Oneshot_02
Even death won’t keep us apart
Drama: Ningen Shikkaku
Paring: RukaXMakoto
Summary: Ruka gets a visit from Makoto’s spirit
Rating: not suitable for homophobes, otherwise good for everyone
Word count: 1,689
Note: I watched this recently and was not happy with what happened so expect a few alternate situations in the future. By the way, I did not watch this with subs and as I am unable to speak Japanese I do not completely understand their relationship in the drama and simply made assumptions. I don’t even know how many of you will have seen this show… Enjoy!
A bright smile on a beautiful face
It fades into a blood splattered corpse
A kiss with an unconscious party
touching those lips as the owner is yet again unconscious; tired from being forced to run around the same grid over and over until he collapsed
holding the dead body in shaky arms
looking up into a mirror that shouldn't be there
he killed him
he should have helped him
saved him
he blamed himself
he shouted at himself
his hands were red
covered in the corpses blood
blood
blood
BLOOD
Ruka shot up in a cold sweat. He saw him again.
"Makoto" he whispered. He felt his heart clench in his chest. Such an immense amount of pain he had never felt before the death of Makoto. With a hand clutching over his heart and another in his hair, he was bent over as tears fell from his eyes and sobs wracked his body.
"Nande?" he whispered again, "Nande Makoto NANDE?!" flashbacks of his love moving his hand away from him and moving closer to the edge of the roof ran through his mind. If only he had taken my hand "why didn't you take my hand Makoto? WHY?" he sniffed and sobbed as he remembered kissing Makoto’s lips. He remembered that other time in the nurse’s office where he stroked his face and touched his lips. He would never kiss anyone again. He could still feel his lips tingling from the sensation and the memory.
"Makoto aishtie. Makoto, aishiteru!!" (I love Makoto. Makoto I love you)
He loved him. With all his heart and being he loved him. And even when years pass and Makoto would have been gone for years, the feelings won't die. They won't numb or shrink. He won’t be able to stop the memories popping into his head.
How he wished he could. How he wished he could change everything. Turn back time and not give Makoto a choice about taking his hand. He would grab it before Makoto had a chance to take it away. He would pull him back towards him and hold his body close to his. He wouldn't let Makoto run away from him. He wouldn't let him be harmed again. He would change everything if he could.
He wanted to kiss Makoto again. Hold him in his arms again. Support him and look after him. But above everything that he wanted. He wanted to see Makoto smile again. He wanted to hand his mouse over to Makoto and watch how happy he became when he stroked it. He wanted to hear Makoto laugh and see him enjoy life.
But there isn’t any point in wanting it because he can’t get it. He can feel his sanity leaving him, if it hasn’t already. He just knows that he’s going to snap. Maybe he’ll try and kill himself. Jump off a roof top or smash his head on a table. Maybe he’ll completely loose it and forget everything and call his mouse Makoto and force all of his love onto the mouse.
He clutched onto his knees and brought them to his chest. He rocked backwards and forwards as he continued to cry.
A breeze swept through the room and a coldness touched Ruka’s hand. He looked at his hand and saw a glowing one atop his. He followed the hand to an arm to a shoulder to a neck to a face and saw him, glowing in all his angelic beauty.
“Makoto?” he sniffed.
The glowing spirit nodded with a smile on his face.
“Makoto!” he shouted this time placing a hand on top of the glowing one on his own. In his state of shock he didn’t realise that his hand should have gone straight through the glowing one instead of being able to hold onto it tightly.
“Nande Makoto? Why didn’t you take my hand?”
The spirit just smiled down at him before speaking, “gomen ne, Ruka-kun” the spirit placed his other hand on Ruka’s cheek and wiped away his tears. Ruka leaned into the touch and released his other hand to hold onto the one on his face. He held both the glowing hands in his own and one way or another entwined their fingers together.
“Ne, Ruka-Kun, don’t be sad, okay?” a pause as he looked at Ruka’s face, “I decided I don’t like them, your tears. I don’t like you crying, especially because of me, please don’t cry for me anymore.”
“But you’re gone. You left me!”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I wanted to escape, not die” he laughed slightly.
“Don’t laugh!”
“I won’t laugh if you don’t cry for me anymore.”
“You can’t ask me that. You can’t tell me to not cry for you”
The spirit placed both hands on either side of Ruka’s face and pressed his glowing, but solid, lips onto Ruka’s own. Ruka’s eyes widened but then instantly closed as he felt the cold, but soft, lips on his own; he concentrated on remembering this feeling for the rest of his life as his last tear escaped his closed eyes. With their lips touching each others, they stayed like that a while until Makoto parted them.
“You kissed me before didn’t you?”
Ruka’s eyes widened.
“By the pool when I was lying down”
“I-I thought you were unconscious or asleep”
Makoto smiled, “I had started to wake up. Your kiss did the trick, arigatou.”
Ruka placed his hands on Makoto’s again before he spoke, “Makoto, if I tried to hug you, you I be holding you? Or would I go straight through?”
Makoto smiled, “you would be hugging me of course, silly” without any time to waste, Ruka lunged at Makoto and held him around his waist letting his forehead rest in the crook of his neck as Makoto wrapped his arms around Ruka’s shoulders.
“Makoto. Gomenasai, Makoto… aishiteru Makoto”
“There there, it’s okay, everything will be okay” Makoto rubbed Ruka’s back reassuringly as the slightly taller boy held into him tightly.
“Makoto, why are you here? How are you here?” Ruka whispered into his neck.
“I couldn’t exactly watch you cry and then go completely insane for the rest of your life now could I?
“Watch me?”
“Yes. Watch you. I’m always going to be watching over you Ruka, which is why I don’t want you to cry anymore; I don’t want to see you sad. So be happy, okay? I know you can be happy. I saw you smile plenty”
“Only because you made me smile”
“Should I pop up everywhere you go, then? To make you smile?”
“Yes! Please. I want to see you. I need to see you”
“Then you’ll see me okay? If it will keep you happy and healthy, then I’ll come and see you. I’ll give you a push when you need it and make sure your working hard, okay?” Ruka removed his head from Makoto’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. He was smiling and he looked like he really meant what he had said. Makoto placed his forehead on Ruka’s and adjusted his head so that their noses where touching. Makoto gave Ruka a quick peck on the nose and watched Ruka smile a blissful smile.
“Come on Ruka, you need to sleep”
“You’ll stay with me won’t you?” he looked so pleadingly at the spirit that he couldn’t deny him.
“Of course.”
The two of them lay in Ruka’s bed under the warm blanket. Ruka pulled Makoto in and held him close as their legs entwined under the covers. Makoto stroked Ruka’s hair soothingly and gave him another peck on the lips before watching him fall asleep. He wrapped an arm around Ruka’s waist and enjoyed the feeling of being truly happy.
He hadn’t been so happy for a while now. When he had been living everyone had seemed to make it their duty to make him and his life miserable, and then when he had died he had watched the people who had cared about him cry and suffer, he had seen those who had killed him carry on as though nothing had happened and even chose a new victim to take it out on and he had seen Nimi Sensei. He had also caused him a lot of pain. He had also wanted him to suffer. The paedophile had a crush on Ruka and saw him as a threat. He couldn’t believe it when he had first seen it and figured it out, but it was nonetheless true.
He had felt so bad when he had seen Ruka’s reaction to his death. He was so hurt and so upset and angry. He had never been good at showing his emotions and the times when he had laughed his manic laughter had slightly scared Makoto. But he kept watching him for a reason unknown to him until that night where he couldn’t just watch anymore. He had shown himself to Ruka and had proclaimed himself as his guardian angel, and he would do that for Ruka. He would stay by his side and look after him, allow himself to be held by Ruka, kissed by Ruka when Ruka needed to know that he was really there and was really looking after him.
In a way, it had been a good thing for him to die. He had seen Ruka’s reaction and he was now able to be there for Ruka all the time. He would always be beside him and take care of him. He didn’t have to worry about being caught and he didn’t have to ever leave his side. He never wanted to leave his side again.
He looked back at Ruka’s closed eyes, “I’ll never leave you okay? I’ll always be with you. I’ll make you go through life smiling. From this night, I’ll help you where you need it and be here to hold and comfort you. When you’re sick, you can trust that I will still kiss you and be with you, holding your hand until your better. You can depend on me to always be watching you even if you can’t see me. I love you. And even death won’t keep us apart.”
Ruka smiled in his sleep.
-Fin-