Now let's play a game... I betchyou I can make a rhyme out of anybody's name... Judy judy bo boody banana fanna fo foody fi fi mo-moody
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[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH HIS PERSONAL SPACE.]
Y-YOU!! [YOU'RE FREAKING HIM OUT, YOU'RE NOT BEING PROFESSIONAL AND NOW YOU ARE GRABBING HIM AND YOU ARE INHUMANLY STRONG. ARE YOU TRYING TO TRIGGER HIS ASTHMA?! HE GETS TERRIBLE DIARRHEA WHEN STRESSED.]
W-WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? [OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD]
T-THAT'S A TRADE SECRET!! NO WAY!! FIVE OUT OF TEN IS COOL ENOUGH!! IT'S COOL ENOUGH!! [OH DEAR JESUS LET GO OF HIM, HE'S BRUISING]
You're the only one who can help probably so you have to tell me what to do! I definitely used to get a ten and now I'm only half that so that means I'm only half as handsome and now no one's going to want to come to my parties anymore and-
[GASP]
That's why we didn't go out last weekend I bet! Are you embarrassed that I'm not cool enough anymore!? Why didn't anyone tell me!?
[He's taking this ranking thing very seriously. And shaking you along with every word]
[SHAKEN TEACHER SYNDROME THIS IS ABUSE!! HIS GLASSES!! HIS GLASSES ARE FALLING OFF HIS FACE!! HE CAN'T SEE WITHOUT HIS GLASSES!! IF THEY SCRATCH, SENOR, YOU ARE PAYING EVERY PENNY!! THOSE ARE DESIGNER!!]
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! IDIOT!! THIS WEEKEND WE DIDN'T GO OUT BECAUSE WE HAD PAPER GRADING TO DO!! [SSFJNSDKFJNKSJFNDKF HE'S STARTING TO FEEL NAUSEOUS!! TRIES TO PULL AWAY FROM YOU OR SHOVE YOU AWAY. WHY ARE YOU SO MONSTROUSLY STRONG, He can usually push you away without much effort! OKAY!! OKAY breaking DOWN before he throws up his lunch of tunafish salad sandwich]
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! I WAS KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIINGGG!! I MEANT 10/10!! NOW LET GO!! YOU'RE HURTING ME AND IF A STUDENT SEES US, WE'LL GET FIRED! [Limp noodle, you're killing him!!]
[What was that you said about grading? Students? Prussia, you've lost your damn mind. But none of that's important because-]
You mean it!? Really!
[All the tears dry up instantly, and if you didn't know any better you'd never guess that he'd just been bawling and snotting and ugly crying everywhere. Now he's all smiles]
Prussia, you play such funny pranks! I knew I shouldn't take you seriously~ You totally 100% almost had me fooled, even!
[But you aren't getting a break yet, because now that he's happy he's another kind of touchy. The kind that likes to lift his friends straight off the ground in a relieved hug]
[did you just insta evaporate your tears like a freak of nature. you're a demon and you have problems than the world can help you]
D-dying--Bo-Bones crushed--MY RIBS, TONY--MY RI--! URK!! [PASSES OUT IN YOUR ARMS BECAUSE he is a puny human and you are a fucking nation. He's dead, Jim. Bury him next to Noah Webster]
[He knows you don't mean any of those names! Friends just like to tease each other and it's totally natural. See, he can totally hang like one of the cool guys!]
[But oh now you aren't responding and it's not much fun hugging someone when they're just flopping around like a dead fish]
...
[Oh look! You must have been really tired to take a nap right in his arms like this. Don't worry, he'll take you back to his house right now so you can sleep it off. He really is the best friend anyone could ask for. Expect to wake up right in his bed with a warm cup of coffee next to you. Also expect your shirt and pants to have mysteriously vanished. Of course he wants his guests comfortable]
...
[Wait, why are you calling him Tony, anyway? Oh well, you've always been a little weird]
[That's a 10 for you! What a good friend]
Now do me!
[Suggestive what?]
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For Antonio, A whopping three out of ten!! [Holds up three fingers! What a good friend!!]
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[Swipes those glasses off his face! That has to be lower than his normal score, right!?]
What about now?
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[Sorry, he's not paying attention to you anymore because he's too busy trying to work out when he started being a five out of ten]
[He may be making a scene with the sudden tears]
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[He needs to make his point strong and passionate by grabbing your arms and staring at you very seriously]
You have to help me be cool again! Tell me everything you do to get really high scores like this!
[He's gonna be a ten out of ten one way or another]
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Y-YOU!! [YOU'RE FREAKING HIM OUT, YOU'RE NOT BEING PROFESSIONAL AND NOW YOU ARE GRABBING HIM AND YOU ARE INHUMANLY STRONG. ARE YOU TRYING TO TRIGGER HIS ASTHMA?! HE GETS TERRIBLE DIARRHEA WHEN STRESSED.]
W-WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? [OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD]
T-THAT'S A TRADE SECRET!! NO WAY!! FIVE OUT OF TEN IS COOL ENOUGH!! IT'S COOL ENOUGH!! [OH DEAR JESUS LET GO OF HIM, HE'S BRUISING]
Reply
You're the only one who can help probably so you have to tell me what to do! I definitely used to get a ten and now I'm only half that so that means I'm only half as handsome and now no one's going to want to come to my parties anymore and-
[GASP]
That's why we didn't go out last weekend I bet! Are you embarrassed that I'm not cool enough anymore!? Why didn't anyone tell me!?
[He's taking this ranking thing very seriously. And shaking you along with every word]
Reply
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! IDIOT!! THIS WEEKEND WE DIDN'T GO OUT BECAUSE WE HAD PAPER GRADING TO DO!! [SSFJNSDKFJNKSJFNDKF HE'S STARTING TO FEEL NAUSEOUS!! TRIES TO PULL AWAY FROM YOU OR SHOVE YOU AWAY. WHY ARE YOU SO MONSTROUSLY STRONG, He can usually push you away without much effort! OKAY!! OKAY breaking DOWN before he throws up his lunch of tunafish salad sandwich]
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! I WAS KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIINGGG!! I MEANT 10/10!! NOW LET GO!! YOU'RE HURTING ME AND IF A STUDENT SEES US, WE'LL GET FIRED! [Limp noodle, you're killing him!!]
Reply
You mean it!? Really!
[All the tears dry up instantly, and if you didn't know any better you'd never guess that he'd just been bawling and snotting and ugly crying everywhere. Now he's all smiles]
Prussia, you play such funny pranks! I knew I shouldn't take you seriously~ You totally 100% almost had me fooled, even!
[But you aren't getting a break yet, because now that he's happy he's another kind of touchy. The kind that likes to lift his friends straight off the ground in a relieved hug]
Reply
D-dying--Bo-Bones crushed--MY RIBS, TONY--MY RI--! URK!! [PASSES OUT IN YOUR ARMS BECAUSE he is a puny human and you are a fucking nation. He's dead, Jim. Bury him next to Noah Webster]
Reply
[But oh now you aren't responding and it's not much fun hugging someone when they're just flopping around like a dead fish]
...
[Oh look! You must have been really tired to take a nap right in his arms like this. Don't worry, he'll take you back to his house right now so you can sleep it off. He really is the best friend anyone could ask for. Expect to wake up right in his bed with a warm cup of coffee next to you. Also expect your shirt and pants to have mysteriously vanished. Of course he wants his guests comfortable]
...
[Wait, why are you calling him Tony, anyway? Oh well, you've always been a little weird]
Reply
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