Kiss Your Past Goodnight (And Let It Sleep) - Part 6
Kiss Your Past Goodnight (And Let It Sleep) - Part 6
See part one for disclaimers and such.
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FM Session 06. 05/12
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So, Fox. Please ask your 'Greater Me' again if there's something we have to deal with before we get on working out the mystery of your fated one.
(pause) No. But he says we have to take small steps with this one… And be very careful about it.
Alright. I understand how important it is, trust me. We'll be very careful and we'll work it out in a suitable pace, I promise. But since we're handling something really important here, could you ask your 'Greater Me' to be with you for this whole process? So he can lead us to the right answers in the right time?
(pause) He said he'd guide us.
Perfect. Could you…
(interrupting) He said he'll help us much as he can, but you're the human guide and you have to help him lead the way… Lead me through this, so I can understand…
(a bit shocked and nervous) Of course, I will help you. I'm here to help you get through with it, Fox. (more secure) Could you please ask your 'Greater me' to show you the first memory you have to see to understand your relation with your fated one?
(longer pause) I'm… Oh, God it's really old… I think… I think it may be the first life I led… I'm not sure, but it feels like it.
What do you see, Fox?
I'm a kind of shaman… Sage… I'm young, tough. I think I'm still learning to be one or something like that… There's a girl that I love…
Is she your fated one?
(smiles) Yes. God, I love her so much… We understand each other so clearly… We're perfect together. Just… perfect. She has a name… (laughs quietly) I can't even pronounce it now… It's some old, forgotten language, but her name sounds beautiful… I love saying it… I love the sound of it… (laughs again) I think… I think her name means something in this language… Something nice… I somehow managed to put it into the prayer I created for our Gods, so I can say it every time I have to pray…
(interrupting slightly) Do you pray often?
Yes. Very. I pray for… For everything, it seems. For my people… And I pray for guidance and wisdom, so I can be good sage one day.
What happened with you and your fated one? Did you get together?
No… Our… Our people… (fights for words) Damn. It's all so hard to explain with… with the words I know now. It's so different…
Calm down, Fox. Concentrate on words that make sense now, not then, and speak. Don't think too long about explaining yourself, trust me. Just let it flow, it'll make sense. Now, tell me what happened. Why didn't you and your fated one get together?
Our people were fighting… With some other tribe… clan… They took some of us with them… They took me… (scared) They held me… for years… I so longed to come back…
Did they finally release you?
Yes. After a very long time… When they took me I was something like a teenager, when I came back… I was older than I am now…
What happened with your fated one?
(cries) She was dead… When I came back she was dead…
How did she die?
(gasps) (terrified) She had done the most awful thing… She killed herself… (sternly) You can't kill yourself. You can't interrupt the lesson. No lesson is too hard for you, you had to get through it!
What was the lesson in this life for you?
That sometimes we're given an unbelievable, great happiness, and sometimes it gets taken away from us for a long time, sometimes forever… Sometimes we don't have it at all… But most of the times it doesn't depend on us and we can do nothing about it. We have to learn not to fight fate… because we'll never win. (bitter smile) The most basic lesson and one of the hardest to learn.
(smiles) So it is… Tell me Fox, what happened with you in this life?
I was too old to learn everything I needed to become a good shaman… or whatever they were called then… But I was respected due to what I had lived through… I helped as much as I could in the… temple. (sad) I lived, even if it didn't feel right to live without her.
You said it's a very old life. Maybe even the first one you ever led… Was the punishment for this suicide so harsh that it ended just now? Or did something interrupt this punishment?
Punishment for suicide is always great. And harsh. You can't interrupt the lesson. Your light turns dark then… And sometimes it may never again be light. My fated one almost was so dark…
What happened?
I dragged him back to the light. (smiles) By force, of course.
How did it help him?
He got another chance. He led another life. (sad sigh) Even if we couldn't be together then.
So his punishment was not to be with you, until now?
(shakes his head 'no') It was supposed to be shorter… (sad) But he did it again… He killed himself again!
When was that?
When I was Greek… When I took care of my brother…
You said your fated one married Melissa then…
Yes, yes he did. His parents made him, but… (pause) (smiles) But he loved me. Like he always does.
And what happened?
He tried to lead a normal life with Melissa, but… but he couldn't stand it. He drowned… On purpose. He killed himself.
Was it the last time he did it?
No. (horrified gasp) He… When Samantha died and Heather… I tossed him out of our property… He went around aimlessly and he met the men that attacked his house earlier. They fought… but he didn't… He just gave up and let them kill him. It wasn't really suicide… He'd have died either way, but the fact that he agreed to it. That he wanted it… (painful gasp) It added to his punishment.
Did he finally understand that he can't interrupt his lessons?
(smiles slightly) Yes. (certain) He would never kill himself again… He'd never kill himself in this life, he fights to survive now. He won't give up easily… I… I think he won't give up at all, he'll fight to the end… (smiles proudly)
Now please, ask your 'Greater Me' why you saw those lives? Why did you have to learn about your fated one's punishment?
(pause) He shows me two scenes… They're repeating… I… The first one is a wolf, his leg is caught in a trap… He bites it off and runs… (scared, disgusted face) Blood is everywhere… It's such a gore… It's nauseating.
What's the second scene?
There's this animal… I'm not sure… it's a deer or something like that… Some predator… a wolf? Yes, I think it's a wolf. It attacks, but the deer fights back… It attacks with its horns and… kills the wolf… The deer somehow manages to kill it… There's blood again… (disgusted) I think those scenes are suppose to be as gory as possible…
Why? What is 'Greater Me' trying to say to you?
That we have to protect ourselves… That we have to fight for our lives, our lessons… We can't interrupt our lessons, we have to fight to make them last long enough for us to learn something… We can't give up, there's no lesson too hard for us.
Is this a lesson your fated one has to learn?
No. I mean yes, but he did. He learned it perfectly. Now I have to understand it… I have to understand him and his need to survive… I have to understand that sometimes gore is necessary… Sometimes you have to spill blood, even if normally it's one of the biggest mistakes and faults as well.
Why do you have to understand it?
It'll get me closer to my fated one.
So… Do you understand it now? Do you understand what 'Greater Me' tried to show you?
Yes. It's like with killing on duty… It's not murder, it's self-defense. You have to try to avoid it, but when you can't… You have to fight for your life… You have to fight or you'll die… I… I understand.
(…)(…)(…)
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FM Session 07. 05/17
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(…)(…)(…)
Is there something else you have to know… something you have to understand about your fated one, before you'll be able to work out your problems with him?
Yes. (smiles) Not just one thing, though.
Alright, but we'll start with just one, okay? We're not trying to rush anything here. Ask your 'Greater Me' to show you what you need to see now.
(pause) I'm seeing flashes of the lives we already visited… It should be enough for me to understand…
Tell me exactly what you see.
I see my fated one… I see him fighting; it's that ancient life… Our first together, when they took me away… She's fighting with our enemies, running to the temple to check on me… Now I see him shooting Melissa… Somehow trying to save me from this sick relationship? And I see this life of Heather… But the part that 'Greater Me' has shown me… What would have been had stayed at home… The part when he dies protecting me… I see… World War Two? He's a Pole… Polish woman, who helps us hide… She gets caught… She lied she didn't know us and that we were just filthy Jews who should be killed… They didn't believe her… They took her to the camp along with Melissa, when I died…
What are those visions supposed to tell you?
(bitterly) That he sometimes acts really stupidly? (pause) (sudden short laugh) Apparently that too, but it's not about that. It's about… protecting me… He always tries to protect me… Even if he often ends up making more of a mess than there was before, and doesn't help at all…
But he always tries, doesn't he? Is he like that in this life, too? Was 'Greater Me' trying to tell you your fated one's intentions are good?
(long pause) Something like that. I think… I had to understand he sometimes does stupid things, but in good faith… I think his soul is somehow younger than mine… Not really younger, but he took less lessons due to his punishment, so there's a lot for him left to learn… More than for me… But he tries really hard. (smiles) He'll get through it.
Do you think you understand it now? Do you think you can somehow justify his actions?
I… Bad things done in good faith don't become good just like that. But far worse it is to commit them in bad faith. I understand that. I understand that everyone can act stupidly, thinking he's doing well. I understand you have to forgive, when you understand. And I do.
Do you think you're able to forgive him for what he has done in this life?
(laughs shortly, bitterly) I don't know what he did in this life! I don't know who he is! Still, I think I know why he did it… (sighs) He's an over-protective fool.
(smiles for a second, but continues seriously) Can you ask your 'Greater Me' when you'll be able to learn who your fated one is?
(pause) He says that I'll learn it, once I understand as much as I can about him.
When you'll understand it, will you be able to work things out with your fated one?
(shrugs) That's the plan, I suppose.
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