Amalgamation (2/9)
Title: Amalgamation
Chapter: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Spock/Kirk
Warnings: Sexual content, language, AU, hermaphrodism, general blasphemy, etc.
Summary: As a half-Vulcan, Spock never expects to imprint. It's rare enough for a full-blooded Vulcan to imprint, so why should he have it easy? But he does imprint - on the delinquent who sabotaged his Kobayashi Maru. And everything he once knew is about to change.
Spock spends almost the entire night reading up on Vulcan imprinting. He finds no references to same-sex imprints. He finds no written history of rejected imprints. He finds nothing of any use. It is maddening.
Instead of sleeping, he calms himself with meditation. It is all he can do to maintain the shields he has placed around his consciousness and not allow the imbalance it has caused to deprive him of his logic.
And yet he can’t stop thinking of Kirk. The cocky grin and big hands. He’s barely seen the man, and his mind is filled with bits and pieces he’d witnessed. He smiled with teeth. His shoulders were wide - wide enough to stretch out the material of his uniform minutely.
No biggie.
Spock shivers. He forces the memory of the voice out of his mind, tying it as best he can to a feeling of repulsion. There is no logic in this - no biological benefit. It is a bond that will not further the bloodline.
Perhaps it is proof he is not as much a Vulcan as he thought.
The meditation fails to calm him sufficiently, but the trial will provide him the chance to use his logic enough that he may be calmed anyhow. He dresses, prepares his arguments, and makes his way to the hall.
Goddamn it, Kirk is there when he arrives. It takes all he has to avoid looking at his face. To avoid looking at any part of him. He takes his position and waits for the proceedings to begin.
He forces Kirk’s voice to mute in his ears. He does not desire any further distractions. Should this go well, he will never need see this man again.
Vaguely, he understands that he is being called to explain the charges. It also means he shall have to face his imprint. But he steps down regardless, taking his new position and folding his arms behind his back. He faces his imprint, trying not to show any hesitation.
His eyes are blue. Spock is prompted to speak, and he takes a deep breath, speaking everything he’s told himself to say in that single exhalation. “Cadet Kirk, you somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine in the programming code, thereby changing the conditions of the test.”
Spock can feel the man’s defiance through the bond, even though he does not want to. “Your point being?”
“In the academic vernacular,” the board member clarifies, “you cheated.”
Spock staunchly avoids looking at his imprint. But the man is looking back to him. He hopes it is brief. “Let me ask you something I think we all know the answer to,” Kirk says clearly. Spock listens. “The test itself is a cheat, isn’t it? I mean, you programmed it to be unwinnable.”
It is illogical to consider it a ‘cheat’ by any means, Spock thinks to himself, careful not to allow it through the bond. All he says is, “your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario.”
Those eyes. Spock’s body tightens, his heart rate elevating slightly and physiological indicators moving towards tension. “I don’t believe in no-win scenarios.”
The force with which the emotions behind the statement crash through Spock’s consciousness nearly brings him off balance, but he regains himself. Refusing the urge to hesitate, he replies coolly. “Then not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the principle lesson.”
The man’s emotions are coming clearly now, one after another, overwhelmingly. Distaste. “Please, enlighten me.”
Spock was prepared for this contingency, but not the emotions it would elicit. He breathes to calm himself. “You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk; a captain cannot cheat death.”
Anger. Outrage. Humiliation. Grief. And even still, defiance.
“I of all people.”
“Your father,” Spock spits out as a wave of outrage flows through the bond. God, how Spock hates this man. He cannot believe it possible that he’s imprinted upon him. “Lieutenant George Kirk assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action, did he not?”
Fury.
“I don’t think you like the fact that I beat your test.”
And now Spock cannot look away. It no longer matters that he has imprinted upon this shameless human male or that the integrity of his exam has been compromised. He tells himself to hate this man, and it is easy. It is so easy. His chest boils - metaphorically - and he speaks rapidly. “Furthermore, you have failed to divine the purpose of the test.”
Disrespect.
“Enlighten me again,” the man dares. Spock maintains his gaze.
“The purpose is to experience fear,” he informs him. All emotions cease for a moment. Good. “Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear and maintain control of one’s self and one’s crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain.”
Nothing at all, and then -
Resignation. And pride.
And without even a word or a thought breaking through the bond, Spock knows somehow that Kirk does understand. That he was able to make it through the simulation the first two times without issue because he does accept the fear of death. That perhaps he does not even fear it-
His interpretation is cut off as a messenger enters. A moment later, he cannot control his shields any longer as the words pass Admiral Barnett’s lips.
“We’ve received a distress call from Vulcan.”
And then the imprinting, the trial, the man so intimately joined with him do not matter. He rushes to the hangar.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Nyota Uhura reprimands him vehemently before he can get a word in edgewise. She wants to be on board the enterprise. He sees the logic in bringing her aboard - her skill, her determination, and her experience - and yet he also knows how problematic having her aboard will be. He is aware now of her attraction to him, and he is in no great rush to start a relationship with her. She is young, she is his student, and more than that-
He forces himself not to admit to himself that he has imprinted.
Perhaps having her aboard will not be so troublesome after all. She is young and attractive. She may prove a suitable distraction.
“I am assigned to the enterprise,” she states flatly. He can see some appeal in her. He reaches for his pad and rearranges the roster.
“Yes, I believe you are.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
He focuses on his work on the bridge, mind calm, empty. He is no longer anywhere near James Kirk. And he has a duty. He has a duty to his planet.
He has not been home in years.
Spock does not allow himself to indulge in the memories of his childhood or the possibility of seeing his family again. They are going to Vulcan for a specific purpose; there is no room for sentimentality. There will be neither time nor reason to approach his parents. He is going solely for the purpose of the mission: provide aid to Vulcan.
Never before has he been so content to have joined Starfleet. Not even the academy could help Vulcan here.
“You all right there, Mr. Spock?” the captain asks quietly. Spock nods in the affirmative, running a cursory check over his station. “I know you haven’t been to Vulcan in a long time. It is okay to be uncomfortable.”
Spock turns to face Captain Pike. “While I appreciate the sentiment, Captain, I am not at all in physical or mental distress at the moment,” he corrects him. “I intend to perform my duties to the best of my abilities.”
Pike smiles, that smile that makes his eyes turn at the corners. His eyes are blue.
Kirk smiles with teeth. Kirk grins.
“I hear you are trying Cadet James Kirk for cheating,” Pike says conversationally. Spock forces down the irrational thought that Pike somehow knew what he was thinking a moment ago. “He’s hard headed, but he’s a good kid. A good recruit.”
Spock flicks a few buttons on his panel. “I was not aware one could be both immoral and ‘good’,” he observes. Pike smiles again. “Additionally, he does not apply logic to his decisions.”
“His morality is unique,” Pike says. Spock glances up. The man seems nearly proud, if a little irritated. “I think his disbelief in the no-win scenario is admirable. If you think in terms of the ‘no-win scenario’ being illogical in his morality or mind, then it is only natural to think he’d try to change the conditions of your little game.”
Spock ponders it for a moment. “I do not believe it logical in any reasonable sense.”
Pike pats his chair and turns around, walking back to his own. “Just try to think about it from his perspective before you finish trying him.”
Illogical, Spock thinks. He watches his station carefully, monitoring for even the slightest changes. There is little to do in warp. Pike is pacing now, apparently not content to sit. The restlessness is familiar, Spock must admit. He recognizes it from Kirk.
Panic. Determination.
Spock straightens his back. The emotions coming through the bond are as clear as they were in the hall. Is it the strength of an imprint bond? Or could Kirk somehow be aboard? He dismisses the thought. The man is thankfully on academic suspension. He cannot be on the ship. Even if he weren’t, Spock would have assigned him another ship - possible the Truman or the Farragut.
But the emotions are so strong.
He stands, a wave of franticness thrust through his system. Why would Kirk be so panicked?
He could ask him himself, he realizes. Because there he is, impossibly, at the opening of the bridge, flanked by a panicking doctor and his own Nyota Uhura. She backs away from him as he starts shouting, everything coming out of his mouth ridiculous.
“Based on what facts?” Spock demands after he’s heard the man’s declaration enough that he knows he’s not letting go. Confidence and calm meet his senses.
And to his great shock, the logic is flawless. Had Spock been given this information, he too would have come to Kirk’s conclusion.
He does not wish to admit this, even to himself.
Spock knows instinctively what they will encounter once they drop out of warp, and he feels that Kirk knows it just as well. There is silence aside from Sulu’s countdown, and then, destruction.
NEXT CHAPTER
Chapter: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Spock/Kirk
Warnings: Sexual content, language, AU, hermaphrodism, general blasphemy, etc.
Summary: As a half-Vulcan, Spock never expects to imprint. It's rare enough for a full-blooded Vulcan to imprint, so why should he have it easy? But he does imprint - on the delinquent who sabotaged his Kobayashi Maru. And everything he once knew is about to change.
Spock spends almost the entire night reading up on Vulcan imprinting. He finds no references to same-sex imprints. He finds no written history of rejected imprints. He finds nothing of any use. It is maddening.
Instead of sleeping, he calms himself with meditation. It is all he can do to maintain the shields he has placed around his consciousness and not allow the imbalance it has caused to deprive him of his logic.
And yet he can’t stop thinking of Kirk. The cocky grin and big hands. He’s barely seen the man, and his mind is filled with bits and pieces he’d witnessed. He smiled with teeth. His shoulders were wide - wide enough to stretch out the material of his uniform minutely.
No biggie.
Spock shivers. He forces the memory of the voice out of his mind, tying it as best he can to a feeling of repulsion. There is no logic in this - no biological benefit. It is a bond that will not further the bloodline.
Perhaps it is proof he is not as much a Vulcan as he thought.
The meditation fails to calm him sufficiently, but the trial will provide him the chance to use his logic enough that he may be calmed anyhow. He dresses, prepares his arguments, and makes his way to the hall.
Goddamn it, Kirk is there when he arrives. It takes all he has to avoid looking at his face. To avoid looking at any part of him. He takes his position and waits for the proceedings to begin.
He forces Kirk’s voice to mute in his ears. He does not desire any further distractions. Should this go well, he will never need see this man again.
Vaguely, he understands that he is being called to explain the charges. It also means he shall have to face his imprint. But he steps down regardless, taking his new position and folding his arms behind his back. He faces his imprint, trying not to show any hesitation.
His eyes are blue. Spock is prompted to speak, and he takes a deep breath, speaking everything he’s told himself to say in that single exhalation. “Cadet Kirk, you somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine in the programming code, thereby changing the conditions of the test.”
Spock can feel the man’s defiance through the bond, even though he does not want to. “Your point being?”
“In the academic vernacular,” the board member clarifies, “you cheated.”
Spock staunchly avoids looking at his imprint. But the man is looking back to him. He hopes it is brief. “Let me ask you something I think we all know the answer to,” Kirk says clearly. Spock listens. “The test itself is a cheat, isn’t it? I mean, you programmed it to be unwinnable.”
It is illogical to consider it a ‘cheat’ by any means, Spock thinks to himself, careful not to allow it through the bond. All he says is, “your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario.”
Those eyes. Spock’s body tightens, his heart rate elevating slightly and physiological indicators moving towards tension. “I don’t believe in no-win scenarios.”
The force with which the emotions behind the statement crash through Spock’s consciousness nearly brings him off balance, but he regains himself. Refusing the urge to hesitate, he replies coolly. “Then not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the principle lesson.”
The man’s emotions are coming clearly now, one after another, overwhelmingly. Distaste. “Please, enlighten me.”
Spock was prepared for this contingency, but not the emotions it would elicit. He breathes to calm himself. “You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk; a captain cannot cheat death.”
Anger. Outrage. Humiliation. Grief. And even still, defiance.
“I of all people.”
“Your father,” Spock spits out as a wave of outrage flows through the bond. God, how Spock hates this man. He cannot believe it possible that he’s imprinted upon him. “Lieutenant George Kirk assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action, did he not?”
Fury.
“I don’t think you like the fact that I beat your test.”
And now Spock cannot look away. It no longer matters that he has imprinted upon this shameless human male or that the integrity of his exam has been compromised. He tells himself to hate this man, and it is easy. It is so easy. His chest boils - metaphorically - and he speaks rapidly. “Furthermore, you have failed to divine the purpose of the test.”
Disrespect.
“Enlighten me again,” the man dares. Spock maintains his gaze.
“The purpose is to experience fear,” he informs him. All emotions cease for a moment. Good. “Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear and maintain control of one’s self and one’s crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain.”
Nothing at all, and then -
Resignation. And pride.
And without even a word or a thought breaking through the bond, Spock knows somehow that Kirk does understand. That he was able to make it through the simulation the first two times without issue because he does accept the fear of death. That perhaps he does not even fear it-
His interpretation is cut off as a messenger enters. A moment later, he cannot control his shields any longer as the words pass Admiral Barnett’s lips.
“We’ve received a distress call from Vulcan.”
And then the imprinting, the trial, the man so intimately joined with him do not matter. He rushes to the hangar.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Nyota Uhura reprimands him vehemently before he can get a word in edgewise. She wants to be on board the enterprise. He sees the logic in bringing her aboard - her skill, her determination, and her experience - and yet he also knows how problematic having her aboard will be. He is aware now of her attraction to him, and he is in no great rush to start a relationship with her. She is young, she is his student, and more than that-
He forces himself not to admit to himself that he has imprinted.
Perhaps having her aboard will not be so troublesome after all. She is young and attractive. She may prove a suitable distraction.
“I am assigned to the enterprise,” she states flatly. He can see some appeal in her. He reaches for his pad and rearranges the roster.
“Yes, I believe you are.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
He focuses on his work on the bridge, mind calm, empty. He is no longer anywhere near James Kirk. And he has a duty. He has a duty to his planet.
He has not been home in years.
Spock does not allow himself to indulge in the memories of his childhood or the possibility of seeing his family again. They are going to Vulcan for a specific purpose; there is no room for sentimentality. There will be neither time nor reason to approach his parents. He is going solely for the purpose of the mission: provide aid to Vulcan.
Never before has he been so content to have joined Starfleet. Not even the academy could help Vulcan here.
“You all right there, Mr. Spock?” the captain asks quietly. Spock nods in the affirmative, running a cursory check over his station. “I know you haven’t been to Vulcan in a long time. It is okay to be uncomfortable.”
Spock turns to face Captain Pike. “While I appreciate the sentiment, Captain, I am not at all in physical or mental distress at the moment,” he corrects him. “I intend to perform my duties to the best of my abilities.”
Pike smiles, that smile that makes his eyes turn at the corners. His eyes are blue.
Kirk smiles with teeth. Kirk grins.
“I hear you are trying Cadet James Kirk for cheating,” Pike says conversationally. Spock forces down the irrational thought that Pike somehow knew what he was thinking a moment ago. “He’s hard headed, but he’s a good kid. A good recruit.”
Spock flicks a few buttons on his panel. “I was not aware one could be both immoral and ‘good’,” he observes. Pike smiles again. “Additionally, he does not apply logic to his decisions.”
“His morality is unique,” Pike says. Spock glances up. The man seems nearly proud, if a little irritated. “I think his disbelief in the no-win scenario is admirable. If you think in terms of the ‘no-win scenario’ being illogical in his morality or mind, then it is only natural to think he’d try to change the conditions of your little game.”
Spock ponders it for a moment. “I do not believe it logical in any reasonable sense.”
Pike pats his chair and turns around, walking back to his own. “Just try to think about it from his perspective before you finish trying him.”
Illogical, Spock thinks. He watches his station carefully, monitoring for even the slightest changes. There is little to do in warp. Pike is pacing now, apparently not content to sit. The restlessness is familiar, Spock must admit. He recognizes it from Kirk.
Panic. Determination.
Spock straightens his back. The emotions coming through the bond are as clear as they were in the hall. Is it the strength of an imprint bond? Or could Kirk somehow be aboard? He dismisses the thought. The man is thankfully on academic suspension. He cannot be on the ship. Even if he weren’t, Spock would have assigned him another ship - possible the Truman or the Farragut.
But the emotions are so strong.
He stands, a wave of franticness thrust through his system. Why would Kirk be so panicked?
He could ask him himself, he realizes. Because there he is, impossibly, at the opening of the bridge, flanked by a panicking doctor and his own Nyota Uhura. She backs away from him as he starts shouting, everything coming out of his mouth ridiculous.
“Based on what facts?” Spock demands after he’s heard the man’s declaration enough that he knows he’s not letting go. Confidence and calm meet his senses.
And to his great shock, the logic is flawless. Had Spock been given this information, he too would have come to Kirk’s conclusion.
He does not wish to admit this, even to himself.
Spock knows instinctively what they will encounter once they drop out of warp, and he feels that Kirk knows it just as well. There is silence aside from Sulu’s countdown, and then, destruction.
NEXT CHAPTER