25: Serenade, by Andy Leggett

[andyleggett]

He lulled her asleep and awake with every rising and setting movement of the sun. From his branch below her window he would serenade her as she leaned against the sill, sipping either her morning or evening coffee. Looking down, she would see his liquid eyes through the fumes, his tiny chest palpitating, it seemed, with the sight of her -- but

Comments

[going_not_gone]

I like this. It's evocative, and the tense shift in the second paragraph works. I would find a way to eliminate the parentheses, which I find distracting and unneccesary. But the wording is lovely.

She drinks coffee in the evening? Also, a couple of typos, so run it through spellcheck before you turn it in.

[andyleggett]

She's crushing on a bird; I mean, she's not totally together, why wouldn't she caffeinate herself excessively? lol And yes, those typos always seem to slip right through my fingers...>.

[going_not_gone]

Silly me, thinking the bird was a SYMBOL for her.

Reminds me of that old joke. It's kinky if you use feathers...but perverted when you use the whole chicken.

[andyleggett]

Symbol? Of what? O! O! *bounces* I wanna hear your interpretation of it!