Volunteers, Chapter 2a
OK, here's chapter 2! I have fond hopes of chapter 3 being posted sometime soon... though first I'll have to send it off to my betas. I suck.
Speaking of betas, thanks so much to them! nico1908, dumbys_baby, naatz, and caliopeamphora, I really appreciate your help :)
Date: April 14
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
I've attached Waleran's planned sermon, in case you're interested. We may have to watch some of the more hot-headed wizards; some of what he's likely to say is rather insulting.
Thanks for being patient with Ben last night, by the way. He was very excited; you're the only wizard he's ever met other than me.
Date: April 14
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
I read Waleran's sermon. He must be friends with my Muggle relatives.
You're welcome, about Ben. Must admit, I was a bit shocked that you had a son.
Date: April 14
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
So was I.
Date: April 15
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
Next meeting is in two days, and I think I've got all the anti-Muggle charms ready. We just need to decide where to place them.
Date: April 15
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
No problem. You know where they're supposed to be set?
Date: April 15
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
I've got last year's map, but we'll need to do a walk-through and make sure they're going where they need to go. Not all the events are taking place exactly when & where they did last year.
Date: April 16
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
That would be too easy, wouldn't it?
Date: April 17
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Our house elf is on holiday and Hermione's at St. Mungo's, so I don't have anybody to watch Alec. We'll have to postpone tonight's meeting.
Date: April 17
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
Things are a bit busy right now, so I'm not sure when I can next get away. Is it just your son who's the problem? Because if so, you may as well bring him. It's outside; he can run around while we do the walk-through.
Date: April 17
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
All right. Why don't you bring Ben along too? You said he wanted to meet wizard children.
Date: April 17
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
Good idea.
***
April 17
"Give me a moment here," Harry said, squinting at the scroll in his hand and attempting to figure out the precise location of one of the ley lines pictured there. Not an easy task, considering the wind whipping around the Hill and trying to snatch the scroll out of Harry's hand.
Draco glanced over at the grove to their left, where the two little boys were chattering excitedly. Well, Ben was chattering; Alec was listening intently and following him as he paced back and forth. Harry's son didn't look much like Harry, except for his eyes, Draco decided. Didn't look a lot like Ginny Weasley either, what Draco could remember of her, though the Weasley colouring was unmistakable.
"Right. Here it is," Harry said decisively, and Draco added a star to his map of the site.
"Do you think we need an Invisibility charm here?" Draco asked.
"Yeah, and around that tree as well."
"No, that's too close to where the Red Men will be coming in; it'll look rather odd if some of them disappear. Just put a Proximity alarm on that one."
Harry nodded and glanced over at the two boys, smiling a bit as he followed them with his eyes. "He's a little shy," he'd said apologetically after he introduced them and Alec clung to his legs and gazed at Draco and Ben, offering them a silent nod and a shy smile. He'd detached fairly quickly, though, joined Ben on the playground, and was now happily following him around.
"They appear to be getting on all right," Draco said, and Harry nodded.
"Alec doesn't say much," he said, apologizing again. "He really is having fun, though."
"Actually that's a bit refreshing, compared to Ben," Draco said. "He never stops talking."
Harry smiled and turned back to his map.
"So you took up curse-breaking to raise him?" Draco asked as he marked another ward location.
"Yeah. Ginny and I were both playing Quidditch for the Falcons. We figured when we wanted to start a family I'd quit and go into Auror training, and she'd stay home with the kids." He frowned and erased a mark on his map, replacing it with a question mark and looking back at the site. "Then when she got pregnant while we were still playing, we figured it would be all right because she was second string; we weren't both going to be practicing or in the air at the same time anyway. We thought she'd take a year off, then rejoin the team and we'd just sort of share the load that way." He scratched another star onto his map and pushed a stray lock of hair out of his eyes. "Hope it's not this windy come Beltane. Wizard-repellent ward over here, d'you think? There's no reason why wizards should be here, and you said it's going to be the site of one of the Wiccan ceremonies."
"Yeah, good idea," Draco said, and cast the simple charm. "I remember you were both playing. It was surprising when the news came out that you were starting a family."
"Well, we weren't expecting to start quite so early, but we both wanted a lot of kids, so we figured it was all right." He gave a slight smile. "Ginny used to joke that we were going to name our first Alec or Alanna because we wanted to see how far down the alphabet we could go." He paused and frowned at the charm Draco had cast, then widened it a bit.
"So d'you still want more children, some day?" Draco asked ignoring the irritating urge to tuck the errant lock of Harry's hair behind his ear.
Harry seemed startled. "What? Oh, no. No, Alec is enough." He glanced at the grove one last time and they started to move towards one of the trouble spots on their map, a low wall from Neolithic times. The wall had inexplicably been chosen simultaneously as the site for a group of Muggle bards telling tales, a speaker talking about Celtic perspectives on ecology and global warming, a workshop on Celtic knotwork, a group of Scottish witches putting up a monument to Minerva McGonagall, and a group of wizards trying to take advantage of the enhanced magic of Beltane Eve to do alchemy.
"Boys, come on, it's time to go to the wall," Harry called them, and they reluctantly paused their game to follow Harry and Draco. "What about you? Do you want more kids?"
Draco chuckled. "No, not really. Besides, being gay puts a bit of a crimp on the whole child thing. Usually."
"I suppose so." Harry checked his map. "All right, here we are. This should be fun." He pulled his hair out of his face and tied it back more firmly, and Draco decided he wasn't disappointed at all that he hadn't got a chance to tuck it back for him. "So. You suggested an anti-Muggle ward here, but it can't be too strong because of the proximity of the ley line, so we'll have to add some Confundus charms so that any Muggles who wander over here will forget why they wanted to."
"And give the alchemists a counter-charm for the Confundus, too."
"Right." Harry scratched a note to himself. "We should put another Proximity ward here, but in case none of that works, you'll have to be ready to Obliviate-"
"Erm, no I can't," Draco broke in, alarmed.
"Oh have you never done it? It's pretty simple to learn-"
"I can't."
Harry blinked. "What do you mean, you can't?"
Draco looked away. "I know how to do it, but I'm not allowed."
"Not allowed what?"
Damn, he'd forgotten that Harry could be a bit thick at times. "Not allowed to Obliviate," he said evenly. "I'm allowed to do most magic, but I still have some restrictions. I'm on parole."
"Oh." Harry's eyes widened a bit and he blushed. "Oh. That might. Make it rather difficult. Bugger." He paused. "No, that's not - I'll have to talk to the Aurors, we'll get the restriction taken off-"
"N-no," Draco broke in quickly. "Look, it'll - I don't want you to, I don't want it to look like I took this post because I wanted the restrictions taken off. I'm fine with them, it's all magic I don't want to do anyway."
"But you'll have to, for this-"
"I shouldn't have to - it's not the Muggle Liaison's job. Most Muggle Liaisons are Squibs, they don't have to-"
"But your predecessor wasn't. She recommended you, probably because you weren't a Squib."
Draco took a deep breath. "I won't do it," he said firmly. "I don't want anybody to have any reason to suspect me or resent me. We'll have to find another way around this."
Harry blinked, taken aback. He looked down at the site map and Draco could almost hear the wheels turning in his mind as he tried to find some way of getting around Draco's restrictions.
Draco turned away and started setting the Confundus charms, fairly sure that his attempt to act blasé about this was failing miserably and reminding himself that this was part of why he'd taken this position in the first place: to get used to the kind of life he'd have as a wizard if he chose to come back to the wizarding world. Assuming coming back was even a possibility.
Well, this wasn't so bad. So far he'd been working without major hassles; Harry and the Dublin Muggle Liaison didn't make him feel like a pariah, he had come into contact with a few other wizards without problems, and the job was going well. Bumps like this were going to hit every so often. He just needed to find a way to deal with them with dignity more or less intact and he'd be fine.
"Be straightforward about it, keep them off-balance," Montague had advised, when they'd spoken of this as they waited for their release from Azkaban. "They'll be expecting you to act shifty, to want to hide it. Defuse their suspicion before it takes root." Harder in practice than in theory, Draco had found, and even harder to do it now, with Harry, than it had been the first day they'd started to work together. Back when Harry was still just Potter and not a man Draco was almost becoming friends with. Before their kids starting playing together. Before Harry had become somebody Draco was attracted to, whose opinion of Draco actually mattered.
Then again, maybe it was a good thing too, that this was happening with Harry. If Draco came back, eventually he'd probably find someone he fancied and could have a chance of dating, and it was a good idea to get to know how it felt to talk about this kind of thing with somebody important to him.
Harry had been standing and making notes on his map while Draco set the Confundus charms, and he approached as Draco started on the last of them. "Those should be good enough," he commented, glancing around. "The counter-charm will be easy to give out too. And I think I'll ask the Ministry if we can use Wheezes Obliviating thread, it's pretty easy to use. You just hang it around whatever it is you don't want people to see, and then if they see it, the thread erases their memory of just that one thing."
Draco nodded, finishing his last Confundus.
"I'm sorry," Harry said hesitantly. "I hadn't really thought..." he trailed off. "Are you worried about - I mean, obviously, don't answer if you don't want to, but... does it really worry you, what other people think about your reasons for doing this job?"
Draco barely stopped himself from snapping at him not to be thick, but realized that Harry really meant the question. He leaned on the low wall, avoiding Harry's eyes. "I... I know people will talk. It's one of the reasons I didn't come back, after my ban on all magic was up. I know... I know there will always be people who suspect me or hate me." And even if they didn't recognize him right away, he thought grimly, eventually they would learn who and what he'd been, thanks to the bloody Dark Mark still on his arm if nothing else. He took his glasses off and started to polish them, remembering that Father had once said that giving in to the impulse to fidget while speaking of difficult subjects was a sign of weakness.
Bully for Father, then. His opinion didn't exactly count for much these days. He cleared his throat. "I don't want to give anybody more reasons to suspect me. It's not so much for me; I don't care about my own reputation any more - much." He took a deep breath. "But for Ben... I don't want to make any trouble for him. Nobody will know who his father is, for the first little while. He doesn't look like me, except for his eyes, he doesn't have my last name, so he should be fine. I just... I don't want to raise more suspicion about myself, because then if he ever enters the wizarding world, people will tar him with the same brush."
There was a long silence. Draco put his glasses back on and gazed out at the glorious vista before him, vaguely recalling that the tourist brochures claimed that on a clear day on Uisneach Hill you could see twenty of the thirty-two Irish counties.
"Do you want him to go into the wizarding world?" Harry asked quietly, leaning on the wall next to Draco. "Knowing what he might be in for?"
Draco sighed. "I don't know. Mostly yes, I do. I want him to be a wizard. But it might be a relief if he he's not."
"Really?"
There was another long pause. "He knows me as a Muggle," Draco finally said, his voice low. "He doesn't know what I did as a wizard. What his family did. I'm not sure I want to change that."
Harry nodded.
Draco gazed over at the two boys playing, some game that required them to climb the same low wall over and over again. "He'll go to Hogwarts, and he'll probably hear that somebody let Death Eaters into the school once, and that that somebody was me." He'll hear about the fact that a Headmaster was killed by a Potions Professor and he'll learn it was because of me. Draco could almost see the words floating between them, as if he'd spoken them out loud. "He'll ask how I did on my NEWTs and I'll have to tell him I never took them. There's so much I don't want to have to explain..."
Harry nodded, his eyes on the children, a pensive expression on his face. "Yeah. It's hard to figure out how to explain some things to your children..." he trailed off and cleared his throat. "I'm - for what it's worth, I'm sorry," he said tentatively.
Draco frowned slightly, unsure of what to say.
"Erm... d'you want to get the kids something to eat?" Harry said, trying to reach past the awkwardness.
"Yeah, good idea," Draco said gratefully, and the next few minutes were spent getting the snacks each had bought for their child, asking said children to come down off the wall to eat, and arguing with Ben, who swore he wasn't hungry and promised he wouldn't be hungry five minutes after Draco had put their food away.
This was a good idea, Draco thought as he bit into a sandwich and brushed some dirt off Ben's face. Very relaxed, very comfortable, and they were past the whole life-long parole issue. He smiled as Alec carefully opened up all the biscuits Harry had brought for him and ate the centres first, stubbornly refusing to eat them the way Harry wanted him to. He caught Harry's eye in amusement; Ben did exactly the same thing, and ended up with crumbs all over himself exactly the same way.
Though Harry handled it with a bit more patience than he did, Draco decided. His green eyes crinkled at the sides as he laughed out loud at something his son said, and it was odd how despite the silvery highlights in his hair he looked somehow younger than he had at Hogwarts. Fatherhood certainly looked good on him.
No, actually, this was a bad idea, Draco realized. This felt casual and relaxed and very very right, and it was far too easy to hope it would be repeated and to feel a pang of regret that it probably wouldn't. Couldn't. He and Harry had to work together for Beltane, but after that they were both going back to their separate lives. The idea of becoming friends with Harry, getting together socially, all of that, was not going to happen. The scandal alone, should word get out that the Boy Who Lived was spending time with a convicted Death Eater, would be enough to dissuade Harry from repeating the experience. Never mind the hue and cry Harry's friends and in-laws would likely raise over the whole situation.
The little boys were eating, Ben continuing to chat a mile a minute and Alec quietly listening with a small smile on his face. Draco gazed at them, still not sure it had been a good idea to have them meet each other. The look on Ben's face when he'd talked to Potter had been too hard to forget or dismiss, though. Like he'd just been given the biggest gift anybody could give him: the gift of being around somebody else who was in on the secret of magic.
"Alec," Harry said suddenly. "D'you know what Draco does?" Alec shook his head. "He's a musician."
Alec turned wide green eyes on him, mouth a bit open, gazing at him in admiration.
"That's what I want to be!" he blurted, and Harry looked at him, startled. Draco realized that until that moment he hadn't heard the child's voice. "What do you do?" Alec asked.
"I mostly conduct choirs and teach music lessons. Right now I'm helping put together one concert for tomorrow and another one five days from now."
"Can we come?" Alec immediately asked his father, who looked a bit surprised.
"Oh. Yes. Yes, of course. We'll be there - not the one tomorrow, but the later one, sure, if we can."
"What are you singing?" Alec asked, and Draco smiled at the bemused expression on Harry's face.
"Well, the concert tomorrow is about the sea - sailing songs, that sort of thing."
"It is Muggle music? Can you play it for me?"
"Well, it's choral music, so I can't really sing it all by myself, but... actually, do you read music?"
Alec nodded.
"Do you want to take a look at it?"
Alec nodded again enthusiastically.
"Well, here's my briefcase, the music's in there," Draco said, smiling as the little boy opened the briefcase and reverently took out the sheets.
"This one's a capella?" he asked.
Draco nodded. "Yes. That one's done by the men's chorus."
Alec gazed intently at the next song, his eyebrows drawing together in concentration. Draco watched as he mouthed a few of the words, his fingers twitching in rhythm.
"This one could be done a capella too," he said.
"Yes, it could. We're not quite brave enough to handle it without the instruments though."
Alec nodded absently, enthralled by whatever he was seeing on the pages before him.
Draco looked at Harry questioningly. "How long has he been reading music?" he asked.
"About a year."
"Good God."
"Yeah, he reads music better than words. Words are still a bit iffy for him."
"And he's only four and a half?"
"Yeah, it's a bit early. He's very determined, though. Stubborn, too. I've tried to get him interested in other things, you know, playing with other children, finger-painting, all of that... not much success."
"Wow, this one goes from one music type to another," Alec said.
"Yes it does," Draco said, impressed.
"That one's brilliant," said Ben. "There's even a little band to accompany them. You should hear it. The women's voices are a bit screechy, though."
And now Alec's eyes were glued to Ben. "Do you sing in it too?"
"No, I've a different choir. Sometimes we sing baby music." He scrunched his nose in distaste. "Me Mam and Da are in another choir that's really good. I'll sing you a couple of their songs if you like."
"Will you?"
"Yeah. Are you done eating? We can race to that tree!" he said and took off, Alec scrambling up to follow him.
"Now we'd better finish this bloody site map off," Harry said, brushing his trousers off and getting up. "So Ben likes music too?"
"Yeah," Draco said, putting away his music. "Not like your son, though. It's just he's been raised with it."
"I suppose so." Harry gazed at the two boys thoughtfully. "I wish Alec was more interested in other things. I'm glad he's got music, but... he's very small for his age, and he doesn't have very many friends. He spends a lot of time with his cousins, which is nice, but they don't really understand him. And he's a bit scared of his one cousin who's... a bit too much like her father."
Draco nodded, wondering which twin that was.
"He's also not terribly interested in magic," Harry said. "Which I suppose is only natural; he's grown up surrounded by it, so it's just part of the background for him. And the rest of the family doesn't share his passion for music. Unless you count his grandmother's obsession with Celestina Warbeck."
Draco barely suppressed a gag. "I wouldn't count that, no," he couldn't help himself saying, and Harry laughed.
"No, nor would I." He sighed. "He's all right. He's happy. I just wish... I can't help thinking if his Mum were here he'd be different."
They finished the ward-setting in companionable silence, then called the boys.
"Can we stay later?" Alec asked as he reluctantly came back.
Harry shook his head. "Can't, mate, you know that. We've got to go visit Auntie Hermione in the hospital, remember?"
Alec nodded, disappointed.
"Why is she in the hospital?" Draco asked, figuring she couldn't be in serious condition or Harry wouldn't be taking his son to see her.
"She's sort of trying not to have a baby," Harry said grimly. "It's three months early so they're trying to delay the birth as long as possible. After the baby's born they'll both have to stay at St. Mungo's for a while, making sure it's all right."
"I can imagine. Three months; that's early."
"Yeah, well, she was hit with enough curses to kill anybody. This is just one of the side effects. The Healers have said she'll never carry to term. She's accepted it."
"Daddy?" Alec said softly, and Harry bent down to listen to his whispers, and smiled.
"Yeah, I'll ask," Harry said. "Alec wants to know if you'd like Ben to come play at our house one of these days."
Draco glanced at Ben, who nodded enthusiastically. "All right, we'll do that."
"Good. We'll set it up by e-mail?"
"Yeah. No problem."
***
Date: April 18
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
There's a new group put together by Waleran. They're going to picket the Wiccan ceremonies, which unfortunately are supposed to be happening right next to the wizarding Transfiguration festival.
Date: April 18
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Oh that'll be exciting. Should I ask what they'll be protesting?
Date: April 18
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
They're protesting the increase of un-Christian ideas and unholy practices in modern society. They're also claiming that by saying that there is such a thing as magic, the Wiccans are denying Christ and making it easier for Satan to seduce the innocent children's souls.
Date: April 19
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
That's wonderful. I'm sure that'll thrill the Christian wizards and witches at the Hill. I don't suppose it'll do any good to tell them Waleran's group isn't talking about them.
Date: April 19
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
You're welcome to try. It should be fun to watch.
Date: April 19
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Somebody hates me. Any ideas on how to deal with this? And when and where is your concert, by the way?
Date: April 19
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
The concert is on the 22nd at 4, choir call at 2:30 in case Alec wants to see the final rehearsal. It's an outdoor event, at Avery Road Park in Dublin. As for the protestors: I'm only in charge of the Muggles. Keeping offended wizards from Transfiguring the protesters into tea cozies is entirely your area.
Date: April 20
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
That's wonderfully helpful. What's the group called?
Date: April 20
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
You're going to love this: Warriors for Innocence.
Date: April 20
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Where do they find these people? That's just bloody marvelous. I'm going to go pour myself a Firewhiskey now.
Date: April 20
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
Bottoms up.
Date: April 20
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Laugh while you can; if I can't keep the wizards in line, you'll have to explain to the Muggle public why a group of deranged zealots has suddenly turned into tea cozies.
Date: April 20
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
I have confidence in your diplomatic skills.
Date: April 20
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
It's too bad e-mail doesn't lend itself to Howlers.
***
April 21
Oh now that wasn't embarrassing at all, Harry thought as he slowly woke up. Not at all embarrassing to be twenty-six years old and wake up covered in sweat, a groan still on his lips, his sheets sticky with the results of a rather lurid dream. For the third time this week.
He rolled over and covered his head with a pillow. God, that had been vivid. The details of the dream were fading, but it had involved Draco and the small grove near the Hill where they'd set up the last Invisibility charm, and there had been gasping and fumbling and heat and a complete blessed absence of anybody under the age of twenty. He had taken off Draco's glasses and run a hand over his short hair, pulled him close and tugged his Muggle jumper out of his trousers and reached down, and Draco had returned the favour and it had been hot and frantic and perfect. And he could probably allow himself another two minutes to bask in the afterglow before pushing the dream out of his mind and pulling himself together and starting his day.
Besides, embarrassment and inappropriateness apart, the dream was at least a marked improvement on nightmares.
He sat up and murmured a cleaning spell before he forced himself out of bed. Yes, definitely better than a nightmare, whether it was about Voldemort or Ginny. Besides, he had it on good authority, from a Healer at St. Mungo's no less, that this kind of thing was a sign of improvement.
He had been so, so out of it for so long after Ginny, that it was like he'd forgotten all about sex, libido, or any kind of sexual contact, for over a year. When he'd finally started coming out of the deep freeze, it hadn't helped that the only real sexual experience he'd ever had had been with Ginny. She was who he always thought of, and on the rare occasions when he wasn't exhausted and slept like the dead, when he dreamed and woke up panting and hard, his dreams were about her. The emptiness of his bed after dreaming of her was devastating.
It had taken almost two years to start to notice other attractive people around him, and even then he'd shied away from thinking of women that way. He supposed it was good that he was now not only noticing an attractive person, but had even progressed to exchanging friendly e-mails with him and dreaming about him. Pity about the identity of said attractive person. As if life wasn't complicated enough as a single father, the one person his libido had chosen to focus on was... well, "completely inappropriate in every conceivable way" just wasn't putting it strongly enough.
He pulled on a pair of shorts and a shirt and padded down the hallway to Alec's room, passing Dobby on his way to the kitchen. He smiled tentatively at Dobby and was mildly annoyed when Dobby just gave him a bland, slightly hostile look and began making breakfast. Dobby had been extremely offended that Harry hadn't thought to call him back from his holiday when Hermione had gone into labour, and was showing Harry in various small ways that his behaviour had been unacceptable.
He left Dobby to his huffy breakfast-making and stopped at the door to Alec's room, where Alec and Jason lay sleeping side by side. Harry ran a hand through his hair and gazed at the two boys, so alike in colouring and so different in temperament. They could be brothers for all the resemblance between them. All the Weasley cousins could be, actually. Other than Fleur's two blonds and Fred's younger brown-haired son, all ten - eleven, now, counting Ron and Hermione's new baby - were almost interchangeable in appearance. Remarkably similar in general personality, too - boisterous, cheerful, forthright, affectionate. Alec sometimes stuck out like a sore thumb with his shy near-silence and his sensitive, artistic temperament.
It wasn't that Alec didn't love his cousins, and it wasn't that they didn't love him. But he had never clicked with any of them the way he'd clicked with Ben. He had also never looked at another adult the way he'd looked at Malfoy, like he'd finally met somebody who could understand the most important thing in his life.
There was even an odd sort of symmetry to this situation. Draco had been the first wizard child Harry had ever met. It seemed fitting that Harry's son would be the first wizard child Draco's son ever met. And nice that their meeting had gone somewhat better than his and Draco's at age eleven.
Right. Harry rubbed his forehead, reining himself in. How much of all of this was real, and how much was just Harry finding excuses to feel some kind of bond to Draco? It was nice that Alec found Draco fascinating, at first glance. And very nice that he hit it off with Ben, but that didn't mean a thing. There was no guarantee that an affinity for music could help build any kind of solid friendship - and maintain it past all the problems that such a friendship would bring with it, considering the people involved.
It was just Harry who was grasping at straws, Harry who was feeling lonely and aching for any excuse to see compatibility where there wasn't any. Harry who was feeling so incredibly drawn to Draco, wanting so much to listen to him talk, watch Alec blossom with him and Ben, watch Draco smile at both little boys, so completely different from the person Harry thought he'd known before. It didn't mean anything.
And yet, watching Alec actually talk the other day... it had been like a gift. Unexpected and marvelous. Not for the first time, he wished Ginny could have seen it. Wished Ginny could have seen any of it.
Harry pushed himself away from the door frame and padded down the hallway again, going into the washroom. He'd been planning on waking the boys up himself, but there was no way he could do so when he got into this kind of mood. Not that he allowed it very often, but sometimes there was nothing to be gained by running away from it. Running away from the memories of Alec's birth and Ginny's death and what they did to him.
Ron's face, so white, every freckle standing out in sharp contrast. Hermione shaking and exhausted, the adrenaline of having tried so, so hard to figure out how to stop the birth leaving her with nothing now that it was over. Fred with his hand on George's shoulder as George sobbed, his face hidden in his arms. Bill silently holding Fleur close, tears running down his scarred face. Percy standing apart from them all, biting his lip as if he didn't have a right to join them, until Arthur reached out and pulled him close.
God, so many tears, such disbelief. It was supposed to have been a happy occasion. The only girl, the youngest in the family, was going to be a mother, and all of the proud uncles and aunts and grandparents had gathered for a celebration and ended up mourning her instead.
And Alec. Alec, so small, wispy red fuzz instead of hair, perfectly healthy, not knowing that his birth had just robbed his entire family and himself of a mother.
Harry had not known what to do with Alec. It was supposed to be a moment to share with Ginny. They were going to look at him and see whether he resembled her or him more. Whether he had Weasley hair or Potter eyes. Technically, they're Evans eyes, he remembered Ginny pointing out when they'd spoken of it.
And she couldn't share it with him. She was gone, because of him. In a daze, he'd said something like that, not realizing he'd spoken out loud until Molly's head snapped up and she grabbed his shoulders, shaking him, almost snarling in anger. "It's because of you that she lived to be twenty. She would've died when she was eleven, if you hadn't been there to save her. Don't you dare say anything like that again. Ever." She'd taken Alec from the Healer who was holding him. "Take your son. Her son. She can't be here to hold him, so you'll have to do it." She'd shoved the tiny bundle into his arms and he'd only been able to stare at his child helplessly, not knowing how to hold him, what to do, how to react to him. Not knowing how to stop the weak wailing that felt like it was trying to penetrate Harry's numbness, to no effect.
"'E needs milk," Fleur had said after a few minutes, her voice tight. "Give 'im to me, I 'ave more zan my son needs."
Harry hadn't cried. Hadn't been able to, not when Fleur put Alec to her breast, not at Ginny's funeral, not when he'd lain awake for hours at night in those first weeks, not when he and Alec first left the Burrow, where Molly had insisted they stay for the first month. He'd cried the first time Alec smiled. He'd come out of his exhausted numbness and had finally realized Ginny would never see any of it. She wouldn't see the first time he rolled over, sat up, walked, or said Daddy. Harry had cried for what felt like hours, grief-stricken and scared and hopeless. Odd that his son's first smile should've opened the floodgates, but it had, and then he couldn't close them again. For weeks after that he'd felt like he was always on the verge of tears, that everything was overwhelming. Missing Ginny and terrified that he was going to screw this up, because he had no memories of a happy childhood or loving parents, had nobody to emulate when trying to be even a halfway adequate father to Alec. Ginny had had role models, but Ginny was gone. He'd cried several times a day, curled in on himself, leaving Alec to Dobby while he struggled to get himself under control.
He finally had. Slowly, with Dobby's help and with the entire Weasley family constantly by his side, he had made a life for himself and Alec.
Harry shuddered. It had been a terrible time, full of loneliness and grief and exhaustion. He didn't ever want to be reminded of it.
"Dobby, can you get the boys up, please?" he asked as he went into the kitchen. "I'll get breakfast."
Dobby regarded him seriously for a long moment. "Very well, Harry Potter, sir," he said, losing the petulant whine his voice had had since he'd come back from his holiday, and headed down the hallway.
Prologue
Chapter 1a
Chapter 1b (Previous)
Chapter 2b (Next)
Chapter 3a
Chapter 3b
Chapter 3c
Speaking of betas, thanks so much to them! nico1908, dumbys_baby, naatz, and caliopeamphora, I really appreciate your help :)
Date: April 14
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
I've attached Waleran's planned sermon, in case you're interested. We may have to watch some of the more hot-headed wizards; some of what he's likely to say is rather insulting.
Thanks for being patient with Ben last night, by the way. He was very excited; you're the only wizard he's ever met other than me.
Date: April 14
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
I read Waleran's sermon. He must be friends with my Muggle relatives.
You're welcome, about Ben. Must admit, I was a bit shocked that you had a son.
Date: April 14
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
So was I.
Date: April 15
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
Next meeting is in two days, and I think I've got all the anti-Muggle charms ready. We just need to decide where to place them.
Date: April 15
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
No problem. You know where they're supposed to be set?
Date: April 15
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
I've got last year's map, but we'll need to do a walk-through and make sure they're going where they need to go. Not all the events are taking place exactly when & where they did last year.
Date: April 16
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
That would be too easy, wouldn't it?
Date: April 17
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Our house elf is on holiday and Hermione's at St. Mungo's, so I don't have anybody to watch Alec. We'll have to postpone tonight's meeting.
Date: April 17
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
Things are a bit busy right now, so I'm not sure when I can next get away. Is it just your son who's the problem? Because if so, you may as well bring him. It's outside; he can run around while we do the walk-through.
Date: April 17
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
All right. Why don't you bring Ben along too? You said he wanted to meet wizard children.
Date: April 17
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
Good idea.
***
April 17
"Give me a moment here," Harry said, squinting at the scroll in his hand and attempting to figure out the precise location of one of the ley lines pictured there. Not an easy task, considering the wind whipping around the Hill and trying to snatch the scroll out of Harry's hand.
Draco glanced over at the grove to their left, where the two little boys were chattering excitedly. Well, Ben was chattering; Alec was listening intently and following him as he paced back and forth. Harry's son didn't look much like Harry, except for his eyes, Draco decided. Didn't look a lot like Ginny Weasley either, what Draco could remember of her, though the Weasley colouring was unmistakable.
"Right. Here it is," Harry said decisively, and Draco added a star to his map of the site.
"Do you think we need an Invisibility charm here?" Draco asked.
"Yeah, and around that tree as well."
"No, that's too close to where the Red Men will be coming in; it'll look rather odd if some of them disappear. Just put a Proximity alarm on that one."
Harry nodded and glanced over at the two boys, smiling a bit as he followed them with his eyes. "He's a little shy," he'd said apologetically after he introduced them and Alec clung to his legs and gazed at Draco and Ben, offering them a silent nod and a shy smile. He'd detached fairly quickly, though, joined Ben on the playground, and was now happily following him around.
"They appear to be getting on all right," Draco said, and Harry nodded.
"Alec doesn't say much," he said, apologizing again. "He really is having fun, though."
"Actually that's a bit refreshing, compared to Ben," Draco said. "He never stops talking."
Harry smiled and turned back to his map.
"So you took up curse-breaking to raise him?" Draco asked as he marked another ward location.
"Yeah. Ginny and I were both playing Quidditch for the Falcons. We figured when we wanted to start a family I'd quit and go into Auror training, and she'd stay home with the kids." He frowned and erased a mark on his map, replacing it with a question mark and looking back at the site. "Then when she got pregnant while we were still playing, we figured it would be all right because she was second string; we weren't both going to be practicing or in the air at the same time anyway. We thought she'd take a year off, then rejoin the team and we'd just sort of share the load that way." He scratched another star onto his map and pushed a stray lock of hair out of his eyes. "Hope it's not this windy come Beltane. Wizard-repellent ward over here, d'you think? There's no reason why wizards should be here, and you said it's going to be the site of one of the Wiccan ceremonies."
"Yeah, good idea," Draco said, and cast the simple charm. "I remember you were both playing. It was surprising when the news came out that you were starting a family."
"Well, we weren't expecting to start quite so early, but we both wanted a lot of kids, so we figured it was all right." He gave a slight smile. "Ginny used to joke that we were going to name our first Alec or Alanna because we wanted to see how far down the alphabet we could go." He paused and frowned at the charm Draco had cast, then widened it a bit.
"So d'you still want more children, some day?" Draco asked ignoring the irritating urge to tuck the errant lock of Harry's hair behind his ear.
Harry seemed startled. "What? Oh, no. No, Alec is enough." He glanced at the grove one last time and they started to move towards one of the trouble spots on their map, a low wall from Neolithic times. The wall had inexplicably been chosen simultaneously as the site for a group of Muggle bards telling tales, a speaker talking about Celtic perspectives on ecology and global warming, a workshop on Celtic knotwork, a group of Scottish witches putting up a monument to Minerva McGonagall, and a group of wizards trying to take advantage of the enhanced magic of Beltane Eve to do alchemy.
"Boys, come on, it's time to go to the wall," Harry called them, and they reluctantly paused their game to follow Harry and Draco. "What about you? Do you want more kids?"
Draco chuckled. "No, not really. Besides, being gay puts a bit of a crimp on the whole child thing. Usually."
"I suppose so." Harry checked his map. "All right, here we are. This should be fun." He pulled his hair out of his face and tied it back more firmly, and Draco decided he wasn't disappointed at all that he hadn't got a chance to tuck it back for him. "So. You suggested an anti-Muggle ward here, but it can't be too strong because of the proximity of the ley line, so we'll have to add some Confundus charms so that any Muggles who wander over here will forget why they wanted to."
"And give the alchemists a counter-charm for the Confundus, too."
"Right." Harry scratched a note to himself. "We should put another Proximity ward here, but in case none of that works, you'll have to be ready to Obliviate-"
"Erm, no I can't," Draco broke in, alarmed.
"Oh have you never done it? It's pretty simple to learn-"
"I can't."
Harry blinked. "What do you mean, you can't?"
Draco looked away. "I know how to do it, but I'm not allowed."
"Not allowed what?"
Damn, he'd forgotten that Harry could be a bit thick at times. "Not allowed to Obliviate," he said evenly. "I'm allowed to do most magic, but I still have some restrictions. I'm on parole."
"Oh." Harry's eyes widened a bit and he blushed. "Oh. That might. Make it rather difficult. Bugger." He paused. "No, that's not - I'll have to talk to the Aurors, we'll get the restriction taken off-"
"N-no," Draco broke in quickly. "Look, it'll - I don't want you to, I don't want it to look like I took this post because I wanted the restrictions taken off. I'm fine with them, it's all magic I don't want to do anyway."
"But you'll have to, for this-"
"I shouldn't have to - it's not the Muggle Liaison's job. Most Muggle Liaisons are Squibs, they don't have to-"
"But your predecessor wasn't. She recommended you, probably because you weren't a Squib."
Draco took a deep breath. "I won't do it," he said firmly. "I don't want anybody to have any reason to suspect me or resent me. We'll have to find another way around this."
Harry blinked, taken aback. He looked down at the site map and Draco could almost hear the wheels turning in his mind as he tried to find some way of getting around Draco's restrictions.
Draco turned away and started setting the Confundus charms, fairly sure that his attempt to act blasé about this was failing miserably and reminding himself that this was part of why he'd taken this position in the first place: to get used to the kind of life he'd have as a wizard if he chose to come back to the wizarding world. Assuming coming back was even a possibility.
Well, this wasn't so bad. So far he'd been working without major hassles; Harry and the Dublin Muggle Liaison didn't make him feel like a pariah, he had come into contact with a few other wizards without problems, and the job was going well. Bumps like this were going to hit every so often. He just needed to find a way to deal with them with dignity more or less intact and he'd be fine.
"Be straightforward about it, keep them off-balance," Montague had advised, when they'd spoken of this as they waited for their release from Azkaban. "They'll be expecting you to act shifty, to want to hide it. Defuse their suspicion before it takes root." Harder in practice than in theory, Draco had found, and even harder to do it now, with Harry, than it had been the first day they'd started to work together. Back when Harry was still just Potter and not a man Draco was almost becoming friends with. Before their kids starting playing together. Before Harry had become somebody Draco was attracted to, whose opinion of Draco actually mattered.
Then again, maybe it was a good thing too, that this was happening with Harry. If Draco came back, eventually he'd probably find someone he fancied and could have a chance of dating, and it was a good idea to get to know how it felt to talk about this kind of thing with somebody important to him.
Harry had been standing and making notes on his map while Draco set the Confundus charms, and he approached as Draco started on the last of them. "Those should be good enough," he commented, glancing around. "The counter-charm will be easy to give out too. And I think I'll ask the Ministry if we can use Wheezes Obliviating thread, it's pretty easy to use. You just hang it around whatever it is you don't want people to see, and then if they see it, the thread erases their memory of just that one thing."
Draco nodded, finishing his last Confundus.
"I'm sorry," Harry said hesitantly. "I hadn't really thought..." he trailed off. "Are you worried about - I mean, obviously, don't answer if you don't want to, but... does it really worry you, what other people think about your reasons for doing this job?"
Draco barely stopped himself from snapping at him not to be thick, but realized that Harry really meant the question. He leaned on the low wall, avoiding Harry's eyes. "I... I know people will talk. It's one of the reasons I didn't come back, after my ban on all magic was up. I know... I know there will always be people who suspect me or hate me." And even if they didn't recognize him right away, he thought grimly, eventually they would learn who and what he'd been, thanks to the bloody Dark Mark still on his arm if nothing else. He took his glasses off and started to polish them, remembering that Father had once said that giving in to the impulse to fidget while speaking of difficult subjects was a sign of weakness.
Bully for Father, then. His opinion didn't exactly count for much these days. He cleared his throat. "I don't want to give anybody more reasons to suspect me. It's not so much for me; I don't care about my own reputation any more - much." He took a deep breath. "But for Ben... I don't want to make any trouble for him. Nobody will know who his father is, for the first little while. He doesn't look like me, except for his eyes, he doesn't have my last name, so he should be fine. I just... I don't want to raise more suspicion about myself, because then if he ever enters the wizarding world, people will tar him with the same brush."
There was a long silence. Draco put his glasses back on and gazed out at the glorious vista before him, vaguely recalling that the tourist brochures claimed that on a clear day on Uisneach Hill you could see twenty of the thirty-two Irish counties.
"Do you want him to go into the wizarding world?" Harry asked quietly, leaning on the wall next to Draco. "Knowing what he might be in for?"
Draco sighed. "I don't know. Mostly yes, I do. I want him to be a wizard. But it might be a relief if he he's not."
"Really?"
There was another long pause. "He knows me as a Muggle," Draco finally said, his voice low. "He doesn't know what I did as a wizard. What his family did. I'm not sure I want to change that."
Harry nodded.
Draco gazed over at the two boys playing, some game that required them to climb the same low wall over and over again. "He'll go to Hogwarts, and he'll probably hear that somebody let Death Eaters into the school once, and that that somebody was me." He'll hear about the fact that a Headmaster was killed by a Potions Professor and he'll learn it was because of me. Draco could almost see the words floating between them, as if he'd spoken them out loud. "He'll ask how I did on my NEWTs and I'll have to tell him I never took them. There's so much I don't want to have to explain..."
Harry nodded, his eyes on the children, a pensive expression on his face. "Yeah. It's hard to figure out how to explain some things to your children..." he trailed off and cleared his throat. "I'm - for what it's worth, I'm sorry," he said tentatively.
Draco frowned slightly, unsure of what to say.
"Erm... d'you want to get the kids something to eat?" Harry said, trying to reach past the awkwardness.
"Yeah, good idea," Draco said gratefully, and the next few minutes were spent getting the snacks each had bought for their child, asking said children to come down off the wall to eat, and arguing with Ben, who swore he wasn't hungry and promised he wouldn't be hungry five minutes after Draco had put their food away.
This was a good idea, Draco thought as he bit into a sandwich and brushed some dirt off Ben's face. Very relaxed, very comfortable, and they were past the whole life-long parole issue. He smiled as Alec carefully opened up all the biscuits Harry had brought for him and ate the centres first, stubbornly refusing to eat them the way Harry wanted him to. He caught Harry's eye in amusement; Ben did exactly the same thing, and ended up with crumbs all over himself exactly the same way.
Though Harry handled it with a bit more patience than he did, Draco decided. His green eyes crinkled at the sides as he laughed out loud at something his son said, and it was odd how despite the silvery highlights in his hair he looked somehow younger than he had at Hogwarts. Fatherhood certainly looked good on him.
No, actually, this was a bad idea, Draco realized. This felt casual and relaxed and very very right, and it was far too easy to hope it would be repeated and to feel a pang of regret that it probably wouldn't. Couldn't. He and Harry had to work together for Beltane, but after that they were both going back to their separate lives. The idea of becoming friends with Harry, getting together socially, all of that, was not going to happen. The scandal alone, should word get out that the Boy Who Lived was spending time with a convicted Death Eater, would be enough to dissuade Harry from repeating the experience. Never mind the hue and cry Harry's friends and in-laws would likely raise over the whole situation.
The little boys were eating, Ben continuing to chat a mile a minute and Alec quietly listening with a small smile on his face. Draco gazed at them, still not sure it had been a good idea to have them meet each other. The look on Ben's face when he'd talked to Potter had been too hard to forget or dismiss, though. Like he'd just been given the biggest gift anybody could give him: the gift of being around somebody else who was in on the secret of magic.
"Alec," Harry said suddenly. "D'you know what Draco does?" Alec shook his head. "He's a musician."
Alec turned wide green eyes on him, mouth a bit open, gazing at him in admiration.
"That's what I want to be!" he blurted, and Harry looked at him, startled. Draco realized that until that moment he hadn't heard the child's voice. "What do you do?" Alec asked.
"I mostly conduct choirs and teach music lessons. Right now I'm helping put together one concert for tomorrow and another one five days from now."
"Can we come?" Alec immediately asked his father, who looked a bit surprised.
"Oh. Yes. Yes, of course. We'll be there - not the one tomorrow, but the later one, sure, if we can."
"What are you singing?" Alec asked, and Draco smiled at the bemused expression on Harry's face.
"Well, the concert tomorrow is about the sea - sailing songs, that sort of thing."
"It is Muggle music? Can you play it for me?"
"Well, it's choral music, so I can't really sing it all by myself, but... actually, do you read music?"
Alec nodded.
"Do you want to take a look at it?"
Alec nodded again enthusiastically.
"Well, here's my briefcase, the music's in there," Draco said, smiling as the little boy opened the briefcase and reverently took out the sheets.
"This one's a capella?" he asked.
Draco nodded. "Yes. That one's done by the men's chorus."
Alec gazed intently at the next song, his eyebrows drawing together in concentration. Draco watched as he mouthed a few of the words, his fingers twitching in rhythm.
"This one could be done a capella too," he said.
"Yes, it could. We're not quite brave enough to handle it without the instruments though."
Alec nodded absently, enthralled by whatever he was seeing on the pages before him.
Draco looked at Harry questioningly. "How long has he been reading music?" he asked.
"About a year."
"Good God."
"Yeah, he reads music better than words. Words are still a bit iffy for him."
"And he's only four and a half?"
"Yeah, it's a bit early. He's very determined, though. Stubborn, too. I've tried to get him interested in other things, you know, playing with other children, finger-painting, all of that... not much success."
"Wow, this one goes from one music type to another," Alec said.
"Yes it does," Draco said, impressed.
"That one's brilliant," said Ben. "There's even a little band to accompany them. You should hear it. The women's voices are a bit screechy, though."
And now Alec's eyes were glued to Ben. "Do you sing in it too?"
"No, I've a different choir. Sometimes we sing baby music." He scrunched his nose in distaste. "Me Mam and Da are in another choir that's really good. I'll sing you a couple of their songs if you like."
"Will you?"
"Yeah. Are you done eating? We can race to that tree!" he said and took off, Alec scrambling up to follow him.
"Now we'd better finish this bloody site map off," Harry said, brushing his trousers off and getting up. "So Ben likes music too?"
"Yeah," Draco said, putting away his music. "Not like your son, though. It's just he's been raised with it."
"I suppose so." Harry gazed at the two boys thoughtfully. "I wish Alec was more interested in other things. I'm glad he's got music, but... he's very small for his age, and he doesn't have very many friends. He spends a lot of time with his cousins, which is nice, but they don't really understand him. And he's a bit scared of his one cousin who's... a bit too much like her father."
Draco nodded, wondering which twin that was.
"He's also not terribly interested in magic," Harry said. "Which I suppose is only natural; he's grown up surrounded by it, so it's just part of the background for him. And the rest of the family doesn't share his passion for music. Unless you count his grandmother's obsession with Celestina Warbeck."
Draco barely suppressed a gag. "I wouldn't count that, no," he couldn't help himself saying, and Harry laughed.
"No, nor would I." He sighed. "He's all right. He's happy. I just wish... I can't help thinking if his Mum were here he'd be different."
They finished the ward-setting in companionable silence, then called the boys.
"Can we stay later?" Alec asked as he reluctantly came back.
Harry shook his head. "Can't, mate, you know that. We've got to go visit Auntie Hermione in the hospital, remember?"
Alec nodded, disappointed.
"Why is she in the hospital?" Draco asked, figuring she couldn't be in serious condition or Harry wouldn't be taking his son to see her.
"She's sort of trying not to have a baby," Harry said grimly. "It's three months early so they're trying to delay the birth as long as possible. After the baby's born they'll both have to stay at St. Mungo's for a while, making sure it's all right."
"I can imagine. Three months; that's early."
"Yeah, well, she was hit with enough curses to kill anybody. This is just one of the side effects. The Healers have said she'll never carry to term. She's accepted it."
"Daddy?" Alec said softly, and Harry bent down to listen to his whispers, and smiled.
"Yeah, I'll ask," Harry said. "Alec wants to know if you'd like Ben to come play at our house one of these days."
Draco glanced at Ben, who nodded enthusiastically. "All right, we'll do that."
"Good. We'll set it up by e-mail?"
"Yeah. No problem."
***
Date: April 18
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
There's a new group put together by Waleran. They're going to picket the Wiccan ceremonies, which unfortunately are supposed to be happening right next to the wizarding Transfiguration festival.
Date: April 18
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Oh that'll be exciting. Should I ask what they'll be protesting?
Date: April 18
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
They're protesting the increase of un-Christian ideas and unholy practices in modern society. They're also claiming that by saying that there is such a thing as magic, the Wiccans are denying Christ and making it easier for Satan to seduce the innocent children's souls.
Date: April 19
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
That's wonderful. I'm sure that'll thrill the Christian wizards and witches at the Hill. I don't suppose it'll do any good to tell them Waleran's group isn't talking about them.
Date: April 19
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
You're welcome to try. It should be fun to watch.
Date: April 19
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Somebody hates me. Any ideas on how to deal with this? And when and where is your concert, by the way?
Date: April 19
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
The concert is on the 22nd at 4, choir call at 2:30 in case Alec wants to see the final rehearsal. It's an outdoor event, at Avery Road Park in Dublin. As for the protestors: I'm only in charge of the Muggles. Keeping offended wizards from Transfiguring the protesters into tea cozies is entirely your area.
Date: April 20
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
That's wonderfully helpful. What's the group called?
Date: April 20
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
You're going to love this: Warriors for Innocence.
Date: April 20
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Where do they find these people? That's just bloody marvelous. I'm going to go pour myself a Firewhiskey now.
Date: April 20
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
Bottoms up.
Date: April 20
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Laugh while you can; if I can't keep the wizards in line, you'll have to explain to the Muggle public why a group of deranged zealots has suddenly turned into tea cozies.
Date: April 20
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
I have confidence in your diplomatic skills.
Date: April 20
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
It's too bad e-mail doesn't lend itself to Howlers.
***
April 21
Oh now that wasn't embarrassing at all, Harry thought as he slowly woke up. Not at all embarrassing to be twenty-six years old and wake up covered in sweat, a groan still on his lips, his sheets sticky with the results of a rather lurid dream. For the third time this week.
He rolled over and covered his head with a pillow. God, that had been vivid. The details of the dream were fading, but it had involved Draco and the small grove near the Hill where they'd set up the last Invisibility charm, and there had been gasping and fumbling and heat and a complete blessed absence of anybody under the age of twenty. He had taken off Draco's glasses and run a hand over his short hair, pulled him close and tugged his Muggle jumper out of his trousers and reached down, and Draco had returned the favour and it had been hot and frantic and perfect. And he could probably allow himself another two minutes to bask in the afterglow before pushing the dream out of his mind and pulling himself together and starting his day.
Besides, embarrassment and inappropriateness apart, the dream was at least a marked improvement on nightmares.
He sat up and murmured a cleaning spell before he forced himself out of bed. Yes, definitely better than a nightmare, whether it was about Voldemort or Ginny. Besides, he had it on good authority, from a Healer at St. Mungo's no less, that this kind of thing was a sign of improvement.
He had been so, so out of it for so long after Ginny, that it was like he'd forgotten all about sex, libido, or any kind of sexual contact, for over a year. When he'd finally started coming out of the deep freeze, it hadn't helped that the only real sexual experience he'd ever had had been with Ginny. She was who he always thought of, and on the rare occasions when he wasn't exhausted and slept like the dead, when he dreamed and woke up panting and hard, his dreams were about her. The emptiness of his bed after dreaming of her was devastating.
It had taken almost two years to start to notice other attractive people around him, and even then he'd shied away from thinking of women that way. He supposed it was good that he was now not only noticing an attractive person, but had even progressed to exchanging friendly e-mails with him and dreaming about him. Pity about the identity of said attractive person. As if life wasn't complicated enough as a single father, the one person his libido had chosen to focus on was... well, "completely inappropriate in every conceivable way" just wasn't putting it strongly enough.
He pulled on a pair of shorts and a shirt and padded down the hallway to Alec's room, passing Dobby on his way to the kitchen. He smiled tentatively at Dobby and was mildly annoyed when Dobby just gave him a bland, slightly hostile look and began making breakfast. Dobby had been extremely offended that Harry hadn't thought to call him back from his holiday when Hermione had gone into labour, and was showing Harry in various small ways that his behaviour had been unacceptable.
He left Dobby to his huffy breakfast-making and stopped at the door to Alec's room, where Alec and Jason lay sleeping side by side. Harry ran a hand through his hair and gazed at the two boys, so alike in colouring and so different in temperament. They could be brothers for all the resemblance between them. All the Weasley cousins could be, actually. Other than Fleur's two blonds and Fred's younger brown-haired son, all ten - eleven, now, counting Ron and Hermione's new baby - were almost interchangeable in appearance. Remarkably similar in general personality, too - boisterous, cheerful, forthright, affectionate. Alec sometimes stuck out like a sore thumb with his shy near-silence and his sensitive, artistic temperament.
It wasn't that Alec didn't love his cousins, and it wasn't that they didn't love him. But he had never clicked with any of them the way he'd clicked with Ben. He had also never looked at another adult the way he'd looked at Malfoy, like he'd finally met somebody who could understand the most important thing in his life.
There was even an odd sort of symmetry to this situation. Draco had been the first wizard child Harry had ever met. It seemed fitting that Harry's son would be the first wizard child Draco's son ever met. And nice that their meeting had gone somewhat better than his and Draco's at age eleven.
Right. Harry rubbed his forehead, reining himself in. How much of all of this was real, and how much was just Harry finding excuses to feel some kind of bond to Draco? It was nice that Alec found Draco fascinating, at first glance. And very nice that he hit it off with Ben, but that didn't mean a thing. There was no guarantee that an affinity for music could help build any kind of solid friendship - and maintain it past all the problems that such a friendship would bring with it, considering the people involved.
It was just Harry who was grasping at straws, Harry who was feeling lonely and aching for any excuse to see compatibility where there wasn't any. Harry who was feeling so incredibly drawn to Draco, wanting so much to listen to him talk, watch Alec blossom with him and Ben, watch Draco smile at both little boys, so completely different from the person Harry thought he'd known before. It didn't mean anything.
And yet, watching Alec actually talk the other day... it had been like a gift. Unexpected and marvelous. Not for the first time, he wished Ginny could have seen it. Wished Ginny could have seen any of it.
Harry pushed himself away from the door frame and padded down the hallway again, going into the washroom. He'd been planning on waking the boys up himself, but there was no way he could do so when he got into this kind of mood. Not that he allowed it very often, but sometimes there was nothing to be gained by running away from it. Running away from the memories of Alec's birth and Ginny's death and what they did to him.
Ron's face, so white, every freckle standing out in sharp contrast. Hermione shaking and exhausted, the adrenaline of having tried so, so hard to figure out how to stop the birth leaving her with nothing now that it was over. Fred with his hand on George's shoulder as George sobbed, his face hidden in his arms. Bill silently holding Fleur close, tears running down his scarred face. Percy standing apart from them all, biting his lip as if he didn't have a right to join them, until Arthur reached out and pulled him close.
God, so many tears, such disbelief. It was supposed to have been a happy occasion. The only girl, the youngest in the family, was going to be a mother, and all of the proud uncles and aunts and grandparents had gathered for a celebration and ended up mourning her instead.
And Alec. Alec, so small, wispy red fuzz instead of hair, perfectly healthy, not knowing that his birth had just robbed his entire family and himself of a mother.
Harry had not known what to do with Alec. It was supposed to be a moment to share with Ginny. They were going to look at him and see whether he resembled her or him more. Whether he had Weasley hair or Potter eyes. Technically, they're Evans eyes, he remembered Ginny pointing out when they'd spoken of it.
And she couldn't share it with him. She was gone, because of him. In a daze, he'd said something like that, not realizing he'd spoken out loud until Molly's head snapped up and she grabbed his shoulders, shaking him, almost snarling in anger. "It's because of you that she lived to be twenty. She would've died when she was eleven, if you hadn't been there to save her. Don't you dare say anything like that again. Ever." She'd taken Alec from the Healer who was holding him. "Take your son. Her son. She can't be here to hold him, so you'll have to do it." She'd shoved the tiny bundle into his arms and he'd only been able to stare at his child helplessly, not knowing how to hold him, what to do, how to react to him. Not knowing how to stop the weak wailing that felt like it was trying to penetrate Harry's numbness, to no effect.
"'E needs milk," Fleur had said after a few minutes, her voice tight. "Give 'im to me, I 'ave more zan my son needs."
Harry hadn't cried. Hadn't been able to, not when Fleur put Alec to her breast, not at Ginny's funeral, not when he'd lain awake for hours at night in those first weeks, not when he and Alec first left the Burrow, where Molly had insisted they stay for the first month. He'd cried the first time Alec smiled. He'd come out of his exhausted numbness and had finally realized Ginny would never see any of it. She wouldn't see the first time he rolled over, sat up, walked, or said Daddy. Harry had cried for what felt like hours, grief-stricken and scared and hopeless. Odd that his son's first smile should've opened the floodgates, but it had, and then he couldn't close them again. For weeks after that he'd felt like he was always on the verge of tears, that everything was overwhelming. Missing Ginny and terrified that he was going to screw this up, because he had no memories of a happy childhood or loving parents, had nobody to emulate when trying to be even a halfway adequate father to Alec. Ginny had had role models, but Ginny was gone. He'd cried several times a day, curled in on himself, leaving Alec to Dobby while he struggled to get himself under control.
He finally had. Slowly, with Dobby's help and with the entire Weasley family constantly by his side, he had made a life for himself and Alec.
Harry shuddered. It had been a terrible time, full of loneliness and grief and exhaustion. He didn't ever want to be reminded of it.
"Dobby, can you get the boys up, please?" he asked as he went into the kitchen. "I'll get breakfast."
Dobby regarded him seriously for a long moment. "Very well, Harry Potter, sir," he said, losing the petulant whine his voice had had since he'd come back from his holiday, and headed down the hallway.
Prologue
Chapter 1a
Chapter 1b (Previous)
Chapter 2b (Next)
Chapter 3a
Chapter 3b
Chapter 3c