Happy birthday, Kate!
Happy birthday
closet_zebra
Because she's wonderful and funny and writes lovely puppy fic and
rockstar_cafe is teh!shit. Have a great day, love.
Title: for the love of woolly jumpers
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Sirius is NOT getting Remus a woolly jumper for Christmas. If not, what then?
“What do you mean you want woolly jumpers?” Sirius exclaimed.
“Just what I said. I want woolly jumpers. Mine are getting old and frayed.” Remus reiterated.
“Getting frayed, Moony?” James scoffed. “They've been frayed since we met you.” He and Peter shared a chuckle, but Sirius was too busy glaring at Remus in disbelief.
“More importantly, they're too small. I need new ones, which is why I asked.” Remus sighed. James may poke fun and Peter would buy him one simply because it saved him having to actually think about another gift, but such practical things seemed to be against Sirius' nature to give as gifts.
“Moony, you can ask your parents for woolly jumpers, if that's what you need. But I was thinking more along the lines of what you want.” Sirius insisted.
“Well, I want woolly jumpers.” Remus insisted right back. “I don't think I'll grow much more, so if I get a bunch I won't have to buy any for a few years.”
“Well Moony, if it's what you want, it's what you'll get.” James declared. “Come on Peter, let's go jumper shopping for Moony, shall we?”
“Sure, James.” Peter said, grabbing his scarf and following James.
“See you boys in Hogsmeade.” James called over his shoulder as he headed down the stairs to the common room. Sirius was still glaring at Remus, leaving the dorm silent. The only sounds were the flipping of pages in Remus' book and the occasional scratching of his quill on parchment.
Finally Remus had had enough. For someone with such mercurial moods and overwhelming impulses, Sirius could show remarkable amounts of patience at the most annoying of times.
“Are you just going to glare at me all day?” Remus snapped. “You asked what I wanted and I told you. What else do you want from me?”
Sirius sighed and sat down on the bed beside Remus. “I want to give you something...special.” He said quietly.
“Sirius...” Remus started, unsure of where to go from there. Sirius had been acting strange lately, at times he was distant and unapproachable and at others he was attentive and overly solicitous. James had told Remus it was all because of the incident involving Snape, and although Remus had forgiven him, Sirius still felt awkward around him and that's why he'd been acting strange. Remus gave James credit for being sensitive and insightful, but he was sure there was more to it.
“Remus, I don't want to buy you a jumper, woolly or otherwise. You'll get one from James and one from Peter, and probably a couple from your parents, so you'll just have to accept that I won't buy you such a boring gift.”
“Well I'm sorry if you think I'm boring, Sirius, but I'm just not made like you and James, or even Peter.” Remus turned back to his book. If Sirius was going to be a prat about it, it'd be better if he didn't buy any gift at all. He was tempted to tell Sirius just that, but Sirius spoke up first.
“Remus, that's not what I meant. Compared to you, James and Peter are...” he paused, swallowing his words and trying again. “What I mean is, you're not boring at all Remus. You're riveting, actually.” Sirius actually looked bashful. Remus was shocked and bemused.
“Sirius...” Once again he didn't know what to say to his friend. It was becoming quite commonplace for him to be out of words around Sirius. Sirius was completely unpredictable this year.
“I just mean that I won't be buying you what everyone one else is. If you don't tell me what else you want, I'll just have to find something.” Sirius stood, resolute. “I'm off to Hogsmeade, you coming?”
Remus studied him, perplexed. “No, I'll go tomorrow when you blokes aren't around.”
“Good enough.” Sirius said, grabbing his coat. “Cheers.” And he was off down the stairs. Remus looked after him for a few minutes before turning back to his textbook and filing the conversation along with other memories of Sirius' strange behaviour.
Remus put the conversation out of his mind, resigned to the fact that Sirius would find something appropriate for him and nothing he said would change Sirius' mind. He didn't wonder too much about what Sirius had said about him...Sirius said things like that all the time these days, and Remus didn't know what to make of it. So he decided avoidance was the best course of action. A voice inside him told him that he was only hiding from his own insecurities, but he ignored that too. Remus was good as hiding out and avoiding. He'd had to be.
He did have a moment of apprehension when Sirius came back to the dorm rather late, with a smug grin firmly in place. But there was nothing to be done about it, so Remus just brushed it off. The same grin made an appearance occasionally over the next few weeks, mostly when Remus caught Sirius watching him and Remus began to feel a bit nervous about it. He still had no idea what had caused the change in Sirius, but he was sure that the two were connected somehow.
The holiday was upon then quickly, and before he was quite ready for it, Remus found himself saying goodbye to his friends at Platform 9 ¾. He spotted his parents across the platform and told James he'd be over the day after Christmas to exchange gifts. But before he could say goodbye to Sirius he was pulled aside out of hearing range from the others. He would have been more confused, but Sirius had been so strange that term, it seemed inevitable.
Once they were alone however, Sirius didn't seem to know what to say so he stood and watched Remus instead. His uncertainty was palpable but once again Remus didn't quite know what to make of it.
“Sirius, are you alright?” he asked finally, when he couldn't stand it anymore. Damn that inconvenient patience Sirius had developed over the past few months.
“I, uh...yeah,” Sirius stuttered. “I'm fine, just.” He studied Remus' face as if looking for something before he proceeded. Remus couldn't tell if he'd found it, but he continued anyway.
“I'm gonna miss you Moony.” He said quietly, his eyes intense and fixed on Remus'.
“It'll only be a week until we see each other Sirius,” Remus said, bemused. “I'll see you at James' the day after Christmas.”
“I know.” Sirius scuffed his feet against the ground, yet another very uncharacteristic move in a long line of uncharacteristic moves. “But then it'll be another two weeks until school, and...” he trailed off, and looked away. Remus frowned.
“Sirius, are you completely barmy? You're acting like a little girl with a crush.”
Sirius' head snapped back, his expression indignant. “I'm not a girl! You just don't get it, do you?”
“No, I obviously don't, Sirius.” Remus said quietly. “You've been acting weird all term, and I just don't know what to make of it.”
“No, I guess you don't.” Sirius took a deep breath and looked Remus right in the eye. His ire seemed to have drained out of him, and now he was resigned. Another lightning quick mood swing. “Have a good week, Remus.” He gave Remus a wan smile. “See you at James'.”
Remus watched his friend walking away with a furrowed brow. He was clearly missing something, and he felt positive that when he finally figured it out, he would curse himself for a fool for having missed it for so long. He sighed, putting it out of his head as he crossed the platform to greet his parents.
It was relaxing to be home but Remus was grateful that he wouldn't have to stay for long. His parents were exhausting. His mother was over protective and his father had a tendency to expect the impossible. He understood that there was no cure for lycanthropy, but he was under the delusion that not everyone was full of hate and fear toward werewolves. He expected Remus would have no problem finding a job with his qualifications regardless of the facts of his condition. Remus was tired of trying to convince him otherwise, and was weary of his mother's fussing. He could understand why they acted the way they did, but he was frustrated with their skewed view of reality.
The week passed fairly quickly and after a quiet Christmas with his parents (he received several jumpers as well as various small items) he prepared to Floo to the Potter's to meet his friends. He pondered what Sirius might have bought for him as he gathered up gifts for each of his friends, as well as one for James' parents. He had no idea what to expect, Sirius was unpredictable at the best of times and his behaviour this past term had been odd enough that Remus really hadn't a clue. Well, he would find out soon enough.
He was the first to arrive at the Potter's house but since Sirius had been living there, Peter was the only one they were still expecting. James smiled widely at him and he found himself wrapped in a warm hug from Sirius even before he could greet the Potters.
“Missed you, Moony.” Sirius whispered in his ear. Remus shivered as Sirius' warm breath puffed against his ear and neck. He was becoming highly sensitive to Sirius' closeness lately and although he had attributed it to Sirius' odd behaviour he could now no longer deny the simple fact that Sirius affected him. He'd long since known that he was as attracted to boys as he was girls, but he'd never experienced any feelings of lust for his friends, as handsome as they were. These new feelings were strange and hard to decipher.
“It's good to see you Padfoot.” he said, grinning as they pulled back. “Happy Christmas, Prongs.”
“Hiya Remus.” James said, moving over to help Remus with his packages, giving Sirius a shove to get him out of the way. Remus chuckled at Sirius' glare and let him take them gladly. He said hello to James' parents, thanking them for inviting him and giving them the gift he'd brought.
“Thank you Remus.” Mrs. Potter said with a smile, taking it and placing it under the tree to wait until they were all gathered there.
Peter Flooed in before too long and after some rambunctious greetings and horse play between the four of them (with Mrs Potter remarking fondly that boys never do grow up) they settled in to munch some Christmas goodies and exchange gifts.
There was much exuberance in the process, and much hilarity. James and Sirius had a long standing tradition of pranking each other before handing over the real presents, so by the time Remus had finished opening several woolly jumpers from James and Peter as well as a nice box of Honeyduke's finest from the Potters, James had bright green and orange spots spelling out the words 'For a good time call' across his forehead and cheeks (Mrs. Potter was only slightly disapproving) and Sirius was sporting a hefty Santa type beard, complete with ear and nose hair.
Remus' last gift was from Sirius, and he took it with a nervous glance at his friend, wondering what on earth he could have decided on. The box was larger and heavier than any of the others, so he knew it was not a jumper. It didn't surprise him, but he still had no clue what it might be. With a smile at Sirius he pulled the wrapping off and opened the dark brown box he'd revealed.
He sucked in a shocked breath when he saw what was nestled inside.
“It's a never ending correspondence kit.” Sirius said softly from beside him. Remus looked over at him in shock. He'd seen these before and had wanted one quite badly, but they were far to expensive for Remus to ever consider purchasing one. The materials were all top quality, and the charms used on them were difficult and draining.
“Sirius...” Remus said, but he had no idea what else to say. He was floored by the thought and expense of the gift.
“Do you like it, Moony?” Sirius asked nervously. “The quills are all charmed to flow smoothly and never run out of ink, and there's six colors. There's wax for sealing your letters and sand to dry the ink quickly if you need to. This,” Sirius leaned into him and reached for a small rectangular piece of what looked like rubber and held it up. Remus could feel the heat of Sirius' body as he pressed into Remus' side.
“This is a eraser...like the kind Muggles use, but it's charmed to never run out, and it will take any mark off your parchment, not just the ink. Dead useful, yeah?” He smiled brightly as Remus, handing him the eraser, fingers lingering as he passed it over. Remus shivered, but he was far from cold.
“It's brilliant Padfoot,” he said quietly. “But I can't, it's too...” he was interrupted when Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth.
“No.” he said harshly. “Don't.” He lowered his hand but continued to look Remus deep in the eyes. “Don't do that. It's not too much, it's perfect for you. So don't put yourself down by trying to reject it, Remus. It's a gift.” His hand had fallen off Remus' face now, but their eyes still held, and his voice was slightly pleading. Remus was vaguely aware of the awkward shuffling of their audience, but he couldn't bring himself to pay any attention. The moment between them seemed to stretch, and he struggled for words to convey his gratefulness, not only for the correspondence kit, but for the gift of friendship he'd been given. It was worth so much more than Galleons.
“So do you like it?” Sirius asked again, uncertainty shading his voice hoarse.
“I love it Sirius.” Remus said, and smiled. “Thank you.” Sirius smiled back, his face brightened like the sunrise and his eyes shining. Remus couldn't help but smile back at him unrestrainedly. This was the most thoughtful gift he had been given and it meant that much more considering he'd received it from his most thoughtless friend.
Remus looked away from the brilliance of Sirius' happiness and down into the box again. In addition to all the writing implements, there was a pad of parchment, another idea borrowed from the Muggles, and stamped in the corner of every page was a star tucked into the curve of a crescent moon. He sucked in a breath suddenly, realizing the possible meaning of that symbol.
“I had it custom made.” Sirius said, rubbing an elegant fingertip across the moon and star. Then he reached over and picked up the seal from the corner and turned it so that Remus could see the seal. It was the same moon and star that decorated the parchment.
Remus stared at it for a moment before looking up into Sirius' eyes once more. They were still shining with an odd light, and it shot straight to Remus stomach, churning the contents uncomfortably.
The moment was broken when Mr. Potter coughed loudly, bringing Remus' attention to the room. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were smiling at them while James and Peter were staring at them with amusement and confusion. James looked like he may have had a spark of insight, but Peter was just confused.
“Well, that's a lovely gift Sirius.” Mrs. Potter said, smiling at the boy she had come to love as if he was her own. “Very thoughtful.” Sirius blushed and looked away from Remus. When Mrs. Potter went into the kitchen to prepare lunch, taking Mr. Potter with her, James and Peter's attention was diverted with contemplating the new broom James had received for Christmas. Sirius took the opportunity or privacy and leaned in to whisper into Remus' ear.
“I have one other present for you Moony, but I can't show you here.” He pulled back a bit and nodded his head in the direction of the stairs. Remus nodded understanding so Sirius smiled his brilliant smile again and began collecting his gifts, handing some to Remus.
“Gonna go put these away, we'll be right back.” He said to James and Peter.
“We're going to try out James' new broom.” Peter said excitedly. “He's going to let me ride it.”
James and Sirius exchanged a look that told Remus they had already broken the broom in sufficiently, but neither one mentioned it to Peter.
“We'll meet you outside in a few then.” Sirius said before nudging Remus in the direction of the stairs. Remus went, his head spinning with speculative ideas of what else Sirius could possibly have for him.
He followed Sirius into the guest bedroom he had been living in for the past year...more or less. Although they had only been home for a week, the room showed distinct marks of Sirius' occupancy, clothes in piles rather than in the wardrobe (Sirius didn't scatter his belongings as James did, he piled them...Remus had yet to decide which habit was worse.) as well as book and various dishes on the flat surfaces of the room.
He stowed his gifts on the top of the wardrobe, pausing to fidget with the bent pages of his newly received Quidditch Monthly before taking a deep breath and turning to Remus.
Remus had stayed by the door, afraid that if he entered the room something would change between them. As much as he wished for the change in the dreams he had been denying, he was terrified that it would fall apart and they would never get back to the easy friendship they enjoyed. It had happened before, only last year and the idea of a repeat was not something Remus wanted to risk. He'd come so close to losing his friendship with Sirius the last time, could they handle another heavy blow?
“So...” Remus began. His nervousness was waring with his impatience. The time for stalling had passed and he found himself eager to just get on with it so he could deal with the inevitable aftermath.
“Um, yeah...now it comes to it,” Sirius said nervously. But he strode to the door and pulled Remus inside, shutting it firmly but quietly. Neither boy seemed to know where to go from there, so they stood awkwardly side by side, not facing each other but equally unable to turn away.
After what felt like an eternity but was likely less than a minute, Remus cleared his throat and took a few more steps into the room, moving to stand beside the window.
“Right.” Sirius said, crossing the room to stand beside him.
“I really had no clue what to get you, and when I say the kit, well...it practically screamed Moony to me. Coming up with the icon was harder, but there it was.” Sirius sighed deeply and looked out the window for a moment, distracted by the sight of James coaching Peter on the broom.
“I know what the moon is, obviously,” Remus interjected. “But why the star?”
“Oh, well...the moon is you.” Remus nodded, this he knew.
Sirius shuffled his feet. “The star, umm...the star is...me.”
“You?”
“Yeah...Sirius and all. Umm, it's kind of a symbol of our...friendship. I really wanted you to know what you mean to me. It's so hard to say it without actually having to say it, you know?” Sirius grinned at Remus from under his fringe and Remus' heart leapt in his chest. The air grew heavy and suddenly all the tension and uncertainty between them was palpable. Remus sucked in a breath of shock, but before he could work out this new spark between them, Sirius began to speak again.
“So I wanted something more permanent than the parchment, never ending or not...and I came up with the second part then too. I had to wait until we left school to do it, but...well, it's done now.”
Remus was nervous now. He felt his hands begin to shake a little as Sirius began undoing the buttons of his blue dress shirt.
“Sirius, what,” Remus tried to stop him, but all words fled when Sirius looked up at him again. His grey eyes were fierce and smoky, filled with a light that Remus had only glimpsed before. Seeing it full and up close was exhilarating.
“It's here, Moony,” Sirius said as he drew the flaps over his shirt apart. And there, stencilled in black and silver over his heart was the same symbol that adorned Remus' new parchment.
“Sirius,” Remus breathed in awe. He leaned closer, finding his hand reaching out before he knew what he was doing. He realized it only when his fingertips brushed against the warm skin of Sirius' chest. The smooth skin covering his right breast was shiny with the new dye that graced it.
“Why...” Remus began, but he didn't know which why he should ask about.
Sirius sucked in a breath when Remus' fingers traced the tattoo. Remus may not have been able to articulate what he wanted to ask, but Sirius seemed to understand anyway.
“Because I wanted to.” Sirius said softly. Remus pulled his hand back as if he was shocked as soon as Sirius spoke, but was stopped when Sirius grabbed his wrist and held it there. “Because here we'll always be together. Because I want you close to me, and now you always will be.”
Remus' eyes shot up to meet Sirius'. They stared at each other silently for several moments before Remus was able to find his voice.
“Sirius...do you...” And his voice was lost again as he saw the answer in Sirius' eyes.
“Moony,” Sirius whispered. His other hand came up and traced Remus' cheek and down his jaw to rest wrapped around his neck. Remus was sure that Sirius could feel his heart pounding the blood through his veins ferociously.
“But, Sirius...” He was interrupted by the press of soft lips on his own, and he gasped in surprise and a fair amount of delight. Sirius pulled back quickly as if he was afraid of rejection, but pushing Sirius away couldn't be further from his mind. On the contrary.
Remus couldn't help a silly grin from spreading across his face as he pulled his friend close with an arm around his waist. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Sirius' in answer to the uncertainty that had crept into his eyes. He kissed Sirius softly and suckled gently on his bottom lip before pulling back and watching the joy push all the uncertainty out of Sirius' eyes.
“Moony,” Sirius breathed again and Remus answered him with a whispered “Padfoot.” They looked at each other for another moment before laughing in relief.
“Really?” Sirius asked suddenly. “I mean, you...” But Remus interrupted him.
“Yeah, I do.” Remus said softly. “You're the best gift I've ever been given Sirius.” he said before leaning in for another kiss, one that was about to involve tongues when the sound of feet pounding on the stairs shocked them apart.
“What is taking so long?” Peter bellowed as he burst into the room. “James is flying circles around me so he sent me in to fetch some 'real competition' he said.” Peter punctuated his words with air quotes, earning a laugh from the other boys. They shared a look or promise before moving away from the window.
“Okay Pete.” Sirius said with a laugh. “I'll come kick his scrawny arse for you.” They followed Peter from the room and spent a pleasant afternoon outside chasing each other around in the air.
Remus knew he and Sirius would have time to talk and snog later, but these moments of friendship and togetherness were becoming rarer as they grew. He was determined to enjoy them while he could, before adulthood tore them away. But for now the joy of the holiday and this new feeling he shared with Sirius was enough. The rest could wait.