Enjoy the Ride - Part 1/3
Title: Enjoy the Ride
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairings: Gabriel/Jimmy Novak
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Slight dub-con
Wordcount: 17,500
Summary: With Castiel busy back in Heaven, his vessel is left vacant. Jimmy can't go home and he can't go unprotected, not when Castiel will need him again. Watching Jimmy is the perfect way for Gabriel to earn enough trust to get back into Heaven, but it's not going to be easy: Jimmy really wants to go home. To succeed, Gabriel's going to have to get creative. It's lucky he has centuries of being the Trickster under his belt.
Notes: Thanks to thunder_nari for the beta! This is for gabriel_bigbang; I was paired up with the wonderful lilchibibunny so please, please go see her art for this fic!
Link to art: [here]
Something like thunder woke Jimmy from his restless sleep. He opened his eyes with a start but the apartment was silent except for the white noise ringing in his ears and though he waited, no thunder rumbled again. Sitting up sluggishly, Jimmy flicked on the bedside lamp and waited for his pulse to slow. It took a while.
Eventually the sounds of the city outside began to filter in as if rising from the ground up, swelling around him until the cars and sirens were all he could hear. He rubbed his forehead and got up. There was no way he would be lucky enough to fall asleep again.
He had been living in Chicago for three years now. His job was good and it was close enough to visit Claire sometimes. The apartment was small but clean and relatively cheap and Jimmy didn't spend much time there anyway, not with the hours he kept at work. Every morning he woke too early wondering how he got to sleep surrounded by the incessant noise, nursing a thumping headache. It was worse than usual this morning. He stumbled into the kitchen and in his confusion the light-switch escaped him. With some determined fumbling around in the dark, his hand closed around the bottle of pills and a few minutes later he was flat on the couch with the soft light of the TV and a huge plate of leftovers for breakfast. He went back for seconds and probably could have eaten more if the cat that had adopted him didn't decide to curl up complacently in his lap.
Today was Sunday. No work today and church wasn't for a few hours. Though sleep was out of the question now, he could rest a while.
Jimmy was still staring blankly at the mindless cartoons when the sun came up sluggishly over the city, spreading its thin light unenthusiastically. He shook himself from his daze, took a moment to wonder why he felt as if he had run a few marathons in the last twenty-four hours, and slumped into the shower. The warm water did nothing to rouse him, though when he took too long and it passed smoothly into an ice cold spray, the shock did startle Jimmy's mind awake.
It was still early and the winter had not set in fully so Jimmy walked the four blocks to his church, wrapped up in his best coat and warmest gloves. Strange that the sight of the old steeple looming over a congregation of run down stores and houses nearby should surprise him as though he hadn't seen it every week since he arrived here, and a couple of times before he picked up and moved. He stopped outside it and stared at the gray walls and brightly colored windows, then stepped through the open arch of the doors.
Despite the walk, Jimmy was there early. The place was empty except for the priest: Father Gabriel, his mind supplied, giving with it the slight hint of surprise once more. Father Gabriel was busy at the altar so Jimmy walked quietly to the third pew back and took a seat on the cold wood. He didn't remove his jacket or his fingers from his gloves. Soon the temperature would rise from the crowds of living bodies around him but for now Jimmy would rather retain the use of his fingers.
"You're here early," Father Gabriel said without turning around. Jimmy could hear the muffled clink of silver upon the green altar cloth. After a moment he turned to face Jimmy, smile in place. It wasn't a particularly nice smile, though mischievous more than malevolent. Jimmy was sure priests were meant to look gentler than that. "Eager. I like it."
Jimmy was unsure how to respond. The priest made him a little uneasy for reasons he couldn't pinpoint and when Father Gabriel stepped closer, something deep inside Jimmy squirmed and urged him to move away. He ignored the ridiculous impulse; Father Gabriel was a good man. Jimmy knew that, he had witnessed it over the last weeks. He still had a hard time convincing his racing heart to slow.
Obviously he had woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
"I've been up a few hours already," Jimmy said eventually. Father Gabriel was standing beside him at the side of the benches, hands folded loosely in front of him. Jimmy glanced up at him and wondered whether he should stand. His priest back in Pontiac had never made him feel this awkward. "I walked here."
"It's a good morning to stretch your legs." Father Gabriel nodded sagely and when Jimmy said nothing more, raised his eyebrows. "Is there something wrong, Jimmy? You don't usually look so-"
"Tired," Jimmy cut in since he wasn't sure he wanted to hear whatever adjective threatened to drop out of Father Gabriel's mouth. "I'm tired. I haven't been sleeping well."
"I know how you feel," Father Gabriel said with an unreadable smirk on his face. "Don't start on the sleeping pills though. I've seen where that ends. It's not pretty."
"No, of course not," Jimmy said, startled. He must look worse than he realised if his priest was suggesting the possibility of substance abuse. "It's just... the change. Moving here. New community, new life, right? It's like I've been out of it for weeks and it's finally sinking in how much everything has changed since I left home."
Father Gabriel nudged Jimmy's shoulder and Jimmy was so surprised by the touch that it took him a moment to realise that he was supposed to scoot up the pew. Now Father Gabriel was sitting beside him, slumped low in the seat with his fingers resting over the solemn black fabric over his stomach. His bright eyes faced forward but Jimmy still felt the scrutiny. "Yeah. I went home for the first time not long ago. Now that really wasn't pretty. I guess you can't get home because of work, right?"
"I guess. I thought about taking a few days off," Jimmy said. He wanted to see Amelia, he wanted to hold Claire and kiss her cheek and remind her that he hadn't disappeared. Not completely, not off the face of the planet. He was still there for her in theory, not so much in practice. He had so much else to do now.
Jimmy hadn't known he possessed such a selfish streak.
"That's probably not a great idea until you've settled here properly. Trust me," Father Gabriel said.
"Yeah. I guess so," Jimmy said. The doubt didn't last long against Gabriel's firm tone and Jimmy dropped it, shoulders sagging.
Bizarrely, Father Gabriel patted his arm. "Don't worry. I'm looking out for you."
Jimmy's thin smile was fake; Father Gabriel's words hadn't made him feel even a little better.
Thankfully people began to filter into the church and Father Gabriel rose gracefully to prepare the service. Jimmy was left alone and offered a quick thanks to the Heavens that Father Gabriel's considerable attention was no longer on him. It felt like the first prayer in years. It felt strange, rusty.
When Jimmy looked up, Gabriel was looking back to him with an eyebrow raised and a smirk so brief Jimmy wasn't sure whether he had imagined it.
---
The air was crisper and colder when Jimmy left the church. He stood on the storm-gray steps, one of the last people out, and enjoyed a brief but pleasant conversation with an elderly woman named Kathy who had been going to this same church for sixty years. "He's a strange one, that new priest, isn't he?" she said bluntly.
Her candid words were honest enough. Jimmy laughed and agreed and felt better for it. He felt like he hadn't laughed in a year.
The sermon had been... interesting. Intense. Bizarre. Jimmy was almost sure the rest of the sermons hadn't been so out of the ordinary. He had never been left with this strange amusement, let alone the deep doubt on what message had just been offered in Father Gabriel's outstretched hands, wrapped in his sharp humor. He had never sat through a service where so many pauses in a priest's speech had been punctuated by decreasingly subtle laughter and Jimmy knew it was deliberate. When Gabriel spoke of divine truth, he spoke of ambiguity and a fickle set of rules. When he spoke of God he spoke fondly but peculiarly, hushed as though speaking of a half deaf elderly relative muttering to themselves in the corner.
Father Gabriel was stood beside him, arms crossed. Jimmy couldn't help the jolt of surprise that had him sidestepping and if Gabriel hadn't whipped out a hand to catch him, Jimmy would have tumbled into the thorny bushes that lined the steps.
"Jumpy," observed Father Gabriel with something suspiciously akin to a chuckle. "There's nothing to be afraid of here, so relax."
Jimmy would probably find that easier if Father Gabriel's fingers weren't still vice-like around his elbow. "I, uh, I didn't really sleep."
"So you said."
"I must have blanked out, I didn't hear you coming."
"I'm quiet and sneaky. Like a ninja," Father Gabriel said. He grinned and let go of Jimmy's arm but didn't step away. He must have caught sight of Jimmy's bemusement because the grin turned more questioning and he tilted his head in an exaggerated gesture. "What?"
"You are the strangest priest I've ever met," Jimmy said without thinking and then felt his cheeks warm. Crap. Father Gabriel's stare was getting to him or maybe this was just one more step down a rickety path to insanity. It wouldn't surprise him. "Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to -"
"Relax," Gabriel said with more emphasis this time. "Enjoy, Jimmy. You're a free man and whatever you want you can have. You feel like insulting your priest, go for it. I can handle it."
Jimmy left with a nod and a few more mumbled apologies and for the entire walk home, he ran over the words in his head. By the time he was back in the warmth of his apartment, he still had no idea what warranted the advice. Priests didn't usually have an attitude so hedonistic.
An extra-large pizza did nothing to stave off Jimmy's hunger. Neither did the three slices of stale toast after that, or the hot chocolate he made on the stove like he used to for Claire. Like he should be doing now, warming her up before bedtime so she dreamt of happiness and not the demons in the shadows. He sipped the cocoa and wished for home.
At his feet, the black cat meowed and batted at his ankle. Jimmy stared down at the bright yellow eyes and ran through Father Gabriel's advice for the thousandth time.
There was only one thing Jimmy wanted to do, only one place Jimmy wanted to go, only two people he wanted to see.
Three restless empty hours passed. Eventually, Jimmy's hand reached for his phone.
---
There was a dry noise, a fluttering perhaps or a crunching of dry leaves, coming from everywhere and nowhere at once.
Jimmy's eyes snapped open.
He didn't remember getting home. He didn't remember being asleep. His face furrowed into a frown as the jet black cat made his way to Jimmy's pillow and purred in his face pointedly.
Though Jimmy's mind was otherwise hazy, the memories of yesterday fell fully formed into his mind. He would have grinned had that not resulted in a mouthful of fur as the cat made his presence fully known. Yesterday, Amelia had brought Claire to him. Jimmy had taken her for the unhealthiest meal he could find and they had laughed and joked and remembered one another. Amelia had been distant but pleasant enough when she had picked up their beautiful daughter at the end of the day and Jimmy had felt pure happiness for the first time since he came to this godforsaken city.
Today he had work. That was a lot less exciting.
Jimmy longed down to his aching bones to turn left, not right. To speed off to Pontiac, not the cold steel and chrome offices. To see his family, not his co-workers.
He had only just seen Amelia and Claire but it seemed important, irresistible. He flicked the indicator and turned left. With a little luck he could be sitting on that old familiar couch with his daughter in his lap in just a few hours.
Half an hour later he was sitting back at his desk; the phone rang and startled him out of his stupor. He must have day-dreamed turning left. Jimmy peered around at his wide office, the tall crystal clear window with the fantastic view, and down at the ringing phone that pierced relentlessly through his migraine. "I'm going insane," he told himself quietly.
Then he shook himself, picked up the phone, and forgot.
---
It had all been so sudden. One day Jimmy had been with Amelia and Claire, content and happy; the next he had been offered a big pay rise and a new position within a major ad company in the centre of Chicago. He couldn't remember why he had accepted or why Amelia had refused to come, but what did that matter? It must have made sense at the time. Maybe he hadn't been happy with his life. Maybe it all seemed better in retrospect.
Sunday came by again without much fuss. Jimmy couldn't shake his somber mood and just like before, he walked the four blocks to the church, easing out the solid ache in his limbs. He was even earlier this time.
"Something wrong?" asked Father Gabriel once Jimmy was inside. He was sat close beside Jimmy again, leaning back with his eyes tilted to the high roof. Jimmy's eyes traced the line of his throat before he shook his head but Father Gabriel wasn't looking at him. He would have to speak.
"Maybe. I don't know."
"Why do you look so depressed?" Father Gabriel asked. "You've got everything here. A great job, loads of money which you're completely failing to spend, a great church. What else could you want?"
"My daughter," Jimmy replied, too certain on that to wonder why the priest knew so much of his desires. "I miss Claire."
Father Gabriel sighed and looked at Jimmy piercingly. "You need to move on. Get a nicer place, okay? You can set up a room for her to visit."
"I don't want to move on. I don't really want a better place," Jimmy replied hesitantly. It was difficult to deny that tone of voice; Father Gabriel's words fell like rocks, immovable and permanent. It took a lot to struggle past that but Claire's face stayed in his mind. "I don't spend enough time there to make it worth it."
"I think it would make the world of difference," Father Gabriel said. He patted Jimmy's knee and for a moment, something strange and uncomfortable flared in Jimmy's mind, grating and wrong. He looked away and frowned but the brash idea was already there, lodged in his mind.
Jimmy would get a new place and that would fill the barrenness he couldn't displace, or at least divert his craven mind from it.
"Okay," Jimmy said eventually, his open palms up in surrender. "I guess that's a good idea."
"Of course it's a good idea. It was mine, wasn't it?" Father Gabriel said, sounding so pleased with himself that Jimmy wondered whether he should remind him that pride was a sin. The intrusive hand withdrew after far too long. "Gotta keep on truckin', sailor. I'm not much of a fan of giving advice so that's all you're getting."
Definitely the strangest priest Jimmy had known, or even heard of. There passed a strange quiet moment between them and Jimmy realised with a heavy thud that this was the only conversation he'd held outside of Claire for the past week that wasn't about work. Was this what his life was going to be from now on? Get up, drive to work, drive home, sleep. The only highlight of the week being his church service when Jimmy never even thought about God any more, ashamed as he was to admit it. Once the thought of the Lord had been a comfort, a reassurance that kept him warm through the hardest times. Now even a brief attempt to think about anything vaguely related to Him put bitter anger into Jimmy's heart and Jimmy had no idea why.
"I think I'm going insane," he admitted.
Father Gabriel flopped back into the pew from his half-standing position. It threw a deep sigh from his chest and he slung his arm behind Jimmy's back. "Oh boy. I'm doing a great job of this so far. Right. You're not crazy, you're lost. Which is damn stupid because you have everything you need right here, okay? So make the most of it already and stop cutting yourself off from the world just because you've forgotten how to live in it. Believe me, I know how that feels."
It wasn't the kind of advice Jimmy was looking for. Like everything these days, Jimmy had no idea what he was seeking but Father Gabriel's words just left him feeling frustrated and a little perplexed. Jimmy folded his coat tighter around his chest and stared straight ahead at the sparse altar. He wouldn't talk to Father Gabriel again about anything; he would look for another more appropriate church tomorrow and attend there instead.
Or maybe he just wouldn't bother. It was not as though he got much out of it anymore.
Jimmy relaxed incrementally the further away Father Gabriel walked. There was something deeply wrong with that priest and Jimmy wasn't prepared to sit around listening to the half-idiotic rambles of a man of the church who had clearly forgotten what that meant.
Within five minutes of leaving after the service, Jimmy had disregarded his intentions to leave with no clear reasoning. The next week, Jimmy went back with nothing but a vague feeling he forgot to do something important, an itch he couldn't scratch.
Father Gabriel was smiling slyly when he stepped through the arched doors.
---
Jimmy didn't remember inviting Father Gabriel for dinner and yet here he was, cooking up the cheesy lasagne that Amelia loves, waiting for the offbeat priest to knock on the door. It had been a calm day at work and, with nothing to do, he had left an hour early with the sort of headache that pounded through any amount of painkillers thrown at it. Now he had to get it together enough to not give his guest food poisoning.
"I just want to sleep," he told the cat that twisted around his ankles.
The lasagne was in the oven by the time the doorbell rang, its twinkling sound startling the cat out into the yard. Jimmy washed his hands quickly and dried them on the black, neatly ironed slacks he still wore as he rushed across to the front door. Father Gabriel had a six pack in his outstretched hand and that familiar smirk as Jimmy invited him in. "We're having lasagne," Jimmy said. "I hope that's okay."
"Perfect," Father Gabriel replied. His gaze swept over Jimmy's body, over his smart (if slightly damp) suit, and he snorted. "Aren't you bored of those clothes by now?"
"I could say the same for you Father," Jimmy replied.
Father Gabriel looked down at his black clothes, fingered his dog collar with his free hand. "What, this old thing? Nah, I only throw this on for special occasions. Which is of course every day under the eyes of God." He spoke exactly as he wore the clothes; as though they were a costume, an act. It had disturbed Jimmy before but now he found it almost comforting. Everything in Jimmy's life had become an act since he left Pontiac. Maybe before that. He was smiling as Father Gabriel continued, "but don't call me that. Call me Gabe."
That was a little too informal for Jimmy who had deep respect for the Church even if his own beliefs were tenuous and fragile these days. "Take a seat, Gabriel," Jimmy compromised. Gabriel laughed but did as directed, putting the beer down on the empty coffee table with a light thud.
Gabriel seemed much less out of place sitting on the dark blue couch of Jimmy's apartment eyeing up the beer in front of a TV than he ever did in the church. Jimmy snapped open the bottles and took his place on the other side of the couch. The ache in his body eased a little, seeping back into the soft cushions. Jimmy was always so worn out these days.
"I'm trying to work you out," Gabriel announced when the obligatory small talk had lived its short life and Jimmy was left wondering how to keep the conversation going. This wasn't a turn he had expected. Leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees and a beer cradled in his hands, Gabriel studied him unashamedly. "You've got the kind of life people would kill for. Good job, lots of money, enough free time to make the most of it... but you don't. You mope. I don't get it; you've got everything you could want. You've even got a cat and you look like the kind of person who always wanted a cat."
"Amelia's allergic," Jimmy said and since he didn't want to trample over this topic yet again he continued, "I've got a viewing for a house just outside the city this weekend."
"Yeah? I was wondering," Gabriel said. He took on an air of smugness but his gaze didn't leave Jimmy's face. "If you're gonna be stuck here a while, might as well make the most of it, right?"
"I guess so," Jimmy replied. Gabriel sounded so adamant that Jimmy sincerely tried to make himself feel it.
Once the lasagne's scent filled the room and Jimmy went to pluck it out of the oven, the two of them took their places at the measly excuse for a dining table, opposite one another but so close their knees would touch if they scooted even a little forward. Most of Gabriel's conversation was a little beyond Jimmy, just this side of surreal as he talked about parishioners that Jimmy was sure couldn't exist and if they did, they couldn't have lives so bizarre and confusing. And if they did exist, Gabriel was the worst gossip in the world which was not a redeeming quality in a guy who was supposed to relieve others of sin.
Still, the vague yet vivid stories of Lucy and Michael were captivating enough that Jimmy couldn't complain.
"Do you talk about me like this to the others?" Jimmy said, not unkindly. It was towards the end of the meal when his tongue was loosened by the beer and by the laughter Gabriel drew out of Jimmy so easily.
Gabriel shrugged. "No. You haven't done anything interesting enough."
Jimmy snorted and then a second later realised Gabriel was right. His life was mundane, ridiculous in its inanity, and all around him were lives full of colour and confusion and beauty and pain. The only thing Jimmy had was loneliness.
So when it got late and Gabriel left with a friendly pat to the shoulder, Jimmy grabbed his jacket. He had money in his pockets and life in his veins so it was time to use some of it.
---
In retrospect, screwing some random guy was probably not what Father Gabriel had in mind.
Jimmy rolled over as the blond, wide-eyed guy pulled on his jeans. This wasn't something he usually did but it had come so naturally. The bar he had chosen was quiet, just the way he'd wanted it; somewhere Jimmy could be around people without the noise and fuss of a busy club. Only this guy - Jacob, and it disturbed Jimmy that he didn't catch his last name - had started talking to him with earnest words and casual touches and Jimmy fell so fast he was pretty sure his head was still spinning.
The jury was out on whether he regretted it or not.
Jacob leaned over the bed once his tight black shirt once again covered the tempting lines of his stomach. "You're supposed to offer me a taxi, but don't worry about it. I live like two blocks down."
Jimmy nodded, completely out of his depth here, and accepted the kiss without much grace. Jacob was gone pretty quickly after that and Jimmy rubbed his hand over his face, sighing roughly. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go and now it was so late it was practically morning. The sun would be up in a few hours and then surely the whole world would see his sin like a scar on his body but as Jimmy ran his fingers over his soft dick, feeling a stranger's saliva on his skin, he found he didn't mind too much.
What would Gabriel say? Jimmy was pretty sure it was inappropriate to be thinking of his priest at this point but it was his words that had lead Jimmy to his moment of insanity. Father Gabriel would laugh, Jimmy thought, but he had to be wrong about that. Promiscuity wasn't smiled upon even if this was one of the more gay-friendly churches.
And Jimmy wasn't gay. He was married and this was cheating, this was infidelity. Amelia was his wife and Jacob was just a stranger on the street and Jimmy had finally lost his mind. He thought of a priest before he thought of his own wife when he screwed a guy he hardly met. A few months ago there would have been no way this would even have crossed Jimmy's mind. If one of his friends had done it, he would be dragging out a lecture on morality. If it had been Amelia who cheated -
Well. Jimmy didn't need to think about that, because she never would. She was a good person. She was -
But what would Gabriel say?
Jimmy's mind skipped erratically until he fell asleep, exhausted and strung out and cold beneath the covers even with another's scent on the blankets.
It felt like no time at all before his shrill alarm pierced through the uneasy sleep. Jimmy sat up and rubbed his aching eyes and felt his stomach lurch as he remembered the feel of Jacob's lips against his cock. He had to jerk off before he could function at all.
It was the first morning Jimmy had woken up without thinking of what he had lost.
---
Jimmy had calmed even though no amount of showering could remove the memory of Jacob from his mind. There was nothing between Jimmy and freedom, Jimmy realized. If he decided to fuck a guy, so what? There was no one here who cared enough to stop him. Amelia wasn't here and couldn't care that Jimmy was gone or she would have followed. The only one who mattered was Claire and she didn't need to know anything like that so who did it affect?
No one but Jimmy. Jimmy alone had to bear this and he felt sick with the weight of his thoughts right up until he reached the house. The estate agent, a kind young woman with a smile that looked just this side of fake, welcomed him with a well-rehearsed wave.
The calm pervaded through most of the walk around the expansive house. "What am I going to do with all this space?" he asked repeatedly. The estate agent was cheerfully spouting out possibilities as she showed Jimmy each room; the two guest bedrooms, the airy open-plan kitchen and lounge, the bathroom and the wide yard with the flowers and the stooping tree in the middle of it.
It was Jimmy's perfect house. It was everything he could want but he didn't want it at all. He looked at the light slanting warmly through the wide windows and hated it because Claire couldn't see it. He stood in the kitchen and wondered who he was supposed to cook for beside himself and maybe his damn priest.
His doubts didn't stay his hand; he still signed the contract.
---
Whenever Jimmy spoke to Claire it was as though it was a little less than real. One minute he was thinking he should talk to her and then, with apparently no interim, a memory would spring into his mind and he knew he'd talked to her just a few minutes ago. Even when he was sure he hadn't. Jimmy was cracking, his memory was unstable lately and he wondered when it would become enough of a problem that he would give in and go to the doctor.
Not yet. Right now, he had other things on his breaking mind.
Claire hadn't sounded too thrilled that Jimmy had found a new place, not even when he explained it to her. There was a room he would do up just for her and they would set up a swing in the garden.
"I'm too old for that, Dad," she had said, before running off to do her math homework.
Jimmy didn't cry, he wouldn't break that easily, but it was a close thing. If he lost Claire then he lost everything. She was the last scrap of hope in this life and if she was gone, so was Jimmy. This was never going to work without Claire. What was the point of trying?
"I'm going back to Pontiac," Jimmy told Gabriel the next Sunday. Spring was bringing warmth to the usually bitter air but Gabriel looked grimmer than he had before.
"You can't do that, Jimmy," Gabriel said. He studied Jimmy carefully and then sighed, leaning back in the chair. "I don't get it. I really don't. I've given you pretty much everything I could give you. Everything you used to dream of and I got you a slice of your daughter and I don't even mean that literally, those macabre days are behind me. And every fucking week you come here and sulk and look like you've got nothing in the world to live for. What gives?"
The ground lurched out from beneath Jimmy's feet. "What are you talking about?" he asked in a voice that sounded too loud in the echoes of the church.
Gabriel was the crazy one. The priest stood, wild-eyed with one hand on his hip as he glared down at Jimmy and suddenly, the whole vast room felt tiny. Father Gabriel filled it and he wasn't smiling. "You heard me. This isn't working. You keep trying to get back there, you'll get them killed and that's not part of the deal. Believe me, Castiel would cut off my wings and you're not worth that. I'm putting you somewhere new."
Before Jimmy had even a second to work out what the hell was going on, Gabriel clicked his fingers.
Everything stopped.
---
The white noise was deafening. Jimmy woke to the swell of it and cried out as it shook through his head. The headache immediately ran right down to the root of him. What the hell had he drunk last night? From the state of the bedroom and the smeared make-up on the woman at his side, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. With black mascara smudged down her face, her lipstick faded and her lip tugged open on the pillow, she looked like a tragic molten wax model.
She woke, smirked, and rolled out of bed without a word with the efficiency of a pre-agreed arrangement. Jimmy's eyes followed the slip of expensive fabric over her skin as she dressed slowly and then the strut of her sculpted legs as she carried herself from the room.
I don't do this.
Except he did. He always did. His mind filled with a plethora of people, male and female and everyone in between, who had warmed his hotel beds through the years. It dated right back to the day he slung a bag over his shoulder, hitched up his ratty jeans, and left home at seventeen to make it in the world.
Jimmy had, after all, made it. Whatever 'it' was, it was well and truly made.
A scruffy man with sunglasses strolled in, bustled Jimmy out of the bed, and told him to take a shower. "The shoot's in an hour," he said, "so make it quick."
Jimmy was half way through the shower that was bigger than his childhood bedroom upon realising who the man was, and then he worked out what the PA had meant. Shoot. As in photo shoot. Jimmy was a model: one of the most successful male models in America. His face was in every magazine, on every screen. He had his own designer label.
"What the hell," Jimmy said to no-one, stunned by his own life. He pulled out a suit that looked sinfully good on him, all sharp lines and slim cut, and awkwardly made his way out of the expansive house.
His PA was waiting in the sleek black car outside. It was late in the year but still warm in Los Angeles and Jimmy lounged with the window open to brush out some of the vast, stifling heat.
"It's gonna take an hour to rub out those bags under your eyes," Gabriel said, lowering his unnecessary shades to stare at Jimmy. His eyes flicked down to Jimmy's clothes. "But at least you're putting in an effort today. If you scrub away the face, you don't look bad today."
Gabriel had only been with him a few months but he was the best Jimmy had had in the entire decade. Jimmy knew that with absolute, unshakable certainty.
He just couldn't remember why. The guy was seriously irritating.
"Where was I last night?" Jimmy asked. His voice was rough. Fuck, had he been smoking? His mouth tasted rancid enough, even after brushing twice.
Gabriel shrugged and turned to watch the rapidly passing scenery draped in sunlight. "No idea."
"Isn't it kind of your job to know these things?" Jimmy snapped. It only took six and a half minutes of scowling for Jimmy to sigh and look down. "Sorry. My head hurts."
Gabriel smirked and lifted his glasses, resting them on his head. They bunched up his long fair hair and looked entirely ridiculous but there was enough confidence there to pull it off. "Yeah, it's my job. But you've been avoiding PAs since you were eighteen; you've got a head start."
Jimmy shrugged and slouched down further in his seat. The slow movement of the car through traffic rolled his stomach and made his aching head swim. Soon he would be standing in front of the cameras under unforgiving lights and unforgiving eyes and even though he had done this a thousand times, this felt like the first. He was nervous, strung tight.
"I don't want to do this," Jimmy said abruptly. He sat up with his heart beating a panicked rhythm against his ribs. "Gabriel, I want to go home."
"Don't be a child. You wouldn't have bought that damn house without the money you earned doing this," Gabriel said but Jimmy was already shaking his head.
"I don't mean there," Jimmy said but then he stopped and, after a confused moment, leaned back. "I don't know what I mean."
"Oh, this isn't gonna work either, is it?" Gabriel said. He leaned alarmingly close but there was nowhere for Jimmy to retreat. "Seriously, you're impossible. I'm giving you what millions want this time, Jimmy. A life of luxury and a ridiculously huge bank balance. So what's the problem? Oh yeah - you want to go home. So what? I do too, so play along and fucking enjoy it or I'll dump you on Israfel instead. Heaven isn't worth babysitting you."
Jimmy opened his mouth. For a second he remembered everything. He remembered the angels, remembered Castiel, remembered the war. He remembered Amelia and Claire and how he had to protect them, had to stay away at all costs.
The old life, the real life, fell into Jimmy's mind and left him spinning. He remembered. He saw his parents, quiet and sensible and just a little overbearing. He saw Amelia the first time they met, sharing a book in class all those years ago. Under the hot sun that left them both with sunburn through their honeymoon, Jimmy saw their wedding. And Claire. Claire, that beautiful, amazing baby girl who grew up so fast and Jimmy doesn't even know what she looks like now.
He thumped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. There was no going back there, Jimmy knew that.
Luckily with an Archangel in the car it was pretty easy not to think about it. Gabriel. The Archangel Gabriel. Jimmy had to bite back the surge of excitement and awe he felt to as ask? the most important question.
"Where's Castiel?"
"I'm supposed to be keeping you happy and safe," Gabriel said instead of an answer. He rolled his shoulders and looked far more human than Jimmy could ever have expected. "So buck up and enjoy the ride, buster."
There were so many questions Jimmy wanted to ask. He wanted to know why Castiel had left him, whether the war was over, whether he was dead. His lips were parted ready to speak when Gabriel lifted his hand and clicked his fingers.
Sickness spread through Jimmy's tender stomach and blankness emptied his mind. He closed his mouth and his eyes and waited for the day to end so he could curl up in his bed and recover alone.
Beside him, Gabriel frowned and plotted.
---
"So... we should open a candy store."
"How the hell is that supposed to work?" Jimmy asked. The TV was on and the volume was down low since neither of them were paying any attention to it; Gabriel through choice, Jimmy through necessity since Gabriel would not shut up. "We don't have any money, Gabe."
"Actually," Gabriel said slowly, and Jimmy snapped his gaze around to look at him. Gabriel grinned. "You remember that old rich aunt?"
"No one actually has old rich aunts, Gabe," Jimmy replied.
"Yeah, well I did. Emphasis on the past tense. I bought a candy store this morning and you're quitting your job to run it with me."
Jimmy rolled his eyes. This was a joke - it had to be, because people didn't have old rich aunts that died and left them all their money, no matter what strange Victorian books that Gabriel read might say. They didn't have ideas like that and okay, so Gabriel was easily compulsive enough to go through with it, but that didn't mean it was true. "You're bullshitting me."
"What, you actually like working in a café?" Gabriel asked. "You've been there eight years, Jimmy. Time for a change, right?"
"I don't mind it," Jimmy said, but that wasn't true and Gabriel knew it. His boss was an asshole and the hours were stupid. Though there was no way this idea wouldn't go down the pan with Gabriel at the helm, Jimmy found himself intrigued, attention pulled completely from the TV. He studied his friend carefully. "You're serious."
"Deadly," Gabriel said with way too much meaning, then lightened up and slapped Jimmy's knee. "C'mon, you're good with numbers right?"
"Not really."
"Okay, well, better than I am anyway," Gabriel continued. "We can order the best candy and have promotions and -"
"We would have to deal with kids every day," Jimmy pointed out. That seemed to throw Gabriel for a moment until he perked up again. Jimmy cut in before he could say a thing: "No, Gabe, we're not selling porn. I know a candy and porn store might be your idea of Heaven but that is not happening."
"Dude, that would be so much better than Heaven," Gabriel said. He kicked his feet up onto the table and stretched his arms above his head. Jimmy watched the sliver of pale skin above his belt as his t-shirt rose but Gabriel was paying little attention. "I would be on a constant sugar high. It would be amazing."
"You're not doing a great job at convincing me."
Gabriel sat up straight and leaned forwards, hands opened imploringly. "You have to help me. I've already bought the store and you just know it would run me to ruins without you."
Jimmy sighed. He already knew he'd give in and go along with this stupid plan; he always did. Loyalty was both a strength and a weakness but they had been friends for so long, how could he refuse now? "Get me a beer and I'll think about it. And not from the pack you left by the stove."
"I knew you'd say yes," Gabriel said, and that was that.
PART TWO
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairings: Gabriel/Jimmy Novak
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Slight dub-con
Wordcount: 17,500
Summary: With Castiel busy back in Heaven, his vessel is left vacant. Jimmy can't go home and he can't go unprotected, not when Castiel will need him again. Watching Jimmy is the perfect way for Gabriel to earn enough trust to get back into Heaven, but it's not going to be easy: Jimmy really wants to go home. To succeed, Gabriel's going to have to get creative. It's lucky he has centuries of being the Trickster under his belt.
Notes: Thanks to thunder_nari for the beta! This is for gabriel_bigbang; I was paired up with the wonderful lilchibibunny so please, please go see her art for this fic!
Link to art: [here]
Something like thunder woke Jimmy from his restless sleep. He opened his eyes with a start but the apartment was silent except for the white noise ringing in his ears and though he waited, no thunder rumbled again. Sitting up sluggishly, Jimmy flicked on the bedside lamp and waited for his pulse to slow. It took a while.
Eventually the sounds of the city outside began to filter in as if rising from the ground up, swelling around him until the cars and sirens were all he could hear. He rubbed his forehead and got up. There was no way he would be lucky enough to fall asleep again.
He had been living in Chicago for three years now. His job was good and it was close enough to visit Claire sometimes. The apartment was small but clean and relatively cheap and Jimmy didn't spend much time there anyway, not with the hours he kept at work. Every morning he woke too early wondering how he got to sleep surrounded by the incessant noise, nursing a thumping headache. It was worse than usual this morning. He stumbled into the kitchen and in his confusion the light-switch escaped him. With some determined fumbling around in the dark, his hand closed around the bottle of pills and a few minutes later he was flat on the couch with the soft light of the TV and a huge plate of leftovers for breakfast. He went back for seconds and probably could have eaten more if the cat that had adopted him didn't decide to curl up complacently in his lap.
Today was Sunday. No work today and church wasn't for a few hours. Though sleep was out of the question now, he could rest a while.
Jimmy was still staring blankly at the mindless cartoons when the sun came up sluggishly over the city, spreading its thin light unenthusiastically. He shook himself from his daze, took a moment to wonder why he felt as if he had run a few marathons in the last twenty-four hours, and slumped into the shower. The warm water did nothing to rouse him, though when he took too long and it passed smoothly into an ice cold spray, the shock did startle Jimmy's mind awake.
It was still early and the winter had not set in fully so Jimmy walked the four blocks to his church, wrapped up in his best coat and warmest gloves. Strange that the sight of the old steeple looming over a congregation of run down stores and houses nearby should surprise him as though he hadn't seen it every week since he arrived here, and a couple of times before he picked up and moved. He stopped outside it and stared at the gray walls and brightly colored windows, then stepped through the open arch of the doors.
Despite the walk, Jimmy was there early. The place was empty except for the priest: Father Gabriel, his mind supplied, giving with it the slight hint of surprise once more. Father Gabriel was busy at the altar so Jimmy walked quietly to the third pew back and took a seat on the cold wood. He didn't remove his jacket or his fingers from his gloves. Soon the temperature would rise from the crowds of living bodies around him but for now Jimmy would rather retain the use of his fingers.
"You're here early," Father Gabriel said without turning around. Jimmy could hear the muffled clink of silver upon the green altar cloth. After a moment he turned to face Jimmy, smile in place. It wasn't a particularly nice smile, though mischievous more than malevolent. Jimmy was sure priests were meant to look gentler than that. "Eager. I like it."
Jimmy was unsure how to respond. The priest made him a little uneasy for reasons he couldn't pinpoint and when Father Gabriel stepped closer, something deep inside Jimmy squirmed and urged him to move away. He ignored the ridiculous impulse; Father Gabriel was a good man. Jimmy knew that, he had witnessed it over the last weeks. He still had a hard time convincing his racing heart to slow.
Obviously he had woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
"I've been up a few hours already," Jimmy said eventually. Father Gabriel was standing beside him at the side of the benches, hands folded loosely in front of him. Jimmy glanced up at him and wondered whether he should stand. His priest back in Pontiac had never made him feel this awkward. "I walked here."
"It's a good morning to stretch your legs." Father Gabriel nodded sagely and when Jimmy said nothing more, raised his eyebrows. "Is there something wrong, Jimmy? You don't usually look so-"
"Tired," Jimmy cut in since he wasn't sure he wanted to hear whatever adjective threatened to drop out of Father Gabriel's mouth. "I'm tired. I haven't been sleeping well."
"I know how you feel," Father Gabriel said with an unreadable smirk on his face. "Don't start on the sleeping pills though. I've seen where that ends. It's not pretty."
"No, of course not," Jimmy said, startled. He must look worse than he realised if his priest was suggesting the possibility of substance abuse. "It's just... the change. Moving here. New community, new life, right? It's like I've been out of it for weeks and it's finally sinking in how much everything has changed since I left home."
Father Gabriel nudged Jimmy's shoulder and Jimmy was so surprised by the touch that it took him a moment to realise that he was supposed to scoot up the pew. Now Father Gabriel was sitting beside him, slumped low in the seat with his fingers resting over the solemn black fabric over his stomach. His bright eyes faced forward but Jimmy still felt the scrutiny. "Yeah. I went home for the first time not long ago. Now that really wasn't pretty. I guess you can't get home because of work, right?"
"I guess. I thought about taking a few days off," Jimmy said. He wanted to see Amelia, he wanted to hold Claire and kiss her cheek and remind her that he hadn't disappeared. Not completely, not off the face of the planet. He was still there for her in theory, not so much in practice. He had so much else to do now.
Jimmy hadn't known he possessed such a selfish streak.
"That's probably not a great idea until you've settled here properly. Trust me," Father Gabriel said.
"Yeah. I guess so," Jimmy said. The doubt didn't last long against Gabriel's firm tone and Jimmy dropped it, shoulders sagging.
Bizarrely, Father Gabriel patted his arm. "Don't worry. I'm looking out for you."
Jimmy's thin smile was fake; Father Gabriel's words hadn't made him feel even a little better.
Thankfully people began to filter into the church and Father Gabriel rose gracefully to prepare the service. Jimmy was left alone and offered a quick thanks to the Heavens that Father Gabriel's considerable attention was no longer on him. It felt like the first prayer in years. It felt strange, rusty.
When Jimmy looked up, Gabriel was looking back to him with an eyebrow raised and a smirk so brief Jimmy wasn't sure whether he had imagined it.
---
The air was crisper and colder when Jimmy left the church. He stood on the storm-gray steps, one of the last people out, and enjoyed a brief but pleasant conversation with an elderly woman named Kathy who had been going to this same church for sixty years. "He's a strange one, that new priest, isn't he?" she said bluntly.
Her candid words were honest enough. Jimmy laughed and agreed and felt better for it. He felt like he hadn't laughed in a year.
The sermon had been... interesting. Intense. Bizarre. Jimmy was almost sure the rest of the sermons hadn't been so out of the ordinary. He had never been left with this strange amusement, let alone the deep doubt on what message had just been offered in Father Gabriel's outstretched hands, wrapped in his sharp humor. He had never sat through a service where so many pauses in a priest's speech had been punctuated by decreasingly subtle laughter and Jimmy knew it was deliberate. When Gabriel spoke of divine truth, he spoke of ambiguity and a fickle set of rules. When he spoke of God he spoke fondly but peculiarly, hushed as though speaking of a half deaf elderly relative muttering to themselves in the corner.
Father Gabriel was stood beside him, arms crossed. Jimmy couldn't help the jolt of surprise that had him sidestepping and if Gabriel hadn't whipped out a hand to catch him, Jimmy would have tumbled into the thorny bushes that lined the steps.
"Jumpy," observed Father Gabriel with something suspiciously akin to a chuckle. "There's nothing to be afraid of here, so relax."
Jimmy would probably find that easier if Father Gabriel's fingers weren't still vice-like around his elbow. "I, uh, I didn't really sleep."
"So you said."
"I must have blanked out, I didn't hear you coming."
"I'm quiet and sneaky. Like a ninja," Father Gabriel said. He grinned and let go of Jimmy's arm but didn't step away. He must have caught sight of Jimmy's bemusement because the grin turned more questioning and he tilted his head in an exaggerated gesture. "What?"
"You are the strangest priest I've ever met," Jimmy said without thinking and then felt his cheeks warm. Crap. Father Gabriel's stare was getting to him or maybe this was just one more step down a rickety path to insanity. It wouldn't surprise him. "Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to -"
"Relax," Gabriel said with more emphasis this time. "Enjoy, Jimmy. You're a free man and whatever you want you can have. You feel like insulting your priest, go for it. I can handle it."
Jimmy left with a nod and a few more mumbled apologies and for the entire walk home, he ran over the words in his head. By the time he was back in the warmth of his apartment, he still had no idea what warranted the advice. Priests didn't usually have an attitude so hedonistic.
An extra-large pizza did nothing to stave off Jimmy's hunger. Neither did the three slices of stale toast after that, or the hot chocolate he made on the stove like he used to for Claire. Like he should be doing now, warming her up before bedtime so she dreamt of happiness and not the demons in the shadows. He sipped the cocoa and wished for home.
At his feet, the black cat meowed and batted at his ankle. Jimmy stared down at the bright yellow eyes and ran through Father Gabriel's advice for the thousandth time.
There was only one thing Jimmy wanted to do, only one place Jimmy wanted to go, only two people he wanted to see.
Three restless empty hours passed. Eventually, Jimmy's hand reached for his phone.
---
There was a dry noise, a fluttering perhaps or a crunching of dry leaves, coming from everywhere and nowhere at once.
Jimmy's eyes snapped open.
He didn't remember getting home. He didn't remember being asleep. His face furrowed into a frown as the jet black cat made his way to Jimmy's pillow and purred in his face pointedly.
Though Jimmy's mind was otherwise hazy, the memories of yesterday fell fully formed into his mind. He would have grinned had that not resulted in a mouthful of fur as the cat made his presence fully known. Yesterday, Amelia had brought Claire to him. Jimmy had taken her for the unhealthiest meal he could find and they had laughed and joked and remembered one another. Amelia had been distant but pleasant enough when she had picked up their beautiful daughter at the end of the day and Jimmy had felt pure happiness for the first time since he came to this godforsaken city.
Today he had work. That was a lot less exciting.
Jimmy longed down to his aching bones to turn left, not right. To speed off to Pontiac, not the cold steel and chrome offices. To see his family, not his co-workers.
He had only just seen Amelia and Claire but it seemed important, irresistible. He flicked the indicator and turned left. With a little luck he could be sitting on that old familiar couch with his daughter in his lap in just a few hours.
Half an hour later he was sitting back at his desk; the phone rang and startled him out of his stupor. He must have day-dreamed turning left. Jimmy peered around at his wide office, the tall crystal clear window with the fantastic view, and down at the ringing phone that pierced relentlessly through his migraine. "I'm going insane," he told himself quietly.
Then he shook himself, picked up the phone, and forgot.
---
It had all been so sudden. One day Jimmy had been with Amelia and Claire, content and happy; the next he had been offered a big pay rise and a new position within a major ad company in the centre of Chicago. He couldn't remember why he had accepted or why Amelia had refused to come, but what did that matter? It must have made sense at the time. Maybe he hadn't been happy with his life. Maybe it all seemed better in retrospect.
Sunday came by again without much fuss. Jimmy couldn't shake his somber mood and just like before, he walked the four blocks to the church, easing out the solid ache in his limbs. He was even earlier this time.
"Something wrong?" asked Father Gabriel once Jimmy was inside. He was sat close beside Jimmy again, leaning back with his eyes tilted to the high roof. Jimmy's eyes traced the line of his throat before he shook his head but Father Gabriel wasn't looking at him. He would have to speak.
"Maybe. I don't know."
"Why do you look so depressed?" Father Gabriel asked. "You've got everything here. A great job, loads of money which you're completely failing to spend, a great church. What else could you want?"
"My daughter," Jimmy replied, too certain on that to wonder why the priest knew so much of his desires. "I miss Claire."
Father Gabriel sighed and looked at Jimmy piercingly. "You need to move on. Get a nicer place, okay? You can set up a room for her to visit."
"I don't want to move on. I don't really want a better place," Jimmy replied hesitantly. It was difficult to deny that tone of voice; Father Gabriel's words fell like rocks, immovable and permanent. It took a lot to struggle past that but Claire's face stayed in his mind. "I don't spend enough time there to make it worth it."
"I think it would make the world of difference," Father Gabriel said. He patted Jimmy's knee and for a moment, something strange and uncomfortable flared in Jimmy's mind, grating and wrong. He looked away and frowned but the brash idea was already there, lodged in his mind.
Jimmy would get a new place and that would fill the barrenness he couldn't displace, or at least divert his craven mind from it.
"Okay," Jimmy said eventually, his open palms up in surrender. "I guess that's a good idea."
"Of course it's a good idea. It was mine, wasn't it?" Father Gabriel said, sounding so pleased with himself that Jimmy wondered whether he should remind him that pride was a sin. The intrusive hand withdrew after far too long. "Gotta keep on truckin', sailor. I'm not much of a fan of giving advice so that's all you're getting."
Definitely the strangest priest Jimmy had known, or even heard of. There passed a strange quiet moment between them and Jimmy realised with a heavy thud that this was the only conversation he'd held outside of Claire for the past week that wasn't about work. Was this what his life was going to be from now on? Get up, drive to work, drive home, sleep. The only highlight of the week being his church service when Jimmy never even thought about God any more, ashamed as he was to admit it. Once the thought of the Lord had been a comfort, a reassurance that kept him warm through the hardest times. Now even a brief attempt to think about anything vaguely related to Him put bitter anger into Jimmy's heart and Jimmy had no idea why.
"I think I'm going insane," he admitted.
Father Gabriel flopped back into the pew from his half-standing position. It threw a deep sigh from his chest and he slung his arm behind Jimmy's back. "Oh boy. I'm doing a great job of this so far. Right. You're not crazy, you're lost. Which is damn stupid because you have everything you need right here, okay? So make the most of it already and stop cutting yourself off from the world just because you've forgotten how to live in it. Believe me, I know how that feels."
It wasn't the kind of advice Jimmy was looking for. Like everything these days, Jimmy had no idea what he was seeking but Father Gabriel's words just left him feeling frustrated and a little perplexed. Jimmy folded his coat tighter around his chest and stared straight ahead at the sparse altar. He wouldn't talk to Father Gabriel again about anything; he would look for another more appropriate church tomorrow and attend there instead.
Or maybe he just wouldn't bother. It was not as though he got much out of it anymore.
Jimmy relaxed incrementally the further away Father Gabriel walked. There was something deeply wrong with that priest and Jimmy wasn't prepared to sit around listening to the half-idiotic rambles of a man of the church who had clearly forgotten what that meant.
Within five minutes of leaving after the service, Jimmy had disregarded his intentions to leave with no clear reasoning. The next week, Jimmy went back with nothing but a vague feeling he forgot to do something important, an itch he couldn't scratch.
Father Gabriel was smiling slyly when he stepped through the arched doors.
---
Jimmy didn't remember inviting Father Gabriel for dinner and yet here he was, cooking up the cheesy lasagne that Amelia loves, waiting for the offbeat priest to knock on the door. It had been a calm day at work and, with nothing to do, he had left an hour early with the sort of headache that pounded through any amount of painkillers thrown at it. Now he had to get it together enough to not give his guest food poisoning.
"I just want to sleep," he told the cat that twisted around his ankles.
The lasagne was in the oven by the time the doorbell rang, its twinkling sound startling the cat out into the yard. Jimmy washed his hands quickly and dried them on the black, neatly ironed slacks he still wore as he rushed across to the front door. Father Gabriel had a six pack in his outstretched hand and that familiar smirk as Jimmy invited him in. "We're having lasagne," Jimmy said. "I hope that's okay."
"Perfect," Father Gabriel replied. His gaze swept over Jimmy's body, over his smart (if slightly damp) suit, and he snorted. "Aren't you bored of those clothes by now?"
"I could say the same for you Father," Jimmy replied.
Father Gabriel looked down at his black clothes, fingered his dog collar with his free hand. "What, this old thing? Nah, I only throw this on for special occasions. Which is of course every day under the eyes of God." He spoke exactly as he wore the clothes; as though they were a costume, an act. It had disturbed Jimmy before but now he found it almost comforting. Everything in Jimmy's life had become an act since he left Pontiac. Maybe before that. He was smiling as Father Gabriel continued, "but don't call me that. Call me Gabe."
That was a little too informal for Jimmy who had deep respect for the Church even if his own beliefs were tenuous and fragile these days. "Take a seat, Gabriel," Jimmy compromised. Gabriel laughed but did as directed, putting the beer down on the empty coffee table with a light thud.
Gabriel seemed much less out of place sitting on the dark blue couch of Jimmy's apartment eyeing up the beer in front of a TV than he ever did in the church. Jimmy snapped open the bottles and took his place on the other side of the couch. The ache in his body eased a little, seeping back into the soft cushions. Jimmy was always so worn out these days.
"I'm trying to work you out," Gabriel announced when the obligatory small talk had lived its short life and Jimmy was left wondering how to keep the conversation going. This wasn't a turn he had expected. Leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees and a beer cradled in his hands, Gabriel studied him unashamedly. "You've got the kind of life people would kill for. Good job, lots of money, enough free time to make the most of it... but you don't. You mope. I don't get it; you've got everything you could want. You've even got a cat and you look like the kind of person who always wanted a cat."
"Amelia's allergic," Jimmy said and since he didn't want to trample over this topic yet again he continued, "I've got a viewing for a house just outside the city this weekend."
"Yeah? I was wondering," Gabriel said. He took on an air of smugness but his gaze didn't leave Jimmy's face. "If you're gonna be stuck here a while, might as well make the most of it, right?"
"I guess so," Jimmy replied. Gabriel sounded so adamant that Jimmy sincerely tried to make himself feel it.
Once the lasagne's scent filled the room and Jimmy went to pluck it out of the oven, the two of them took their places at the measly excuse for a dining table, opposite one another but so close their knees would touch if they scooted even a little forward. Most of Gabriel's conversation was a little beyond Jimmy, just this side of surreal as he talked about parishioners that Jimmy was sure couldn't exist and if they did, they couldn't have lives so bizarre and confusing. And if they did exist, Gabriel was the worst gossip in the world which was not a redeeming quality in a guy who was supposed to relieve others of sin.
Still, the vague yet vivid stories of Lucy and Michael were captivating enough that Jimmy couldn't complain.
"Do you talk about me like this to the others?" Jimmy said, not unkindly. It was towards the end of the meal when his tongue was loosened by the beer and by the laughter Gabriel drew out of Jimmy so easily.
Gabriel shrugged. "No. You haven't done anything interesting enough."
Jimmy snorted and then a second later realised Gabriel was right. His life was mundane, ridiculous in its inanity, and all around him were lives full of colour and confusion and beauty and pain. The only thing Jimmy had was loneliness.
So when it got late and Gabriel left with a friendly pat to the shoulder, Jimmy grabbed his jacket. He had money in his pockets and life in his veins so it was time to use some of it.
---
In retrospect, screwing some random guy was probably not what Father Gabriel had in mind.
Jimmy rolled over as the blond, wide-eyed guy pulled on his jeans. This wasn't something he usually did but it had come so naturally. The bar he had chosen was quiet, just the way he'd wanted it; somewhere Jimmy could be around people without the noise and fuss of a busy club. Only this guy - Jacob, and it disturbed Jimmy that he didn't catch his last name - had started talking to him with earnest words and casual touches and Jimmy fell so fast he was pretty sure his head was still spinning.
The jury was out on whether he regretted it or not.
Jacob leaned over the bed once his tight black shirt once again covered the tempting lines of his stomach. "You're supposed to offer me a taxi, but don't worry about it. I live like two blocks down."
Jimmy nodded, completely out of his depth here, and accepted the kiss without much grace. Jacob was gone pretty quickly after that and Jimmy rubbed his hand over his face, sighing roughly. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go and now it was so late it was practically morning. The sun would be up in a few hours and then surely the whole world would see his sin like a scar on his body but as Jimmy ran his fingers over his soft dick, feeling a stranger's saliva on his skin, he found he didn't mind too much.
What would Gabriel say? Jimmy was pretty sure it was inappropriate to be thinking of his priest at this point but it was his words that had lead Jimmy to his moment of insanity. Father Gabriel would laugh, Jimmy thought, but he had to be wrong about that. Promiscuity wasn't smiled upon even if this was one of the more gay-friendly churches.
And Jimmy wasn't gay. He was married and this was cheating, this was infidelity. Amelia was his wife and Jacob was just a stranger on the street and Jimmy had finally lost his mind. He thought of a priest before he thought of his own wife when he screwed a guy he hardly met. A few months ago there would have been no way this would even have crossed Jimmy's mind. If one of his friends had done it, he would be dragging out a lecture on morality. If it had been Amelia who cheated -
Well. Jimmy didn't need to think about that, because she never would. She was a good person. She was -
But what would Gabriel say?
Jimmy's mind skipped erratically until he fell asleep, exhausted and strung out and cold beneath the covers even with another's scent on the blankets.
It felt like no time at all before his shrill alarm pierced through the uneasy sleep. Jimmy sat up and rubbed his aching eyes and felt his stomach lurch as he remembered the feel of Jacob's lips against his cock. He had to jerk off before he could function at all.
It was the first morning Jimmy had woken up without thinking of what he had lost.
---
Jimmy had calmed even though no amount of showering could remove the memory of Jacob from his mind. There was nothing between Jimmy and freedom, Jimmy realized. If he decided to fuck a guy, so what? There was no one here who cared enough to stop him. Amelia wasn't here and couldn't care that Jimmy was gone or she would have followed. The only one who mattered was Claire and she didn't need to know anything like that so who did it affect?
No one but Jimmy. Jimmy alone had to bear this and he felt sick with the weight of his thoughts right up until he reached the house. The estate agent, a kind young woman with a smile that looked just this side of fake, welcomed him with a well-rehearsed wave.
The calm pervaded through most of the walk around the expansive house. "What am I going to do with all this space?" he asked repeatedly. The estate agent was cheerfully spouting out possibilities as she showed Jimmy each room; the two guest bedrooms, the airy open-plan kitchen and lounge, the bathroom and the wide yard with the flowers and the stooping tree in the middle of it.
It was Jimmy's perfect house. It was everything he could want but he didn't want it at all. He looked at the light slanting warmly through the wide windows and hated it because Claire couldn't see it. He stood in the kitchen and wondered who he was supposed to cook for beside himself and maybe his damn priest.
His doubts didn't stay his hand; he still signed the contract.
---
Whenever Jimmy spoke to Claire it was as though it was a little less than real. One minute he was thinking he should talk to her and then, with apparently no interim, a memory would spring into his mind and he knew he'd talked to her just a few minutes ago. Even when he was sure he hadn't. Jimmy was cracking, his memory was unstable lately and he wondered when it would become enough of a problem that he would give in and go to the doctor.
Not yet. Right now, he had other things on his breaking mind.
Claire hadn't sounded too thrilled that Jimmy had found a new place, not even when he explained it to her. There was a room he would do up just for her and they would set up a swing in the garden.
"I'm too old for that, Dad," she had said, before running off to do her math homework.
Jimmy didn't cry, he wouldn't break that easily, but it was a close thing. If he lost Claire then he lost everything. She was the last scrap of hope in this life and if she was gone, so was Jimmy. This was never going to work without Claire. What was the point of trying?
"I'm going back to Pontiac," Jimmy told Gabriel the next Sunday. Spring was bringing warmth to the usually bitter air but Gabriel looked grimmer than he had before.
"You can't do that, Jimmy," Gabriel said. He studied Jimmy carefully and then sighed, leaning back in the chair. "I don't get it. I really don't. I've given you pretty much everything I could give you. Everything you used to dream of and I got you a slice of your daughter and I don't even mean that literally, those macabre days are behind me. And every fucking week you come here and sulk and look like you've got nothing in the world to live for. What gives?"
The ground lurched out from beneath Jimmy's feet. "What are you talking about?" he asked in a voice that sounded too loud in the echoes of the church.
Gabriel was the crazy one. The priest stood, wild-eyed with one hand on his hip as he glared down at Jimmy and suddenly, the whole vast room felt tiny. Father Gabriel filled it and he wasn't smiling. "You heard me. This isn't working. You keep trying to get back there, you'll get them killed and that's not part of the deal. Believe me, Castiel would cut off my wings and you're not worth that. I'm putting you somewhere new."
Before Jimmy had even a second to work out what the hell was going on, Gabriel clicked his fingers.
Everything stopped.
---
The white noise was deafening. Jimmy woke to the swell of it and cried out as it shook through his head. The headache immediately ran right down to the root of him. What the hell had he drunk last night? From the state of the bedroom and the smeared make-up on the woman at his side, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. With black mascara smudged down her face, her lipstick faded and her lip tugged open on the pillow, she looked like a tragic molten wax model.
She woke, smirked, and rolled out of bed without a word with the efficiency of a pre-agreed arrangement. Jimmy's eyes followed the slip of expensive fabric over her skin as she dressed slowly and then the strut of her sculpted legs as she carried herself from the room.
I don't do this.
Except he did. He always did. His mind filled with a plethora of people, male and female and everyone in between, who had warmed his hotel beds through the years. It dated right back to the day he slung a bag over his shoulder, hitched up his ratty jeans, and left home at seventeen to make it in the world.
Jimmy had, after all, made it. Whatever 'it' was, it was well and truly made.
A scruffy man with sunglasses strolled in, bustled Jimmy out of the bed, and told him to take a shower. "The shoot's in an hour," he said, "so make it quick."
Jimmy was half way through the shower that was bigger than his childhood bedroom upon realising who the man was, and then he worked out what the PA had meant. Shoot. As in photo shoot. Jimmy was a model: one of the most successful male models in America. His face was in every magazine, on every screen. He had his own designer label.
"What the hell," Jimmy said to no-one, stunned by his own life. He pulled out a suit that looked sinfully good on him, all sharp lines and slim cut, and awkwardly made his way out of the expansive house.
His PA was waiting in the sleek black car outside. It was late in the year but still warm in Los Angeles and Jimmy lounged with the window open to brush out some of the vast, stifling heat.
"It's gonna take an hour to rub out those bags under your eyes," Gabriel said, lowering his unnecessary shades to stare at Jimmy. His eyes flicked down to Jimmy's clothes. "But at least you're putting in an effort today. If you scrub away the face, you don't look bad today."
Gabriel had only been with him a few months but he was the best Jimmy had had in the entire decade. Jimmy knew that with absolute, unshakable certainty.
He just couldn't remember why. The guy was seriously irritating.
"Where was I last night?" Jimmy asked. His voice was rough. Fuck, had he been smoking? His mouth tasted rancid enough, even after brushing twice.
Gabriel shrugged and turned to watch the rapidly passing scenery draped in sunlight. "No idea."
"Isn't it kind of your job to know these things?" Jimmy snapped. It only took six and a half minutes of scowling for Jimmy to sigh and look down. "Sorry. My head hurts."
Gabriel smirked and lifted his glasses, resting them on his head. They bunched up his long fair hair and looked entirely ridiculous but there was enough confidence there to pull it off. "Yeah, it's my job. But you've been avoiding PAs since you were eighteen; you've got a head start."
Jimmy shrugged and slouched down further in his seat. The slow movement of the car through traffic rolled his stomach and made his aching head swim. Soon he would be standing in front of the cameras under unforgiving lights and unforgiving eyes and even though he had done this a thousand times, this felt like the first. He was nervous, strung tight.
"I don't want to do this," Jimmy said abruptly. He sat up with his heart beating a panicked rhythm against his ribs. "Gabriel, I want to go home."
"Don't be a child. You wouldn't have bought that damn house without the money you earned doing this," Gabriel said but Jimmy was already shaking his head.
"I don't mean there," Jimmy said but then he stopped and, after a confused moment, leaned back. "I don't know what I mean."
"Oh, this isn't gonna work either, is it?" Gabriel said. He leaned alarmingly close but there was nowhere for Jimmy to retreat. "Seriously, you're impossible. I'm giving you what millions want this time, Jimmy. A life of luxury and a ridiculously huge bank balance. So what's the problem? Oh yeah - you want to go home. So what? I do too, so play along and fucking enjoy it or I'll dump you on Israfel instead. Heaven isn't worth babysitting you."
Jimmy opened his mouth. For a second he remembered everything. He remembered the angels, remembered Castiel, remembered the war. He remembered Amelia and Claire and how he had to protect them, had to stay away at all costs.
The old life, the real life, fell into Jimmy's mind and left him spinning. He remembered. He saw his parents, quiet and sensible and just a little overbearing. He saw Amelia the first time they met, sharing a book in class all those years ago. Under the hot sun that left them both with sunburn through their honeymoon, Jimmy saw their wedding. And Claire. Claire, that beautiful, amazing baby girl who grew up so fast and Jimmy doesn't even know what she looks like now.
He thumped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. There was no going back there, Jimmy knew that.
Luckily with an Archangel in the car it was pretty easy not to think about it. Gabriel. The Archangel Gabriel. Jimmy had to bite back the surge of excitement and awe he felt to as ask? the most important question.
"Where's Castiel?"
"I'm supposed to be keeping you happy and safe," Gabriel said instead of an answer. He rolled his shoulders and looked far more human than Jimmy could ever have expected. "So buck up and enjoy the ride, buster."
There were so many questions Jimmy wanted to ask. He wanted to know why Castiel had left him, whether the war was over, whether he was dead. His lips were parted ready to speak when Gabriel lifted his hand and clicked his fingers.
Sickness spread through Jimmy's tender stomach and blankness emptied his mind. He closed his mouth and his eyes and waited for the day to end so he could curl up in his bed and recover alone.
Beside him, Gabriel frowned and plotted.
---
"So... we should open a candy store."
"How the hell is that supposed to work?" Jimmy asked. The TV was on and the volume was down low since neither of them were paying any attention to it; Gabriel through choice, Jimmy through necessity since Gabriel would not shut up. "We don't have any money, Gabe."
"Actually," Gabriel said slowly, and Jimmy snapped his gaze around to look at him. Gabriel grinned. "You remember that old rich aunt?"
"No one actually has old rich aunts, Gabe," Jimmy replied.
"Yeah, well I did. Emphasis on the past tense. I bought a candy store this morning and you're quitting your job to run it with me."
Jimmy rolled his eyes. This was a joke - it had to be, because people didn't have old rich aunts that died and left them all their money, no matter what strange Victorian books that Gabriel read might say. They didn't have ideas like that and okay, so Gabriel was easily compulsive enough to go through with it, but that didn't mean it was true. "You're bullshitting me."
"What, you actually like working in a café?" Gabriel asked. "You've been there eight years, Jimmy. Time for a change, right?"
"I don't mind it," Jimmy said, but that wasn't true and Gabriel knew it. His boss was an asshole and the hours were stupid. Though there was no way this idea wouldn't go down the pan with Gabriel at the helm, Jimmy found himself intrigued, attention pulled completely from the TV. He studied his friend carefully. "You're serious."
"Deadly," Gabriel said with way too much meaning, then lightened up and slapped Jimmy's knee. "C'mon, you're good with numbers right?"
"Not really."
"Okay, well, better than I am anyway," Gabriel continued. "We can order the best candy and have promotions and -"
"We would have to deal with kids every day," Jimmy pointed out. That seemed to throw Gabriel for a moment until he perked up again. Jimmy cut in before he could say a thing: "No, Gabe, we're not selling porn. I know a candy and porn store might be your idea of Heaven but that is not happening."
"Dude, that would be so much better than Heaven," Gabriel said. He kicked his feet up onto the table and stretched his arms above his head. Jimmy watched the sliver of pale skin above his belt as his t-shirt rose but Gabriel was paying little attention. "I would be on a constant sugar high. It would be amazing."
"You're not doing a great job at convincing me."
Gabriel sat up straight and leaned forwards, hands opened imploringly. "You have to help me. I've already bought the store and you just know it would run me to ruins without you."
Jimmy sighed. He already knew he'd give in and go along with this stupid plan; he always did. Loyalty was both a strength and a weakness but they had been friends for so long, how could he refuse now? "Get me a beer and I'll think about it. And not from the pack you left by the stove."
"I knew you'd say yes," Gabriel said, and that was that.
PART TWO