(Untitled)

[countessm3]

Hello all,

I am in desperate need of help in developing a SOP to fit my application for a Ph.D in creative writing as well as for a Ph.D in British literature.  I currently have two SOPs: one is a general SOP that was required as part of a masters course; the other is a specific SOP geared toward a particular school.  If I appear to talk out of both

Comments

[tisiphone]

I don't have time to do a full review on this right now (will do later), but I will give a general synopsis of what I'm going to say. On a quick read-through, this seems like you have a good idea of what you want to say, you're trying quite hard to make it sound erudite and polished, but it ends up sounding stilted and obfuscated. The first paragraph, particularly, seems like you've thrown all your ten-dollar words at the problem of saying, basically, "Poe has inspired me to study the Enlightenment." Even if you're applying for a creative writing degree, there's no need to do this - making your readers' eyes glaze over or making them reach for Webster's isn't going to impress them, but will instead lose their attention. Personally, I'd suggest dialing it back a lot on the verbiage front and thinking about what you actually want to say.

[coaldustcanary]

100% agreement on this analysis. OP, you need to cut down by half or more on the overwrought language. You want to sound excited and competent, not pretentious or posing.

[_nicolai_]

That's a Vogon grad application!

[indicolite]

I'd recommend you either lock this to be visible to only members of the community, or replace the specific names of professors and universities with pseudonyms, or both. You may not wish the people in question to find their names on a Google search later

[countessm3]

First, thanks everybody who contributed positive criticism to this post! I really appreciate critical feedback to help me improve.

Okay, so I'm currently revising and rewriting a draft (a new draft). The first paragraph is gone, but I'm going to have to cut out some detail to keep it to two pages. In addition, using more words to say the same thing is not my forte. One of my professors complained she had to read my paper twice to understand it, so I know it's almost natural for me to write 'high-brow" academia. Too much Wilde, Lovecraft and Shakespeare.

I will make a concerted effort and repost. Thanks again!

[_nicolai_]

The Economist Style Guide is a very reasonable set of guidelines for clear writing about factual topics.

Try to articulate clearly what you will bring to them and how you will succeed. They will want a PhD candidate who is likely to succeed and will contribute to their work while doing so.