I once ate a whole pizza. I'm really not supposed to eat pizza, because I am a dog, but I don't' know who makes rules like this, who can eat what. I ate the pizza and I was fine. It tasted so good! I jumped off the porch once and it hardly hurt at all. Maybe I'll never die. I'm a such a fast dog ( Read more... )

My name is Andrew. I was born right after the children came home from school. The timing was perfect they say.

You may not agree, but it's so goddamn tiring to hear people talk. I hear everything they say. Every time one of them opens their mouth, I hear them talking, and it's all the same, one long, angry shrugging complaint. But I say: Hoooo!