(Untitled)

[anewwaive]

It'd been a fucking while since Gideon did this shit, but it wasn't too hard to remember how to set it up. Once they got back to the hut, he got to work making two lines from the stuff he grabbed, using the desk since it was the only fucking flat surface in their hut

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[all_happening]

It was all Penny could think to do to try to sleep it off after coming down from being high. Neither wanting to do more when it would all be gone soon anyway nor sitting around being miserable wouldn't have done either of them any good, so she'd turned in early. It was, as far as she could tell, a win-win situation.

When she did finally wake up, it was still dark out, but closer to morning, as far as she could tell. She probably wouldn't have gotten up for a few more hours were it not for the fact that Gideon, beside her, had cried out and was now sweaty and shaking, which was worrisome enough for her to reach over and turn on the light, squinting against its brightness.

"Hey," she murmured, lips curving into a frown as she reached over to gently shake him, hoping it would be enough to wake him up. "Gideon, baby, wake up, it's okay."

[all_happening]

"Shit," she breathed, instinctively holding him a little more tightly. Some part of her was glad that he'd volunteered it so readily -- she knew how he usually was about shit like this -- but at the same time, it was always hard to hear about things like that. She blamed it on not having really seen anything that went on that day; it all still seemed surreal to her, until he got like this. The worst was that there was nothing she could do. She couldn't go back and make it not have happened, nor could she make it any less easy on him. All she could do was be there. "Well, you're safe now, okay? It's not here, and nothing's gonna get you."

[anewwaive]

"I fucking know that," he said before he could stop himself from sounding irritated. His shoulders slumped a little the moment it came out of his mouth, and shit, now he felt bad for snapping at her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to - you know. I just...feel like shit right now."

And her saying shit like that made him feel worse instead of better, even if he knew she didn't mean anything by it. He knew it was ridiculous, and at least he could fucking say that, even if it all got to him so badly.

[all_happening]

"I'm only trying to help," she replied, unable to help sounding hurt, almost appalled, even after he'd apologized. She understood, she really did, but after trying as fucking hard as she could, him getting annoyed at her was just about the last thing she needed. She relaxed after a moment, but only a little, biting her lower lip through a frown. "Look, we don't have to talk, okay? I can just lay here until you fall asleep. It doesn't fucking matter."

It only hurt more that she was pretty clearly not doing any good, either. She felt fucking terrible, and this really was the best she could do. She ought to have known that it wouldn't be enough. Sometimes, she thought it never was, never would be.

[anewwaive]

Selfishly, he didn't want to deal with this shit either. He had a growing headache from just moving around, and arguing, he knew, was only going to make it worse. He also knew ignoring shit would make it worse in the long run, which was why he knew he couldn't just let it go.

"No, I know," he sighed, lifting his hand to cup her chin lightly instead. He didn't want her to fucking be upset. "And I fucking appreciate it. You're doing enough just being here. I mean, shit, with the shit in those fucking things, I'm just glad you're here."

Honestly, he fucking missed the old dreams that just had him fucking getting killed. Seeing her die was more than he could fucking take.

[all_happening]

Penny scowled, just a little, when he lifted her chin, lips pressed tightly together, the expression almost petulant. She couldn't hold onto it, she knew she couldn't, but it was hard not to. After being awake even for a short time, everything was catching up to her, and while she didn't want to be annoyed with him, didn't even know if she could be, it took a hell of a lot of effort to let go of it at all.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," she said, more sad than frustrated, now. "Not unless you want me to." Honestly, by now, she wouldn't have been surprised if he did. Despite what he'd just said, it was pretty fucking obvious that she wasn't doing him -- or either of them -- any good.

[anewwaive]

Gideon pulled away enough to look at her at that. He didn't fucking know where she even thought he was considering that, but shit, he felt even more guilty.

"Of course I want you to fucking stay. Where are you getting that I don't?" he asked. If he was doing something more than being a fucking asshole - which he was trying to change - he wanted to know.

[all_happening]

"Because I'm pretty fucking obviously not doing you any good," she replied bluntly, glancing away as he looked at her. This really was the last fucking thing she needed to be doing just then, feeling as lousy as she did, and knew he did, too. Pausing, she let out a long sigh, then finally -- hesitantly -- tilted her head to meet his gaze. "So look, it's fine, okay? Like I said, we don't even have to keep talking if you don't want. I just wanted to try to make this fucking easier for you."

[anewwaive]

Gideon didn't want to fucking upset her more. He didn't know what to do because of that, whether he should drop it or try to convince her.

"Every good thing that's fucking happened to me has been partially because of you. Shit, you're good for me, period. There's a fucking reason the worst part of that shit is whenever it has you getting hurt in it," he said, looking down as he spoke. "So...don't think that shit, okay? Because it's wrong."

[all_happening]

Penny really didn't know what to say to that, though she cringed a little at the mention of her getting hurt. He hadn't even mentioned that part to her, and while she could understand why, she wouldn't have reacted in nearly the same way if she'd known that from the beginning. Still, she remained quiet for a moment, unsure of how she could really be expected to respond.

"I wasn't saying in general," she replied eventually, a little tense, though unintentionally so. "Just, you know, now. With this. It's like I'm making things worse instead of better. So I figured maybe I should offer to shut up if you wanted me to."

[anewwaive]

"I never want that. I'm just on fucking edge," he said, shrugging a shoulder. She had to understand that, especially since she was probably feeling the same way. He leaned forward to kiss her forehead, cupping her cheek for a moment before letting it slide down to rest on her waist.

"I love you," he murmured. That was all there fucking was to it.

[all_happening]

She was feeling the same way, which, really, was why she'd reacted the way she had to begin with. Now, though, she just fell quiet, leaning into his touch when his hand settled against her, forehead resting against his, frown still in place. Either way, she was still worried about him, having a dream like that.

"I love you, too," she replied, easing a little closer to him, grabbing at his shirt when she slid her arm around him. She wasn't in any state to be fighting, or whatever it was they were doing. Mostly, she just wanted to go back to sleep until she felt better. It was more important, though, to be with him, which was why she had no intention of mentioning how lousy she felt. "And I'm here, okay? For anything you need."

[anewwaive]

Gideon didn't need to hear her say she was exhausted to know she probably was. While he doubted he'd be able to sleep any time soon, he didn't want her to have to fucking lay there with him for no reason.

"I'm...going to try to fucking sleep," he said, lifting his hand up just to brush some hair from her face. He settled it back down a few moments later. "So you should, too, okay?"

[all_happening]

"I'll wait until you're asleep," she replied, without a pause this time, a slight edge in her voice that said it wasn't anything he could argue. "It's not a big deal, okay? Just don't wake me up tomorrow unless you really need something." At the last, she almost managed a smile, head tilting a little so she could meet his gaze. She didn't need to make him feel guilty about this.

[anewwaive]

He still felt bad, but he knew there wasn't much he could fucking say to change her mind. Instead, he figured he ought to lighten the situation a little, because he knew she was probably all fucking worried still.

"Guess that means wanting sex is out, then," he joked, voice muffled because he'd ducked his head to rest his face against her should instead. It hid his grin, slight as it was, pretty fucking well.

[all_happening]

"You can wait," she replied teasingly, nose wrinkling a little as she let out a quiet, almost affectionate laugh. "Not a bad way to wake up, though, if you're getting any ideas." She was, admittedly, grateful for the shift in subjects. If anything, it would at least help to take his mind off the dream he'd had, and that was what mattered most to her just then.