I'll be doing my best. It was only a couple of people who drove me to quit last time, so hopefully with support from my friends I'll be able to overcome that.
I do look forward to it. It can be a really good game.
A couple of quick comments... you have a typo in the first sentence. I think you mean he "took" a long draught, not he "look" a long draught.
Also, when he meets Miss Hammersley, I assumed it was daylight, as the last reference to the time of day is that it was the "next afternoon" when they arrived in Melbourne. However, if Miss Hammersley is who I think she is, you might want to make it clearer that it's night.
From what I know of early 20th century culture, I am not sure if Stephan would have considered her a "well educated Australian lady". Perhaps well educated European lady? Or even, well educated despite the Australian accent?
The use of "raptor" jarred with me; it seemed American and anachronistic; but I will defer to your expert judgement on this.
Overall, I like it, a hell of a lot. He's an interesting guy.
One more thing occurred to me overnight. Where you say Times had been tough for everyone since the crash, of course, but for a family already burdened with the mistrust given to foreigners, after they had left Germany to avoid the Great War, it was devastating, I think you are understating the xenophobia that was around.
During World War 1, thousands of Germans in Australia were interned - they were rounded up and put into prisons, on the grounds they represented a threat to national security. Some of these were people who'd been living in Australia for decades.
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So, does this mean you'll be coming back to Vampire, then?
P.
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I do look forward to it. It can be a really good game.
Reply
A couple of quick comments... you have a typo in the first sentence. I think you mean he "took" a long draught, not he "look" a long draught.
Also, when he meets Miss Hammersley, I assumed it was daylight, as the last reference to the time of day is that it was the "next afternoon" when they arrived in Melbourne. However, if Miss Hammersley is who I think she is, you might want to make it clearer that it's night.
From what I know of early 20th century culture, I am not sure if Stephan would have considered her a "well educated Australian lady". Perhaps well educated European lady? Or even, well educated despite the Australian accent?
The use of "raptor" jarred with me; it seemed American and anachronistic; but I will defer to your expert judgement on this.
Overall, I like it, a hell of a lot. He's an interesting guy.
Reply
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One more thing occurred to me overnight. Where you say Times had been tough for everyone since the crash, of course, but for a family already burdened with the mistrust given to foreigners, after they had left Germany to avoid the Great War, it was devastating, I think you are understating the xenophobia that was around.
During World War 1, thousands of Germans in Australia were interned - they were rounded up and put into prisons, on the grounds they represented a threat to national security. Some of these were people who'd been living in Australia for decades.
It went a bit further than 'mistrust'.
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