Just checking in, mostly about writing things b/c I don't want to think about the other things...
So I know I haven't been around lately. I'd say it was because LJ is like a ghost town compared to the heydays (which it is), but that's no excuse because I have a Twitter and Facebook and they barely see any action either.
That's not completely true. I have been playing with Facebook's live feature to stream myself singing when I have public gigs (feel free to find and friend me) and that has been sort of fun, to the extent that anything is fun these days. Things have gone steeply downhill with Aunt Eileen to the point where I've wasted days, even weeks collectively, grieving for her when she's still there, but unavailable in every way that counts. I miss her mind. I might talk about it at some point and all that's happened, but not right now.
I have been writing a little, maybe just as an escape. I still feel this constant sense of guilt about my fanfics sitting there unfinished, but I'm working on getting back in there. I tapered off nearly to nothing ever since Uncle Mike's diagnosis and the events since haven't helped me jump back in. Honestly, the downhill slope really started when Renee passed away. Up till then, there was this love affair with fic and the way people respond and the feeling of accomplishment. It also coincided with a time when the show was on and people wanted fic of it. Now... not so much.
Sometimes fanfic seems like an escape that I need when things get to hard, a world I control, and sometimes it seems like "WTF am I doing, playing in this fake world when the real world seems so dire?"
Anyway, it doesn't take away from the fact that I want to finish these fics. I am determined to. But it's hard at a time when the fandom has moved on. The show is over and, though there may be a handful of people that want to see the end of these stories, it's so few that it seems like a thankless task to finish. It doesn't mean I won't. It just means that I need incentive to an extent. And I keep saying, once I finish my fic, that I will start writing something original, like a reward, but the end result is me doing neither. So I decided to split the difference and see if something I've written, reworked (and way more than 50 Shades was when pulled-to-publish) could work out to lessen the pressure.
I've been toying with the idea of writing a romance novel and self-publishing for so long. I have two completed drafts that I'm not happy with and three half-done things. So I decided to test the waters with a short and I decided that I would pull one of my fics (one that didn't depend on the show canon to exist) and rework it. It's 2/3 longer and almost all new, just using the basic premise. It's going to be some time before it's ready to go. So I figure I'll pull the fic when it's getting closer, but I will leave a note there as to what happened and hint that I can send a doc version if someone really wants to read it again so I'm not being an asshole. It wasn't a popular one, anyway. So I doubt, especially now, that anyone will take issue with it being gone. But just in case, this is the one...
http://planetoftheapril.blogspot.com/2009/02/under-influence-intro.html
I'm not close to deleting it from everywhere yet. I'm still in first draft mode, but it was a 10K fic that is now a 33K novella and the characters have been changed a lot. So I feel like I've made enough changes that it isn't just a find/replace job. I've already made a failed cover, so I'm in this now to the point I can't back out. I'm going to use this and see how it works out and, if I can't make it sell with my best efforts, then maybe I can just stick to light entertainment journalism and finishing fics. But I hope it works out, just enough to make it worth my time.
If anyone wants to read my draft, let me know. I can always use fresh eyes with useful criticism, Myself and a few writer friends (who shall remain unnamed unless they want to be named) have started a group for indie writers to band together and help each other, but everyone is super busy so it's hard to get a beta read.
Anyway, I'm hoping that publishing this short will make feel good enough to finish some damned fic. That's the hope. So far, just being able to work on something that might benefit me in a real way (I know, I know, not for sure, but the possibility is there) is making me feel more inspired.
Off to finish Restless Nights (then the other three, all in good time).