Glee-Fic: Hold On To What You Know, Chapter 9/?
Title: Hold On To What You Know
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Characters/Pairing: Eventual Blaine/Kurt, Kurt/OMC to begin with, others mentioned
Chapter: 9/?
Word Count: 2294
Spoilers: Up to and including 4x07
Summary: Blaine and Kurt never reconciled after their break-up, and Blaine pulled away from everybody he knew and decided to go it alone. Now, four years later, with his life in shambles, he's got a chance to get back everything he thought he'd lost: his friends, his happiness...and Kurt
Chapter Nine
Yes I know there ain't no finish line, I know this never ends
But I'm just learning how to fall, climb back up again
I know there's nothing perfect, I know there's nothing new
We are just learning how to live together, me and you
I'm just learning how to smile, that's not easy to do
You know I live for the day when we can leave and just go running away.
As it turned out, 'going out for sundaes' became 'buying Ben & Jerry's from the corner store and eating on Blaine's couch', and Blaine didn't think he'd ever seen Kurt plough through an entire (albeit small) tub of ice cream before so that was a new experience all by itself.
"Do you want to talk?" he asked when they were about halfway done, and Kurt dug his spoon out and sucked on it thoughtfully before replacing it in the container and turning to face Blaine on the sofa.
"I suppose. I mean, after you...what you did, I was a wreck, but I feel...calm, almost. Maybe because it was a long time coming, maybe because I had the power this time, but I'm not...sad," he admitted, although he dug into his ice cream again and licked some off the spoon before setting it aside. "That's weird, isn't it? That I've called things off with the man I was prepared to marry and I don't feel sad about it?"
"Maybe all that means is that you made the right choice," Blaine shrugged. "It's not as if you'd started planning for the wedding or had a date or anything, so..."
"So maybe the reason I was so reluctant to say anything officially was because I wasn't sure in the first place if it was the right choice?" he mused, looking thoughtful for a few moments before he shrugged his shoulders and moved closer to Blaine on the couch. "That actually makes sense. You know me, I'm obsessed with weddings, but somehow planning my own was a thing I'd been putting off for as long as I could. I always told myself it was because I wanted Carter to finish school, but in the long run that really didn't matter," he looked like he was realizing...truly realizing...all of this for the first time and Blaine was actually kind of relieved.
He didn't want Kurt to regret ending it.
"Want to watch something?" Kurt asked after a few moments of silence, and Blaine was glad for it because he wasn't sure what else to say without making things awkward or looking like he was altogether too happy that Kurt was now a free man again.
"Sure. You can pick," Blaine waved vaguely at his collection of movies and Kurt scrambled over, slotting one into the player before sitting next to Blaine, who raised an eyebrow.
"Les Misérables? Really? I thought after a break-up you wanted something to take your mind off of what just happened," he teased and Kurt elbowed him in the ribs, promptly eating more of his ice cream.
"Seeing people worse off than me makes me feel better. And besides, Blaine, it's Aaron Tveit. Aaron Tveit. If anybody can make me feel better about a break-up..." he sighed dreamily and Blaine snickered, moving himself a little closer as the opening scene started to play.
000
By the time the movie ended it was late and Blaine yawned, stretching a little as Kurt snuffled beside him, his eyes decidedly red-rimmed.
"I don't care how many times I've watched that, the ending scene gets me every time," he murmured, setting his now empty container of ice cream aside and patting his stomach. "I'm going to need to work that off..."
"Don't. You're perfect," Blaine's voice caught on the last word, but he stopped himself from feeling embarrassed because yes, he could say that now.
"Thank you," Kurt gave him a tiny smile before standing up. "Well, I should be getting home, unless..." he looked back at Blaine, his eyes narrowing just the slightest, and Blaine gulped as he felt himself blush.
"I thought we weren't..."
"It's just sleeping, Blaine," Kurt walked to the kitchen and looked over his shoulder, undeniably coy. "Just like we did on New Year's. I may, however, need to borrow some clothes..."
"Clothes. Yes," Blaine high-tailed it to his bedroom because two more seconds of that look and he would have jumped Kurt right there, and as it was the thought of sleeping beside him now, just two single guys who were still really attracted to each other, seemed like an impossible task. He managed to find a shirt and a pair of sweats that were a little too big for him and came out to pass them to Kurt, who murmured his thanks in a low voice and headed into the washroom.
Blaine quickly got his own pajamas on and sat on the bed, hearing Kurt moving around in the washroom before he came out and Blaine squeezed by him to brush his teeth and splash some water on his face, carding his fingers through his hair to get all of the product out before he headed back into the bedroom.
Part of him had been hoping that Kurt would be asleep, but of course he wasn't, and the other man opened his arms in a way that made Blaine powerless to resist as he slid in and let Kurt wrap him up.
"Just friends?" he whispered as Kurt kissed his forehead.
"Mm. For now. I just want to be close to you," he admitted, and Blaine buried his face against Kurt's shoulder and tried not to cry, because God, he'd been needing this for years.
"Good night," he choked out, feeling Kurt exhale against his hair, and he closed his eyes and breathed in everything that was Kurt as he fell into an easy sleep.
000
He woke up before Kurt did and just stared for a few moments, brushing Kurt's bangs out of his eyes and seeing how relaxed he was. Kurt snuffled a little, sighing and pulling Blaine closer involuntarily, and Blaine let himself lie there for a few moments before he decided that maybe making Kurt breakfast would be a good idea and he should probably head to the kitchen to see what he could come up with.
As it turned out, he had a few eggs and a package of bacon in the fridge, and he quickly got everything ready and dumped the fried eggs and crisp bacon onto a large plate when he was finished, grabbing the whole carton of orange juice because who had time to be proper right now?
"Hmm, Blaine?" Kurt mumbled when he walked back into the bedroom, sitting up and sniffing the air. "Is that..."
"Breakfast in bed?" Blaine asked, realizing that it might be a little more than friendly, but Kurt reached out for the plate and Blaine handed it over, passing him a fork before he crawled back into bed and Kurt set the plate so they could both reach it. "It's all I had..."
"Blaine, stop," Kurt laughed, resting his head on Blaine's shoulder for the briefest of moments before he seemed to realize that maybe he shouldn't. "It's lovely. I promise."
"Good," Blaine shook the orange juice and Kurt snorted, muttering something about, 'such a boy,' before he took a swig and passed it back so Blaine could drink from it as well. They ate in silence after that, the plate soon clean and Blaine set it aside and held his arm out, letting Kurt snuggle against him (which, he noted with some pride, the other man did all too readily this time around).
"So, we kind of suck at this whole 'staying platonic' thing," Kurt mentioned, his body relaxed as he trailed a finger down Blaine's chest.
"Yeah. Kind of," Blaine laughed, trying to cover up how nervous he was being in this situation with Kurt because Kurt was almost impossible for him to read right then. "What does that..."
"I don't know," Kurt admitted, furrowing his brow. "But Carter and I never...it was never this easy with him, not like it is with you, and there's something...I never could control myself well around you," he blushed a little and Blaine nudged his temple, sighing softly. "I feel horrible breaking up with him only to jump into bed with you...well, in the sexual sense, I guess I'm already in bed with you..."
Blaine laughed at that, letting the feeling seep through his body because he was happy and Kurt was here, no matter if it was just as a friend for right now. Kurt was in his bed, and he couldn't think of a better way to start a day than this. "Well, you know that I'm yours, whenever you want to try," he finally whispered, and Kurt looked up at him, blinking slowly. "What?"
"Kiss me?" Kurt asked, barely loud enough to hear, and Blaine knew his mouth was hanging open but Kurt was nothing if not full of surprises today. "Blaine just...no mistletoe, no 'midnight on New Year's Eve', no excuses. Just kiss me," he leaned in closer.
Blaine couldn't think of a reason why he shouldn't, especially because it was about the thing he wanted to do the most right now, so he did, pressing his lips lightly to Kurt's and exhaling shakily as his hand came up to cup the other man's cheek.
Kurt made a tiny sub-vocal noise and moved against him, tongue darting out to lick at Blaine's lips and Blaine opened his mouth instinctively, tasting everything that was Kurt, and even though it had been year since they'd done this somehow they fell into it easily, mouths moving perfectly in time.
Kurt sucked on Blaine's bottom lip for a moment before pulling away, his eyes glazed and his lips red, and Blaine knew instantly that neither of them were going to regret this.
"Blaine..." Kurt breathed, his fingers curling into Blaine's shirt, and Blaine hoisted him up a little bit and kissed him again, harder, only to have Kurt clutch at him and groan into his mouth, the sound pure sex and completely wanton and Blaine knew that they had to call this off or they'd really be going too far.
"Kurt, we can't, not..."
"I know," Kurt pressed a much more chaste kiss to his lips before he slid down a little, hand resting easily above Blaine's heart. "But...God, you just make me want to..."
"Yeah?" Blaine asked quietly, knowing the answer, and Kurt nodded shortly as if he were ashamed of it. "Yeah. Yes. Stopping," Blaine breathed out slowly, trying to calm his body down and just thinking about how nice it was to lie here like this with Kurt after so many years. "So...do you have any plans for today?" he decided that was a safe enough topic, but from the frustrated sigh Kurt let out maybe it wasn't.
"Carter's coming over later to pick up some of his things...later this afternoon, so I have to be home for that, but otherwise I'm free. Have any plans?" he looked hopeful that maybe Blaine did, and the younger man thought about it for a few minutes.
"We could grab take-out and watch some movies again? I'd love to go out with you, Kurt, but I just...don't want anybody to see us and assume..."
"That I dumped Carter because I was seeing somebody else?" Kurt laughed. "No, you're right, that wouldn't be good. But I'm always in for movies and dinner. I'll even let you pick," he lightly touched the tip of his finger to Blaine's nose, a playful, easy gesture that had Blaine's whole body feeling warm and content, and Blaine couldn't resist kissing him again because, well, he coul do that now.
And it might take him a long time to be able to do it and not be awed by that simple fact.
000
Kurt left sometime around mid-afternoon, after a few more kisses and lot more cuddling, and Blaine was practically floating on air as he stood in line at the little Thai place close to his apartment and ordered food for the both of them.
He didn't realize the person standing in line behind him was staring at him, or that he followed him over to the end of the counter where Blaine was waiting for the food to be delivered, but when he heard somebody clearing his throat he turned and nearly took a step back in shock.
"Carter. Hi! What are you...doing here?" he sounded lame, he knew, but Carter lived on-campus and where they were now was nowhere close to NYADA. "I know the food from here's good, but..."
"We need to talk," the young man was scowling, his face set in a frown, and he shoved a piece of paper at Blaine with a hastily scrawled phone number on it. "Give me a call and we can meet."
"I really don't think there's anything to talk about," Blaine tried to keep his voice steady as he picked up the bag with the food in it and headed for the door, but Carter stepped in front of him and looked down at him with more than a little bit of annoyance on his face.
"And I really do. I don't know if you realize, Blaine, but Kurt and I were supposed to be married, and suddenly some cheating ex-boyfriend that broke his heart waltzes into his life after almost five years and he's breaking up with me without any good reason why except 'maybe it wasn't supposed to work'?" his voice was getting louder and Blaine looked around cautiously, not wanting to cause a stir in the restaurant.
"Okay. Okay, I'll call you, just...not here," Blaine tried to get around the man again and this time Carter let him, but as he strolled back to his place he couldn't help but be a little nervous.
He had to tell Kurt, and they had to plan exactly what Blaine would say to Carter, because otherwise this could get really, really nasty.
Kurt was worth it, though.
Whatever happened, he was worth it.
Chapter Eight
Chapter Ten
Notes:
1. Yes, you all knew Carter wasn't going to go away that easily, right? But…yay kissing and cuddling?
2. I had a total mind-screw writing part of this chapter because…well, first of all, if you've never seen Aaron Tveit or heard him sing, go google/youtube him right now because he is phenomenal But he was originally supposed to play Finn, and from what I hear what happened was that Ryan Murphy thought he was 'too pretty and Abercrombie' but eventually they asked him because they couldn't find anybody 'right' for the role, but by that point he'd gotten a Broadway gig and couldn't commit. So if he'd have been Finn, Kurt would have literally had a crush on a guy played by Aaron Tveit.
3. The song used is 'Learning How to Smile' by Everclear.