Multi-Chaptered_01 Chapter_01
The Way He Thinks
Pairing: SousukeMichiru
Summary: we see what the deal is with Sousuke. why does he do what he does? is he really a bad person?
Raiting: erm.. PG-13 for violence?
Warning: domestic violence although not particularly graphic, as of yet.
Word count: 1574
Note: omg, my first multichaptered fic (on here)! and i was so sure that my KAT-TUN porn stars were going to be first... oh well, that story is more original thn this one lolss. so this is easier to write i suppose, although i have to come up with.. well ermm, i cba to explain because i already have a lot for you to read.... I'm watching last friends. I haven't finished it yet so don't say ANYTHING that might give something away... and don't say if what I have written is technically wrong because...well it's a fanfic, so it doesn't need to be right XD. I suppose, this is my take on what I've seen so far. Also. I'm kind of mad at myself for writing this XD the first time I saw what Ryo-Chan was doing, I couldn't believe it, every time I see it I shout at the screen "RYO-CHAN! NANDE!?!?" XD and I swore that I wasn't going to find another side to it just because it was Ryo, that I wasn't going to think it was OK for him to do that. And then I carried on watching and came to the conclusion he was psychotic so in the end I did come up with an excuse for him and now I'm writing in his perspective... damn myself *grrr*. also, stupid lj-cut isn;'t working and would only cut one paragraph at a time, i don't know if it's the computer or th site, can someone tell me? is it happwning to anyone else? i don't know. i also don't know how i'm going to end this, i might do it up to episode 5 and make some sort of happy ending lolss
I've never had someone who cared for me before. My parents had split, my mum had a lover who had all her attention, I was moved from relative to relative, none of them wanting to take me in; I thought that something must be wrong with me. There must be something about me that is vile and disgusting that I can't see and get rid of. But then I found Michiru and she didn't leave me. She became my girlfriend and I was happy. So tremendously happy. And then, I don't know when, but at some point, I started to think, maybe she hasn't noticed what is so horrible about me yet, maybe she thought that all men where the same, but then, if she spent time with other men, wouldn't she see that I was different, would she then see what was wrong with me and leave me?
I asked her to move in with me, I wanted to be able to keep an eye on her. I wanted to be able to be with her as much as I could. I couldn't understand the feeling in my chest when I thought about her with another man; how it would tighten and my blood would boil. But then, that feeling was completely different to the feeling that I would get when I had Michiru with me, holding her in my arms. I would feel warm, so very warm and my chest would tighten in an entirely different way. I liked it when it felt like that. Like I could hold her for the whole of eternity. I would feel... complete. And it felt so good. The feeling that I experienced when I kissed her made me feel as light as air, I wanted more of it every time our lips touched and it made me all the more determined to never let her leave me. She wanted me by her side and I wanted her by mine, "I'll never leave your side, no matter what happens." I looked deep into her eyes there, hoping that she would feel the same, that she would always stay with me, even if she noticed the side of me that resulted in me moving around everywhere.
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The first time I hit her, I couldn't control it. My mind was blank and my body heated, I couldn't do anything about it and it was like I was watching it on screen.
When I woke up the morning after we officially started living together, she was still asleep, I went to check her phone, I didn't want her seeing any guys behind my back, I didn't want the risk of loosing her. I didn't want to be alone again. But that message "good work. Are you still at work? I was happy meeting you again. Ruka" that pissed me off. Who what this 'Ruka'? Why did they have Michiru's number and why was Michiru seeing them?
"What are you looking at?" she asked when she caught me, I didn't flinch, I wasn't going to hide it. I wanted to know. "did I get a strange message?" she asked again. I kept looking at the message, it was as if I hadn't even heard her, "from my mother?" she laughed nervously, was she hiding something? Did she not want me to see this message, or any others?
"Who's this?" I finally asked, showing her the message.
She laughed again and seemed somewhat relieved, "that's my friend, from my high school days. The other day we met in the street by major coincidence."
"A guy?" I couldn't look at her, had I lost her already? But when she didn't answer me, I had to look up and see her in the eyes, "It's a guy right?"
"You're wrong, it's a girl" her smile was gone and she looked scared, "Ruka is a bit of a strange name. Though, even seeing her, shes a bit of a tomboy. But she really is a girl"
"Proof?" how could I believe her by just her words? It would be so easy to say 'Ruka' was a girl without having to prove it, "do you have any proof?"
"Phone... I'll call her" she was nervous, why would she be so nervous if she had nothing to hide? "Once you hear her voice, you'll know" I gave her phone back to her, I watched her dial and put the phone to her ear. A few seconds later, she brought the phone down. "It went to the answering machine" how convenient...
"You're hiding the fact that you met with another guy, aren't you?" my blood was boiling.
"I wouldn't, Ruka is really a girl..." It boiled, more and more and more and I flipped the coffee table to vent the energy boiling inside of me and to make her shut up.
"The more you say it, the more I doubt it! You met with a guy didn't you?" I grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her, "you did, didn't you!"
"I didn't! I really didn't! I know, I'll show you some proof. The album, I'll go home and get my high school graduation album and come back"
I released her, "you'll come back here after"
"I'll come back" her eyes were wide and she watched as I walked away. I heard the door slam shut and I watched the clock, counting the minutes that she was gone...
She had been taking too long! I called her mobile, it rang and rang and rang, and went to voicemail. I tried again, she had never left my calls unanswered. clearly she hadn't gone to look for the album and was with 'Ruka' laughing about what an idiot I was, she picked up this time.
"hello?"
"what are you doing now?"
"what...? I'm looking for the album"
"why didn't you answer my call immediately?!"
"the phone was in the kitchen..."
"you're meeting with that guy, aren't you?"
"I'm not doing that! since I told you earlier, I've only been looking for the album! But it's not here, I can't find it. Do you remember when my father got in debt and we had to run away in the middle of the night? I think it's here but - "
"come back here" I'm not going to let her make up excuses so that she can spend more time with that guy, laughing at me behind my back and come back later without the proof; I want her back here as soon as possible, "come back immediately!"
As the time went on, I got angrier and angrier, hotter and hotter, why hadn't she arrived yet? I said 'immediately!' I heard the bus pull up in front of the apartment and as soon as I heard her footsteps, I got to the door and opened it up.
"Sousuke"
"Where's the album?"
"I don't have it, because you told me to-"
I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the apartment. She had disobeyed me. she had betrayed me. I threw her onto the floor and bit my lip, after that, it didn't feel like me, it didn't feel like it was me shouting at her.
"Why don't yo do as I tell you?" a slap. A second. A third. It was the same thing that happened to me when I disobeyed my mum; my dad; my aunt; my uncle. Sometimes I hadn't even realised that I had done something wrong and it would happen. I felt as though I was watching it and not taking part, I inwardly winced at every strike, but I felt powerless to do anything about it. She grabbed her head and as she turned, I kicked her.
"Stop it" she coughed, another kick, "stop it" a third, a fourth, "stop it. it hurts, stop it"
My breathing became heavy from the energy used and as I regained my breath, her body lay still. I was back in control again and as I continued to watch her, she moved. I knelt at her side, relieved. I helped her up and she held her arms in front of her protectively. I couldn't blame her, but it caused my chest to feel as if it was being stabbed. It hurt so much. I bit the inside of my cheek as I felt myself choke up at seeing the fear in her eyes; she was scared of me. I pulled her to me close, "gomen, Michiru" I wrapped an arm around her waist and clenched my fist around her coat, holding her closer. I used the time to compose myself before I parted from her and rested my hands on her shoulders, holding her face in my hands before leaning in to kiss her. I needed her kiss. I needed it to feel that she would still be with me when I woke up tomorrow. But she moved away and removed my hands. All I could do was stare at the ground.
"Gomen. I... I'll go... look for the album one more time. Gomen." An excuse to leave. Had she seen the monster that everyone else had? She wasn't going to look for it. I knew that much, but I let her go anyway, only moving my head to watch her exit the door as I sniffed. Not knowing if I would see her again, and not knowing if I would feel cared for again.
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so, this story will probably only follow Sousuke and how his messed up mind works. i have only watched up to episode 5 and the urge to write this just wouldn't leave me alone. but i'm majourly pissed off because i don't have my laptop at the moment and can only use my dads and have to use google docs to write this because i don't want to save it on his computer... anyway, this laptop is SOOOO SLOWWW it pisses me off greatly!!! oh! mine is getting fixed because it was overheating all the timee... so yea there will probably be lots of typos in my work for a little while and i don't know when i will update this haha erm.. yea BYE BYE reviews are LOVE