Thinking on screen

[aramuin]

One of these days I will learn to schedule my time so that 'yay caffeine and staying up late' is not a sure sign that I will have to be up and active early the next day. ^^;;;

Spent several enjoyable hours with kyabett talking about everything from dragons with baseball bats (don't ask)to what drives a person to suicide and how to keep from taking that

Comments

[omegar]

*hug*

Hey There is no such thing as an Awkard silence. there are just people who are uncomfortable with silence. Sometimes silence is good. try letting it happen. you could be surprised.

[aramuin]

*hugs back*

This is true and I am trying my best but 'Mammy-taught-manners' are the hardest of all to overcome. ^.~

[rayvanna]

Don't be so hard on yourself. I may be counted amongst the acquaintances as opposed to friends but I find you extremely likable. You should never feel under pressure to keep a conversation going, it's as much the responsibility of the other party to do that as it is yours. I've given up on trying to avoid coming across as "a)insane, b)overbearing or c)just plain nasty" 'cause it gets boring and tedious, the only times I make that effort is when I'm in work and I have to portray a "corporate" image. To be honest even those of us who seem comfortable in crowds prefer a good honest 1 to 1 conversation for the same reasons as you say above. Too many people is awkward to deal with. This has turned a lot more rambling than I had origionally planned. Suffice to say don't be afraid to be yourself.

[aramuin]

It's one of those things I did for years without thinking it and it's only really lately that I've noticed it.

Crowds (when they are of like-minded people intent on having a good time) can be enjoyable but they tend towards overwhelming and I feel more like I'm playing a role. Or at least overplaying the facet of my personality that matches up to the crowd.

It's good advice but hard to live by.

[maeritrae]

*HUGS*

This may seem counter-intuitive, but...I think both your life and your conversations would become easier if you stressed over them less. You second-guess yourself an awful lot, and I have seen you go from perfectly good conversation to...well, less good conversation? because you were trying to "fix" something that wasn't broken in the first place. Also, not all silences are awkward. The trick I usually use to check if it's awkward or not: count five heartbeats looking away from the person, look up at them, and smile. If they smile back, it's not awkward. If they don't, spend a few seconds thinking of a new topic of conversation, and start with a neutral question that they could answer on either side of the topic. If their answer is short and uninterested, let the conversation die, find something else to do for a few minutes - checking your phone is a good one - and wait to see if they say anything. Lather, rinse, repeat, and if they don't engage in conversation after a few tries, make some excuse and leave. I know I babble

[aramuin]

*Snugs*

I'm totally prepared to take your word on it. ^^;;

And I agree that other-thinking/over-stressing is probably counter-productive at best and outright destructive at worst. Unfortunately it's such a habit now that trying to fight it is hard work.

I always admire your social skills, you seem to always know the right thing to say and say it at the right time.

I will try this tactic and many thanks for the suggestion.

[nekoryuu]

[aramuin]

It's a kind of catch-22, being most at ease with friends but stranger-phobia making it hard to make new friends. Not fun.

Aww, danke! *blushes*

And I keep saying that I really really will and I keep forgetting (or remembering at oh-ye-gods-is-that-the-time a.m.) but I will work on it, I swear!

And you are definitely filed under friend, which gives you an auto-out on the rambling when you do it (which you didn't!)

[aramuin]

It should but it doesn't really work out that way since most of the cues that I recognise as being signs that I've done something wrong are things like prolonged silences, stilted speech patterns or a general attitude of discomfort.

When all I have to go on is the text, my knowledge of the person and human-intuition, I have a tendancy to read too much or too little into the details.