*gulp* My story

[antyem13]

She walked down the dark side street as she fiddled with the package she was carrying. The girl didn’t know what was inside her delivery, she only knew what they told her, that someone would be there to receive it when she got to The Place. The Place was the code name for where she was going. They had code names for every drop off, though the spot

Comments

[auraxoxo]

if my key bord wsn't so messed up i would tell you wht i think. i'll be sure nd come bck when i cn type with ll the letters ...lol

but for now, i thought it pretty good.

[lilbabybee]

Hi!
This is really good, especially for being so short. You sure you need a beta? lol.
The only constructive criticism I can give is that a few paragraphs are a little wordy. That's all.
You're really good. There's no reason not to post any stories you have.
Do you have a mediaminer, aff, or fanfiction account? If so, get your fics up!!! I think anyone would like to read them.

[antyem13]

Yes I do need a beta, it's only this good after it went through several of my teachers, before it looked VERY different.

Thank you a TON for the complements, my ego could definitely use them. (by the way witch paragraphs? if you don't mind telling me)

Yeah I have an account at mediaminer and at ffn the links in my journal go right to my accounts, though the mediaminer just has a duplicate of one of the two stories on my ffn. The only possible problem is that they are both in the Fushigi Yugi univers so you might not really understand all of it, and especially with The Girl and the Curse, I am rewriting it because of the rather sad job I did on the writing(among other problems).

[lilbabybee]

Well, you really deserve the complements!
Since I have nothing better to do at work, I decided to put your story into a Word doc so I can add a few comments here and there. If you want, I can email it to you or something (cuz I don't know how to put it in the post with the comments included).
My only question is, are you planning on continuing this? It sounds like a good start to a good fic!
Let me know if you want that word doc.
-lilbabybee

[antyem13]

Again, thanks!!

Yeah, yeah, you have to mail it to me so I can really see what you think of it. Do you have my email address??

I have debated this quite a bit. At first I really wanted to continue it as a fan fic since most of the inspiration for 'Zack' came from Inuyasha (I had to use something but had no idea what to use, he was the first one to pop into my head) but at the same time I really wanted to continue it as an original because of the totally different course that I could have the story take. In the end I desited to do both, strange hu. Though for both there will be some adjustments made to this part to make them fit better.