please help me edit my personal statement.. it's due in less than a week!

[nyslp]

Hi all! I am in desperate need of help! My grad school application is due in a couple of days, and I am not sure whether my personal statement is strong enough. If anyone can please read it and make suggestions I would greatly appreciate it!!! Happy new year to everyone!

“Yes” and “no” were the only two words Frank could articulate upon our first

Comments

[tisiphone]

My migration to the Unites States had been the second time in which I relocated to live in a foreign country

"Had been" should be "was".

Otherwise seems good.

[yadoking]

Also it should be "United States," not "Unites States," hahaha.

[hkitsune]

Right. The use of "had been" implies a third move to a foreign country, or something. In any case it's not clear.

[mallyns]

Can you put this behind an lj-cut. It ate my friends page.

[lostreality]

please put this behind an lj-cut

-the moderator

[bestdaywelived]

There are a lot of comma errors in this.

I think that the Walt Disney quotes are a bit corny, and I'm not a fan of the last sentence as a conclusion. I think something throwing back to your interest in working with aphasia patients would be ideal, if that is indeed what you want your focus to be.

[hkitsune]

This this this this. Do not get all starry-eyed at the end. Be serious and straightforward.

[oxalic]

delete all disney quotes.