Comments | antishurtugal: A request for criticism and feedback on a story I'm working on.

spylobster in antishurtugal

A request for criticism and feedback on a story I'm working on.

Sep 12, 2018 14:09

I've seen that one other person in this community has asked for feedback on their story and I was hoping to ask the same.

To give some context, my story is of the fantasy genre and I am attempting to go with a Conan The Barbarian/pulp fantasy sort of tone and feeling for it. I've written most of it out, but I've never actually shown it to anyone ( Read more... )

Comments 4

cmdrnemo September 14 2018, 02:45:53 UTC

Alright, since no one else has said anything I'm a make a few points. First: your work is at least a smidgen better than Paolini's. Second: we have a writing advice and discussion discord server that is woefully in need of new members. I haven't got admin access. Otherwise I'd send you an invite. Third: you put your characters names in there at least twice as often as you need to. It's distracting. Fourth: the bandits and merchants come across as weak. Arcadius and Eirene therefor come across as boxing champions challenging an old folks home to a good old street brawl. If you want your characters to look badass you have to give them competent enemies and allies. Then have them stand out as better than the best of the best. If I, as a reader, don't think they're fighting competent enemies I don't see competent heroes. Watch "The Princess Bride" again. See how The Dread Pirate Roberts deals with those bandits? That's how you introduce a hero. He fights a skilled swordsman in a battle of skill, he fights an honourable brute with honour ( ... )

spylobster September 14 2018, 04:03:54 UTC

Hey, thanks for the feedback ( ... )

cmdrnemo September 14 2018, 06:20:49 UTC

Alright, if it is deliberate then it is perfectly fine. I just wanted to make sure it was a decision not a coincidence. A lot of people get hyped on showing how strong the protagonists are and forget that strength is measured in ability to cope with difficulty. Not ability to wipe the floor with mooks ( ... )

spylobster September 17 2018, 00:39:24 UTC

Well, when I say recently conquered, it's relatively recent compared to other territories. The region this story is set in was annexed by the Empire about 50 to 60 years ago, making it a recent acquisition when compared to the other provinces which have been firmly under Imperial control for at least the last 300 years. It was annexed by an emperor largely for his own self-aggrandizement (the biggest settlement in the area is named after him, so that should tell you something) rather than for any resources or strategic military gain ( ... )