Comments | andsheloves: hit me with your rhythm stick... it's nice to be a lunatic

andsheloves

hit me with your rhythm stick... it's nice to be a lunatic

Oct 16, 2006 03:04

Because celtic_sky commented, here you go ( Read more... )

the: my sister sarah, me: like this isn't real

Comments 5

lmichelle599 October 16 2006, 22:57:02 UTC

Is this the whole story? If so, it feels rushed. It jumps from Isabella's birth right to age sixteen. Why? Wasn't there anything else remarkable about her? It looks like you're focusing on Isabella's pregnancy. I think you should go into more detail about how she felt about the pregnancy - physically and emotionally.

andsheloves October 17 2006, 00:08:04 UTC

Thanks for commenting. *hugs*
No, it's not the whole thing, this is just the intro.
And I completely agree with you. I'm thinking of scratching the whole pregnancy thing altogether.
My first idea is that this is the intro, telling the main points in her life, then I'm not sure, start from the beginning with how her parents meet and whatnot... Just an idea, but notice how I started writing totally different from like the third paragraph? There's something terribly wrong with me... :)
Maybe I'll make the pregnancy part into her parents story? I dunno.

_atmospheric October 17 2006, 22:13:46 UTC

I love the ending of it. A powerful last sentence really helps. :D

YAY! HAYLEY HAS FOUND FAME!!! XD XD XD

andsheloves October 20 2006, 06:59:53 UTC

YAIY! Took me long enough, too. :)

_atmospheric October 24 2006, 22:17:36 UTC