Freight Train Running [Sam/Dean, unrequited John/Dean, R]

[apreludetoanend]

So, listen. July has been a weird month for me. First, I posted my Big Bang, which, at 45k, is roughly twenty times the size of the average fic I write. Then, my next story? Went backwards. Literally. After that came the watersports. And now, there's this. I don't doubt that some expansion of my horizons was in order, but I really have no

Comments

[mgbutterfly]

Oh my god. Seriously. How do you DO IT? I just... I can't even explain the pull that your stories have on me. I am SO not a John/Dean girl... not even unrequited John/Dean. But it's from you. And it's fucking brilliant. And I swear to GOD you could make me start reading J2. It's like... my willpower is slowly cracking under your steady, even, beautiful pressure. And I kind of want to break.

But I digress. What I'm meaning to say is that this is beautiful. I love the pain and sacrifice behind it all. I just... I mean... You break my words. I don't feel like any part of this comment fully demonstrates how much I enjoyed this.

You are amazing.

[apreludetoanend]

You know, I can't do John/Dean either. Not even a little bit, because even if the relationship appealed to me, there's too much of a power imbalance there. But unrequited? That I can work with. Because Dean stands up and says (or implies) no, and that's still not enough to make him break away from John? And for John, Dean's explicit or implicit refusal is enough to keep him (physically) away? I like that dynamic.

And then I can just shut the whole thing away in a box labeled THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED, and everything's all good!

What's really freaky about this, to me? Second person. I never thought I'd see the day, given how I avoid it. And that's hate-based avoidance, so. IDEK. You'll still never see me doing first person, though. I'm completely squicked by first person fic. Isn't that funny?

And now I am just avoiding getting ready for work. Can't I stay home instead? (Thank you, gorgeous, and please come over to the J2 loving dark side! I'm saving a seat for you! ♥)

[mickeym]

Holy Jesus. This...packs one hell of a punch. I'm not sure my brain is even functioning at a level where I can express myself, but I'm going to try. There is so much being said in this short little piece; the images you created for us are astounding. All three Winchesters are so fucked up, and have created such a complex system of give and take, it's heart-breaking and gorgeous all at once.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

[apreludetoanend]

I'm so glad you liked this! It's not what I generally like to write or read (I just can't do proper John/Dean!) but this dynamic kind of called to me for a moment there. I love Winchesters who are tied up in each other like this. When you can't trust their observations, when they go too far. Though in my world, it's almost invariably Sam going too far for Dean. John, well. I'm not comfortable with him getting any closer than this! *g*

Thanks so much! <333

[innie_darling]

That is terribly plausible, the way you've written it.

[apreludetoanend]

You know, I watched season one recently, and I don't see much of the John they showed us in this, but the John we've only heard about? I think maybe, under the right circumstances, I could see him being this guy. Thanks! =)

[snglesrvngfrend]

Fuck me running this is awesome.

A lot lot lot of people write John as basically a functioning alcoholic, spending most of his non-hunting time in a bottle, but a disturbing number of them don't even really give a reason. I guess we're supposed to assume that he started drinking when Mary died. This? What you've come up with? BEST EVER.

I think what I liked most about this John is that he knows about them crawling into each other's beds, but ignores it because he thinks he owes them something for making their lives what they are.

I've read some John/Dean stories that were so dirtybadwrongHOT that they burned, but this almost-but-never-quite-there is probably the best there is. Because John feeling so wrong about it--a touch to a picture, the sheet--makes us feel it even more than if he gave in to it.

TL;DR: THUMBS UP.

[apreludetoanend]

I've actually never read any John/Dean, and I don't really read about John, either, unless he just happens to pop up in a gen or Sam/Dean fic, but I'm glad you liked what I did with this, despite my ignorance of the conventions of the character and pairing.

I have to admit: I just don't buy John/Dean. And beyond that, the power imbalance squicks the hell out of me. But something about this almost-but-not-quite dynamic appeals, and it's awesome to hear that you liked it too. And I'm so happy that you liked John's guilt and his sense of obligation, and the way they influenced him here. Thank you, so much. <333

[chemm80]

I don't doubt that some expansion of my horizons was in order, but I really have no explanation for why it's suddenly all expansion all the time lately!

It's like losing your virginity, babe. You can't go back. But hey, at least there's no DOG SEX.

But seriously, wow. I love this. I can't read John slashed with either of the boys, but I don't think this scenario is too twisted for them. Totally plausible, considering what they've all been through. And I'm with you on the second and first person thing (yeah, I read the comments because I'm nosy like that) but this works well. Putting us inside John's head like that makes us feel his guilt more acutely, I think. Well done.

[apreludetoanend]

But hey, at least there's no DOG SEX.

Damn it, I knew I was forgetting to add something! *g*

Thank you! I don't do John/Sam or John/Dean either, partly because I just don't see it, and mostly because the power imbalance might actually squick me to death, but this dynamic appealed to me. Maybe I give John too much credit, I don't know, but even if he had these feelings, I think he'd be much more likely to deal with them like this than to actually act on them.

And: I think I'm actually more likely to read Harley/Jensen than first person fic. I'm unreasonably squicked by it. But this little foray into second person wasn't actually traumatic at all, and I'm glad it worked for you, too. Thanks so much! <333