Drifting Through Doorways Chapter 9
“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”
-Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
IX.
Sunday, October 27
It was like watching a highlights reel; the sort of thing reality shows play when they’re saying good-bye to a contestant. Jensen and Jared’s Greatest Moments - and Jensen nearly felt them all. They came too fast to feel completely real, one right after another with no room for breathing in between.
Jensen stood under an oak tree somewhere in a city park. His back was against the trunk of the tree and something was poking his side through his shirt. He couldn't bring himself to care about that, though, because Jared was pressed close against him, his arms braced on either side of Jensen, and Jared leaned in just that little bit closer to cover Jensen’s mouth with his own. It was the first time they’d kissed, and while it wasn't perfect, Jensen thought it was close enough to perfect for him.
He was sitting at a table across from Jared, having what was supposed to be a romantic dinner. It was their third date and Jensen was busy worrying about whether or not Jared expected him to put out. Jensen wasn't quite sure he was ready for that, but he didn't want to lead Jared on, either. Neither did he want to lose Jared by holding out on him - he was really starting to fret about it when he found a chicken bone in his salad. His garden salad, the side course that came with every entrée the restaurant served.
Jared looked mortified (probably because it had been his decision to bring Jensen here) and the wait staff and the chef and the manager had all come out individually to apologize to him and make it clear that Jensen’s dinner was free that evening. Jared took Jensen to Amy’s Ice Cream over on Burnet Road to make up for it.
By the fifth date they’d shared some pretty intense kisses and made out a time or two, stopping just short of finding a bedroom. Jensen could tell that Jared was waiting for Jensen to take things further. Jensen was feeling optimistic about where this relationship was heading and was ready to let Jared do whatever it was Jared wanted to do with his body (he was versatile, after all). So he surprised himself when, naked and writhing under an equally naked and writhing Jared, he’d put his hands on Jared’s chest and pushed.
“Wait,” he gasped out. “Before we go any further. Wait.”
“Did I hurt you?” Jared worried, giving Jensen a quick glance up and down with lust-blown eyes.
“No,” Jensen laughed, because he wasn't delicate even if Jared was bigger than him. “No, you big goof, you didn't hurt me. I just-“ He groaned as Jared undulated his hips against Jensen’s own.
“Sorry,” Jared apologized. “Couldn't help it.”
“Don’t,” Jensen panted. “Don’t apologize. Just - is this serious for you?” He waved his hand back and forth between them.
“God yes,” Jared breathed. “Jensen, it was serious for me when you said ‘can I help you find something’.”
“Good,” Jensen said. “That’s good, because I’d really like my boyfriend to fuck me senseless.”
Jared practically growled at that, and proceeded to do as asked.
Jensen pulled on the sleeves of his tuxedo nervously. The sleeves were the perfect length, having been tailored to his exact measurements, but Jensen tugged at them regardless. He never thought this day would come. Oh, certainly, he wasn't some girl who fantasized about her perfect wedding since childhood, but he had always wanted to get married. He just didn't think it would actually happen. At least not like this, in a formal setting with his and his groom’s family present. He always thought he’d have a drunken commitment ceremony, probably in a park, and probably only with his nearest friends in attendance. Then again, he never in his wildest dreams thought he’d manage to land someone as accomplished as Jared. He smiled. Sometimes, it still surprised him.
“Hey, Jensen,” Jared hissed in a whisper from the doorway. “I snuck away from the wedding patrol.” He gave Jensen a conspiratorial smirk as he pretended to tip-toe into the room where Jensen was getting ready. It was kind of silly. Jared had an entire gaggle of female friends from college and work who were treating Jensen like he was the bride - up to the part where they weren't going to allow Jared to see Jensen before the ceremony.
“God, wow, look at you,” Jared said, draping his long arms around Jensen and pulling him close. “You look gorgeous. How did I get so lucky?”
“Lucky? You?” Jensen scoffed. It still made him uncomfortable when Jared treated Jensen like he was some precious thing that Jared had found. He knew Jared meant it, but it was hard to believe. Jensen just knew that Jared was going to wake up one day and realize he’d made the worst mistake of his life.
“Hey, stop that,” Jared said. He started dropping tiny kisses all over Jensen’s face, peppering them here and there like he was trying to kiss every freckle. “Stop doubting yourself; doubting us.” He pulled away and leveled a serious look at Jensen.
“We’re getting married. I’m marrying you. I don’t have any doubts about who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I hope you don’t either.”
“I don’t,” Jensen said, grasping the back of Jared’s neck and hauling him in for a real, deep kiss. Just then Jared’s flock of friends entered with disapproving expressions and dragged him away. Jensen watched with a fond smile.
Jensen stood in a long hallway. Beneath his feet the tile floor gleamed in the fluorescent lighting. He took a step, and the lights flickered. On each side of the hallway were doors, thick wooden doors with industrial type handles instead of classic doorknobs. All of the doors were shut, and Jensen felt something like dread settle in his stomach.
At the end of the hall were a set of double doors. These were crafted of metal instead of wood, and in each a window was set. The windows reflected the light and the effect made Jensen feel like the door had eyes. As if the door was watching him. He took another step towards the door at the end of the hallway. Once again the lights flickered, and this time the doors on either side of him opened with a soft creak. Jensen felt like his stomach dropped out. A strange rustling sound could be heard behind the door, almost like something being dragged, and Jensen didn't want to know. He started walking, and with every step the lights flickered and sizzled like someone had splashed water on a hot burner. Every time he passed a door it clicked open and swung inward.
Jensen didn't dare look behind him. For all he knew he was being followed by a very quiet zombie horde, just waiting for him to turn so they could pounce. The doors started to shake, and Jensen started to run. Finally, finally, he reached the end of the hallway and pushed through those double doors, and felt relief as they swung shut behind him. Was he mistaken, or had something whispered the word No as the door shut? It hung on the air - a ghostly moan.
He was in a large, empty room. No, not empty. In the center of a room was a long table covered with a sheet. There was something lumpy under the sheet, and Jensen shivered. He wasn't stupid, he recognized the human form when he saw it, and that was definitely what was under that sheet. The overhead lamp, the only source of illumination in the room, began to sway gently.
His heart began to pound, because wanted to be anywhere except in this room, but he wouldn't go back into that hallway. Slowly, wanting to get this over with, whatever it was, he walked toward the table. Another shape formed next to the table, and Jensen felt ridiculously relieved when he realized it was Jared.
“Jared,” he breathed. “Thank God. What - what is this place?”
“It’s the hospital,” Jared whispered. He was hunched over the table, his tall form nearly folded in half to rest his elbows on the cold metal surface. His hands covered his face and his hair covered his hands.
“Jared,” Jensen said, reaching out. He didn't dare touch the table or reach across it to touch Jared. “Is that - is that me?”
He looked down at the fabric covering the body. A bloom of crimson blossomed from the center and spread outwards, and in the center it pulsated up and down like a heartbeat.
“No, it’s not you,” Jared said. He lowered his hands and lifted his face. His eyes were puffy and red rimmed. He rubbed the back of his hand across his nose and sniffed. “It was never you.”
“Um - okay,” Jensen agreed. He could feel the anger rolling off of Jared in waves. Jared looked back down at the table, and gently folded back the sheet to show Jensen what he knew was there but didn't want to see. He looked down at his own corpse, pale and peaceful. It was eerie, to see himself like this. But Jared had been clear that this wasn't him. He looked back up to Jared, who was staring at Jensen like he wasn’t sure whether to be angry at him or not. It was a look he’d seen on his mother’s face often, and easily recognizable.
Jared turned his gaze to the corpse, and his look softened. He ran his hand down Dead-Jensen’s face.
“God, Jensen, I loved you so much,” he mourned.
Jensen’s heart ached. “He loved you too, you know. I wish - I wish I could be him for you.”
Jared’s head snapped up, and right at that moment a loud crack resounded through the room. The walls showed the damage, with large rends that started at the floor and snaked toward the ceiling. One of the corpse’s arms had swung down from under its covering, swinging off the edge of the table in rhythm with the light overhead. Jensen jumped back a pace.
The fingers, cold and grey, twitched and curled and with a rasping inhalation, the corpse sat up. The fabric sheet fell to its waist, exposing the gaping wound left by the gunshot as it turned and swung its legs over the edge of the table. It fixed Jensen with a blank stare and gasped that horrible rasping inhalation again. Cognizance flooded its eyes and it stared at Jensen with eyes that should have been green, but were about as far removed from their normal color as possible. Its eyes were the color of milk spilled on a green surface and spread thin. Jensen’s breath quickened along with his heart. He wouldn't be surprised if his heart fluttered out of his chest like a frightened bird.
“You would take what was mine,” the thing sitting up on the table said, and its voice was cracked and dusty. “You would take what was mine and leave my memory as ashes.”
“No,” Jensen denied. “I didn't ask for this.”
“But still, you would take it,” Dead-Jensen said. His tone was at once both sad and accusatory.
Jensen looked at Jared, who stood impassively behind the body of his re-animated husband as if things like this happened every day.
“You had your time with him,” Jensen finally said, amazed when his voice didn't shake. “Your time with him is over, and if I could have him - really have him, the way you did, I would. God, I would.”
Jared looked over at Jensen, his eyes wide.
“You would?” his lips moved but the sound didn't quite make it out of his mouth.
“Traitor,” Dead-Jensen said with an angry hiss. “You’d leave me and abandon my memory?”
“No, Jensen, never,” said Jared. His eyes filled up with tears and he blinked furiously. “I love you. I’d do anything to have you back.”
“You’d replace me with a stranger!” said Dead-Jensen. He pushed himself to a standing position. “And then you’d pretend you still had me!”
“No!” Jared denied. “No, I’d never do that.”
“And yet here we are,” Dead-Jensen replied. He took a step towards Jensen and as he did so, the wound on his chest began to bleed. It didn't gush; just steadily seeped down Dead-Jensen’s body as the corpse advanced on Jensen.
“Stay away from me!” Jensen demanded, retreating from the dead thing that kept taking shaky steps towards him. He backed away, then further away, until he was nearly pressed against the double doors he’d entered the room through. He gave one thought to returning to the hallway and glanced through the windows. Or rather, he tried to glance through the windows, but the view was obscured by pale, dead hands grasping and sliding against the glass, leaving streaks of gore and bits of viscera in their wake.
Well, that decided that. He turned and faced Dead-Jensen, who lunged at him. The corpse was surprisingly agile, and surprisingly strong. Jensen found himself on his back with the corpse straddling him.
“I’ll kill you before you replace me,” Dead-Jensen hissed in Jensen’s face. “You cannot replace me! I won’t allow it!”
Jensen fought for his life, grappling against Dead-Jensen as they each fought for dominance over the other. Dead-Jensen didn't fight fair, pulling a move from every zombie-flick ever and trying to rip out Jensen’s throat with his teeth.
“Enough!” Jared finally roared. “That’s enough - both of you!”
Both Jensens froze; Jensen on his back again with Dead-Jensen grasping his wrists and pressing them tightly to the cold tile floor. Jared stormed over and grasped Dead-Jensen under the armpits, lifting him off of Jensen like he was a wayward child simply throwing a tantrum.
As he did so, the scenery changed, and Dead-Jensen changed as well. The hospital walls gave way to trees bursting with green leaves, and the floor changed to a mix of dirt, bark, and stubbly grass. Jensen recognized this place. This was the park, the tree where Jared and Jensen had shared their first kiss. Color returned to Dead-Jensen and the wound disappeared. His nudity was covered by jeans and a soft, long-sleeved sweater over a simple white t-shirt.
“Jensen,” Jared breathed, pulling Dead-Jensen close, and Jensen felt the hateful sting of jealousy flare deep inside his gut. He did his best to ignore it, but it was definitely there. He licked his lips and looked around, trying to ignore the happy couple in front of him. As much as he tried, his eyes kept flicking back to the two of them, holding each other close in what was one of their sacred spaces. Jared leaned over and kissed Dead-Jensen, and it was a solemn kiss, and maybe, just maybe, a good-bye kiss.
“Jared,” Dead-Jensen whimpered. “I don’t - don’t let me go. Please.”
“I have to, Jensen. I do. What I’m doing now - it’s not living.”
“But we made vows,” Dead-Jensen protested, staring up at Jared with too-wide eyes. “You swore to me-“
“Yes, Jensen,” Jared said, holding tighter to Dead-Jensen. “We did make vows. Do you remember what they were?”
“’Til death,” Dead-Jensen sobbed, burying his face in Jared’s neck. Jensen’s jealous feelings shriveled away; he couldn't be jealous of a dead man. To be jealous of a memory wasn't fair to either Jared or to Dead-Jensen.
“’Til Death,” Jared echoed, his voice broken. “And we kept those vows. We did. But I might have a chance here, Jen. A chance to move on, to find something new and wonderful. I will never forget you. I swear that I won’t.”
Dead-Jensen didn't say anything; he just snuffled against Jared’s neck. “I know, baby,” he said, stroking his long fingers through Dead-Jensen’s hair. “I know.” It was, apparently, all Jared needed to say. They stayed like that for a long moment, before Dead-Jensen pulled away. He turned to face Jensen with a sad smile on his face, and the tracks that his tears had made down his face glistened in the sunlight.
“Take care of him for me,” he said. “Or I swear I’ll haunt your ass.”
Jensen gave a small, quiet laugh at that. “Deal,” he said. “If we can find a way, I promise I’ll take care of him.”
Dead-Jensen took a step back, and Jared turned to look at him. Dead-Jensen gave that same sad smile to Jared and pushed firmly on Jared’s back, forcing him to take a stumbling step towards Jensen.
“Go, you big goof,” he said. “Be happy. Be loved.”
And with that his form faded out and disappeared. Jensen stood uncertainly where he was, unsure what he should do next. Did he go to Jared, or wait for Jared to come to him? He screwed up his courage and closed the distance between himself and Jared, where they wrapped their arms around each other as the dream itself faded away.
When Jensen woke up, he was sitting up in bed with the covers thrown aside. He sat there for a minute, letting his thoughts settle and reassuring himself that he had, in fact, been dreaming. His mouth hung slack while he gasped for breath as if he’d been running, or fighting. By and far that had been the creepiest dream Jensen ever remembered having. His skin felt like it was crawling, and so he flung himself out of the bed and hurried to the shower.
Not waiting for it to warm up, he jumped in, letting the shock of cold water wake him fully and distract him from the horrifying images lingering from the dream. Had he really fought the corpse of himself over Jared? Had Jared seen that dream? Jensen leaned forward into the spray, letting it stream over his face. He breathed deeply, making sure not to inhale the water, and let it calm him. It was just a dream.
Feeling a little better, he finished showering and shaved, dressed himself and then walked out of the bedroom towards the living room, ready for another day of hearing Jared. He was actually looking forward to it; looking forward to learning more about Jared. Crazy, yes, but Jensen was willing to make do with what he had, until something better (something real?) came along. He scoffed at himself. More like until Jared came along. Jared was what he wanted.
As he entered the living room from the hallway, the first thing he noticed was the impala statue on the floor - again. Cursing, he ran over and picked up the statue, checking it for damage before setting it back on the mantle. Maybe he could glue it down, or find another spot for it, or-
Someone was sitting on his couch. Slowly, Jensen turned to face him. It was no one Jensen knew, but he looked familiar with his tousled dark hair and dark blue eyes. He was smiling.
“Jensen, if you want an impala, might I suggest the vehicular version rather than that. . .” the man twirled his finger around in the air as he gestured at the statue, “. . . monstrosity right there.”
“Dammit!” Jensen swore. “I paid three hundred dollars for that! And who are you, anyway? How did you get into my apartment? Oh god, I need to call the cops.”
Jensen plunged his hand into his pocket, fumbling for his phone and not finding it. The man leaned forward and rested his elbows on his thighs, casting a pointed glance at the table where Jensen’s phone lay. Jensen didn't think he could get to it before the intruder could.
“Jensen, calm down, I’m Misha,” the guy said, but he may as well have been speaking a foreign language because that made no- wait, Misha? Jensen studied this Misha’s face with wide eyes, realizing that yes, this was the guy that FBI agent had been looking for.
“You’re a wanted felon!” Jensen exclaimed, and then thought, Oh, shit, I probably shouldn't have let on that I knew that. Lunging, he grabbed his phone, relieved. Misha didn't move.
“I am not a wanted felon! Where did you even get that idea?” Misha tilted his head, considering. “Ah, I know. Agent Cassidy stopped by, didn't she? When?”
“Katie?” Jensen’s mind was not keeping up and he was starting to feel a little slow. His fingers were poised over the screen of his phone, ready to dial 911 but he kept getting distracted. Misha noticed.
“Oh, would you give me that and try to catch up, Jensen?” Misha moved faster than Jensen expected and in the next moment his phone was grabbed from his hand and set back on the coffee table.
“Look, I’m not dangerous and I’m not a felon. Actually, I’m your cat.” Misha looked incredibly happy about that, and that was it. Jensen was over it.
“M-my cat? Are you serious?” Jensen grabbed for his phone again but was blocked by Misha. They both hit the floor in a flurry of arms and legs as Jensen struggled for his phone and Misha did his damnedest to make sure that Jensen couldn't reach it. The fight felt more like a wrestling match between two thirteen year old boys than an out and out brawl.
“Would you calm down?” Misha panted. “Just let me talk and then if you still want to call 911 you can, okay?”
“Get off me!” Jensen hissed, pushing Misha away. “Fine, I’ll listen to you, but you make one wrong move and I’m calling the feds.”
Misha snorted, but climbed off of Jensen regardless. He sat back on the couch, as casual and pleasant as ever.
“I suggest you have a seat,” Misha said. “Actually, maybe go make yourself some coffee, and then have a seat. This might take a while."
Jensen felt - well, he didn't really have words for what he was feeling. The warmth from his coffee cup seeped through the ceramic and into the palms of his hands, giving him something physical to focus on, something that was normal and not a crazy intruder claiming to be his cat. Speaking of the cat, Jensen fervently hoped this guy hadn't hurt Kitty-Misha.
“So, I know Jared,” Misha said. Jensen was relieved he’d just swallowed his mouthful of coffee. The last thing he needed right now was to spit hot coffee all over himself.
“You - you know Jared?” Jensen echoed. It wasn't the most intelligent thing he could have said, but given the circumstances he felt it didn't matter all that much.
“Yes, Jared,” Misha said. “Widower, all-around great guy and probably, had he lived in this world, would have been your husband. Or best friend - it varies from world to world.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Jensen said, holding up a hand. “If you know Jared there, wherever there is, how the hell are you here now? And what do you mean - you were my cat?”
Jensen sat and listened while Misha explained everything to him. It made no sense. It was impossible, and yet, part of Jensen hoped this Misha wasn't full of shit. The more Misha talked, the more uncomfortable with the situation Jensen became. The lack of consent, just assuming that Jensen would jump into Jared’s arms (he practically had, but that was beside the point), all of the puzzle pieces coming together didn't make a pretty picture. Misha stopped talking when he noticed Jensen’s frown.
“You too, huh?” Misha sighed. “Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. This was kind of a rush job. I was going to give you two time to get to know each other and then introduce you to him.”
“But - you can’t just replace someone!” Jensen insisted, the dream from last night replaying in his head. “I may be Jensen but I am not his Jensen. This is insane! You can’t just - just implant me with memories and expect me to waltz in and replace his husband!”
“I don’t expect anything of the sort!” Misha snapped. “But I know you’re lonely, Jensen. And Jared, you’re not moving on at all. It’s like you can’t. I don’t think either of you were supposed to die. I've been to so many dimensions, guys, and you want to know something? In every dimension where you are part of each others’ lives, you’re happy. Jared, before Jensen died, were you happy?”
Jensen heard a soft intake of breath.
“Jensen, I was - I was so happy,” Jared said. Jensen looked at Misha. It was incredibly strange to hear Jared interacting with someone else.
“I didn't think he was still here,” Jensen said. After all, he’d not heard from Jared all morning. “I thought maybe, that he’d-“
“I’m here, Jensen,” Jared said, and Jensen felt his nerves calm. Jensen blew out a breath he hadn't realized he’d been holding. Good. Jared was still there, and that was good.
“Are you familiar with the concept of soul mates?” Misha asked. Jensen arched an eyebrow.
“Of course I am,” he said. “Who isn't?”
“I think that you and Jared are,” Misha said. “Jared, what do you think?”
“I - uh, I,” Jared stuttered. Misha laughed.
“Jensen, would you be willing to let me bring Jared here to meet you? Just for one day, for twenty-four hours. See how you two get on. See, the thing is, I need to disappear for a while, and I don’t want to leave you two hanging.”
“Yes,” Jensen said without even thinking about it. “Yes, if he wants to. I’d love to have him here.”
“Very well,” Misha said, standing. “Jared, are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” Jared said. Misha nodded.
“I’ll be back in a jiffy,” he said, and then walked out of Jensen’s apartment. Jensen sat on his couch expectantly, wondering how long a jiffy would be. Certainly Misha had to work some sort of powerful magic that would probably take a while, so-
Jensen was startled from his thoughts by the door opening and Misha sauntering through, pulling what looked to be a very nervous Jared behind him. He had a backpack slung over one shoulder, probably had his pajamas in there and his toothbrush, and Jensen found that absolutely adorable.
“Jared,” Jensen breathed as he stood up. This was unreal, just an absolute impossibility. Jared whispered Jensen’s name back at him, and instead of rushing into each other’s arms like a romantic movie cliché, they stood and stared at each other.
“Holy shit, Jared,” Jensen said.
“Yeah,” Jared replied, and that was the perfect response. At least Jared seemed as freaked out by this as Jensen was.
“Alright, you two, have fun,” Misha said. He looked at his watch. “I’ll return in exactly twenty-four hours to take Jared back to his place. I’m going to go hop around a bit, say hi to some friends and try not to let Katie catch me.” Misha’s expression suddenly turned serious.
“Jared, you know it’s my intention to let the two of you work this out. Jared could move to this world. But you have to know there is a risk here - if Katie manages to apprehend me before I come back to fetch Jared, he’ll be stuck here. Jensen, I have to know that you won’t put him out on the street if you two don’t click and I can’t get back to take him home.”
“I’d never do that!” Jensen snapped, insulted.
“I didn't think you would,” Misha said. “It’s not in your nature, but I had to be perfectly clear. Crap, Katie’s in this world somewhere, I have to go. If she comes by here, you still don’t know me and Jared - you’ve never seen me before in your life. Think you’re a good enough actor to sell that lie?”
“Um, yeah, I think so,” Jared said, but he sounded uncertain. Misha nodded and with that, was once again out the door.
“So,” Jared said, setting his backpack on Jensen’s couch. He sat down, rigid, the palms of his hands pressed flat against the tops of his thighs.
“So,” Jensen responded, brilliantly.
“So this is weird,” Jared finally said, lifting his eyes to meet Jensen’s. He flexed his fingers against his jeans, his fingernails catching on the denim and making a soft scratching sound. “I keep thinking I’m going to wake up.”
“Yeah, me too,” Jensen said. He stood across from where Jared sat, his arms crossed over his chest. He wasn't sure what the protocol for this type of visit was, or if there even was a protocol for this type of visit.
“Well,” Jared said, looking back down at his hands. “You've got me for the next twenty-four hours or so.”
“Looks like,” Jensen said, and he felt like the awkwardness was about to physically manifest and smother them both. “You want to go do something?”
Jared stood and stretched, his already tall body growing incredibly longer. Jensen couldn't help but admire the lanky man in front of him and wanted to touch - really touch him. None of that dreaming crap they’d been putting up with. It was just, with it being real now, everything intimate they’d done in the dreamscape now seemed too intimate, too soon.
Jensen licked his lips and drew his bottom one between his teeth, chewing on it unmercifully. He had no idea what to do. In theory, it shouldn't be this awkward. He stood there completely lost in his thoughts for a few moments. He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Jesus, Jared, you snuck up on me!” Jensen exclaimed, feeling a little like an idiot. The smile that appeared on Jared’s face was a little mocking, and still somehow sweet.
“I snuck up on you?” Jared asked softly. He was so close; definitely in Jensen’s space bubble. “I can see how you’d miss me sneaking up on you from the front like that. I am a master of stealth, after all.”
“Shut up,” Jensen chuckled, half-heartedly pushing at Jared’s chest. Wow, that was a firm chest. That was - that’s nice, Jensen thought and tried to curb thoughts like that. “Um - what do you want to do?”
He looked up at Jared, curious as to what his answer would be. Jared was staring at him again, like he was going to vanish into thin air at a moment’s notice.
“I’d really like to kiss you, Jensen,” Jared said. “Is that okay? Can I?”
Jensen felt his stomach flutter a bit. He knew that Jared had to feel at least a bit conflicted about his feelings for him, and Jensen still wasn’t sure he was not being offered up as some sort of replacement, but he wanted this. At the end of the day, he wanted Jared.
He nodded and that was all it took, it seemed, for Jared to wrap his arms around Jensen and pull him close. In the next second Jared’s mouth found and claimed Jensen’s. It was fairly chaste at first, just a gentle meeting of lips. Underneath, however, a bed of coals lay slowly smoldering, and when Jared’s tongue snaked out and barely lapped at Jensen’s bottom lip, bitten red from earlier, Jensen pressed forward and opened his mouth against Jared’s. His breath hitched and Jared gave a small, abbreviated moan that caused the coals to flare brightly and ignite.
Reluctantly, they parted.
“God, Jensen, how is this even real?” Jared asked. His hands had moved to cradle Jensen’s face and tilted it up,
“I don’t know,” Jensen said, and then Jared was kissing him again, and this time it wasn't chaste, not by any means. Once again, Jared pulled away.
“I know what I want to do,” Jared said. “I want to get to know you. I want you to get to know me. Show me around. Show me where you went to school. Show me where you like to hang out. I want to know everything about you.”
Jensen smiled like it was the best idea ever, and perhaps it was.
Jensen picked at his salad, looking through it carefully, picking up each leaf and peering beneath it before finally spearing a forkful to eat. When he looked up at Jared, he noticed that Jared was giving him a strange look.
“What?” Jensen asked around his mouthful of food, and then cringed because he didn't usually talk with his mouth full. Jared gave a small, amused laugh.
“It’s just - why were you looking through your salad like that?”
“Oh, you know, just don’t want to find a chicken bone or anything. You can’t be too careful, is all.”
Jared’s eyes went wide. “How did - did you? But you’re not-“
Jensen blinked, and then remembered the chaos of his dreams last night. “I don’t know,” he said. “I just had a dream last night where I found a chicken bone in my salad, and now I’m a little paranoid.”
“But that actually happened,” Jared breathed. “On our third date.”
“I thought it might have been real,” Jensen said. “Some of the dreams I had were more like memories - his memories. I know Misha said he made a link between you and me, but I probably should have asked about that. A link between us does not explain me getting a front row seat to the memories of Jensen the First.”
Jared smiled. “Jensen the First, huh?”
Well, it was certainly better than Dead-Jensen, but Jensen wasn't going to voice that nickname. Jensen looked at the time on his phone - the day was going by too fast. Here it was lunchtime and he and Jared had spent the morning just talking to each other, laughing and telling anecdotes of school. Sometimes Jared would pause and just stare at Jensen, usually after he’d told him something that was brand-new to Jensen but must have been old hat to Jensen the First. That look was usually a precursor to a long, lingering kiss which did nothing but tease Jensen. They’d finally left for lunch when Jensen offered to take Jared to his favorite local diner.
Jensen’s phone buzzed. He ignored it, preferring to focus on Jared and their limited time together, but it kept buzzing so he finally apologized to Jared and checked his texts. There were about five from Chris, all spaced about ten minutes apart.
-Hey lazy ass, come help me clean my bar.-
-Don’t ignore me. I know you can work a broom.-
-It’s not like you have anything better to do. C’mon-
-You better be ignoring me for a good reason. Like, sex-
-You’re totally getting laid aren't you? I’m coming over. Wanna see the piece of tail you’re ignoring me for-
“Shit,” Jensen cursed.
“Everything okay?” Jared asked, wide eyed. It amazed Jensen that someone that big could look so innocent.
“Yeah, my friend Chris is being a douche,” Jensen muttered. Jared brightened.
“I know Chris!” he said, and practically bounced. Jensen smiled, but then Jared deflated. “Oh wait, no, I don’t. Not here, anyway. Wow, that’s so weird.”
“You want to meet him?” Jensen asked. He didn't really want to offer, wanted to keep Jared to himself, but he wasn't sure he could dissuade Chris from coming over if he set his mind to it. It was Sunday afternoon and he knew Chris had nothing better to do.
“Sure,” Jared said, looking a little dazed.
Jensen texted Chris back.
-Are you at your bar now? Don’t come over. Not home. I’ll come to you and bring my friend with me-
Chris’ reply made Jensen smile.
-He any good at paintin?-
Jensen strolled into the space Chris had leased, looking around. Jared had hung back, nervous and shy about meeting him, but Jensen figured that if Jared was considering moving here, he’d need to meet Jensen’s friends sooner or later. This was definitely sooner.
Jensen looked around the room with a keen eye, noting the changes that would have to be made before Chris could open for business. It was a narrow space, longer than it was wide with a staircase that let up to the rooftop patio next to the bar. The wallpaper was old and peeling, and if Jensen judged correctly, had smoke damage.
“Chris!” Jensen called. “I think you need to do more than just paint this place!”
Chris’ head popped up from behind the bar and he grinned at Jensen.
“Yeah, I know. The previous place closed after some drunk idiot lit a fire in the corner. I don’t know how they did it, but they did. Hey, would it be tacky to name my bar En Fuego? Kind of an homage to the previous business.”
“That’s tacky as hell, Chris,” Jensen said. “And probably not karmically sound.”
“Yeah, I was afraid you’d say that. Hey, where’s your friend?” Chris waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Jensen rolled his eyes. He looked around for Jared, but he still hadn't come into the bar.
“I think you scared him off,” Jensen said as he walked quickly back to the entrance. “Jared! Come in here.”
He held the door open while Jared ducked inside, a sheepish smile on his lips. Jensen looked back at Chris and saw his eyes go wide.
“Wait, Jared?” Chris walked right up to Jared, completely disregarding his personal space and stared up into his face. Jared looked nervous and took a step back.
“Can you not be creepy, Chris?” Jensen admonished.
Chris’ eyes darted over to Jensen. “What the hell is going on, Jensen? Is he - is that? But I-“
“It’s a long story,” Jared said. “I’m Jared. Nice to meet you.” He held out his hand with a big friendly smile, but Jensen could see the nervousness lingering in his eyes. Chris smiled and shook Jared’s hand, and the tension fled. Jensen sighed in relief.
“Alright then, Jared,” Chris said. “You can tell me when you’re ready. Sorry, I didn't mean to come off rude. I’m Chris. Me an’ Jenny went to college together.”
Jared laughed. “Jenny? He lets you call him Jenny?”
“I don’t let him do anything,” Jensen muttered. “But I guess it’s better than Jen-Jen.”
“Jen-Jen?” Jared echoed again. Jensen groaned.
“That’s another long story,” Jensen said. “And one I’m glad is over.”
“So Jared,” Chris said, changing the subject. “You any good at manual labor?”
“Oh no,” Jensen disagreed. “He’s spending the day with me. I wanted you to meet him. You know, just to prove I wasn't schizophrenic or anything.”
Jared’s eyes went a little wide. “He knows?”
Jensen nodded. “Well, yeah, I did take him to San Antonio with me.”
Jared kind of swayed on his feet a little as the implications of that washed over him. Chris brought over a bar-stool.
“Here, son,” he said. “Sit down before ya fall down.”
Jared sat as instructed. “Oh God, Jensen, my family - my sister - they’re alive here. Do you think I could ever?”
Jensen and Chris exchanged dubious glances.
“I can’t imagine that going over well,” Chris said, pursing his lips. “I mean, I don’t know how the hell you got here, and you damn sure better not be playin’ my boy Jensen somehow, but I’m guessin’ all this,” and Chris made wavy motions with his hands toward Jared to express the words he apparently couldn't verbalize, “ain’t exactly common knowledge.”
Jared deflated a little. “No, you’re right, it’s a bad idea.”
“A phenomenally bad idea,” Chris agreed. Jensen, for his part, didn't like to see Jared look so defeated.
“Hey, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay? If we come to it.” After all, Jared was only visiting. Jensen wondered if Misha would sever their psychic connection once he’d returned Jared to his home world. He felt a sad sort of weight settle in his stomach.
Jensen remained quiet while Jared and Chris chatted back and forth amiably. It was apparent that if Jared did decide to move over to this world that he and Chris would get along famously. Still, all of this was rushed - too rushed, and Jensen felt a bit like someone had unfastened his safety harness on a roller coaster ride. What if Jared decided to come over here and regretted it? What if Misha was wrong and Jared wasn't his soul mate? There were so many questions floating around Jensen’s mind, and none of them were pleasant. There was always a risk of failure in any relationship - hell, look at him and Jennifer. Everyone had thought they’d last. People had called them soul mates.
What if Jared gave everything in his old life up, and they ended up hating each other?
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