Fic: The Lonely End of the Rink, Part 2/7 COMPLETE
Title: The Lonely End of the Rink 2.1
Pairing: Marcus/Esca
Rating: NC-17
Summary: I looked up and you were there, just sitting there all alone, holding your fist in the air, like, if you need me you're on your own. At the lonely end of the rink, you and me.
I hear your voice ‘cross a frozen lake, a voice from the end of a leaf, saying, ‘you won’t die of a thousand fakes or be beaten by the sweetest of dekes’. At the lonely end of the rink, you and me.
Word Count:100,000-ish in 7 parts, COMPLETE This part 16,700 ish
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys belong to Rosemary Sutcliff and Focus Features, dammit. I just like making them do filthy, wonderful things to each other.
Author’s Notes:1) This fic is a modern AU inspired by a prompt at the_eagle_kink, and it totally took my brain over, pouring out of me like a flood. It was truly frightening to watch.
This fic is a modern AU filled with hockey, figure skating, high school, a smattering of original and movie characters, with a hefty dose of Canadiana. It is a fic that deals with real life situations and attitudes, not a fluff piece, so keep that in mind.
Master post with extended Author’s Notes, banners and fanmix, as well as links to all the parts here.
Boots or Hearts
Well you won't even let me talk to you, we’ve got some air to clear.
Well, we'd probably only agree on one thing anyway, that's what the hell is happening here?
Everyone in town now, they probably all agree, I'm lying in the bed I made.
See when it starts to fall apart, it really falls apart.
Like boots or hearts, oh when they start, they really fall apart.
Marcus pulled into the school parking lot on Wednesday morning and turned off his truck, leaning against the head rest and enjoying his last few moments of relative freedom. The school year was a blessing and a curse, bringing with it an increase in training and play time, but with it came the added distractions of studies and all the social requisites of public schooling.
There was nothing for it however, so he got out of the truck, pocketing his keys and grabbing his back pack, filled to the brim with new school supplies. He’d received his class schedule the day before, taking advantage of being a grade 12 student to get in and out without having to see anyone, no orientation needed.
Ever since his birthday trip to Vancouver the previous Saturday, he had been very anti-social, ignoring a few phone calls and not leaving the house at all. His ice time had ended for the time being, so he had no need to go to the arena, not until team training began the following week. Marcus had managed to get an extra hour of ice time every Saturday morning, starting that weekend, at the butt crack of dawn. He was looking forward to it, he had a lot of work to do in preparation for the draft.
His uncle had commented on his moodiness, and Marcus could hardly argue with him. After the confrontation with Placyd, all the reasons he wanted to prove himself were in the front of his mind, pushing aside other wants; he knew he had needed the reality check to refocus. He’d been far too distracted during the summer.
He sighed deeply, trudging toward the school, stopping suddenly and stepping behind a tree, having spotted the reason for his distraction. Esca was heading into the school, carrying his satchel and grinning at a girl Marcus had never seen before. On the other hand, Marcus didn’t pay much attention to the girls, so she could have attended as long as he and he wouldn’t have known it.
He had become far too enamoured of Esca in the past few months, and it had to stop. It was hard enough keeping a secret this big on his own, if he were to admit it, to anyone, the chances were much higher that it would spread. If he were to consider...no, he must not dwell on it. It would do him no good.
The problem was, it was all he could think about.
A hand clasped him on the shoulder, making him jump like a little girl. At least he didn’t squeal like one.
“Jumpy this morning, are you?” Luke said, laughing at Marcus’ expense.
“Just a little distracted,” Marcus replied, giving him a wan smile.
“You’ve been distracted a lot, lately,” Luke commented, but Marcus just ‘hmmed’ in reply. They walked silently toward the doors of the school, somewhat awkwardly. The same awkwardness had happened a lot lately to Marcus, he seemed unable to view the world and his relationships in the same way, since he’d met Esca.
“So,” Luke began. “First Wednesday in September, eh? Always a lot of fun, isn’t it?”
“Oh yeah, loads,” Marcus said, his smile becoming genuine. The conversation flowed easier, after that.
**
The morning’s classes went smoothly, as smoothly as Marcus could expect anyway. He was almost successful at putting Esca out of his mind, but he knew that they’d run into each other at some point. They hadn’t spoken since Marcus’ birthday dinner, having said barely a word to each other on the ride home.
Marcus, Luke, Robert and another teammate, Charlie Henderson, one of the few members of the team who had a chance in the draft as Marcus and Luke did, were walking together, headed for the cafeteria when Charlie nudged Luke aside and struck up a conversation with Marcus.
“So Marcus,” Charlie said, slapping Marcus on the back. “You all set for training to start?”
“Ready and waiting,” Marcus said, following him into the cafeteria, stopping short when Charlie stopped in front of him.
“Sorry,” Charlie said, to someone Marcus couldn’t see, but it was clear he had run into them. Marcus peeked around, just as the someone spoke, and his heart began to pound wildly.
Esca looked good. Really, really good, and Marcus had to remind himself that such things shouldn't matter to him. Esca wore a slim blue sweater over a collared shirt, and a pair of jeans that hugged him in all the right places, if Marcus was any judge. His hair was lightly gelled in spikes, unlike the messy practice hair or the neatly combed look he’d sported the night of Marcus’ birthday dinner.
“No, it’s my fault, I wasn’t paying attention,” Esca said, his eyes going wide when he saw Marcus. He seemed as much as a loss as Marcus was, unsure of where to go from there. Marcus realized, as he should have before, that attempting to pretend he didn’t know Esca would be seen through and commented upon right away. His friends may act like idiots some or most of the time, but that didn’t make them simple. And Luke knew Marcus well and would see through him quickly.
“Esca,” Marcus said, moving around Charlie and grinning at Esca. “I wondered when I’d run into you.”
“It was bound to happen sometime,” Esca said smoothly, though his eyes still showed his surprise.
“Who’s this then, Marcus?” Luke asked from behind him, having been forced to stop along with the rest.
“Esca, MacCunoval,” Marcus said, adding the last name as an afterthought, his brain so rarely made it past Esca’s first name without becoming lost in other, less appropriate thoughts than the fact of his last name. “He’s a figure skater, we met at the arena during the summer.”
“Oh yeah?” Luke asked, watching Marcus shrewdly. “You never mentioned him before.”
“Well, he’s here now,” Marcus said quickly, not meeting Luke’s eyes. “Esca, this is Luke Torus, Robert McGrath and the big lump who ran into you is Charlie Henderson,” Marcus said gesturing to each in turn.
“Pleased to meet you,” Esca said, smiling weakly.
“We all play together with the Bruins, so you’ll probably be seeing them around the arena too, we’re scheduled for practice when you’re training, I think,” Marcus said.
“As far as I recall,” Esca replied. “I’ve only looked the schedule over briefly.”
“Do you want to join us?” Luke cut in. “I’m sure Cottia would love to meet you, she’s got a thing for accents, eh Charlie?” he said with a laugh.
“Leave off about Cottia,” Charlie said, giving Luke a shove. “She’s got a thing for everything, it seems. Although she seems to be crushing on Marcus, this year.”
Marcus’ eyes shot to Charlie, with an exclaimed, “what?”
“Oh yeah, she’s mentioned a few times in the last few weeks how much she’s looking forward to seeing you again,” Charlie explained, patting Marcus on the arm consolingly. “Good luck with that.”
They all laughed, all but Esca, who just raised an eyebrow in Marcus’ direction. Marcus shook his head, slightly fearful.
“No offense mate, but your sister is a menace,” Robert said to Charlie, shoving them both out of the way. “Now move, you pricks, I want food.” Charlie gave Marcus another pat, this one on the cheek, before following Robert toward the meal line.
“You coming?” Luke asked Esca, who shook his head.
“No, thanks, I just came in to get a soda,” Esca said. “I’d rather be outside. Thanks for the invite.”
“Anytime,” Luke said, smiling at Esca and then turning to Marcus. “Come on then, Aquila,” he said.
Marcus nodded, biting his lip as he looked at Esca. “See you around then,” he said, hesitating.
“Yeah, see you,” Esca said, nodding before heading out the door. Marcus stood and watched him leave for a minute, before realizing what he was doing. He was right, though. Esca’s ass looked amazing in those jeans.
**
“So, your little friend there,” Charlie began as Marcus sat down with his lunch. “Is he a fag or what?”
“Jesus, Charlie,” Luke said.
“It’s a valid question,” Charlie said. “He’s a tiny little British figure skater, seems pretty queer to me.”
“Could you be any more judgemental?” Luke asked, shaking his head. “Whether he is or not, why should it matter to you?”
“I’m just saying, he looks like a fag, that’s all,” Charlie insisted.
“I don’t know if he is, but I can’t see how it matters,” Marcus said quietly.
“I hope he doesn’t hang around,” Charlie said with a sneer.
“Hope who doesn’t hang around?” came a female voice cheerfully. “Hello Marcus, how was your summer?”
“Just fine, Cottia, thank you,” Marcus said as Charlie’s twin sister joined them at the table, along with her friend, Ang Reed. Both the girls considered themselves enthusiasts of hockey, but Marcus thought they were just enthusiastic about the players. Unfortunately, he was included under that umbrella, to his dismay. Cottia and Ang flitted from boy to boy, never settling on one for long, and Marcus found himself hoping that Cottia would move on from him sooner rather than later. He rather thought Ang had a crush on Charlie, though both the twins seemed oblivious.
“So who do we want to avoid?” Cottia repeated, always up for a bit of gossip.
“That faggy little figure skater,” Charlie said.
“For fucks’ sake Charlie, you don’t even know if he’s gay,” Marcus snapped.
“He is, I’ll bet you a fifty,” Charlie said smugly.
“Fuck off,” Marcus said, turning back to his lunch.
“Even if he is, I don’t see why you should care,” Luke pointed out. “There are worse things in this world than being gay.”
“Like what?” Charlie asked, laughing incredulously.
“Like being a homophobic asshole,” Luke said.
“Speaking of assholes,” Charlie said with a snort.
“Well aren’t you progressive,” Luke said. “Why don’t you form your own opinions instead of parroting what Mommy and Daddy think?”
“Oh, stop acting like children,” Cottia scolded.
“Stay out of this, Cottia,” Charlie said, but she went on anyway.
“Charlie, it doesn’t matter if you think homosexuality is unnatural or wrong or whatever, it doesn’t mean you should make fun of them,” Cottia scolded. “They have enough to deal with as it is.”
The argument continued, no doubt, but Marcus didn’t hang around to hear any more. His stomach was a pit of bile and apprehension, panic setting in and flowing through his veins like acid.
“I’ve lost my appetite,” he said, getting up and leaving without looking back, though he heard Cottia say, “what’s the matter with him?” before he escaped out the door.
**
Marcus spent the rest of lunch break sitting in a rarely used stairwell with his head in his hands, nursing a headache to go with his sick stomach, Charlie’s words spinning in his head. True, he was a bit forceful in his opinions, but they were shared, to some degree or another, by almost everyone that Marcus had ever met who was involved in hockey.
There was no way around it. He’d have to keep it a secret, bury it down, further than he had before. Esca was a complication he hadn’t anticipated. He was coming to realize that he could not be around Esca often without giving himself away. Luke seemed to have suspected something and Charlie would leap on anything he could to discredit Marcus.
Oh, they were friends, of a sort anyway, but Charlie was opportunistic and seemed to care for no-one but himself. He’d never pause before throwing Marcus under the bus, especially if it would make himself look better.
The problem was, staying away from Esca was the last thing Marcus wanted to do. Esca was unlike anyone he had know before, and when Marcus was with him, he felt alive in a way he’d never experienced before. A future with no Esca was...bleak.
But what choice did he have? His career would almost certainly be ended if anyone found out about him. He had no more delusions about himself, Esca had taught him that. He was gay. There was no mistaking it anymore, no denials held any water against the feelings he had been experiencing all summer.
He could never let it out, though. Placyd’s infuriating words had renewed his determination. He had to take a step back from Esca, and he had to do something to reaffirm the reputation he’d gained, that he was as manly as they come. Well, as manly as a seventeen year old could be, anyway.
The bell rang, jolting him back to the present. He groaned, scratching his head as if he could free all the depressing, contradictory thoughts, from his brain, and just be. If only it were that simple.
He jogged down the stairwell and headed to his locker, being late for his next class was not going to make things any better. He pulled out his Math text and a binder and headed off, slipping through the crowded halls easily for one of his size. It was made easier because practically everyone in the school knew him, calling out greetings and patting him on the back as he passed.
He had become a minor celebrity at school and in town while playing for the Bruins, home games were always well attended with many clumps of fans, all calling his name, cheering every move he made, booing any questionable calls or hard checks by his opponents. The team’s spotty record didn’t seem to discourage them.
He pushed open the door to the Math room just before the bell rang again and stopped short, a little bit shocked at what he saw. Toward the back of the classroom sat Esca, which wasn’t a complete shock, they hadn’t discussed class schedules, but they were bound to have at least one class together.
What was surprising was that Cottia had claimed the desk beside him and was currently chattering away at him with an intent, excited look on her face. There was a desk free on the other side, and before he realized it, his feet were taking him down the aisle, dropping him in that very desk.
“What are you two talking about?” he asked, grinning at Esca before smiling at Cottia, perhaps a bit less brightly, but he tried anyway.
“I was just meeting Esca here,” she said with a smile. “He was telling me about his training this summer, and how lucky he was to share ice time with you. I just love figure skating, don’t you Marcus?”
“Uhh, sure,” Marcus said, looking at Esca with an apologetic look, but Esca looked nothing more than amused. There was no telling what direction Cottia would steer the conversation in, but she was interrupted by the teacher, something Marcus found himself very grateful for.
**
Math class went surprisingly quickly and soon they were gathering up their papers and books.
“Where are you boys headed next?” Cottia asked, sidling up next to Marcus and threading an arm through his. Marcus wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it or if Esca’s jaw had clenched at the sight, but soon he had schooled his face into the impassive mask he’d worn in the weeks after Marcus had met him.
“English Lit for me,” Marcus said, sliding his arm out of hers as soon as they entered the hallway. “What about you?” he replied, but he was looking at Esca.
“Biology,” Esca said softly, holding his gaze.
“Biology for me too,” Cottia said, sliding an arm into Esca’s instead, giving Marcus a coy look. “Come on then Esca, we can be partners.” She tugged him away, waving at Marcus with her free hand. Esca shot a look over his shoulder, and Marcus swore he could see fear in his eyes.
Marcus figured that Cottia had intended to make him jealous and in fact she had succeeded. However, he was certain she hadn’t expected him to be jealous of her rather than Esca. He shook his head and turned away, making for his classroom.
**
Getting out of school after his last class was problematic as everyone seemed to want to have a piece of him and for the first time, he didn’t appreciate it. Finally, when he’d exchanged small talk with enough people and had made it out into the parking lot, he was surprised to see Esca leaning against his truck.
“Hey,” he said, jogging the last few steps, a smile cracking his face once more, a genuine one this time. “How was your day?” He leaned against the truck beside Esca, waving at yet another person who was passing and unable to resist calling out a greeting.
“Wonderful,” Esca said with a grimace. Maybe he’d meant to smile, but it certainly didn’t come out that way.
“That bad, then?” Marcus said. “Me too.”
“Cottia is certainly enthusiastic about you,” Esca said with a twist of his lip.
“Is she?” Marcus replied, not knowing what else to say.
“You’re quite a hero around here, from what I gather.” Esca looked at Marcus, his lips turned in a full smirk now.
“I’m a hockey player,” Marcus said, pushing off the truck and opening the door. “We’re like royalty around here.”
“I’m beginning to realize that.”
“Do you want a ride?” Marcus asked, tossing his backpack behind his seat.
“Nah, I’m fine to walk, it’s only a few blocks,” Esca said. “Just wanted to see a familiar face, that’s all. See you tomorrow,” he said, turning and walking away without another word. Marcus could only watch him go, albeit feeling much better than he had not five minutes before.
**
Thursday was more of the same, but Friday Marcus had the dubious pleasure of being cornered by Cottia after last block. He had been rummaging in his locker, deciding which books to take home and eager to get outside where he hoped Esca would be waiting for him again, when she caught up with him.
“Marcus,” she said, a bright smile on her face as she leaned against the locker next to his. “First weekend of the year, are you excited?”
Marcus was. He had booked some ice time at the practice arena, now that it was finally open, and his slot was immediately before Esca’s Saturday training slot. Not only was he happy he’d been getting back on the ice, but he was looking forward to getting the chance to watch Esca skate.
“You could say that,” he hedged, zipping his back pack and closing his locker. “You?”
“Definitely,” she replied. “There’s a party at Alan Jenkin’s house tomorrow, would you like to go with me?”
Marcus froze. Three days into the school year and he was already fending off date invites. He sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair while he thought of a friendly way to deflect her.
“Sorry, I can’t. I’ve got training tomorrow and a lot of work to do for my uncle around the house.”
“Oh, that’s too bad,” she said, pouting in what he supposed she thought was an attractive way. “Charlie doesn’t have practice until Monday, are you training with someone else?”
“I do solo training on the weekends when we aren’t away,” Marcus replied.
“Ooh, can I watch?” she asked excitedly, and Marcus froze, eyes wide.
“Uhh, it’s probably not a good idea,” he hedged. “I get distracted when other people are there, that’s why I like to train by myself as well as with the team.”
“Oh, that makes sense, I guess,” she said, nodding. “Well, I have work to do as well, Esca and I have to start planning our big biology project anyway.”
“Wait, what?” Marcus said, giving her his full attention for the first time.
“We’ve partnered in biology, so we’ll get to see each other lots over the semester. I don’t know why Charlie is making such a fuss about him, I think he’s lovely, don’t you agree?”
Marcus did, more than he was willing to let on. “Yeah, he’s pretty great,” he agreed. “Listen Cottia, I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you Monday, alright?”
“Sure Marcus,” she said cheerfully. “Have a great weekend.”
“Thanks, you too,” he replied, turning and jogging down the hall, heading right for the parking lot. He was pleased to see that Esca was waiting for him again, even though he was a bit later than usual.
“There you are,” Esca said as Marcus approached. “I was just about to head home.”
“Sorry, Cottia managed to corner me,” Marcus said, smiling. “Took me a bit to free myself.”
“She does tend to go on, I’ve noticed,” Esca said.
“Always has. I hear you’re stuck partnering her for biology this semester,” Marcus remarked, in what he hoped was casual way.
“Oh, it’s not too bad, she seems rather intelligent,” Esca said. “Besides, she’s a fair sight better than her brother.”
“That’s for sure,” Marcus admitted.
“Right, I’d better head out. Nan will be waiting with food for me, I’m on the ice at four,” Esca said. “See ya,”
“Yeah, see ya,” Marcus said, watching as Esca walked away. He’d never get tired of the view.
**
Marcus threw himself into his training the next day, taking his frustration out on the pucks. Charlie had been right, Cottia seemed to be intent on getting Marcus out on a date, and Charlie hadn’t been much fun, either. He seemed to have latched on to Esca as that year’s source of ridicule, and kept the derisive comments flowing steadily. Cottia had found mild success in derailing him, but not much.
Robert and Dale seemed to agree with Charlie, although Luke was less than enthusiastic about their chosen topic of scorn. Marcus found it hard to say much of anything over the roiling in his belly. He wished the weekend would last forever, except he was looking forward to team practice beginning on Monday morning.
It seemed as if his hour went by in a flash, that or Esca showed up a little early.
“Oi, hockey boy,” Esca called, shocking Marcus into shooting wild. The puck slammed against the boards with a bang. Marcus laughed, skating over to where Esca was leaning against the boards. He handed Marcus his water bottle, which he took gratefully, downing almost half of it on one gulp.
“Hiya,” Marcus said when he was done, putting the bottle back on the boards. “You all set to go?”
“Looking forward to it,” Esca said. “I’ve got a full session for once, no more of this 45 minute nonsense. Six days a week, twice a day, once on Saturday.”
Marcus laughed. “I know what you mean. I’m grateful for the summer ice time, but with only one ice surface, it’s almost impossible to get a real session in.”
“You start training with the team on Monday, then?” Esca asked.
“Yep. I’m looking forward to that, I enjoy practicing alone, but playing with the team means the season starts soon, which is exciting.”
“Need to show off your skills, then?” Esca teased, and Marcus beamed. When he and Esca were alone like this, he could pretend that the rest of the world didn’t exist. No Charlie mocking, no Cottia flirting, no random people to interrupt their discussions.
“You bet,” Marcus agreed. “I need to be at my best, there will be scouts at more of the games this year.”
“Well, I’d better get warmed up,” Esca said, pushing upright. “Catch you later, yeah?”
“Sure,” Marcus said, following Esca onto the ice to pick up his stuff. Esca was flying around the ice now, stretching his legs in squats, jumping off the ice in lazy, one rotation jumps, nothing terribly impressive, but Marcus was enthralled none the less.
“Hey, Esca,” he called as the other spun close again.
“Yeah,” Esca called back, looping gently toward Marcus, as graceful as ever. Marcus swallowed.
“You wanna get lunch after you’re done? I’m not hungry yet, but when you’re done I could eat,” he asked.
“Sounds good,” Esca said, stopping close to Marcus and squatting again, balanced completely on his toe picks before lunging up into the air, arms stretched above his head. “Pick me up in a couple hours then, hockey boy.”
“You are so funny,” Marcus said, completely deadpan, provoking a laugh from Esca, who paused in his stretches to grin at him.
“Don’t forget it,” he said, spinning away again, an unspoken dismissal.
Marcus thought that over as he changed out of his skates and washed up. It always seemed that he was pinned until Esca dismissed him, or was it just because he wanted every second he could get with the other boy? Either way, it was becoming a routine.
Esca defied all expectations. His physical stature made people, Marcus included, underestimate him, but he was as strong as any of the hockey players Marcus had met. His still, quiet manner seemed to imply shyness or lack of understanding, but he was shrewd and exceptionally bold at times. He was utterly comfortable in his own skin, Marcus doubted he had any idea how graceful he was.
Then again, considering his chosen sport, perhaps he did know. Regardless, he was always unexpected. The strength of his personality was the opposite of his size, making him seem much larger, giving him an air that would intimidate most anyone in the right circumstances.
By the time he made it back to rink level, Andrew was on the ice with Esca, watching avidly as he performed a routine. Marcus realized that Esca would be training for competitions, the winter season was full of them. He knew Esca was trying for the Olympic team, he needed to have a strong season this year, as the Olympics were the following February.
He watched, enthralled as always, while Esca moved, looking as though he was dancing on the ice, his feet a blur as he crossed the rink, his footwork spectacular. Soon he was building speed again, his legs stretching in deep, long strides, the motions of the dance having transferred to his upper body as he built up the momentum he would need for the jump that Marcus, having seen a reasonable amount of figure skating, knew was coming next.
And it did. Esca seemed to reach the right spot in the ice and paused in his strides so that he was gliding forward on one skate, the other leg trailing behind him, both arms flexed and ready until, at some prompt that Marcus couldn’t decipher, he swung his trailing leg forward and threw himself into the air.
He spun, arms tucked tightly into his body, legs crossed, rotating so fast that Marcus couldn’t even begin to count the revolutions, but it had to be a triple, Marcus reckoned. He landed suddenly, just when Marcus wondered if he would stay aloft forever, his limbs opening, gliding backwards on the opposite leg to the one he’d started on, the other now leading the way, stretched out behind him for balance, only for a few scant seconds before he spun forward, throwing the airborne leg forward again and launching himself into another jump. This one was slower and with fewer revolutions, but he landed it just as precisely, and then twirled several times, practically leaping from foot to foot for several meters until he spun straight again, once more taking those long, deep strides with his arms outstretched.
Marcus swallowed, his jaw having hung open while Esca threw himself around the ice. No wonder he was aiming for the Olympics. His movements were flawless, his body expressive, every emotion he was portraying was showcased on his face.
Marcus turned when Andrew called out to him to stop, taking the break in the action as an opportunity to escape before he passed the entire session staring slack jawed at Esca’s artistry. He breathed heavily as he left the arena, stunned by what he’d seen, even more so by what he’d felt.
He was in serious trouble.
**
Marcus was up before dawn on Monday, eager to get to the arena and start practicing. The school year may yet turn out to be a total disaster, but he had high hopes for the hockey season. He’d spent the entirety of Sunday at home, hardly leaving his bedroom. Ostensibly he went over his game tapes from last season, identifying his weaknesses so he could work on them. Again.
Truthfully, he didn’t have many. He was a well rounded player, and he knew it. Some would become cocky with the level of talent Marcus possessed but, whether it was his character or his uncle’s upbringing or a combination of the two, it had never inflated Marcus’ ego. He was well aware of his talent, it only made him more determined to restore his family’s name, and to make one for himself.
Hockey memories were long, but perhaps if he shone bright enough, he could dim the derision his father’s end had wrought.
The tapes were a good excuse to give his uncle as to why he wasn’t in the mood for socializing, even when Stephan arrived for their usual Sunday dinner. But Marcus couldn’t deny that he needed some time alone to figure out what the hell he was going to do about Esca. He had been so moved by Esca’s skating, so affected by his every little thing that Marcus was at a loss as to how he should handle the situation.
He should distance himself from Esca. Pull away, make excuses, let their friendship fade away until it was gone. He wanted to pull him closer, hold him, see that vibrant smile every day for the rest of his life. But the last week had proven to Marcus that he couldn’t stay away from Esca. Oh, he had the best of intentions, but as soon as he saw the other boy, it was all forgotten.
Put frankly, he was fucked. He needed a distraction. Badly.
**
Practice was excellent, and just what Marcus needed to clear his head. Coach Guern had worked them hard, having no mercy on the fact that most of the team had let themselves slide a bit during the summer. For Marcus, it was a good workout, a chance to reconnect with his teammates and get himself back into the team mindset. Awareness of his teammates was crucial in a game, and Marcus had a sixth sense for where they were at all times. Reviewing the games and learning their playing styles made it that much easier.
Marcus waved at the guys who had walked out with him, threw his gear into his truck and climbed in, sighing in contentment. He had just enough time to grab some breakfast before he needed to be at school, so he started the truck, browsed through his iPod until he found ‘Fireworks’-the song always put him in the mood for hockey-then turned it up and headed out.
**
The next few weeks passed in a blur, practices, home games, one long trip into Alberta for away games, school, friends all demanding enough attention that Marcus was able to ignore his little problem, to put it aside for a while. Cottia was the only person in his social group who knew anything about Esca besides his name. Marcus had suggested that they should study anywhere but Cottia and Charlie’s house and both Esca and Cottia had readily agreed. Marcus was happy to keep Esca out of Charlie’s radar.
So he was able to separate his friends, more or less, although Cottia kept pressuring him to go out with her and acted more and more clingy as time passed by. Marcus kept hoping that if he ignored her behaviour it would go away, but she was much more stubborn than a four year old who wanted ice cream for lunch. Not that Marcus’ uncle liked to relate that story to everyone he met.
It was putting some tension between him and Esca though, as Esca was apparently sitting through seemingly endless study sessions in which Cottia did little but gush about Marcus and speculate that they would be a fabulous couple. It seemed Esca was as frustrated with her crush as Marcus was.
One afternoon in the first week of October, Marcus and Esca were sitting on the tailgate of his truck talking. It had become a habit of theirs to meet for a few minutes after classes were out. Esca was inevitably there when Marcus arrived, although Marcus made sure not to take his time. Some days Esca left rather quickly and some he stayed. Occasionally Marcus drove him home, but generally he preferred to walk.
On that particular day, they’d clambered up onto the tailgate where Marcus was using small rocks to describe various plays to him. They had spent several more afternoons watching tapes and discussing their respective sports. Marcus could now tell the difference between a Salchow, a lutz and an axel, but he was still stuck on loops and flips. Remembering which was which proved difficult.
“Hey, Marcus,” called a voice, interrupting his well set up description of how a team goes about covering an extra opponent when penalty killing. He looked up to see Charlie, Robert and Dale approaching.
“Guys,” Marcus said politely, giving them a weak smile. “What’re you up to?”
“Just heading home when we saw you two here having a little date, and we though we’d say hi,” Charlie said with a sneer.
“You’re hilarious, Charles,” Marcus said, knowing how much the boy hated the formal version of his name.
“Fuck off, Aquila,” he snapped.
“Since this is my truck, you’re the one who will have to fuck off, Charlie,” Marcus replied, shooting Esca a give-me-patience look. “Feel free to leave at any time.”
“Oh, we were just wondering what you were discussing so intently,” Robert said. “Your plans for the weekend, perhaps? Got a big date?”
“Yeah, what are you chatting about?” Charlie said, getting right up close and peering at Marcus’ rock diagram.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but Marcus was just describing some penalty killing strategy to me,” Esca said politely, his face hard and set.
“Oh, was he?” Charlie chortled. “Learning about hockey, are you little boy?” Charlie nudged Dale, who laughed.
“Cut him some slack Charlie, he’s from jolly old England, land of the crumpet. Do they even have manly sports like hockey over there?” Dale said, much pleased with his own wit. Marcus rolled his eyes, looking apologetically at Esca, but Esca wasn’t looking at him at all. His face was impassive and his eyes were flinty, a grey that Marcus hadn’t seen on him before.
“Yeah, isn’t it all polo and cricket over there?” Charlie said. “Oh, that and soccer, or should I say ‘football’,” he enacted a posh British accent, badly, but the others still laughed.
“We have hockey, I’ve just never paid any mind to a sport in which the team that beats the other’s brains out, wins.” Esca said. Marcus chuckled, earning him a glare from Charlie.
“Well why don’t you just fuck off back there, you little fag,” Charlie snarled. Marcus looked at Esca to judge his reaction and was surprised when he laughed.
“I’m sorry, did you just call me a cigarette?” Esca said was a smirk. “Or are you trying to insult me?”
“I am insulting you. I’m calling you a queer,” Charlie said, his voice turning serious. “Are you going to deny it?”
“Why would I?” Esca said, his voice hardening in response. “If the feather boa fits.” He shrugged, unconcerned.
“So you are gay, then?” Robert asked.
“Not that it’s any of your business,” Esca said. “But I’m not going to hide it or pretend I’m someone else to impress you bozos.”
He grabbed his satchel and stood, swinging it over his shoulder. “If you want to stay and listen to these idiots, feel free,” he said to Marcus smoothly, but he looked pissed. “But I have better things to do than allow them try to insult me for something I’m not ashamed of. See ya.”
He walked away without another word, leaving a stunned Marcus with the other three, all watching him go.
“Yeah, get out of here you little fag!” Charlie called after him. “We don’t want you around anyway.”
Esca just lifted a hand, middle finger extended, and kept walking. Marcus grinned a little, he’d taught Esca that just last week, when he’d learned that the two fingered salute was lost on Marcus.
“You just gonna let your little girlfriend walk off like that, Marcus?” Charlie said, turning on Marcus now that his primary target was gone.
“He’s not a girl, dumbass,” Marcus said, but Charlie’s words hit far too close to home. He wanted Esca as his boyfriend, badly. And now he had incontrovertible proof that Esca was gay, which was something he’d never really considered. He’d been much too busy trying to deny that he was.
“Yeah, but why else would you hang out with him, unless you want to fuck him?” Charlie said, leering. “I’d be careful if I were you, everyone is going to think you’re playing for the other team once it gets out that the little fuck is a fag.”
“You are really fond of that word, aren’t you?” Marcus said, trying not to flush, Charlie’s words putting pictures in his head that were the opposite of what he’d intended, no doubt. “It isn’t very impressive, it only makes you look like a homophobic asshole with a one word vocabulary.”
“What, now you’re pissed off?” Robert said, nudging Charlie. “Are you playing for the other team now Marcus?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty pissed off, it’s how decent people generally feel when someone they thought was a friend insulted someone who actually is,” Marcus snapped, hopping off the tailgate and slamming it shut. “Now fuck off.”
He pulled out his keys and got into the car, starting it and putting it into gear in record time, then peeling out of the parking lot.
**
Marcus slammed the door of his truck when he got out, slammed his way into the house and then slammed the door of his room for good measure. Less than two minutes later he received a text, from his uncle.
You okay? it read.
Fine, he wrote back. Bad day.
Marcus tossed the phone onto his bedside table and threw himself down on the bed and pulled a pillow over his head, trying to block out the world. He felt horrible for not jumping up and defending Esca, but he had been frozen, until Esca had walked away. He knew why he froze. He was terrified that someone would figure him out, that his career and everything he’d worked for would crash into pieces around him.
He let out a frustrated yell, muffled by the pillow, then threw it off his bed and rolled over, staring at the ceiling. He had to do something. Something to shut Charlie and his goons up, and isn’t it ironic he had considered them friends as well as teammates, when now he can’t wait to get off the team so he doesn’t have to be in the same room with them.
But there was far too much school year left for that, and there were plenty of games to come, so there would be a lot of busing late into the night, all of them crammed into uncomfortable seats, no room for distance.
So Marcus had to fix this. His mind whirled with half baked plans until suddenly, he landed on the solution.
**
The following day was a Friday, so everyone was super eager to get out of the school the minute the bell signaled the end of classes, but Marcus hung around his locker, knowing he’d see her before she left, if he was patient.
And there she was, right on schedule, laughing with a few friends, chattering away about their weekend plans, no doubt. Marcus took a minute to just look and was surprised to find that Cottia was really quite beautiful, long dark hair and cheerful brown eyes, a bright smile that was rather contagious. He wasn’t able to appreciate it the way he thought he should, and that was the whole problem, really. He was determined to change that, so he headed over, trying not to act as if he was headed to his doom.
“Afternoon ladies,” he said as he approached, smiling his most charming smile at them.
“Hi Marcus,” they chorused, all smiling back at him and damned if there wasn’t some eyelash batting as well, and not only from Cottia. He noticed her friends, the ubiquitous Ang Reed and another girl he didn’t recognize, watching as they exchanged looks as if they were sharing some grand secret.
“Could you spare Cottia for a few minutes? There’s something we need to discuss,” he said, noting the shocked looks the girls gave each other, the conversation they all seemed to be having with their eyes and body language. He would never understand girls.
“Alright,” said Ang, giving Cottia a look. “We’ll meet you outside.”
The two departed, casting glances back at them as they go, but Marcus waited until they had turned the corner before turning back to Cottia, pasting a smile on for her benefit.
“What’s up, Marcus?” Cottia asked, though she wore a smirk that said she knew what he was going to say, that her plan had worked. He could almost hear the evil cackle. He sighed. If only she knew that it was her brother who had facilitated this whole mess.
“I was wondering if you’d like to go to dinner with me this weekend,” Marcus said, getting right to the point. No reason to pussyfoot around it, now that it had come to this.
“Oh Marcus!” she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his neck in a completely unexpected hug. “I’d love to.”
He held her for moment before pulling back, giving her a weak smile as she beamed up at him. His stomach felt sick, and he was starting to feel a bit claustrophobic.
“Saturday is busy and tiring for me, is Sunday alright?” He usually spent Saturday afternoons with Esca, whenever he could, and he couldn’t bear having to explain to Esca why he wasn’t able to make it. Esca would find out soon enough.
“Sunday is wonderful,” she said, still beaming, one hand on his arm as if she hadn’t noticed his had returned to his pockets.
“Great,” he replied. “Six-ish?” She nodded her agreement.
“Right, I’ll pick you up. I should get going now, though, I’ll see you Sunday.” He gave her a smile that he feared was more of a grimace, and then turned and all but jogged down the hallway, feeling full-on nauseated now.
The day decided to kick him in the balls more than it had already, because when he reached his truck there was no Esca, only a post-it that read, ‘you’re too slow, off to the arena. tomorrow, then. E.’
Marcus read it about five times before slipping it in to his back pocket and unlocking his truck.
The next day Esca showed up early and watched Marcus practicing for a while, a blank look on his face. Marcus really hated that look.
“Hey,” he said, skating over when he was done. He couldn’t help but smile, even though Esca wasn’t, just spending time with him made Marcus feel lighter, and he’d been feeling very heavy lately.
“Hi,” Esca replied, smiling weakly. “Anything new?” he asked.
“I, uh,” Marcus stammered, unsure what to say. Esca had never asked him that before, and the timing was too convenient to be coincidental. “Why do you ask?” he hedged with.
“Cottia called last night, from the moon, apparently,” Esca said, staring out at the ice pensively.
“She did, did she?” Marcus asked, grabbing his water bottle.
“Mmhmm,” Esca said. Marcus tried not to notice that neither of them were looking at the other. He found himself wondering if Esca had feelings for him, since he’d found out that Esca was gay for certain, it had changed how Marcus saw their interactions. He could convince himself, if he tried, that Esca liked him too, so he tried not to think about it too hard. At times like these, it was exceptionally difficult.
“I guess she told you we’re having dinner tomorrow night, then,” Marcus said, fidgeting with his gloves.
“I think it’s great,” Esca said, although he didn’t sound very enthusiastic about it.
“You do?” Marcus looked at him, surprised.
“Yeah, she’ll be able to keep you company while I’m gone,” Esca said, looking up at Marcus at last.
“Where are you going?” Marcus asked.
“Washington first,” Esca said. “Then Ottawa, China, France, Russia and Japan. Then we end in South Korea before coming home, at last.”
“All that? You’re not coming home in between?” Marcus asked, stunned.
“No time,” Esca replied. “I’ve got a competition every weekend. Just enough time to get settled, deal with the time change and train a bit.”
“I, I had no idea,” Marcus said. “I guess I’d forgotten you had to compete.”
“What’s the point of skating otherwise?” Esca asked. “Besides, this is the qualifying season for the Vancouver Olympics.”
“So it’s pretty important then,” Marcus said, and Esca nodded.
“It’s what I’ve been aiming at for years. And part of why I moved to Canada,” Esca said, his eyes troubled.
“When are you leaving?” Marcus asked over the lump in his throat.
“Next Monday,” Esca said, looking rather glum. “This week I get to collect two months worth of homework from the teachers. Enough to get me through the rest of the term. I won’t be back in school until after Christmas hols.”
“Oh,” Marcus said, feeling the bottom drop out of his world. It was too soon. He hadn’t realized Esca would need to go away to compete, but once he thought about it, he realized it was only logical. He had another series of away games in the interior the beginning the following weekend after all, though that meant that would probably miss Esca’s departure.
“You uh, you should call me,” Marcus said, meeting Esca’s eyes. They were sad but intense, holding Marcus’ gaze for what felt like an eternity. Marcus felt his heart pounding faster, and he wished, more than ever before, that things could be different. Esca was leaving, and eight weeks felt like an eternity.
“I should?” Esca looked surprised, but his eyes showed his appreciation of that suggestion.
“You should,” Marcus confirmed. “Anytime you want. Just call collect, it’ll probably get expensive.”
“I, yeah, I’ll do that,” Esca said quietly, smiling at Marcus. Marcus smiled back, relieved. Eight weeks wasn’t that long, was it? Besides, he had school, practices and games to keep him busy. And Cottia. Thinking about her made him feel a bit ill though, so he pushed her out of his mind as quickly as she came in.
“Good,” he said quietly, and the moment got intense again, their gazes locked.
“There you are,” came a voice, jolting Marcus back to reality. They both turned as Andrew stepped on to the ice, skating over to them. “Hi Marcus, you all done?”
“Yeah, for today,” Marcus replied. “I’ll just get out of your way, then. Lunch?” he asked Esca, but Esca shook his head.
“Not today,” he said. “I need to ramp up the training, so I’ll be here all afternoon. And tomorrow. Longer sessions all week too, so I won’t be around as much.”
“Okay,” Marcus said, though it most decidedly was not. “I’ll see you at school, then.”
“You will,” Esca said, giving him a shove. “Now get out of here, you’re a distraction I can’t afford.”
Marcus grinned back, but did as he was told, gathering his things and heading for the dressing room, his heart even heavier on the way down as it had when he’d arrived. Fall was looking grim indeed.
Part 2.2