smoke

[androdea]

I just had my first cigarette. Alone.
I did it of my own will, but it was more of a decision within a circumstance that I wish had never arisen.

Happy birthday.

Comments

[donutgirl]

is it your birthday? (sorry, I am terrible with these things). happy birthday! I hope things are okay over there

[androdea]

hahahah. hmmm. funny that you say that you've always known you wanted to be a smoker. I've more or less always known that I DIDN'T want to be a smoker. I don't even like it when those close to me smoke. Exhibit number one: my father

[donutgirl]

oh, I forgot how cheap cigarettes are there! like heaven on earth.

if it's any consolation, I'm sure she'll quit soon. most people do.

in the meanwhile, well... being in a relationship means letting the other person make their own decisions, even when we don't like them. I know I still struggle with that, even after so many years. but I find it helps when I picture all the things I do that he doesn't like or approve of. ;)

[androdea]

ahhhh, thanks. I'll keep that I mind.
I had a smoke with her late last night, and then I threw my packet away. I feel wasteful, but if I hang onto them I'd smoke them because I can, not because I want to.

anywayssss, I think I got over this weird hump. at least now I feel like smoking is something I'm choosing not to do, not something I can't do.