Will My Arms Be Strong Enough 35/45
Title: Will My Arms Be Strong Enough? 35/45
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys...and others!
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhys, John Hart, two OC's, Andrea (Andie) Carlowe and Nick Jones.
Spoilers: Set after Exit Wounds.
Summary: Ianto has some harsh truths to tell.
Chapter 35
The second day…
Nick didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, or even if he had fallen asleep or simply passed out from exhaustion. All he knew was that he had been in the waiting area of the hospital at one point, but when he next looked, he was sitting with his neck uncomfortably cricked in a high-backed hospital chair in one of the private rooms. He blinked in the light from the curtains which were being drawn back and laughed a bit when he recognised the doctor.
“Ah!” Will turned around with a smile. “So, Sleeping Beauty finally wakes!”
Nick groaned loudly. “I thought we’d got past the stupid nicknames in second year,” he grumbled as he rubbed his eyes. “What time is it and where am I?”
“It’s twenty past nine and you’re in one of the private rooms,” answered Will as he moved to open the curtain around the bed. “Well, it was either that or you would have slept outside in reception.”
Sitting up, Nick felt his heart constrict as he saw the figure of the familiar man lying in the bed beside him. Dressed in that white hospital gown and hooked up to all those machines, John looked like a shadow of the man Nick knew he really was - of the Captain he really was.
“He’s very lucky to have you, you know,” remarked Will as he checked through the notes at the foot of the bed. “Not many people would brave these awful chairs all night.”
“Has he woken up yet at all?” asked Nick, trying to stay professional and ignore the clenching that his friend’s words were bringing to his stomach.
“Not yet. He was suffering from severe blood loss and hypothermia was starting to set in when you got him here.” Will suddenly looked very serious. “Nick, I won’t lie to you; if your friend in the big coat had been even a second later, John probably wouldn’t be here right now. He lost a lot of blood in that attack and there were moments in the night when we weren’t sure he’d make it.”
Nick swallowed hard, the reality of the situation hitting him. “What…what are his chances now?” he asked, hoping his voice didn’t show how sick he was feeling.
“Better than they were earlier,” answered Will, putting the charts back in the holder. “He’s a real fighter, this one.” His smile softened. “And he’s very lucky to have you waiting for him.”
“I’ll wait for ever if I have to,” answered Nick without thinking, but even as he said it, he knew that it was true. “It’s the very least he deserves after the way I’ve behaved recently.” He gave Will a rueful smile as his friend finished his tests and left him to it. Then, and only then, he reached over and gently took John’s hand.
“I don’t know if you can hear me,” he said softly, rubbing his fingers over the cuts on the other man’s hand. “But if you can…what on earth were you thinking going off like that on your own? If you’d died that night…I’d be prepared to bet that Jack would have found some way to bring you back just so he could kill you himself for being so stupid. Mind you,” and here, he gave a rather harsh laugh, “he’d have had to get past me first.”
He smiled and took something out of his pocket; a piece of folded up paper. “Ianto gave me your letter,” he added softly. “He was really mad about the way I’ve treated you and to be honest, I can’t really say I blame him.” He shook his head. “You have changed, John - I shouldn’t have said that you hadn’t; I was just shocked and angry at the time and it was stopping me from thinking straight. I mean, I’m still not happy with you for doing what you did…I mean, it was murder at the end of the day, but…the point is, I’ve had some time to think and I’ve started to understand what it was that made you do it.” He gave another short laugh. “And I have to say - and don’t think this is me advocating murder, because it isn’t - if the positions had been reversed, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have been just as angry.”
“People do stupid things for love,” said a quiet voice at the doorway.
Nick jumped slightly and turned around. “Ianto!” he gasped. “How long have you been standing there?” Internally, he was panicking; how much of what he had said had Ianto heard?
“Long enough,” answered Ianto as he stepped in and sat in one of the other chairs. “And you’re right; I was mad - no, I am mad - about the way you’ve treated him. I can understand you not being happy about what he did and you’re right, it was murder. But you acted like a total jerk to him when all he did was show you that he loves you. No, don’t turn away,” he added, reaching over and grabbing Nick’s wrist, “you need to hear this. Yes, John did the wrong thing. But he did it for the right reason - he did it for love. Can you honestly say that you’ve never seen anyone do the wrong thing because of love?” He looked at him intently.
Nick squirmed uncomfortably. “That’s…that’s totally different!” he spluttered. “You didn’t actually go out with the intention to kill anyone!”
“But I could have gotten the entire team killed with what I did!” protested Ianto. “Whether I set out with death in mind doesn’t matter - the point is, I killed innocent people that day - people who had never done anything wrong,” he added in almost a whisper.
“What…what are you saying, Ianto?” asked Nick, even though he knew he was losing the battle.
“I think you know perfectly well what I’m saying,” replied Ianto calmly. “I have the blood of innocents on my hands from that day. But the men John killed - they weren’t innocents, Nick! You could have been killed because of them and you know it!” He paused for breath. “Or others could have been hurt just like you. Would you have wanted that?”
“I - God, Ianto…” stammered Nick, knowing that he didn’t have a leg to stand on. “You know I -”
“And finally,” interrupted Ianto as he stood up. “Just remember that if the situation had been reversed…you would have done exactly what John did - and deep down, you know it. So while you’re waiting there, just sit and think…and stop lying to yourself!” With that, he turned on his heel and swept out of the room.
Nick worked his mouth a few times, trying to deny what Ianto had just said to him. However, to his consternation, what he actually ended up saying was something completely different.
“When did Ianto manage to get to know me better than I know myself?”
~*~
The third day…
“Nick…Nick…”
Nick groaned and rubbed his eyes slightly. “John…?” he murmured, turning his head slightly towards the bed. He sighed in disappointment when he realised that the other man was sound asleep and probably couldn’t hear him anyway.
But if John was asleep, then who on earth was calling him? Slowly, and ignoring the stiffness in his neck, he sat up and looked around, blinking slightly in the half-light from the corridor.
“Hello?” he whispered. “Is someone calling me?” He looked around the room, pulling out the little torch he always carried with him and using it to scan his surroundings. “Will, is that you?” he whispered. “Will…are you there?”
“Nick…Nick…Nick!” The voice was now becoming slightly frantic. “Nick! Dr. Jones!”
It wasn’t until the final shout that Nick suddenly realised who was calling him. Blushing slightly at his mistake, he hit his earpiece. “Jack?”
“Ah, you are there?” Jack’s voice filled the room. “Were you asleep?” Without waiting for an answer - which was lucky, because Nick didn’t have one - he said, “Look, we need you; we’ve found a nest of orphaned Weevil babies in Queen’s Arcade.”
“How did they get there?” asked Nick, confused.
“I have no idea, but I think they’ve attracted all the Weevils in the sewers. Ianto’s already been hurt and we can’t get hold of Gwen. Can you get down here?”
As soon as Jack had said that Ianto had been hurt, Nick was on his feet. “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he assured him and raced out of the room.
~*~
Jack certainly hadn’t been exaggerating when he said that all the Weevils in the sewers had convened outside the shopping centre. It took Nick almost half an hour to get halfway across the first floor; fortunately, that was where he met Jack.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think that this was the centre of a Weevil convention,” he panted. “Have you managed to get hold of Gwen yet?”
“Yeah, I got hold of her about ten minutes before you showed up; she’s on her way now.”
“Where’s Ianto?” When Jack gave him the instructions, Nick sprinted off and winced when he saw his cousin slumped against a wall, one hand gripping his bloodstained shoulder. He looked up when Nick arrived and smiled weakly, even though he couldn’t help but grimace in pain.
“I swear these Weevils are getting stronger,” he grumbled. “One of them picked me up and threw me to the other end of the room where its mate decided to take a chunk out of my arm.” He held up one arm which had several very deep gashes all the way down from his shoulder. His shirt was badly ripped and quickly becoming soaked with blood.
Nick rolled his eyes as he set to work. “What are you like?” he asked, his voice exasperated, but his eyes twinkling slightly as he took off his scarf and started to wrap it tightly around the injured arm. “Only you would go Weevil hunting wearing a suit!” When Ianto chuckled, but winced at the same time, he frowned. “Are you in pain?”
“Bit sore round the ribs,” answered Ianto, knowing better than to lie to his cousin. He could, however, change the subject. “So…has John woken up yet?”
Nick stiffened. “No,” he answered quietly. “Hmm, I think you need to go to hospital; it looks like you’ve cracked a few ribs and I want someone to have a look at that arm.” When he realised that Ianto was about to protest, he held up a hand. “Don’t try and change my mind here, Ianto; you need to get that looked at.” He thumped his earpiece. “Jack? Ianto’s got some broken ribs and his right arm is in a bad state. I’ve bandaged it up with my scarf as well as I can, but I think it’s better if he goes to the hospital.”
“Okay,” said Jack. “Gwen’s just arrived and she’s helping me sort things out. We’ll get the Weevils out of the way and sort out the cleanup and I’ll meet you there.”
“What about the babies?”
“They’re fine; they’re in the back of the SUV and sedated. We’ll take them back to the Hub and see what we can do for them. You get Ianto to the hospital.”
~*~
One hour later…
“Two blood transfusions in three days,” muttered Nick as he sat down on the end of the bed. “That’s got to be some sort of record, even for Torchwood.”
“You say that like it surprises you,” replied Ianto mildly, but he winced a bit as he tried to settle himself comfortably against the pillows. “Don’t even think about it!” he remonstrated as Nick started to get up. “I don’t need my pillows fluffing out!”
Nick smiled weakly. “They want to keep you in here overnight to check that there haven’t been any complications with the transfusion,” he said. “I’m going to prescribe you some painkillers which should help with your ribs, but even after you’re discharged, you have to take it easy.”
Ianto groaned. “I don’t do taking it easy! You of all people should know that!”
Jack arrived while they were still recovering from that remark. “Andie’s taking the baby Weevils back to the Hub,” he said, taking the chair. “Gwen’s staying to supervise the clean-up. I wanted to stay and help, but she insisted I come here and be with you.” He reached over and stroked Ianto’s hair gently. “How’re you doing?”
While Ianto began to talk, Nick found his thoughts drifting slightly. The door to Ianto’s room was slightly ajar and he kept finding himself looking down the corridor every now and again, listening to the doctors and nurses talking in hushed voices.
“Go.” Ianto’s voice cut through his thoughts. “Go on, go back.”
“No.” Nick shook his head, snapping out of his daze. “It’s fine; I’ll stay with you.”
But Jack touched his hand, smiling gently at him. “You said that you were going to stay with John for as long as it took and that we should only call you in an emergency,” he said. “Now, the emergency’s over and you know that Ianto’s going to be fine. Go on - go. I’ll stay with him.”
Nick sighed and stood up, pausing only to check Ianto’s IV drip before he left the room. Then, however, once he was out of sight, he sprinted down the corridor, his heart pounding in his chest. He didn’t pause once until he skidded round the corner into the other room - but then, he stopped abruptly, feeling the blood drain out of his face at the sight of the empty bed.
At first, he wondered if it was simply a joke - he knew that John had often liked to tease him by hiding in surprising places.
He looked around, but there was no one there except himself. Slowly, he lowered himself into the chair that he had occupied almost consistently and dropped his head in his hands, even though he couldn’t even find the energy to cry.
He had been too late…and now he was going to have to live with that for the rest of his life.
I never even had the chance to say -
“Nick?”
He jumped slightly as the slightly amused voice cut through his thoughts and looked up, feeling his heart lurch as he looked into that all-to-familiar pair of eyes.
***
Next Time: So…what’s happened to John? .
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys...and others!
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhys, John Hart, two OC's, Andrea (Andie) Carlowe and Nick Jones.
Spoilers: Set after Exit Wounds.
Summary: Ianto has some harsh truths to tell.
Chapter 35
The second day…
Nick didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, or even if he had fallen asleep or simply passed out from exhaustion. All he knew was that he had been in the waiting area of the hospital at one point, but when he next looked, he was sitting with his neck uncomfortably cricked in a high-backed hospital chair in one of the private rooms. He blinked in the light from the curtains which were being drawn back and laughed a bit when he recognised the doctor.
“Ah!” Will turned around with a smile. “So, Sleeping Beauty finally wakes!”
Nick groaned loudly. “I thought we’d got past the stupid nicknames in second year,” he grumbled as he rubbed his eyes. “What time is it and where am I?”
“It’s twenty past nine and you’re in one of the private rooms,” answered Will as he moved to open the curtain around the bed. “Well, it was either that or you would have slept outside in reception.”
Sitting up, Nick felt his heart constrict as he saw the figure of the familiar man lying in the bed beside him. Dressed in that white hospital gown and hooked up to all those machines, John looked like a shadow of the man Nick knew he really was - of the Captain he really was.
“He’s very lucky to have you, you know,” remarked Will as he checked through the notes at the foot of the bed. “Not many people would brave these awful chairs all night.”
“Has he woken up yet at all?” asked Nick, trying to stay professional and ignore the clenching that his friend’s words were bringing to his stomach.
“Not yet. He was suffering from severe blood loss and hypothermia was starting to set in when you got him here.” Will suddenly looked very serious. “Nick, I won’t lie to you; if your friend in the big coat had been even a second later, John probably wouldn’t be here right now. He lost a lot of blood in that attack and there were moments in the night when we weren’t sure he’d make it.”
Nick swallowed hard, the reality of the situation hitting him. “What…what are his chances now?” he asked, hoping his voice didn’t show how sick he was feeling.
“Better than they were earlier,” answered Will, putting the charts back in the holder. “He’s a real fighter, this one.” His smile softened. “And he’s very lucky to have you waiting for him.”
“I’ll wait for ever if I have to,” answered Nick without thinking, but even as he said it, he knew that it was true. “It’s the very least he deserves after the way I’ve behaved recently.” He gave Will a rueful smile as his friend finished his tests and left him to it. Then, and only then, he reached over and gently took John’s hand.
“I don’t know if you can hear me,” he said softly, rubbing his fingers over the cuts on the other man’s hand. “But if you can…what on earth were you thinking going off like that on your own? If you’d died that night…I’d be prepared to bet that Jack would have found some way to bring you back just so he could kill you himself for being so stupid. Mind you,” and here, he gave a rather harsh laugh, “he’d have had to get past me first.”
He smiled and took something out of his pocket; a piece of folded up paper. “Ianto gave me your letter,” he added softly. “He was really mad about the way I’ve treated you and to be honest, I can’t really say I blame him.” He shook his head. “You have changed, John - I shouldn’t have said that you hadn’t; I was just shocked and angry at the time and it was stopping me from thinking straight. I mean, I’m still not happy with you for doing what you did…I mean, it was murder at the end of the day, but…the point is, I’ve had some time to think and I’ve started to understand what it was that made you do it.” He gave another short laugh. “And I have to say - and don’t think this is me advocating murder, because it isn’t - if the positions had been reversed, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have been just as angry.”
“People do stupid things for love,” said a quiet voice at the doorway.
Nick jumped slightly and turned around. “Ianto!” he gasped. “How long have you been standing there?” Internally, he was panicking; how much of what he had said had Ianto heard?
“Long enough,” answered Ianto as he stepped in and sat in one of the other chairs. “And you’re right; I was mad - no, I am mad - about the way you’ve treated him. I can understand you not being happy about what he did and you’re right, it was murder. But you acted like a total jerk to him when all he did was show you that he loves you. No, don’t turn away,” he added, reaching over and grabbing Nick’s wrist, “you need to hear this. Yes, John did the wrong thing. But he did it for the right reason - he did it for love. Can you honestly say that you’ve never seen anyone do the wrong thing because of love?” He looked at him intently.
Nick squirmed uncomfortably. “That’s…that’s totally different!” he spluttered. “You didn’t actually go out with the intention to kill anyone!”
“But I could have gotten the entire team killed with what I did!” protested Ianto. “Whether I set out with death in mind doesn’t matter - the point is, I killed innocent people that day - people who had never done anything wrong,” he added in almost a whisper.
“What…what are you saying, Ianto?” asked Nick, even though he knew he was losing the battle.
“I think you know perfectly well what I’m saying,” replied Ianto calmly. “I have the blood of innocents on my hands from that day. But the men John killed - they weren’t innocents, Nick! You could have been killed because of them and you know it!” He paused for breath. “Or others could have been hurt just like you. Would you have wanted that?”
“I - God, Ianto…” stammered Nick, knowing that he didn’t have a leg to stand on. “You know I -”
“And finally,” interrupted Ianto as he stood up. “Just remember that if the situation had been reversed…you would have done exactly what John did - and deep down, you know it. So while you’re waiting there, just sit and think…and stop lying to yourself!” With that, he turned on his heel and swept out of the room.
Nick worked his mouth a few times, trying to deny what Ianto had just said to him. However, to his consternation, what he actually ended up saying was something completely different.
“When did Ianto manage to get to know me better than I know myself?”
~*~
The third day…
“Nick…Nick…”
Nick groaned and rubbed his eyes slightly. “John…?” he murmured, turning his head slightly towards the bed. He sighed in disappointment when he realised that the other man was sound asleep and probably couldn’t hear him anyway.
But if John was asleep, then who on earth was calling him? Slowly, and ignoring the stiffness in his neck, he sat up and looked around, blinking slightly in the half-light from the corridor.
“Hello?” he whispered. “Is someone calling me?” He looked around the room, pulling out the little torch he always carried with him and using it to scan his surroundings. “Will, is that you?” he whispered. “Will…are you there?”
“Nick…Nick…Nick!” The voice was now becoming slightly frantic. “Nick! Dr. Jones!”
It wasn’t until the final shout that Nick suddenly realised who was calling him. Blushing slightly at his mistake, he hit his earpiece. “Jack?”
“Ah, you are there?” Jack’s voice filled the room. “Were you asleep?” Without waiting for an answer - which was lucky, because Nick didn’t have one - he said, “Look, we need you; we’ve found a nest of orphaned Weevil babies in Queen’s Arcade.”
“How did they get there?” asked Nick, confused.
“I have no idea, but I think they’ve attracted all the Weevils in the sewers. Ianto’s already been hurt and we can’t get hold of Gwen. Can you get down here?”
As soon as Jack had said that Ianto had been hurt, Nick was on his feet. “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he assured him and raced out of the room.
~*~
Jack certainly hadn’t been exaggerating when he said that all the Weevils in the sewers had convened outside the shopping centre. It took Nick almost half an hour to get halfway across the first floor; fortunately, that was where he met Jack.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think that this was the centre of a Weevil convention,” he panted. “Have you managed to get hold of Gwen yet?”
“Yeah, I got hold of her about ten minutes before you showed up; she’s on her way now.”
“Where’s Ianto?” When Jack gave him the instructions, Nick sprinted off and winced when he saw his cousin slumped against a wall, one hand gripping his bloodstained shoulder. He looked up when Nick arrived and smiled weakly, even though he couldn’t help but grimace in pain.
“I swear these Weevils are getting stronger,” he grumbled. “One of them picked me up and threw me to the other end of the room where its mate decided to take a chunk out of my arm.” He held up one arm which had several very deep gashes all the way down from his shoulder. His shirt was badly ripped and quickly becoming soaked with blood.
Nick rolled his eyes as he set to work. “What are you like?” he asked, his voice exasperated, but his eyes twinkling slightly as he took off his scarf and started to wrap it tightly around the injured arm. “Only you would go Weevil hunting wearing a suit!” When Ianto chuckled, but winced at the same time, he frowned. “Are you in pain?”
“Bit sore round the ribs,” answered Ianto, knowing better than to lie to his cousin. He could, however, change the subject. “So…has John woken up yet?”
Nick stiffened. “No,” he answered quietly. “Hmm, I think you need to go to hospital; it looks like you’ve cracked a few ribs and I want someone to have a look at that arm.” When he realised that Ianto was about to protest, he held up a hand. “Don’t try and change my mind here, Ianto; you need to get that looked at.” He thumped his earpiece. “Jack? Ianto’s got some broken ribs and his right arm is in a bad state. I’ve bandaged it up with my scarf as well as I can, but I think it’s better if he goes to the hospital.”
“Okay,” said Jack. “Gwen’s just arrived and she’s helping me sort things out. We’ll get the Weevils out of the way and sort out the cleanup and I’ll meet you there.”
“What about the babies?”
“They’re fine; they’re in the back of the SUV and sedated. We’ll take them back to the Hub and see what we can do for them. You get Ianto to the hospital.”
~*~
One hour later…
“Two blood transfusions in three days,” muttered Nick as he sat down on the end of the bed. “That’s got to be some sort of record, even for Torchwood.”
“You say that like it surprises you,” replied Ianto mildly, but he winced a bit as he tried to settle himself comfortably against the pillows. “Don’t even think about it!” he remonstrated as Nick started to get up. “I don’t need my pillows fluffing out!”
Nick smiled weakly. “They want to keep you in here overnight to check that there haven’t been any complications with the transfusion,” he said. “I’m going to prescribe you some painkillers which should help with your ribs, but even after you’re discharged, you have to take it easy.”
Ianto groaned. “I don’t do taking it easy! You of all people should know that!”
Jack arrived while they were still recovering from that remark. “Andie’s taking the baby Weevils back to the Hub,” he said, taking the chair. “Gwen’s staying to supervise the clean-up. I wanted to stay and help, but she insisted I come here and be with you.” He reached over and stroked Ianto’s hair gently. “How’re you doing?”
While Ianto began to talk, Nick found his thoughts drifting slightly. The door to Ianto’s room was slightly ajar and he kept finding himself looking down the corridor every now and again, listening to the doctors and nurses talking in hushed voices.
“Go.” Ianto’s voice cut through his thoughts. “Go on, go back.”
“No.” Nick shook his head, snapping out of his daze. “It’s fine; I’ll stay with you.”
But Jack touched his hand, smiling gently at him. “You said that you were going to stay with John for as long as it took and that we should only call you in an emergency,” he said. “Now, the emergency’s over and you know that Ianto’s going to be fine. Go on - go. I’ll stay with him.”
Nick sighed and stood up, pausing only to check Ianto’s IV drip before he left the room. Then, however, once he was out of sight, he sprinted down the corridor, his heart pounding in his chest. He didn’t pause once until he skidded round the corner into the other room - but then, he stopped abruptly, feeling the blood drain out of his face at the sight of the empty bed.
At first, he wondered if it was simply a joke - he knew that John had often liked to tease him by hiding in surprising places.
He looked around, but there was no one there except himself. Slowly, he lowered himself into the chair that he had occupied almost consistently and dropped his head in his hands, even though he couldn’t even find the energy to cry.
He had been too late…and now he was going to have to live with that for the rest of his life.
I never even had the chance to say -
“Nick?”
He jumped slightly as the slightly amused voice cut through his thoughts and looked up, feeling his heart lurch as he looked into that all-to-familiar pair of eyes.
***
Next Time: So…what’s happened to John? .