[tonkotsu]
by verloren1983
Five Reflections on Sai
1. Akira
It had been how long since Sai had entered his life? Bold and uninvited, just like Shindou, and of course the similarities didn't end there. Akira KNEW he had something to do with Sai, but he couldn't quite figure out what. Every time the answer felt within his grasp, it slipped away.
Shindou had promised him "someday", and it was something that taunted him in his dreams. Someday, someday. Not unlike the rest of Shindou, really. It was enough to drive a person insane.
Akira was 25 now, much too old for flights of fancy. He'd always wonder- of course he would- but maybe it was time to put the obsession to rest, and hopefully his unhealthy obsession with Shindou would go along with it.
He hoped.
2. Isumi
Isumi, like many, had never actually had any personal interaction with Sai. He had, however, been subjected to Waya’s rantings and theories and everything else, on top of the rumors. While Waya seemed convinced that Sai was a kid and that Shindou was Sai, Isumi had yet to be convinced. Sai’s message to Waya had been immature, yes. That didn’t prove that he was actually a child. Plenty of adults acted childishly at times. He looked at Waya, completely engrossed in yelling at the television, Shindou laughing gleefully as he apparently kicked Waya’s behind in some video game or other. Case in point. He didn’t believe that Shindou was Sai, either. While he’d grown to be a very formidable player, the fact was that he hadn’t been at the time. Not even close. If Shindou had been able to play like that, he would’ve breezed to the top of the Insei rankings as if they weren’t even there. No. Shindou was not Sai. Knew him, maybe. Still, that was a pretty big maybe. Some of the things Waya had said sounded like he might, but Isumi also knew Waya, and, well… sometimes when he wanted to believe something, he tended to read into things that weren’t there.
He wondered, really, whether Sai’s appearance had been a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, his games were said to be amazing, and the Go world could always use more of that. It encouraged them to be better… even Touya Meijin had become a better player for having played him. On the other hand, he left several people obsessed with his game. Isumi didn’t think that they’d ever find out the truth, at this point… unless Shindou did actually know something and fessed up, but he didn’t think that was very likely. It had already been over ten years. If he knew anything, it was staying with him. Maybe it was better that way.
3. Waya
He knew that Isumi didn’t believe him. Nobody did. Well, that was fine, but Waya still maintained that Sai was a kid. Who else would’ve said something like that? An adult wouldn’t have bothered, pounding him into the dust would be enough. And why him, of all people? Why didn’t Sai talk to anyone else, just him? That was the weirdest part, Waya thought. It almost seemed like… this was a new thing, to Sai, and he felt the need to show off. But how could you possibly be a new player and be able to play like that?
Shindou was still an enigma too. Less so now than in the past, though he would still clam up and change the subject if you tried to get him to talk about Sai. He’d even tried when they were drunk once. That had resulted in Shindou curled up in a ball sobbing, and Waya hadn’t had the heart to ask him again.
4. Amano
What interested Amano the most about Sai was how people reacted to him, even years later. How people made up their minds about this or that regarding the elusive player... despite that everything about Sai, from day one, had been pure speculation. Except his talent. That no one could question. Even now, talk of Sai still came up among the pros. Usually the same ones. The other most interesting thing was that Shindou 8-dan always grew very quiet during these conversations, his eyes far away. If Amano had been a less reputable journalist, if he'd had less respect for Go players and their privacy, he would've asked long ago what that was about.
Not that he probably would've gotten a straight answer anyway. Getting answers about Sai was like catching smoke on a windy day.
5. Kouyo
What Kouyo didn’t completely realize was that aside from his son, he was the closest to knowing the truth about Sai. He knew for a fact that Sai was connected to Shindou-kun. Not a guess, not a suspicion, but actual fact. He hadn’t even told Akira that. Like Akira, he’d thought at first that they were the same person, but time proved that quite inaccurate. Kouyo had long ago concluded that it was probably a teacher-student relationship. Shindou’s Go showed glimpses of Sai’s, but had developed beyond it. Not better, but branching off completely, though the roots of Sai’s teachings were there. Like all students, Shindou had taken the parts he could use and discarded the rest. Akira had done the same thing. Even with this, though, you could always tell a teacher-student pair by their Go.
Why the mystery, then? Even if Sai himself (or herself, Kouyo wasn’t terribly internet savvy, but he knew that one’s gender could be obscured just like one’s identity) was unable to appear physically for some reason- an illness, perhaps- that was no reason to keep everything about Sai shrouded in secrecy. Go like that should be discussed, analyzed, help them get closer to the Hand of God.
Of course, he realized that it probably didn’t matter now. Shindou-kun’s urgency at making sure he agreed to play Sai, his disappearance and return not long after, the resulting seriousness in the boy that hadn’t been there before… they all pointed to one thing. Sai had passed away. This was an intense disappointment, once it occurred to Kouyo. But the truth was, he wasn’t a young man anymore. It would be sooner rather than later that Kouyo himself would follow.
The Hand of God would wait.
Five Reflections on Sai
1. Akira
It had been how long since Sai had entered his life? Bold and uninvited, just like Shindou, and of course the similarities didn't end there. Akira KNEW he had something to do with Sai, but he couldn't quite figure out what. Every time the answer felt within his grasp, it slipped away.
Shindou had promised him "someday", and it was something that taunted him in his dreams. Someday, someday. Not unlike the rest of Shindou, really. It was enough to drive a person insane.
Akira was 25 now, much too old for flights of fancy. He'd always wonder- of course he would- but maybe it was time to put the obsession to rest, and hopefully his unhealthy obsession with Shindou would go along with it.
He hoped.
2. Isumi
Isumi, like many, had never actually had any personal interaction with Sai. He had, however, been subjected to Waya’s rantings and theories and everything else, on top of the rumors. While Waya seemed convinced that Sai was a kid and that Shindou was Sai, Isumi had yet to be convinced. Sai’s message to Waya had been immature, yes. That didn’t prove that he was actually a child. Plenty of adults acted childishly at times. He looked at Waya, completely engrossed in yelling at the television, Shindou laughing gleefully as he apparently kicked Waya’s behind in some video game or other. Case in point. He didn’t believe that Shindou was Sai, either. While he’d grown to be a very formidable player, the fact was that he hadn’t been at the time. Not even close. If Shindou had been able to play like that, he would’ve breezed to the top of the Insei rankings as if they weren’t even there. No. Shindou was not Sai. Knew him, maybe. Still, that was a pretty big maybe. Some of the things Waya had said sounded like he might, but Isumi also knew Waya, and, well… sometimes when he wanted to believe something, he tended to read into things that weren’t there.
He wondered, really, whether Sai’s appearance had been a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, his games were said to be amazing, and the Go world could always use more of that. It encouraged them to be better… even Touya Meijin had become a better player for having played him. On the other hand, he left several people obsessed with his game. Isumi didn’t think that they’d ever find out the truth, at this point… unless Shindou did actually know something and fessed up, but he didn’t think that was very likely. It had already been over ten years. If he knew anything, it was staying with him. Maybe it was better that way.
3. Waya
He knew that Isumi didn’t believe him. Nobody did. Well, that was fine, but Waya still maintained that Sai was a kid. Who else would’ve said something like that? An adult wouldn’t have bothered, pounding him into the dust would be enough. And why him, of all people? Why didn’t Sai talk to anyone else, just him? That was the weirdest part, Waya thought. It almost seemed like… this was a new thing, to Sai, and he felt the need to show off. But how could you possibly be a new player and be able to play like that?
Shindou was still an enigma too. Less so now than in the past, though he would still clam up and change the subject if you tried to get him to talk about Sai. He’d even tried when they were drunk once. That had resulted in Shindou curled up in a ball sobbing, and Waya hadn’t had the heart to ask him again.
4. Amano
What interested Amano the most about Sai was how people reacted to him, even years later. How people made up their minds about this or that regarding the elusive player... despite that everything about Sai, from day one, had been pure speculation. Except his talent. That no one could question. Even now, talk of Sai still came up among the pros. Usually the same ones. The other most interesting thing was that Shindou 8-dan always grew very quiet during these conversations, his eyes far away. If Amano had been a less reputable journalist, if he'd had less respect for Go players and their privacy, he would've asked long ago what that was about.
Not that he probably would've gotten a straight answer anyway. Getting answers about Sai was like catching smoke on a windy day.
5. Kouyo
What Kouyo didn’t completely realize was that aside from his son, he was the closest to knowing the truth about Sai. He knew for a fact that Sai was connected to Shindou-kun. Not a guess, not a suspicion, but actual fact. He hadn’t even told Akira that. Like Akira, he’d thought at first that they were the same person, but time proved that quite inaccurate. Kouyo had long ago concluded that it was probably a teacher-student relationship. Shindou’s Go showed glimpses of Sai’s, but had developed beyond it. Not better, but branching off completely, though the roots of Sai’s teachings were there. Like all students, Shindou had taken the parts he could use and discarded the rest. Akira had done the same thing. Even with this, though, you could always tell a teacher-student pair by their Go.
Why the mystery, then? Even if Sai himself (or herself, Kouyo wasn’t terribly internet savvy, but he knew that one’s gender could be obscured just like one’s identity) was unable to appear physically for some reason- an illness, perhaps- that was no reason to keep everything about Sai shrouded in secrecy. Go like that should be discussed, analyzed, help them get closer to the Hand of God.
Of course, he realized that it probably didn’t matter now. Shindou-kun’s urgency at making sure he agreed to play Sai, his disappearance and return not long after, the resulting seriousness in the boy that hadn’t been there before… they all pointed to one thing. Sai had passed away. This was an intense disappointment, once it occurred to Kouyo. But the truth was, he wasn’t a young man anymore. It would be sooner rather than later that Kouyo himself would follow.
The Hand of God would wait.