Vulcan chat up lines
I spotted some genius hilarity over at st_xi_kink and felt the need to collate and share.
An awesome anon begins it thus:
“Cadet Uhura.”
“Yes, Professor Spock?”
“I would like to request your presence at an event I fully intend to host in the immediate, foreseeable future. A prompt R.S.V.P. would be most appreciated.”
“Oh?”
“Indeed. It is to be a small celebratory gathering.”
“Oh, that sounds fantastic. Where are you planning on holding it?”
“Ah, that is-ahem-I intend to host this event within the confines of my regulation issued uniform slacks.”
“...wa...wait.”
“Yes?”
“...did you just...”
“Did I just...?”
“Invite me-uh-Yes.”
“Yes?”
“I would love to come to a party in your pants, Spock.”
“That is most...agreeable.”
Later awesomeness includes:
"I am concerned that you are not showing signs of fatigue, Cadet Uhura, as you have been vigorously sprinting through the confines of my subconscious since dawn."
"Cadet Uhura, might I inquire as to whether or not you suffered physical discomfort upon falling to Earth? Also, it would be prudent to alert your superiors that one of their ranks has recently gone missing."
"I wish to confirm your proficiency at cardiopulmonary resuscitation, Cadet, as I find myself experiencing an increased probability of respiratory system malfunction while in your vicinity."
"Would it be permissible for me inquire whether you originally resided in a state in the "Southern" region of twenty-first-century America, Cadet Uhura? The matter is of some interest to me, as I believe I would rank you alone at the top of an arbitrarily defined ten-point scale."
"As a linguist, I would appreciate your opinion as to whether it would be acceptable to reorganize the Roman Earth alphabet in order to place the twenty-first and ninth letters adjacent to one another? It is my considered opinion that this would enhance both efficiency and symbolic meaning."
"I was wondering, Cadet Uhura, if I could persuade you to accept this ticket? It will grant you entrance to a display of small armaments, which happens to be taking place at this moment in the approximate region of my biceps and deltoids, with an auxillary showing in the vicinity of the tricep."
"My apologies for the interruption, but I appear to have misplaced my communicator's identification code. Would it be permissible for me to obtain yours for the interim?"
"Cadet Uhura, if I were to select an enzyme that most exemplifies my current state of being, I would select the DNA helicase. This, of course, would permit me to unzip your genes."
"The second law of thermodynamics states that it should be physically impossible for you to continue spontaneously increasing in temperature, as you are already the hottest personage in the immediate vicinity. I would enjoy studying this phenomenon further, perhaps in private?"
"After a thorough examination of the various equations and functions of your culture's mathematics, I find myself identifying most closely with the "tangent" formula, as it lies enviably close to the aesthetically pleasing contours of your body in a manner I wish to emulate."
"Cadet Uhura, may I inquire as to whether or not you had a rural upbringing and/or experience handling livestock? You appear to have an unparalleled ability in maturing roosters."
"Your current selection in clothing is aesthetically pleasing. However, I believe the pleasure factor could be increased significantly by reallocating them to the floor of my dormitory quarters."
"You display superior taste in footwear. In an unrelated matter, I would like to mate with you."
"Cadet Uhura, I would like to confirm that your first name is Nyota and not, in fact, Mickey, as historically only humans named Mickey have been so incomprehensibly attractive."
"Cadet Uhura, may I request a private mating session in my quarters, followed by the consumption of "pizza?" If this is not satisfactory, perhaps some other food may be obtained from the mess hall."
"If I may ask, Cadet Uhura, did you experience any pain when you fell from the celestial body that primitive humans once referred to as heaven?"
"Cadet Uhura, it appears to me as if someone has assaulted you with a phaser set on 'stunning'." [personal favourite!]
“Do you subscribe to the concept of predestined affection based on initial visual perception? Or shall I walk by again?”
"Have the atmospheric controls for this room defaulted to an unusually high temperature many degrees above recommended levels -- or is it just you?"
"I require aid in ascertaining the spring constant of my regulation mattress. Would you care to collect data?"
"I appear to be experiencing an energy surge. Is it possible that you have rerouted the EPS conduits through my heart?"
"May I remark that the garments covering your lower body appear unusually reflective today? I find that it is possible to view myself in them."
"Madame, if I may submit that "legs" is the vernacular term currently at the of peak of interest, it would be most logical if we were to return to your domicile and disseminate this information for maximal satisfaction."
Credit to kitaloon, loopychew , (and some other Trek kink meme members that Lj apparently won't let me credit cos everything is being weird and I'm not going to edit this anymore!) and the many amazing anons in the threads (or possibly it's just one super-amazing anon).
If anyone has anymore let me know!
Edited (repeatedly) to fix hinky LJ cut and general html-borkery
ETA: Sequel now here
An awesome anon begins it thus:
“Cadet Uhura.”
“Yes, Professor Spock?”
“I would like to request your presence at an event I fully intend to host in the immediate, foreseeable future. A prompt R.S.V.P. would be most appreciated.”
“Oh?”
“Indeed. It is to be a small celebratory gathering.”
“Oh, that sounds fantastic. Where are you planning on holding it?”
“Ah, that is-ahem-I intend to host this event within the confines of my regulation issued uniform slacks.”
“...wa...wait.”
“Yes?”
“...did you just...”
“Did I just...?”
“Invite me-uh-Yes.”
“Yes?”
“I would love to come to a party in your pants, Spock.”
“That is most...agreeable.”
Later awesomeness includes:
"I am concerned that you are not showing signs of fatigue, Cadet Uhura, as you have been vigorously sprinting through the confines of my subconscious since dawn."
"Cadet Uhura, might I inquire as to whether or not you suffered physical discomfort upon falling to Earth? Also, it would be prudent to alert your superiors that one of their ranks has recently gone missing."
"I wish to confirm your proficiency at cardiopulmonary resuscitation, Cadet, as I find myself experiencing an increased probability of respiratory system malfunction while in your vicinity."
"Would it be permissible for me inquire whether you originally resided in a state in the "Southern" region of twenty-first-century America, Cadet Uhura? The matter is of some interest to me, as I believe I would rank you alone at the top of an arbitrarily defined ten-point scale."
"As a linguist, I would appreciate your opinion as to whether it would be acceptable to reorganize the Roman Earth alphabet in order to place the twenty-first and ninth letters adjacent to one another? It is my considered opinion that this would enhance both efficiency and symbolic meaning."
"I was wondering, Cadet Uhura, if I could persuade you to accept this ticket? It will grant you entrance to a display of small armaments, which happens to be taking place at this moment in the approximate region of my biceps and deltoids, with an auxillary showing in the vicinity of the tricep."
"My apologies for the interruption, but I appear to have misplaced my communicator's identification code. Would it be permissible for me to obtain yours for the interim?"
"Cadet Uhura, if I were to select an enzyme that most exemplifies my current state of being, I would select the DNA helicase. This, of course, would permit me to unzip your genes."
"The second law of thermodynamics states that it should be physically impossible for you to continue spontaneously increasing in temperature, as you are already the hottest personage in the immediate vicinity. I would enjoy studying this phenomenon further, perhaps in private?"
"After a thorough examination of the various equations and functions of your culture's mathematics, I find myself identifying most closely with the "tangent" formula, as it lies enviably close to the aesthetically pleasing contours of your body in a manner I wish to emulate."
"Cadet Uhura, may I inquire as to whether or not you had a rural upbringing and/or experience handling livestock? You appear to have an unparalleled ability in maturing roosters."
"Your current selection in clothing is aesthetically pleasing. However, I believe the pleasure factor could be increased significantly by reallocating them to the floor of my dormitory quarters."
"You display superior taste in footwear. In an unrelated matter, I would like to mate with you."
"Cadet Uhura, I would like to confirm that your first name is Nyota and not, in fact, Mickey, as historically only humans named Mickey have been so incomprehensibly attractive."
"Cadet Uhura, may I request a private mating session in my quarters, followed by the consumption of "pizza?" If this is not satisfactory, perhaps some other food may be obtained from the mess hall."
"If I may ask, Cadet Uhura, did you experience any pain when you fell from the celestial body that primitive humans once referred to as heaven?"
"Cadet Uhura, it appears to me as if someone has assaulted you with a phaser set on 'stunning'." [personal favourite!]
“Do you subscribe to the concept of predestined affection based on initial visual perception? Or shall I walk by again?”
"Have the atmospheric controls for this room defaulted to an unusually high temperature many degrees above recommended levels -- or is it just you?"
"I require aid in ascertaining the spring constant of my regulation mattress. Would you care to collect data?"
"I appear to be experiencing an energy surge. Is it possible that you have rerouted the EPS conduits through my heart?"
"May I remark that the garments covering your lower body appear unusually reflective today? I find that it is possible to view myself in them."
"Madame, if I may submit that "legs" is the vernacular term currently at the of peak of interest, it would be most logical if we were to return to your domicile and disseminate this information for maximal satisfaction."
Credit to kitaloon, loopychew , (and some other Trek kink meme members that Lj apparently won't let me credit cos everything is being weird and I'm not going to edit this anymore!) and the many amazing anons in the threads (or possibly it's just one super-amazing anon).
If anyone has anymore let me know!
Edited (repeatedly) to fix hinky LJ cut and general html-borkery
ETA: Sequel now here