:: 4 :: Fic for akhikaru
Title: Drops of sadness
Pairing: JunBa
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Summary: When Aiba’s heart is broken, there is someone who is able to fix it again.
Notes: Dear, akhikaru, I had very much fun writing this story for you, and I hope you’ll enjoy reading it. Thanks to my lovely beta <3
Aiba had his eyes closed. The sea was calm and the sounds of a few small waves hitting the cliff could be heard. He breathed in. The air smelled salty and the fresh wind let him guess that rain would come soon.
He opened his eyes to look at the horizon. Something in him was twitching painfully. He forced himself to smile, but he knew that it wasn’t the smile he usually does, and he knew that the others would recognize that something was off with him.
Aiba stood up and took a last look at the sea. What had started here, ended here some days ago. He needed to make a cut, he knew that, but it was easier said than done.
~~~
Aiba’s bed was covered with jeans, t-shirts and jackets. It was the first day after their three weeks break.
“I didn’t lose that much weight,” Aiba murmured, scanning himself in the mirror. He tilted his head, poking his side. Of course he didn’t eat much because he wasn’t hungry at all, but he didn’t think that he’d get that thin in such a short time.
He slipped into a far too big shirt, which was always “tent style” Jun used to say. Probably with that, he would be able to hide the fact that he lost weight. The others wouldn’t be too pleased to see Aiba in that way, especially Jun. Aiba’s sure that Jun would scold him for getting thinner.
Aiba looked at the washed-out, yellow smiley on his shirt. He angled for the grey jacket he had in his closet and put it on. He wouldn’t win a modelling competition with it but at least he didn’t look like he had lost 7 kilograms.
~~~
Aiba heard the others chatting in the rehearsal room. He stood in front of the door, thinking of going in. He knew he had to build up his façade for this day, and he was afraid. His bandmates knew him so well, and they would get curious when Aiba wasn’t Aiba at the end of the day.
He just wasn’t sure how to prevent this. He couldn’t laugh like he used to. His belly twitched painfully. “Don’t think about it.” Aiba said to himself.
He opened the door with a smile on his face and waved at his friends who returned the gesture.
“Aiba-chan, how were your holidays?” Nino asked a little later.
It was exactly what Aiba didn’t want to talk about. “Good,” he finally answered. He forced himself to let a smile curl around his lips.
“How’s Ken-san doing?” Aiba froze at Ohno’s question. He breathed in deeply, trying to avoid the horrible feeling in his body.
“He’s okay,” Aiba replied, even though he had no idea how the other was. He hadn’t seen him for weeks, since the day he left Aiba.
Aiba looked at his friends. They seemed content with his answer. Jun though had a certain glance in his eyes. Aiba knew it so well. It was Jun’s “mommy” sight. When someone was in trouble or having a hard time, Jun would come to comfort him. And Jun seemed to see that Aiba needed some comfort now.
~~~
Aiba sighed when the warm water ran down his back. The first rehearsal day went without any other trouble, but now, Aiba was happy that he didn’t need to pretend that he was happy anymore.
“What exactly happened to you?” Aiba shrieked when someone pulled the door to the shower open.
“Jun-pon, I am in the shower! What about privacy?” Aiba yelled.
“As if you care about privacy. You even sneaked into Sho’s shower stall. So don’t tell me about being prude.” Jun answered with a smile around his lips.
Aiba could see him staring at him, scanning his whole body. Normally, Aiba really wasn’t shy or prude, but now it felt awkward.
“You got thin,” Jun’s voice sounded worried.
Aiba could still feel the water on his back and face, but it already felt cold. “I…,” he started.
Jun angled for some towels on the chair next to him. “Step out here, and let’s talk somewhere else.”
Aiba nodded. He stepped out of the shower and took the towel Jun handed him. Aiba slipped into his clothes and followed Jun to the room right next to the showers.
Aiba’s hair was still wet and some drops were falling down his neck and shirt. It felt extremely cold even though it was still warm outside. Or maybe it was the fear of talking about his feelings for the first time. And Aiba knew that Jun wouldn’t stop asking till he knew the truth, and Jun would recognize it if Aiba is lying to him.
Jun sat on the couch and pointed at the empty space next to him. Aiba felt like he’s back in school and he was getting scolded for doing something wrong.
Aiba sat down. He had his hands on his legs, rubbing over the pants. “I didn’t get thin,” he said, even though he knew lying was useless. Jun wasn’t blind at all.
“I guess 5kg less than before your holiday?” Jun just said.
“7kg. I did a lot of sports?” Aiba half asked, half said.
“Yeah, of course,” Jun replied, his eyes rolling.
Aiba started nibbling on his lower lip. His nervousness rose, but when he saw Jun’s warm eyes resting on him, he felt the need to talk about his summer for the first and probably last time. “He left me.” Aiba’s voice was husky when he started talking.
Aiba could feel his tears burning in his eyes and even though he swore that he wouldn’t cry anymore, he couldn’t prevent his tear drops from falling down his cheeks now.
“Moron,” Jun grumbled. Aiba could feel Jun’s hand on his back when he started sobbing. It felt incredibly good to be pampered for the first time since Ken left him. Of course there was his family, but it was something different, and it was even something different between Nino or Jun caring about him. Aiba couldn’t explain why it was like this, but Jun managed to make him feel almost alright again.
“But there is no need for you to drown in sorrow, Aiba-chan,” Jun said softly. “And you really need to gain weight again. You can’t go on like this.” he added.
Aiba nodded at Jun. “Why?” he croaked.
Jun looked at him, blinking. “What do you mean with “why”?
Aiba had a sad smile curling around his lips. He wiped away some tears before he looked up at Jun. “Why do I always get dumped?”
Jun’s hand drew some circles on Aiba’s back. “Because you haven’t met the right one, I guess.” Jun smiled at him and something in Aiba jumped. He has always loved Jun’s smile, especially the one he sees when Jun cares about someone else. Then it was a mixture of care, love, friendship and sorrow. Aiba couldn’t say why he loved that smile so much, but he’d love to touch this smile around Jun’s lips. He shook his head about his own thoughts. What am I thinking here?
“You are right. I probably haven’t met the right one yet.” Aiba started. But maybe I have already met him, he added in his thoughts.
Jun grinned at him. “And I am sure your Mr. Right is already waiting out there. You’ll find your Mr. Big.”
Now Aiba had to laugh. How many times did they watch Sex and the City together? He couldn’t count it anymore.
“See, you can smile again. Forget that stupid Ken-guy. You deserve someone better.” Aiba felt something twitch in him when he saw Jun’s eyes looking at him. There was a certain glance in it Aiba has never seen before.
“Want to go for a drink?” Aiba asked. Actually, he wanted to go home and spend the rest of the evening eating a big box of ice cream, some chocolate and chips in front of his TV. But he felt like sleeping beauty after being kissed when Jun was with him.
Jun nodded at him. “Sure, just let me go home to change clothes.”
~~~
Aiba walked up to the restaurant they often meet at after work. It was a nice place, a mixture of a restaurant, a karaoke bar and a club. “How about singing together?” Aiba shrieked when someone stood next to him, almost whispering into his ear.
“Jun, do you want to kill me?” Aiba yelled. His heart was pounding heavily against his chest, not only because Jun scared him with appearing out of nowhere, but also because Jun stood behind him, his body touching Aiba’s back just a little bit, Jun’s breath tickling his neck.
“No, I think fans wouldn’t forgive me for killing you.” Jun laughed. “Let’s go inside?”
Aiba nodded. He had reserved the place they always used to have when they come here. It was the biggest karaoke room the club had. Usually, they were at least four of five and not only the two of them.
“Wow, we really have a lot of space today. We can even lie down on the couch,” Jun let himself fall down on the couch, spreading his legs widely. Jun sat up. “Hey,” he raised his hand and pointed at Aiba, “No crying, no sadness tonight! You can rant, yell or send him to hell, but I don’t want to see you cry, okay?” Jun grumbled.
Aiba bit his lips, nodding at Jun. “I hate being a crybaby from time to time.” Aiba smiled at Jun.
“Nah, I love you the way you are.” Jun replied while fumbling with the remote control for the karaoke machine.
Aiba blinked at that. Did Jun really say he loved me for being a crybaby? What did he mean with love? He shook his head to get rid of the thought and sat next to Jun.
After four drinks and ten songs, Aiba almost fell asleep on the couch. Everything was spinning around. “Too much alcohol,” Aiba grumbled. He knew he’d regret that tomorrow, but he didn’t want to think about that now.
When Jun came back from the restroom, Aiba already had his eyes closed, dozing off. “You have a smile around your lips, you know that, don’t you?” Jun said while sitting next to Aiba.
Aiba looked up at Jun. “I thought about you singing Britney Spears, and it makes me laugh.”
“Hey that was a special-extra-outstanding-bonus-I-want-to-see-Masaki-happy performance,” Jun pouted but couldn’t hold back a grin.
“I really appreciate that, even though I feared you would scold me more for getting so thin and so on,” Aiba said.
Jun had his hands crossed in front of his body, his eyes resting on Aiba. “You know, the good thing with you is that everyone immediately recognizes when something is off with you. Not only because of you losing weight, but because your special mood and your happiness was gone. And the shine in your eyes is gone. The small wrinkles around your eyes when you laugh turned into sadness.” Jun raised his hand and stroked Aiba’s wrinkles around his eyes.
Aiba felt strange. Of course Jun touches him from time to time. Sometimes he’d smacked his butt playfully or put his arm around his shoulders. They even held hands. But this was something different. This touch was something Aiba has never felt from Jun before. “Am I that easy to read for everyone?” Aiba wanted to know.
“No, I think I am just over-sensitive when it’s about you.” Jun answered. “The others just recognized that you lost weight, and you were too silent. They asked me to talk to you.”
Aiba smiled. He knew his friends always cared about him. But in the end, it was always Jun who needed to talk to him. “I am feeling better already,” Aiba answered. “Except the alcohol, I had too much,” Aiba added and sat up.
“Why did he leave you?” Jun asked out of the blue.
Aiba sighed. He let his head rest on the back of the couch. He blinked a few times to get rid of the feeling of everything spinning around him. “You won’t believe me when I say I don’t know, right?”
Aiba could feel Jun’s eyes resting on him. “No,” Jun said. “I know that you know that there is a reason.”
Aiba breathed in. He never wanted to talk about that, but he was a bad liar, and he knew that Jun would get the truth out of him so he could just tell him right now. “Because of you.” Aiba closed his eyes. He didn’t want to look at Jun in that moment.
There was a short silence between them, and Aiba just heard Jun’s regular breathing become deeper. “Me?” he finally said. “I don’t understand, Masaki. I never did anything to him.” Jun wondered.
Aiba turned to Jun. “No, you didn’t. I did..”
Jun sighed. “Okay, can you please explain?. I have no idea what you are talking about.”
Aiba nibbled on his lips. The part he never wanted to talk about, he thought. “Okay, but promise me you’ll listen till I am done, okay?”
“Okay.” Jun promised.
Aiba rubbed over his eyes before he faced Jun and looked into the other’s eyes directly. He could feel his nervousness rising, and his heart beat got faster. “When I got together with Ken, everything seemed perfect. I thought I forgot about the feelings I had for someone else, but sadly, it was only my imagination. Some weeks ago Ken told me he can’t go on like that, because I would never belong to him. At first I didn’t understand what he meant, but in the end I saw that I never really loved him. No matter where we went, or what we did, I always tell him that I’ve done it with you before, or what we did when we went out, or that we planned to go to the theatre or cinema or other stuff,” Aiba made a little pause before he continued. “and that’s why he left me. He told me I should be honest with my feelings towards you.”
“Me?” Jun interrupted. He looked at Aiba in disbelief.
Aiba had a sad smile curling around his lips. There it was, the confession he never wanted to make. “Don’t be afraid, I know you promised to never get in this way connected with one of the members. That’s why I never said or did anything, because I always knew that after you and Sho….” Aiba didn’t talk further, because Jun wanted him to stop.
“That was long ago,” Jun answered. “Really long ago.”
Aiba looked at the other. He could still see a certain glance in Jun’s eyes which reminded Aiba how hard the break up was back then for Jun. And he could understand why Jun never wanted to be together with one of the members again. It was hard seeing the other every day, even though Jun wanted to be as far away as possible from Sho. Aiba remembered that it wasn’t easy for the rest of them as well, because no one wanted to decide between Sho or Jun. They wanted to stay together as a group and not be split into two.
“How long have you had these feelings?” Jun asked him out of the blue.
Aiba could feel the embarrassment rising in him. His cheeks felt like burning. He knew Jun wouldn’t like the answer, and for a short time, he thought about lying to him. In the end, Aiba knew that Jun would see when he wasn’t telling the truth. “Three years?” Aiba said, his head lowered so that he didn’t have to look at Jun.
Jun looked at the TV in front of them. There was music clip playing. Probably AKB48 was dancing on the screen, smiling to the camera. Jun was like hypnotised. He stared without making any move or saying anything.
“Jun? Please, I am stupid, okay. I know that. Just forget about it. Forget this evening and just go home and act like nothing happened, okay?” Aiba panicked a little. He feared that he had ruined something with his confession. His belly was twitching painfully and his heart beat faster. He pulled on Jun’s arm, repeating his words. “Forget about it, and let’s go home.”
Aiba squeaked when Jun suddenly moved and pulled on Aiba’s neck till he was only a few millimetres away from his face. Aiba looked directly into the warmth of Jun’s eyes. When he felt Jun’s finger brushing over his cheek, Aiba felt like exploding. “But,” he started.
He couldn’t say anything further because the next thing he knew, Jun’s lips were on his, kissing him. When they broke the kiss, Aiba felt like burning, freezing, melting and exploding. “But the rule?” Aiba’s voice was husky and he feared it was a one-time situation he shared here with Jun.
“Breaking rules is sometimes necessary,” Jun smiled at him.
“But the others, and Sho, and the rule and your fear and…” Aiba started talking fast and hectic.
Jun sat up and placed his finger on Aiba’s lips. “Just shut up, okay. You think too much about everything.”
~~~
Aiba woke up early in the morning. The sun was rising, but it was still dark outside. “What a nice dream,” he murmured, a smile curling around his lips. When he felt someone moving behind him, he froze and wanted to scream. Aiba slowly turned to see Jun lying there, coiled up and smiling in his sleep.
“It wasn’t a dream,” Aiba murmured. He let his fingers wander over Jun’s face, touching him feather light to not wake him up.
Aiba’s heart made some jumps. He smiled at that. His broken heart was finally fixed again.
Pairing: JunBa
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Summary: When Aiba’s heart is broken, there is someone who is able to fix it again.
Notes: Dear, akhikaru, I had very much fun writing this story for you, and I hope you’ll enjoy reading it. Thanks to my lovely beta <3
Aiba had his eyes closed. The sea was calm and the sounds of a few small waves hitting the cliff could be heard. He breathed in. The air smelled salty and the fresh wind let him guess that rain would come soon.
He opened his eyes to look at the horizon. Something in him was twitching painfully. He forced himself to smile, but he knew that it wasn’t the smile he usually does, and he knew that the others would recognize that something was off with him.
Aiba stood up and took a last look at the sea. What had started here, ended here some days ago. He needed to make a cut, he knew that, but it was easier said than done.
~~~
Aiba’s bed was covered with jeans, t-shirts and jackets. It was the first day after their three weeks break.
“I didn’t lose that much weight,” Aiba murmured, scanning himself in the mirror. He tilted his head, poking his side. Of course he didn’t eat much because he wasn’t hungry at all, but he didn’t think that he’d get that thin in such a short time.
He slipped into a far too big shirt, which was always “tent style” Jun used to say. Probably with that, he would be able to hide the fact that he lost weight. The others wouldn’t be too pleased to see Aiba in that way, especially Jun. Aiba’s sure that Jun would scold him for getting thinner.
Aiba looked at the washed-out, yellow smiley on his shirt. He angled for the grey jacket he had in his closet and put it on. He wouldn’t win a modelling competition with it but at least he didn’t look like he had lost 7 kilograms.
~~~
Aiba heard the others chatting in the rehearsal room. He stood in front of the door, thinking of going in. He knew he had to build up his façade for this day, and he was afraid. His bandmates knew him so well, and they would get curious when Aiba wasn’t Aiba at the end of the day.
He just wasn’t sure how to prevent this. He couldn’t laugh like he used to. His belly twitched painfully. “Don’t think about it.” Aiba said to himself.
He opened the door with a smile on his face and waved at his friends who returned the gesture.
“Aiba-chan, how were your holidays?” Nino asked a little later.
It was exactly what Aiba didn’t want to talk about. “Good,” he finally answered. He forced himself to let a smile curl around his lips.
“How’s Ken-san doing?” Aiba froze at Ohno’s question. He breathed in deeply, trying to avoid the horrible feeling in his body.
“He’s okay,” Aiba replied, even though he had no idea how the other was. He hadn’t seen him for weeks, since the day he left Aiba.
Aiba looked at his friends. They seemed content with his answer. Jun though had a certain glance in his eyes. Aiba knew it so well. It was Jun’s “mommy” sight. When someone was in trouble or having a hard time, Jun would come to comfort him. And Jun seemed to see that Aiba needed some comfort now.
~~~
Aiba sighed when the warm water ran down his back. The first rehearsal day went without any other trouble, but now, Aiba was happy that he didn’t need to pretend that he was happy anymore.
“What exactly happened to you?” Aiba shrieked when someone pulled the door to the shower open.
“Jun-pon, I am in the shower! What about privacy?” Aiba yelled.
“As if you care about privacy. You even sneaked into Sho’s shower stall. So don’t tell me about being prude.” Jun answered with a smile around his lips.
Aiba could see him staring at him, scanning his whole body. Normally, Aiba really wasn’t shy or prude, but now it felt awkward.
“You got thin,” Jun’s voice sounded worried.
Aiba could still feel the water on his back and face, but it already felt cold. “I…,” he started.
Jun angled for some towels on the chair next to him. “Step out here, and let’s talk somewhere else.”
Aiba nodded. He stepped out of the shower and took the towel Jun handed him. Aiba slipped into his clothes and followed Jun to the room right next to the showers.
Aiba’s hair was still wet and some drops were falling down his neck and shirt. It felt extremely cold even though it was still warm outside. Or maybe it was the fear of talking about his feelings for the first time. And Aiba knew that Jun wouldn’t stop asking till he knew the truth, and Jun would recognize it if Aiba is lying to him.
Jun sat on the couch and pointed at the empty space next to him. Aiba felt like he’s back in school and he was getting scolded for doing something wrong.
Aiba sat down. He had his hands on his legs, rubbing over the pants. “I didn’t get thin,” he said, even though he knew lying was useless. Jun wasn’t blind at all.
“I guess 5kg less than before your holiday?” Jun just said.
“7kg. I did a lot of sports?” Aiba half asked, half said.
“Yeah, of course,” Jun replied, his eyes rolling.
Aiba started nibbling on his lower lip. His nervousness rose, but when he saw Jun’s warm eyes resting on him, he felt the need to talk about his summer for the first and probably last time. “He left me.” Aiba’s voice was husky when he started talking.
Aiba could feel his tears burning in his eyes and even though he swore that he wouldn’t cry anymore, he couldn’t prevent his tear drops from falling down his cheeks now.
“Moron,” Jun grumbled. Aiba could feel Jun’s hand on his back when he started sobbing. It felt incredibly good to be pampered for the first time since Ken left him. Of course there was his family, but it was something different, and it was even something different between Nino or Jun caring about him. Aiba couldn’t explain why it was like this, but Jun managed to make him feel almost alright again.
“But there is no need for you to drown in sorrow, Aiba-chan,” Jun said softly. “And you really need to gain weight again. You can’t go on like this.” he added.
Aiba nodded at Jun. “Why?” he croaked.
Jun looked at him, blinking. “What do you mean with “why”?
Aiba had a sad smile curling around his lips. He wiped away some tears before he looked up at Jun. “Why do I always get dumped?”
Jun’s hand drew some circles on Aiba’s back. “Because you haven’t met the right one, I guess.” Jun smiled at him and something in Aiba jumped. He has always loved Jun’s smile, especially the one he sees when Jun cares about someone else. Then it was a mixture of care, love, friendship and sorrow. Aiba couldn’t say why he loved that smile so much, but he’d love to touch this smile around Jun’s lips. He shook his head about his own thoughts. What am I thinking here?
“You are right. I probably haven’t met the right one yet.” Aiba started. But maybe I have already met him, he added in his thoughts.
Jun grinned at him. “And I am sure your Mr. Right is already waiting out there. You’ll find your Mr. Big.”
Now Aiba had to laugh. How many times did they watch Sex and the City together? He couldn’t count it anymore.
“See, you can smile again. Forget that stupid Ken-guy. You deserve someone better.” Aiba felt something twitch in him when he saw Jun’s eyes looking at him. There was a certain glance in it Aiba has never seen before.
“Want to go for a drink?” Aiba asked. Actually, he wanted to go home and spend the rest of the evening eating a big box of ice cream, some chocolate and chips in front of his TV. But he felt like sleeping beauty after being kissed when Jun was with him.
Jun nodded at him. “Sure, just let me go home to change clothes.”
~~~
Aiba walked up to the restaurant they often meet at after work. It was a nice place, a mixture of a restaurant, a karaoke bar and a club. “How about singing together?” Aiba shrieked when someone stood next to him, almost whispering into his ear.
“Jun, do you want to kill me?” Aiba yelled. His heart was pounding heavily against his chest, not only because Jun scared him with appearing out of nowhere, but also because Jun stood behind him, his body touching Aiba’s back just a little bit, Jun’s breath tickling his neck.
“No, I think fans wouldn’t forgive me for killing you.” Jun laughed. “Let’s go inside?”
Aiba nodded. He had reserved the place they always used to have when they come here. It was the biggest karaoke room the club had. Usually, they were at least four of five and not only the two of them.
“Wow, we really have a lot of space today. We can even lie down on the couch,” Jun let himself fall down on the couch, spreading his legs widely. Jun sat up. “Hey,” he raised his hand and pointed at Aiba, “No crying, no sadness tonight! You can rant, yell or send him to hell, but I don’t want to see you cry, okay?” Jun grumbled.
Aiba bit his lips, nodding at Jun. “I hate being a crybaby from time to time.” Aiba smiled at Jun.
“Nah, I love you the way you are.” Jun replied while fumbling with the remote control for the karaoke machine.
Aiba blinked at that. Did Jun really say he loved me for being a crybaby? What did he mean with love? He shook his head to get rid of the thought and sat next to Jun.
After four drinks and ten songs, Aiba almost fell asleep on the couch. Everything was spinning around. “Too much alcohol,” Aiba grumbled. He knew he’d regret that tomorrow, but he didn’t want to think about that now.
When Jun came back from the restroom, Aiba already had his eyes closed, dozing off. “You have a smile around your lips, you know that, don’t you?” Jun said while sitting next to Aiba.
Aiba looked up at Jun. “I thought about you singing Britney Spears, and it makes me laugh.”
“Hey that was a special-extra-outstanding-bonus-I-want-to-see-Masaki-happy performance,” Jun pouted but couldn’t hold back a grin.
“I really appreciate that, even though I feared you would scold me more for getting so thin and so on,” Aiba said.
Jun had his hands crossed in front of his body, his eyes resting on Aiba. “You know, the good thing with you is that everyone immediately recognizes when something is off with you. Not only because of you losing weight, but because your special mood and your happiness was gone. And the shine in your eyes is gone. The small wrinkles around your eyes when you laugh turned into sadness.” Jun raised his hand and stroked Aiba’s wrinkles around his eyes.
Aiba felt strange. Of course Jun touches him from time to time. Sometimes he’d smacked his butt playfully or put his arm around his shoulders. They even held hands. But this was something different. This touch was something Aiba has never felt from Jun before. “Am I that easy to read for everyone?” Aiba wanted to know.
“No, I think I am just over-sensitive when it’s about you.” Jun answered. “The others just recognized that you lost weight, and you were too silent. They asked me to talk to you.”
Aiba smiled. He knew his friends always cared about him. But in the end, it was always Jun who needed to talk to him. “I am feeling better already,” Aiba answered. “Except the alcohol, I had too much,” Aiba added and sat up.
“Why did he leave you?” Jun asked out of the blue.
Aiba sighed. He let his head rest on the back of the couch. He blinked a few times to get rid of the feeling of everything spinning around him. “You won’t believe me when I say I don’t know, right?”
Aiba could feel Jun’s eyes resting on him. “No,” Jun said. “I know that you know that there is a reason.”
Aiba breathed in. He never wanted to talk about that, but he was a bad liar, and he knew that Jun would get the truth out of him so he could just tell him right now. “Because of you.” Aiba closed his eyes. He didn’t want to look at Jun in that moment.
There was a short silence between them, and Aiba just heard Jun’s regular breathing become deeper. “Me?” he finally said. “I don’t understand, Masaki. I never did anything to him.” Jun wondered.
Aiba turned to Jun. “No, you didn’t. I did..”
Jun sighed. “Okay, can you please explain?. I have no idea what you are talking about.”
Aiba nibbled on his lips. The part he never wanted to talk about, he thought. “Okay, but promise me you’ll listen till I am done, okay?”
“Okay.” Jun promised.
Aiba rubbed over his eyes before he faced Jun and looked into the other’s eyes directly. He could feel his nervousness rising, and his heart beat got faster. “When I got together with Ken, everything seemed perfect. I thought I forgot about the feelings I had for someone else, but sadly, it was only my imagination. Some weeks ago Ken told me he can’t go on like that, because I would never belong to him. At first I didn’t understand what he meant, but in the end I saw that I never really loved him. No matter where we went, or what we did, I always tell him that I’ve done it with you before, or what we did when we went out, or that we planned to go to the theatre or cinema or other stuff,” Aiba made a little pause before he continued. “and that’s why he left me. He told me I should be honest with my feelings towards you.”
“Me?” Jun interrupted. He looked at Aiba in disbelief.
Aiba had a sad smile curling around his lips. There it was, the confession he never wanted to make. “Don’t be afraid, I know you promised to never get in this way connected with one of the members. That’s why I never said or did anything, because I always knew that after you and Sho….” Aiba didn’t talk further, because Jun wanted him to stop.
“That was long ago,” Jun answered. “Really long ago.”
Aiba looked at the other. He could still see a certain glance in Jun’s eyes which reminded Aiba how hard the break up was back then for Jun. And he could understand why Jun never wanted to be together with one of the members again. It was hard seeing the other every day, even though Jun wanted to be as far away as possible from Sho. Aiba remembered that it wasn’t easy for the rest of them as well, because no one wanted to decide between Sho or Jun. They wanted to stay together as a group and not be split into two.
“How long have you had these feelings?” Jun asked him out of the blue.
Aiba could feel the embarrassment rising in him. His cheeks felt like burning. He knew Jun wouldn’t like the answer, and for a short time, he thought about lying to him. In the end, Aiba knew that Jun would see when he wasn’t telling the truth. “Three years?” Aiba said, his head lowered so that he didn’t have to look at Jun.
Jun looked at the TV in front of them. There was music clip playing. Probably AKB48 was dancing on the screen, smiling to the camera. Jun was like hypnotised. He stared without making any move or saying anything.
“Jun? Please, I am stupid, okay. I know that. Just forget about it. Forget this evening and just go home and act like nothing happened, okay?” Aiba panicked a little. He feared that he had ruined something with his confession. His belly was twitching painfully and his heart beat faster. He pulled on Jun’s arm, repeating his words. “Forget about it, and let’s go home.”
Aiba squeaked when Jun suddenly moved and pulled on Aiba’s neck till he was only a few millimetres away from his face. Aiba looked directly into the warmth of Jun’s eyes. When he felt Jun’s finger brushing over his cheek, Aiba felt like exploding. “But,” he started.
He couldn’t say anything further because the next thing he knew, Jun’s lips were on his, kissing him. When they broke the kiss, Aiba felt like burning, freezing, melting and exploding. “But the rule?” Aiba’s voice was husky and he feared it was a one-time situation he shared here with Jun.
“Breaking rules is sometimes necessary,” Jun smiled at him.
“But the others, and Sho, and the rule and your fear and…” Aiba started talking fast and hectic.
Jun sat up and placed his finger on Aiba’s lips. “Just shut up, okay. You think too much about everything.”
~~~
Aiba woke up early in the morning. The sun was rising, but it was still dark outside. “What a nice dream,” he murmured, a smile curling around his lips. When he felt someone moving behind him, he froze and wanted to scream. Aiba slowly turned to see Jun lying there, coiled up and smiling in his sleep.
“It wasn’t a dream,” Aiba murmured. He let his fingers wander over Jun’s face, touching him feather light to not wake him up.
Aiba’s heart made some jumps. He smiled at that. His broken heart was finally fixed again.