Tebun, Chapter 1 Part 1

[anopholes]

There's stuff about skin colour in here that I forgot to put in the Prologue. Another thing I have to remember to add. To understand this you have to know that Jack and Andria were both born and raised (both by their parents and Hurk) in Tebun, and are therefore Tebunese. Miek and Lusie are living in Gegraine, the capital city of Jaal (which also

Comments

[scarecrow000]

Would you hate me if I edited the whole thing? o_O

[anopholes]

Nope!

[scarecrow000]

Yay!

Well I'll go through it tonight or this weekend.

Following the style of writing I like and also editing comments I've read, 2nd draft = 1st draft - 10%, adverbs suck phallus (I don't like them), and other more general stuff.

Shall I just comment with the edited version?

[anopholes]

Sure. Or if it's too unbelievably massive you can email me to annundelothiel@gmail.com. You can look through the prologue too, if you have the urge.

[warrior_cat]

*flails happily* For goodness, this is the best thing I've read since Wicked! It reminds me of Wicked, too.

I adore these lines:
Once more she tiptoed over to the banister and leaned over, a cold breeze rippling the hem of her nightshirt. From here it was even harder to see properly, but the horrible door remained immobile.

I don't think the last too paragraphs are awful at all, in fact I quite like them and understanding the sign language Andria's developed.

High praise indeed! <3

[anopholes]

*Bows* Thankee :D

Oh crapness, I forgot to mention anything about Lusie's pendant. *facepalm*

[scarecrow000]

While I remember to ask, is Miek pronounced Mee-eck?

[anopholes]

Yep.

[scarecrow000]

Yay! *Dances*

I was hoping so... Mai-eck doesn't sound so good.

[anopholes]

Ew, like maize.. but not.