while I was wishing it wa him finding out it was my first citation and let me go. ?? Typo and grammar gone awry, I guess.
he said that I had to pay the fine
guilty anger guilt and anger?
I don't really know what to look for for a strong opening so feel free to disregard what I write. This is easy to read and I could get a sense of the narrator's voice and situation. There were perhaps some run-on sentences that could be broken up for a bit more clarity. Not that much actually happened, so I am not sure what else to say. I did get a feeling that perhaps the narrator is being set up/monitored in some sort of conspiracy (wild guess). Anyway, that's my 2 cents. :) (Oh, I looked at the last sentence of the post before reading, so I knew it was fictional before I read it.)
I like this! I was totally thinking this had happened to you until I got to the last line.
My only nitpicky thing is how does the cop know exactly how fast the 2nd driver is going if he's busy giving a ticket to the 1st driver? It may not actually matter to your story, but it was something I wondered.
Good writing style. Good pace. The one problem I had; it would never have happened. You would just flash a smile and bat your eyes at him and he would've torn up the ticket. ;)
What is the overall vision for the book? A sort of Bridget Jones (although much prettier and thinner :-)) in D.C.? A series of vignettes, a novella, novel? Do you want to write the whole book in the 1st-person or would the 3rd-person be better depending on what comes later? Do you want to use current references ("Madonna") or more generic ones ("Queen of England") so that it doesn't become dated or is it a snap-shot of time theme to show what life is like for a single woman trying to find one, just one measly, little guy in the D.C. dating scene? :-) Is it even about dating? Don't want all the details just a synopsis. :) Also, is it reckless driving because of your speed? (49 in a 25).
Unless these are different, the current ticket for that would be $150
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Comments 4
?? Typo and grammar gone awry, I guess.
he said that I had to pay the fine
guilty anger
guilt and anger?
I don't really know what to look for for a strong opening so feel free to disregard what I write. This is easy to read and I could get a sense of the narrator's voice and situation. There were perhaps some run-on sentences that could be broken up for a bit more clarity. Not that much actually happened, so I am not sure what else to say. I did get a feeling that perhaps the narrator is being set up/monitored in some sort of conspiracy (wild guess). Anyway, that's my 2 cents. :) (Oh, I looked at the last sentence of the post before reading, so I knew it was fictional before I read it.)
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My only nitpicky thing is how does the cop know exactly how fast the 2nd driver is going if he's busy giving a ticket to the 1st driver? It may not actually matter to your story, but it was something I wondered.
Other than that, I love the conversational style!
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What is the overall vision for the book? A sort of Bridget Jones (although much prettier and thinner :-)) in D.C.? A series of vignettes, a novella, novel? Do you want to write the whole book in the 1st-person or would the 3rd-person be better depending on what comes later? Do you want to use current references ("Madonna") or more generic ones ("Queen of England") so that it doesn't become dated or is it a snap-shot of time theme to show what life is like for a single woman trying to find one, just one measly, little guy in the D.C. dating scene? :-) Is it even about dating? Don't want all the details just a synopsis. :) Also, is it reckless driving because of your speed? (49 in a 25).
Unless these are different, the current ticket for that would be $150 ( ... )
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