Just A Man

[anteros_lmc]

Title: Just A Man
Author: Anteros
Characters: Archie Kennedy / Horatio Hornblower
Rating: R
Notes: Angst! Lots of it! Set after On the Bridge. Thanks to esmerelda_t for patient beta and for inciting Archie it increasing fits of temper.

Comments

[eglantine_br]

This is spine chillingly good. Archie really gets angry, and angry Archie is frightening. Not cute, not cuddly, very adult, dangerous, scarey. (And sad.)

I started to say that I thought this was the best thing you had written, but you have done so much work that I love, that I am going to have to go back and read a lot of things over, before I can make a reasoned decision. That can be my treat this afternoon, before my long drive tomorrow!)

No--you know I think this is the best most complex...This is an examination of grown-up love, with all its dark spots and defects, and just keeping going anyway. I have not been brave enough yet to write them as more than kids.

[anteros_lmc]

Archie really gets angry, and angry Archie is frightening. Not cute, not cuddly, very adult, dangerous, scarey.
Aye this is definitely two grown up, screwed up men, who have fucked up badly. I really wanted Horatio and Archie to have a realistic adult relationship with all the pain and betrayal but also the compromise and forgiveness that entails.

(And sad.)
It is sad because to some extent Archie has had his idealistic image of Horatio shattered. He's just like any other man after all.

So glad you thought this worked. It's been in my drafts folder for ages, since May in fact, because I didn't rally know where to go with it. Post Muzilliac angst can be such a terrible cliche too. Enjoy the rest of the fic archive if you get a chance to read it! Don't depress yourself though, there's a lot of angst there :}

[lemurling]

Geh. You do heavenly, heavenly angst.

So much to love, but especially angry Archie. I love him angry, it makes him so vital, and strong. So angry that he thought about picking up some random man! I'm glad he didn't though. And I adore that the end is so sad, that the pain doesn't just go away, that Horatio's momentary madness with a woman isn't just forgiven. Those things stay, they don't ruin everything after, but they do stay, alter, tint. Another drop of black ink on the canvas of Archie Kennedy's life.

Also I don't know how, but you made Mariette sort of make sense, and Horatio's grief for her makes sense. I'm still angry as hell at him, but ... I guess he just couldn't help himself.

[anteros_lmc]

Archie certainly has more than enough to be angry about! I think that's the think about betrayal, it's easier to forgive than to forget. But grown up relationships are like that, they're difficult and ambiguous and a pain in the arse sometimes.

So angry that he thought about picking up some random man! I'm glad he didn't though.
Heh, esmerelda_t has already written that one! See Interrupted and Inevitable.

I guess he just couldn't help himself.
I really couldn't come up with any justification as to why Horatio behaved the way he did so I didn't give him one. It happened. He has no excuse for it. Shit happens. Now they have to pick up the pieces.

[lemurling]

Yes! I remembered those fics, but not who wrote them, I had been searching your archive to see if they were yours, because the idea of the inn where men met was familiar (and intriguing) to me. Good stuff, thank you for the links.

Mariette is one of those things that all fic writers have to bang their head against to touch this time period at all. You had Archie bang his head against it instead, and it works so well. But then, everything you do is wonderful. *fangirls*

[anteros_lmc]

Hehe! You can usually guarantee that if Archie shacks up with another bloke esmerelda_t" is to blame. She's great with original characters.

Poor Mariette, she gets such a tough time. It think she just saw a chance of something good amongst all the horror and just seized it. And I think Archie has seen enough war to understand that need. I don't think he blames Mariette, it's Horatio he's pissed off with!

[nodbear]

Archies growing strength and Horatio's learning of what being human can entail and the maturity of both of them changing all handled very well indeed.
And Archie fidning that being angry and being compassionte and both facets of love that lasts - very moving.
Glad you did somethign with this - and with the help of our own esmerelda_t too - great!
Thank you - last time we posted fics that were complementary - this weekend a study in contrasts !

[anteros_lmc]

Archie fidning that being angry and being compassionte and both facets of love that lasts
Well that's the thing isn't it? Loving someone and having a relationship isn't always a bed of roses. Sometimes you have to work at it, and fight for it and make all kinds of compromises. Archie loves Horatio deeply but that doesn't stop him being angry as hell. And I think Horatio is also learning that he has to take responsibility for his actions and deal with the consequences.

and with the help of our own esmerelda_t too - great!
Yes indeed! She was a great help. Although I jokingly suggested that Archie was going to threaten to rearrange a crucial part of Horatio's anatomy and she was all for it ;)

this weekend a study in contrasts !
Absolutely! Chalk and cheese.

[esmerelda_t]

You know I think this acts a good bridge between the Archie we see in Frogs and Lobsters and the Archie we see in Mutiny. In the years in between he becomes harder, and he also becomes more Horatio's equal instead of someone hero worshipping him.

[anteros_lmc]

Absolutely. I had a similar conversation with nodbear offline. I think they have a much more equal relationship by the time we see them on Renown. I think Archie is well aware of all Horatio's fault but they have managed to forge some kind of adult relationship regardless. With all the compromise and ambiguity that entails.

[suzy_74]

Oh my. You had me feeling as angry as Archie. Complicated relationship to put it mildly. What can I say, of curse Horatio would want to help and save at least one. War is a horrible thing. But I am still mad at him! Things never are easy or just "black and white" though.

[anteros_lmc]

Sorry, hope I haven't done irreparable damage to your blood pressure! Archie has to get angry though, he's been betrayed both by Horatio and by his own ideals. I think in some ways he's as angry with himself as with Horatio.

I think in some ways it's inevitable that two men who have been through what Archie and Horatio have been through will always have a complicated relationship. War does terrible things to men. But despite what they have been through they do seem to manage to hold together a relationship and I think lot of that is down to sheer determination on Archie's part.

Thanks again. I always appreciate your comments :)