I like it. no, I really really like it! so much so that I can't think of any constructive criticism... will slavish praise do instead? as for a title, "O! the shamb’ling 7331 5p34k hordes!" is surely the way to go :D xxxxx
The constructive criticism bit, of which there is nothing except nit-pickiness:
They’re viruses: and so they strike their greatest foe. (McAfree’s next).
Did you possibly been "McAfee's"? That's a virus-protection software that I've heard of.
That ‘braaaaaaains the most downloaded ringtone
*tilts head* Unless I misread the meaning of that line entirely, there should probably be an end quote & an "is" somewhere in the middle there...
The slavish praise bit: why are you so cool? This is one of the best poems I've read lately -- not that I read much poetry, but -- and it's going straight into my memories. It's just... it has insight, it's fun, it's incredibly clever. I liked this line particularly: Like they’re the bastard sons of Victor ‘Bill Gates’ Frankenstein. ... And the ending. And that bit about the internets. Well, anyway, you get the idea.
Neil Gaiman's "The Day the Saucers Came" is possibly one of the best poems ever written. Only Neil could take such a trite topic and make it... well, what he makes it.
The constructive criticism bit, of which there is nothing except nit-pickiness:
Nit-pickiness is good. :D
Did you possibly been "McAfee's"? That's a virus-protection software that I've heard of.
Gah, yes, fixed. :D We have Norton at home, which didn't have the right number of stresses to feel right. :P Will fix. :D
*tilts head* Unless I misread the meaning of that line entirely, there should probably be an end quote & an "is" somewhere in the middle there...
Yeah, there should be - it was originally meant to be:
...and today it’s been announced That ‘braaaaaaains the most downloaded ringtone' Across seven networks.
I didn't stick the 'is' in because it didn't quite scan properly - but then again, does it manke any sense if with it missing?
The slavish praise bit: why are you so cool? This is one of the best poems I've read lately -- not that I read much poetry, but -- and it's going straight into my memories. It's just... it has insight, it's fun, it's incredibly clever. I liked this line particularly: Like they’re
( ... )
I didn't stick the 'is' in because it didn't quite scan properly - but then again, does it manke any sense if with it missing?
Yeah -- I figured it out, so readers should be able to grasp the meaning, I think.
This sort of addresses one of your paragraphs, sort-of not. Anyway, I used to be a poem traditionalist -- I thought free-verse was crap, it had to rhyme or I wouldn't look at it, that sort of thing. But I've realised that poetry's not so much about the rhyme and the metre as it is about the words, interesting ways to make the words fit together and use them and -- well, you get the idea. And this sort of poem embodies it. :D
That is a very, very good way to look at a lot of Neil Gaiman's stuff, I think -- it draws from a lot of Serious things accepted in literary canon, but behind it, you always get the idea that Neil's smirking at us, daring us to take him seriously so that he can laugh. Um, I don't know if that made any sense.
Eee, I love the "subtext". ;) You just use it the way you'd use an italics or bold tag, but
( ... )
Yeah -- I figured it out, so readers should be able to grasp the meaning, I think.
:)
This sort of addresses one of your paragraphs, sort-of not. Anyway, I used to be a poem traditionalist -- I thought free-verse was crap, it had to rhyme or I wouldn't look at it, that sort of thing. But I've realised that poetry's not so much about the rhyme and the metre as it is about the words, interesting ways to make the words fit together and use them and -- well, you get the idea. And this sort of poem embodies it. :D
The funny thing is, I'd love to write in proper verse forms, or to be able to; but things never really seem to fit. There's alway one too many syllables or stresses, and I can never, ever get the rhyme to work properly with the metre. (I am really jealous of purplefringe's ability to do this with sonnets, because I reall want to write a sonnet). TghnoWOSPTWWWWCoOts75hojTbct(oesb) was, very originally, going to be in iambic pentameter, because recently everything has tried to be in iambic pentameter; but then I realised that 'persistant
( ... )
Comments 12
no, I really really like it! so much so that I can't think of any constructive criticism... will slavish praise do instead?
as for a title, "O! the shamb’ling 7331 5p34k hordes!" is surely the way to go :D
xxxxx
Reply
:D I'm quite tempted just to keep all of them, actually - one long, insane, convoluted run-on title seems rather appropriate. And far too much fun. :P
I couldn't resist the chance to lampoon some real poetry, though. English A-level. Pah.
Reply
They’re viruses: and so they strike their greatest foe. (McAfree’s next).
Did you possibly been "McAfee's"? That's a virus-protection software that I've heard of.
That ‘braaaaaaains the most downloaded ringtone
*tilts head* Unless I misread the meaning of that line entirely, there should probably be an end quote & an "is" somewhere in the middle there...
The slavish praise bit: why are you so cool? This is one of the best poems I've read lately -- not that I read much poetry, but -- and it's going straight into my memories. It's just... it has insight, it's fun, it's incredibly clever. I liked this line particularly: Like they’re the bastard sons of Victor ‘Bill Gates’ Frankenstein. ... And the ending. And that bit about the internets. Well, anyway, you get the idea.
Neil Gaiman's "The Day the Saucers Came" is possibly one of the best poems ever written. Only Neil could take such a trite topic and make it... well, what he makes it.
Reply
Nit-pickiness is good. :D
Did you possibly been "McAfee's"? That's a virus-protection software that I've heard of.
Gah, yes, fixed. :D We have Norton at home, which didn't have the right number of stresses to feel right. :P Will fix. :D
*tilts head* Unless I misread the meaning of that line entirely, there should probably be an end quote & an "is" somewhere in the middle there...
Yeah, there should be - it was originally meant to be:
...and today it’s been announced
That ‘braaaaaaains the most downloaded ringtone'
Across seven networks.
I didn't stick the 'is' in because it didn't quite scan properly - but then again, does it manke any sense if with it missing?
The slavish praise bit: why are you so cool? This is one of the best poems I've read lately -- not that I read much poetry, but -- and it's going straight into my memories. It's just... it has insight, it's fun, it's incredibly clever. I liked this line particularly: Like they’re ( ... )
Reply
Yeah -- I figured it out, so readers should be able to grasp the meaning, I think.
This sort of addresses one of your paragraphs, sort-of not. Anyway, I used to be a poem traditionalist -- I thought free-verse was crap, it had to rhyme or I wouldn't look at it, that sort of thing. But I've realised that poetry's not so much about the rhyme and the metre as it is about the words, interesting ways to make the words fit together and use them and -- well, you get the idea. And this sort of poem embodies it. :D
That is a very, very good way to look at a lot of Neil Gaiman's stuff, I think -- it draws from a lot of Serious things accepted in literary canon, but behind it, you always get the idea that Neil's smirking at us, daring us to take him seriously so that he can laugh. Um, I don't know if that made any sense.
Eee, I love the "subtext". ;) You just use it the way you'd use an italics or bold tag, but ( ... )
Reply
:)
This sort of addresses one of your paragraphs, sort-of not. Anyway, I used to be a poem traditionalist -- I thought free-verse was crap, it had to rhyme or I wouldn't look at it, that sort of thing. But I've realised that poetry's not so much about the rhyme and the metre as it is about the words, interesting ways to make the words fit together and use them and -- well, you get the idea. And this sort of poem embodies it. :D
The funny thing is, I'd love to write in proper verse forms, or to be able to; but things never really seem to fit. There's alway one too many syllables or stresses, and I can never, ever get the rhyme to work properly with the metre. (I am really jealous of purplefringe's ability to do this with sonnets, because I reall want to write a sonnet). TghnoWOSPTWWWWCoOts75hojTbct(oesb) was, very originally, going to be in iambic pentameter, because recently everything has tried to be in iambic pentameter; but then I realised that 'persistant ( ... )
Reply
Did we not agree that my Xmas day post deserved air time when you had nothing to write??? didn't we???
XX C
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