wow... as in the words from "Because I Said So", if My mom wouldn't get off the phone with me or wanted to know everything: "Stop being a helicopter mom, you're hovering"
I could never tell my mom everything...all I can say is wow..
I don't want to knowkataraktaJuly 30 2007, 14:37:46 UTC
This would be too much for me, I changed the countries to avoid my mum's constant interference, although she is a great person and we call each other a lot. To tell her everything? never ever, she is worried too much over one third of things she know. Having two teenage daughters myself I can say that I don't want to know things about their sex and parties, but they come to share with me anyway. It comes from their childhood when I used to talk to them openly about lots of things, also about my failures, so they think it is natural to tell me about their problems now. I appreciate it, but every time they tell me about sex I want to disappear and I want them to be small babies again. But I keep a poker's face and give rational answers, only to help myself with a glass of wine (ok, three glasses) later. How did it happen they are so big now? They should never grow up.............damn it.
I work at a University, so I see this growing trend on a daily basis. I really bothers me. I'm all for strong family relationships and open communication, but it seems like there are a growing number of students who can't decide what to have for lunch on their own. Part of becoming an adult is learning how to make decisions for yourself and figuring how to deal with any consequences. How are these kids ever going to grow up?
Worse than dealing with these type of students though is dealing with their parents. These moms and dads will try to take over activities for their children that I was handling on my own at the age of 10. Try explaining to a parent like that how their "child" is now over 18 and therefore an adult, and no, mom and dad will not be given passwords and access to little Jimmy's private data. Uff-da.
It could be the people I'm around, or the area of the states I'm in, but I haven't seen too many instances of people who can't make their own choices(but then again I'm in the middle of Undergrad and work part time in the residence houses so that could also affect things). Its more often, from what I've seen, for the kids to push the parents away, huff and puff, yell at them for trying to help or being concerned, then run crying to them when things blow up because they: drank underaged, skipped too many classes, forgot a condom, decided walking home at 3am drunk and alone as a good idea etc.
The most boggling thing, to me, I see is when parents come in, obviously hungover with their hungover/still slightly drunk teen/young adult in toe after a super fun night of college partying together! Doesn't everyone want to go to a frat house with your parents?
Re: But often, the judgment is a) dead-on and b) sorely needed.kenosisJuly 31 2007, 03:02:17 UTC
It's obvious that we're talking about two different moms and that's fine. I'm clearly not 100% right on this or anything. (And, if I'm above 15%, I'm beating my average.) A lot of these won't be an issue with the kind of mom everyone wishes they had. The kind of mom that's around, and that loves their kid, and that doesn't beat the living shit out of their kid when they fail a class not out of disgust for the grade but because it made the parent look bad. Sometimes I wonder how real these kind of moms are in various shades, though -- if they're as rare as two-headed calves of coelacanths. I don't think so, but it seems like it sometimes.
With all the background info you have to dredge up for a shrink, mom is cheaper, easier, more prompt and probably more relevant.About the cheaper: maybe financially. Definitely not always psychically
( ... )
Close ties were just as common when kids stayed closer to home, but the difference is in the shifting of roles played by parent and child -- mother and daughter.
Since we're going anecdotal here: As a woman in her early 20s, I find myself fighting my mother (figuratively) every time I come home, in an attempt to express my adulthood and capabilities. I live across an ocean, and sometimes I think that the face-to-face dynamic would be better if we had more time to develop it.
Some things I allow myself to indulge in from long distance -- like calling my mom up to ask how to cook a certain dish. Sure, I could consult the internet, but I figure that those are the sorts of things I ought to have and could have learned from my mother if we were there in person. The reality? She'd probably insist on cooking it for me, if I were there.
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I could never tell my mom everything...all I can say is wow..
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Worse than dealing with these type of students though is dealing with their parents. These moms and dads will try to take over activities for their children that I was handling on my own at the age of 10. Try explaining to a parent like that how their "child" is now over 18 and therefore an adult, and no, mom and dad will not be given passwords and access to little Jimmy's private data. Uff-da.
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The most boggling thing, to me, I see is when parents come in, obviously hungover with their hungover/still slightly drunk teen/young adult in toe after a super fun night of college partying together! Doesn't everyone want to go to a frat house with your parents?
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It's sad to think anyone would find it more plausable for someone to talk to their shrink than to talk to their own mother.
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Its a bit worrying that the NY Times thinks having a shrink to share the day's events/worries with is more normal
Ditto.
Yuppies.
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With all the background info you have to dredge up for a shrink, mom is cheaper, easier, more prompt and probably more relevant.About the cheaper: maybe financially. Definitely not always psychically ( ... )
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Since we're going anecdotal here: As a woman in her early 20s, I find myself fighting my mother (figuratively) every time I come home, in an attempt to express my adulthood and capabilities. I live across an ocean, and sometimes I think that the face-to-face dynamic would be better if we had more time to develop it.
Some things I allow myself to indulge in from long distance -- like calling my mom up to ask how to cook a certain dish. Sure, I could consult the internet, but I figure that those are the sorts of things I ought to have and could have learned from my mother if we were there in person. The reality? She'd probably insist on cooking it for me, if I were there.
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