuter then all the little kittens he ever held in his hands together, and Aiba had held about every kitten to be found in the palace since he was four. “You need… a partner… you know. You have to be married.”

“I need to marry?” asked Aiba. “Sheesh. So that’s the reason. My mother asked for grandchildren when my father asked for me to marry. That’s the reason for all the princesses in the dining room.”

“Oh,” said Sakurai. “So you’ll marry one of the princesses?” He had started stroking the turtle again. They both watched his hand gliding over the green-greyish armour.

“I don’t know yet. See, I don’t want to marry. I like having my own room.”

“You like having…” repeated Sakurai dumbfounded.

“Yes. I don’t want to share it with these girls. They are strange. I wouldn’t bring them here to introduce them to my friends, let alone live them in my room.”

“You brought me.”

“That’s because I like you.”

Sakurai’s hand froze again, and Aiba was a little confused. That was the second time something he said made Sakurai stop moving, but he just couldn’t figure out what it was. So he thought he’d explain it. Maybe Sakurai didn’t understand the words. He used so much smart expressions when he spoke that he might not know some basic vocabulary.

“I don’t get to meet too many people. There are the palace servants, and my parents, but aside from them I only frequently meet diplomats or rich merchants for work. But they are old and polite and boring, and you are really nice. Can we be friends? If you want to? You can visit me any time.”

Sakurai turned his head a little, but still not enough for Aiba to see his face. Then he let his fingers run over the turtle’s back one last time, stood up and turned to the prince with a shy smile.

“Friends sounds great.”

Aiba, being all smiles, couldn’t help but throw his arms around his new friend, lift him an inch off the ground and whirl them both around until Sakurai shrieked he’d get dizzy and Aiba in his enthusiasm nearly trampled on a turtle.

-- }  ~*~  { --

Read on...