Fic: Observations, Ch 239
I am awake. Bateman and his partners are gone. They have sated themselves.
I lie on the prison floor and do not think. Do not recall. Remembering will only drive me to insanity. My only imperative-to survive. There are no comforts I can take.
He is not here. I calculate the odds in my head again and again, adding variables, counting seconds. I calculate the odds of my own survival. I have lost blood.
Do not think about consequences. Consequences imply continuation. Continuation implies another five minutes. Another five minutes implies coming closer to some other form of rape. Another five minutes implies coming closer to my breaking point. Perhaps I have already reached my breaking point. Do not think about consequences. Consequences imply life aboard the Enterprise.
Do not think about Jim. Do not think about Jim. Do not think about Jim. Jim implies love implies sex implies rape implies violation implies filth implies despair implies unknown implies why implies nothing. Withdraw withdraw find a safe place but no place is safe. No place is safe.
The door opens. The entity has returned.
“Satisfactory-the emotions witnessed and recorded! Exquisite. Especially when you finally closed you eyes and I could see you struggling not to cry out-though I’ll never know if it was from pain or ecstasy. Probably the former, but will you quote the odds that it was both? No? Still maintaining silence, I see. That won’t do. I want more from you, Object Spock.
“This silence-why don’t you simply give it up? You won’t give into that feeling. Just as you had to open your eyes with that light still flickering. Practically extinguished, guttered out, but somehow it’s there. I want it gone. I have a theory, you see, that when the light is gone, you will never stop screaming. This ridiculous light has frustrated me to no end, and I would like it eliminated. I almost had you, I almost had you broken, but it seems that wasn’t enough.
“Well, it’s no matter. We’ve come to collect your mind. Bateman sends his regards, he quite enjoyed the sport you provided. It’s a high compliment, Object-Bateman is very selective about his fun. I do like the rope burns, they are a nice touch.
“I sometimes wonder what it would be like witnessing it firsthand, I have done so in the past. But it’s not the same, watching it live. One cannot have objectivity, what with the mess and the noise of it. I’m sure you can understand that as a scientist? I’ve tried-there’s simply something different about watching it from a screen.”
Do not listen to words. Do not think. Do not move. Survive.
Survive for what? What in this universe could possibly be worth surviving this for? End it.
Don’t.
Why?
Just don’t.
Justification.
None.
Logic.
None.
Emotion.
None.
Then why.
Just don’t.
A girl emerges from the shadows. Wild, her eyes are infected with madness.
“Well, go on with it.”
“Does if do I promise get?”
“If you do a good job, exactly as I want.”
“Promise heart cross die to hope I?”
“Do it girl!” the sound of a slap, sending her across the room.
The girl ferociously attacks, but the entity activates a switch and she crumples, clutching her head and twisting in agony. She screams and screams until her voice is gone, and she is sobbing against the pain. Whatever my condition, hers is infinitely worse.
That realization brings no comfort.
“Now get up sweet child and do as I say.”
Her body goes limp and she takes heaving breaths, audible gasps of air. Tears stream down her hollow cheeks.
One of the attendants drags her up to her feet and she sways, eyes closed. With trembling hands she presses her fingers into her face until the nails dig in and liquid oozes out of her skin.
I raise my defenses as much as I can, wondering how much of my memories and mental facilities will remain intact after this ordeal. If-when-if Jim ever finds me, I will be a different person.
Time passes. An eternity. A second. I do not know. I cannot distinguish. The little that remains of my energy and willpower is poured into my telepathic shields.
I do not know why I am defending myself. The temptation is there-
But the attack never comes. Instead, there is a knock. In the space of our minds, the mad girl stands before me, clear eyed and weary.
“This way was not always I. Escape, escape before break they you too. Before break you must I. Control fragile.”
I do not trust her.
“Best this they do. Break trust. More than breaking people, expert faith breaking in. No hope, no hope, dark and gloom. Trust me not, weapon am formed. Own mind betrays-good not me to trust.”
She suddenly smiles and looks up. The expression is disturbing.
“Bells. Stars. Clarion calls. Can you hear them?
“Here. Are here they. Are here they to him away take. Running confusion ants spiders make blood spilled on the titanium ladder climb away and fly to me mighty spirits call and clash the clouds of iron free fall come away come away in rage and panic light love laughter life and lay today today we find the shelter helter skelter are the fray.”
She looks at me, clear eyed once more.
“Gift you give I. Hope from slave, two mites from widow woman. All that I have-small weak words. But remember me, for gift you give I.”
She looks curiously at her hand, and slowly her ring finger and middle fingers part and her hand forms the ta’al. I stare at her when she holds that gesture out to me.
“Remember remember life love and laughter / remember remember love laughter and light / keep fighting keep living heart beats to remember / a reason to go in the face of the night. Remember remember those who so love you / remember your mind and your heart and your soul / remember the struggle the tears and the shadows-this too shall pass and soon you’ll be whole.
“Evil and hatred the madness of terror / agony despair the blackness of pain / remember the goodness the pureness the shelter / remember the hope and his love once again. Survive and suppress the fear of tomorrow / there is a clean place to wash all away / the filth and the rape and the stench of surrender / the vileness the dirt wash away in the rain.
“You have reason to live you have reason to love / to continue to thrive to stand without shame / forget this place and forget all your sorrow / they love you they live share your burden your name. He’s here for you near for you yearning with anguish / to find you to free you to love you to claim / a kiss from your lips from your hands and to hold you / heart beats to remember heart beats to remain.”
Spock
She closes her eyes and I feel her presence fading, ephemeral and receding.
“At last I am free from the ones who tore brain \ to pieces and killed for amusement for gain / lab observation and let us create \ new Frankenstein monster girl coronate / sold me for pennies as oddkin and slave \ but now free from unending unfailing crave / to use to confuse to muse to abuse me \ control to prick to pinch to extol me / mind weapon tool unstable unholy \ unwhole missing pieces never to find. At last I am free, a girl who dreamed only / of escaping with wings and touching the sky. At last I am free, a girl but the only / way of escape was in madness to die.”
Spock. Spock, come back to me. Come back to me.
Open my eyes. Corpses are being dragged away by various Starfleet officers. Among them, this emaciated girl. I watch as they stuff her body into a black bag.
“Hey, Spock, how’re you doing?” he asks softly as he works on my shackles.
I close my eyes, and open them again.
“I’m here. I’m real. We’re all here, okay? We’ll get you out of here. Sulu, exits secured?”
“Yup.”
“Bones, get ready for some hurt people.”
“Shut up Jim and just beam up asap. Gently.”
“Giotto, all teams done sweeping this hell hole? Any prisoners?”
“Seven killed on sight, three captured. The teams are still chasing some stragglers down, but most of them scattered, sir. There are some pretty deep prisoner facilities-everyone will need medical help. Some look like they’ve been here for a long time.”
“Organize whatever you need. Nyota, transmissions to Starfleet now. I want them to know about this fucking sex trafficking ring they’ve got going here, and I want the highest authorities you can pull here to investigate.”
“Aye sir. Jim-is he-?”
“Want to say hi to Nyota, Spock? Nevermind, scratch that. Nyota, he’s in one piece. I need you on duty though, all right? Keep it together.”
“Understood.”
Jim lifts me into his arms. Someone places a blanket around me, while others suck in breath at the sight of my mangled body. I tuck my head into Jim’s chest.
I’m here. You’re safe. We’ll get through this. Just hold on.
“Do we have a secure beam up location?”
“Confirmed, captain.”
“Then do it.”
I am in his arms. No place is safe. I do not think of consequences. But I hold on.
--
De mí sé decir que, después que soy caballero andante, soy valiente, comedido, liberal, bien criado, generoso, cortés, atrevido, blando, paciente, sufridor de trabajos, de prisiones, de encantos; y, aunque ha tan poco que me vi encerrado en una jaula, como loco, pienso, por el valor de mi brazo, favoreciéndome el cielo y no me siendo contraria la fortuna, en pocos días verme rey de algún reino, adonde pueda mostrar el agradecimiento y liberalidad que mi pecho encierra.