Harbour

[aquarius_galuxy]

Written on the bus to school, for brigits_flame. [I don't quite like the writing style here, but I wrote it in a hurry and my writing lately is just kind of muddy, no thanks to school. Been some time since I wrote for the Flame.]
Summary: A young girl talks to the refugee in her home. Set during World War 2.
473 words
Notes: It's pretty common in Asia (at least

Comments

[aquarius_galuxy]

Thank you! =p I'm actually wondering if I should leave it as "Brother De Wei" or change it to reflect the dialect they're speaking in =p in which case, it'd be "De Wei-gor-gor", but I'm not sure how that'll work out =p

and I'm just submitting this as a just-for-fun entry, I wasn't planning on writing at first! =p

[aquarius_galuxy]

I've changed it to add the dialect in, thanks! =p

I don't usually compete due to school, since I'd rather be writing fanfics if I have the time! =p (and I have very little time =p)

[belluminabyssus]

I really enjoyed this. It's too bad it's a JFF entry; I'd have voted for it.

It's quite nicely written -- not too overbearing, just subtle enough. And the culture was not hitting us over the head. I like how you infused it naturally into the writing.

I questioned how old they were, though: he sounded much older than she did, because she sounded rather young.

[aquarius_galuxy]

The JFF entries can be voted for too! It's just that those results won't have actual weight. =p

You're right, there's roughly a 10-year age gap between them. I haven't decided on what it actually is though. =p

And thanks so much for reading and commenting!

[belluminabyssus]

Well, that's good to know, then! Expect a vote on my end.

[aquarius_galuxy]

Thank you!

Re: Edit!

[aquarius_galuxy]

=o that was fast!

Both points were helpful, I didn't think of those. =p (I was thinking that watery porridge wasn't quite enough, especially when they haven't had meat in ages. =p)

Thank you! =D

Re: Edit!

[aquarius_galuxy]

That's true. Thanks! =p

[kathiann]

This was a very well done piece. I liked that it was told threw the eyes of the little girl. I'm interested to know what country they're in, I'll admit, I don't know as much about WWII as I should. Good job with the writing.

[aquarius_galuxy]

Thank you for reading and commenting! I've set it in my own country (Singapore), though I don't know as much about the war as I should, either. My country went through quite a bit in those years. =\

[aquarius_galuxy]

=D Thanks so much for the edit! I'm glad you enjoyed reading the piece. =D