But Not Forgotten
I wrote this for meggiebaby81, for the potcrackxchange. It was fun.
Title: But Not Forgotten
Author: andersenmom
Pairing: Atobe/Eiji
Rating: PG - 13
Summary: Eiji is trying to protect Atobe - even if he goes about it the wrong way.
Author’s Notes: A continuation of the storyline found in Awareness, Bait, and Taken.
It surprised Atobe Keigo to find the library empty; the doctor had given Eiji strict instructions to take it easy. He knew the redhead spent most of his time here, and so had expected to find him reading when he didn't see Eiji in their rooms.
He didn't get alarmed until he saw the phone and collar on the table by a note written in Eiji's neat Kanji, and he picked it up with a hand that trembled minutely.
Keigo,
I know I said I wouldn't make this decision without you, but I find I have to. I'm sorry.
This is not because of what happened to me. It is because of what nearly happened to you, a direct compromise of your principles and beliefs, and that would have killed you. And when that succeeded, because it eventually will, they'd never stop. I owe you my life. I will not be the reason you lose yours.
Thank you for everything. I go with a debt unpaid, like a coward, while you are gone. I'm sorry. I love you.
Eiji
Keigo set the paper down, and picked up the phone. It looked much like it had when he'd given it to Eiji, except with a little wear and tear.
The GPS tracker wouldn't help him now. Nor would the one in the collar.
Resolved, he put the phone in his pocket, spun on his heel, and strode out of the library.
It took little time to find out where Eiji had gone, and less to order his plane fueled and prepped. His butler packed as he found out Eiji's flight information and called on his personal pilot to meet him at the airport. The house, he could leave as is; he had his phone for business transactions, and he called his personal assistant to cancel or postpone his meetings for the next week.
If it took longer, he'd... figure something out.
In the air, he glanced at Kabaji. "Did you know he planned this?"
Kabaji looked at him evenly. "No."
"No idea at all."
"I suspected."
"And you said nothing."
Kabaji fell silent, but did not look away. Keigo nearly swore - and since he'd spent his later teen years with Gakuto and Shishido, he definitely had a repertoire for it - and refrained. Barely.
He doubted Kabaji had actually helped Eiji leave, but he harbored no doubts that his friend hadn't hindered the redhead, either. And he knew, if he asked, he'd get a "it's for your own good" or something very near. He refused to ask.
He figured he knew why Eiji had picked Paris, too. Big enough to vanish into, and a language neither of them knew.
Keigo had never wanted so much to go into his past and more thoroughly destroy someone as he did Takamoto Yoshiki right now. That waste-of-air had started this - it didn't matter why - and Keigo had thought he'd ended it. Thought so, up until someone else had kidnapped Eiji.
"You should rest," Kabaji said, interrupting his thoughts.
Keigo sighed and nodded his acquiescence. "Wake me before we land."
"Usu."
Eiji couldn't stop trembling, clutching the bag he'd stuffed with clothes. He stood in the main train station in Paris, ticket clutched in his hand, unable to get onto the platform for his train.
Keigo stood in the way.
He'd just stepped out for a moment to find lunch, and returned to this. He nervously pulled his cap down further over his red hair. How had he gotten here so fast?
Kabaji stood behind Keigo, watching the people who passed through the arch to the platforms. Eiji slipped sideways, following the crowd to another way, only to stop at the sight of more men - French, this time - with papers which probably held his picture.
Muttering curses, he turned and pushed his way back outside.
At least he had plenty of money.
It didn't seem to matter when he went to the main station. The information the ticket person gave him made it clear he had to leave from where he stated he would be leaving from, and after the first day, he couldn't even get in to change the ticket.
Four days of this, and Eiji had enough. He thought he'd been clear enough in his letter, but apparently not. So he watched, waited, and followed Keigo back to his hotel. He waited a while longer, until after (he hoped) he'd eaten, and then went in and up.
Kabaji stopped him as he got off the elevator. "You're coming back."
"No," Eiji said. "I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place."
Kabaji watched him for a moment, then nodded. "Good luck."
Eiji nodded - he had the feeling he'd need it - and went down the hall to the room number Kabaji directed him to.
Keigo didn't smile when he opened the door, but he did let Eiji in. It was… a start.
Eiji stood near the bed where Keigo left him, watching the other man move around. "Where were you going?" Keigo asked, filling a glass with wine. Eiji guessed he'd had it with dinner.
"From here? Spain. I wasn't sure where after that."
"Why?"
"To get lost."
"And now?" He took another drink of the wine.
"I'll go to Spain," Eiji said, careful not to speak until his boyfriend… until the other man had swallowed.
Keigo set the wineglass down. "Why?"
"My reasons remain…."
"Why are you here?"
"Because I shouldn't have left the way I did."
Now Keigo turned around, and Eiji had to fight to meet his eyes. "You shouldn't have left at all."
Eiji didn't move; he wanted to, but he didn't know if he wanted to move toward or away from the other man. "I had to, Keigo. You know that."
"You promised me."
"I know. I'm sorry. But I won't let them use me to break you."
Keigo glared at him. "It's not your choice."
Eiji met his eyes fearlessly. "It is. It always has been."
"So you came to say good bye." Oh, so bitter. Eiji nearly winced.
"I came to let you say what you need to."
But Keigo said nothing through the night. Eiji did not press for words, trying to memorize the feel of Keigo's hands on his body, the scent of the man he loved. He didn’t sleep, either, when Keigo finally dropped off, watching him, trying to memorize his face.
He didn't sleep long, opening his eyes to meet Eiji's. "You're still here."
Eiji smiled, even if he couldn't remember doing anything harder in his life. "Yes. For a while."
Keigo sat up, the sheet pooling in his lap. "A while?"
Eiji nodded. "The train leaves before noon."
"You're still going."
"Nothing has changed, Keigo."
Keigo nodded and slid out of the bed. Eiji watched him go into the bathroom, then dressed carefully. He made sure he took nothing not his, left behind nothing he needed, then stood and looked out the window without seeing any of the beautiful city laid out before him.
Eiji turned as Keigo stepped out, dressed, hair in place. He smiled again, a feat more difficult than the last one, and moved away from the window. "I'd better go."
Keigo said nothing, pulling him closer for a kiss, and let him go.
Eiji kept his tears at bay until the train cleared Paris.
Eiji eventually settled in London. He kept to himself there, working at a tennis club, providing instruction and, occasionally, opposition in a game. He didn't expect happiness, but the ache eased as time passed.
He kept up with his self-defense courses, under no illusion that he would remain unfound. Between the two, his days passed easily.
The nights… did not go so easily, but he bore them as well as he could. And he noted, with some surprise one day, that he'd been gone from Tokyo for a year.
After that, it got easier. He still kept to himself, but he relaxed a little, getting to know his neighbors at least by name, rather than just by sight. He read the business section about what happened in Tokyo, cutting out stories about Keigo. It surprised him how few he collected when he looked back, but it happened often enough to let him know how the company - and it's CEO - did.
His second summer in London had just ended when someone knocked on his door. He looked up from the want ads - he needed a job for the winter - and then went to answer it.
He nearly shut it again, and stopped himself before the other man could stop him. "Kabaji?"
The hulking bodyguard nodded. "You've had your vacation. It's time to come home."
Eiji blinked and stepped back to let him in. "What?"
Kabaji entered and closed the door behind him. "You've made your point. It's time to come home."
Eiji stared at him. "I can't just…."
"Kikumaru. It has been long enough."
"You don't even like me!" Which wasn't exactly true, and Eiji knew it. Kabaji didn't like the relationship; Eiji didn't know how the big man felt about him, personally.
Kabaji eyed him. "My opinion is not important. Atobe needs you."
Eiji backed away again. "He's fine."
"No."
"It's been two years."
"Do you care so little for him?"
"No!" Eiji froze, staring at him. "No. Don't ever think that. But to cause him to compromise…."
Kabaji took his arm in a grip Eiji knew he couldn't break. "He understands that. He understands, better than he did. It is time to come back."
"You're sure."
"Yes."
He only hesitated a moment, pushing the overwhelming urge to scream for joy in the back of his head. "Let me go. I'll be ready to go by tomorrow morning."
"I'll arrange the flight," Kabaji said, letting him go. "There is one tonight, and one tomorrow night."
Eiji ran into his bedroom. "Tonight. I'll be ready by tonight."
He couldn't calm down. It took him no time to toss the clothes he wanted into his suitcase, emptying the rest of his things into garbage bags even as he spoke to the landlord on the phone. When he'd finished, he took his extra food to one neighbor, a college student who never seemed to have enough, and the clothes to another neighbor, who collected for charity and would know who to give them to. He got to the bank just before it closed, emptying his account, and left everything else - he'd take care of it from Tokyo.
Kabaji met him at Heathrow with his ticket, and they boarded within two hours.
Eiji couldn't sleep, staring out the window at the dark sky. He didn't bother Kabaji, either, who slept the whole way, waking only as the plane began it's descent.
They took a cab from Narita, still in silence. Eiji trusted Kabaji, especially on this, but he worried about his reception, how Keigo would act, treat him…. He kept those worries to himself until they reached the drive.
"You're sure?" he asked as the cab came to a stop.
"I am sure," Kabaji said deliberately, and leaned forward to pay the cabby. Eiji climbed out, and Kabaji followed. "Go. I will get your luggage."
Eiji nodded and went to the door, hesitated, and then opened it and went in.
He felt like a whirlwind sucked him in; the butler took his coat, and then two maids (who came from nowhere) walked him toward the library. "Keigo-bochama is at breakfast, and will leave for work soon," one of them said as the other brushed his clothes and straightened them, still walking quickly. "He will be glad to see you."
They reached the library door, and the one maid quickly combed Eiji's hair before the other pushed the door open. "Someone here to see you, Keigo-bochama," she said with a bow, and gave Eiji a gentle push into the room.
Keigo looked up, frowning, but the expression eased into something more neutral when he saw Eiji. Eiji stood frozen in the doorway, staring.
He looked… good. Not great, no, but good. Thinner, more worry lines (and frown lines) in his face, but he didn't look as bad as Eiji had feared he would. "Keigo, I…."
"I'm not dreaming. Right?"
Eiji walked forward, only a couple of steps, that joyous scream clawing at his throat. He swallowed it down. "If you are, I'm having the same dream."
Keigo stood up and moved blindly around the table, walking to meet him. "How long do you think it'll last?" he asked, stopping more than an arm's length away.
Eiji couldn't stop trembling. "The rest of our lives?" he asked hesitantly, and closed the space between them. He reached up to touch his lover's face, and then Keigo kissed him.
For the second time, a whirlwind swept him away, and when he came to his senses, he lay in Keigo's arms, in their bed, completely spent.
"You should sleep," Keigo whispered in his ear.
"But if it's a dream…" he protested.
Keigo laughed softly. "It's not a dream. You're here."
Eiji hesitated, unwilling to say more - he couldn't very well ask Keigo to stay, when he'd just returned from leaving him - and closed his eyes.
"I won't leave," Keigo whispered. "Sleep."
When Eiji slept, Keigo slipped from the bed and pulled his robe around him. Outside the bedroom, he found Kabaji waiting. "Where did you find him?" he asked.
"In London," Kabaji said. "It took approximately five minutes to convince him to come back."
"Any loose ends?"
"A few, but nothing he can't take care of from here."
Keigo nodded. "Good. Thank you." Back inside, he sat in the overstuffed chair and made a few phone calls, straightening out the mess he'd made by not going in to work.
He'd figure out what to do with Eiji and work tomorrow, or next week. He didn't want to think about that now. He opened the drawer next to his bed, took out the collar, and shook it, listening to the too-long-silent bell. Then he crawled back into bed with the redhead, and began to wake him up. He could sleep later.
Much later.
Title: But Not Forgotten
Author: andersenmom
Pairing: Atobe/Eiji
Rating: PG - 13
Summary: Eiji is trying to protect Atobe - even if he goes about it the wrong way.
Author’s Notes: A continuation of the storyline found in Awareness, Bait, and Taken.
It surprised Atobe Keigo to find the library empty; the doctor had given Eiji strict instructions to take it easy. He knew the redhead spent most of his time here, and so had expected to find him reading when he didn't see Eiji in their rooms.
He didn't get alarmed until he saw the phone and collar on the table by a note written in Eiji's neat Kanji, and he picked it up with a hand that trembled minutely.
Keigo,
I know I said I wouldn't make this decision without you, but I find I have to. I'm sorry.
This is not because of what happened to me. It is because of what nearly happened to you, a direct compromise of your principles and beliefs, and that would have killed you. And when that succeeded, because it eventually will, they'd never stop. I owe you my life. I will not be the reason you lose yours.
Thank you for everything. I go with a debt unpaid, like a coward, while you are gone. I'm sorry. I love you.
Eiji
Keigo set the paper down, and picked up the phone. It looked much like it had when he'd given it to Eiji, except with a little wear and tear.
The GPS tracker wouldn't help him now. Nor would the one in the collar.
Resolved, he put the phone in his pocket, spun on his heel, and strode out of the library.
It took little time to find out where Eiji had gone, and less to order his plane fueled and prepped. His butler packed as he found out Eiji's flight information and called on his personal pilot to meet him at the airport. The house, he could leave as is; he had his phone for business transactions, and he called his personal assistant to cancel or postpone his meetings for the next week.
If it took longer, he'd... figure something out.
In the air, he glanced at Kabaji. "Did you know he planned this?"
Kabaji looked at him evenly. "No."
"No idea at all."
"I suspected."
"And you said nothing."
Kabaji fell silent, but did not look away. Keigo nearly swore - and since he'd spent his later teen years with Gakuto and Shishido, he definitely had a repertoire for it - and refrained. Barely.
He doubted Kabaji had actually helped Eiji leave, but he harbored no doubts that his friend hadn't hindered the redhead, either. And he knew, if he asked, he'd get a "it's for your own good" or something very near. He refused to ask.
He figured he knew why Eiji had picked Paris, too. Big enough to vanish into, and a language neither of them knew.
Keigo had never wanted so much to go into his past and more thoroughly destroy someone as he did Takamoto Yoshiki right now. That waste-of-air had started this - it didn't matter why - and Keigo had thought he'd ended it. Thought so, up until someone else had kidnapped Eiji.
"You should rest," Kabaji said, interrupting his thoughts.
Keigo sighed and nodded his acquiescence. "Wake me before we land."
"Usu."
Eiji couldn't stop trembling, clutching the bag he'd stuffed with clothes. He stood in the main train station in Paris, ticket clutched in his hand, unable to get onto the platform for his train.
Keigo stood in the way.
He'd just stepped out for a moment to find lunch, and returned to this. He nervously pulled his cap down further over his red hair. How had he gotten here so fast?
Kabaji stood behind Keigo, watching the people who passed through the arch to the platforms. Eiji slipped sideways, following the crowd to another way, only to stop at the sight of more men - French, this time - with papers which probably held his picture.
Muttering curses, he turned and pushed his way back outside.
At least he had plenty of money.
It didn't seem to matter when he went to the main station. The information the ticket person gave him made it clear he had to leave from where he stated he would be leaving from, and after the first day, he couldn't even get in to change the ticket.
Four days of this, and Eiji had enough. He thought he'd been clear enough in his letter, but apparently not. So he watched, waited, and followed Keigo back to his hotel. He waited a while longer, until after (he hoped) he'd eaten, and then went in and up.
Kabaji stopped him as he got off the elevator. "You're coming back."
"No," Eiji said. "I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place."
Kabaji watched him for a moment, then nodded. "Good luck."
Eiji nodded - he had the feeling he'd need it - and went down the hall to the room number Kabaji directed him to.
Keigo didn't smile when he opened the door, but he did let Eiji in. It was… a start.
Eiji stood near the bed where Keigo left him, watching the other man move around. "Where were you going?" Keigo asked, filling a glass with wine. Eiji guessed he'd had it with dinner.
"From here? Spain. I wasn't sure where after that."
"Why?"
"To get lost."
"And now?" He took another drink of the wine.
"I'll go to Spain," Eiji said, careful not to speak until his boyfriend… until the other man had swallowed.
Keigo set the wineglass down. "Why?"
"My reasons remain…."
"Why are you here?"
"Because I shouldn't have left the way I did."
Now Keigo turned around, and Eiji had to fight to meet his eyes. "You shouldn't have left at all."
Eiji didn't move; he wanted to, but he didn't know if he wanted to move toward or away from the other man. "I had to, Keigo. You know that."
"You promised me."
"I know. I'm sorry. But I won't let them use me to break you."
Keigo glared at him. "It's not your choice."
Eiji met his eyes fearlessly. "It is. It always has been."
"So you came to say good bye." Oh, so bitter. Eiji nearly winced.
"I came to let you say what you need to."
But Keigo said nothing through the night. Eiji did not press for words, trying to memorize the feel of Keigo's hands on his body, the scent of the man he loved. He didn’t sleep, either, when Keigo finally dropped off, watching him, trying to memorize his face.
He didn't sleep long, opening his eyes to meet Eiji's. "You're still here."
Eiji smiled, even if he couldn't remember doing anything harder in his life. "Yes. For a while."
Keigo sat up, the sheet pooling in his lap. "A while?"
Eiji nodded. "The train leaves before noon."
"You're still going."
"Nothing has changed, Keigo."
Keigo nodded and slid out of the bed. Eiji watched him go into the bathroom, then dressed carefully. He made sure he took nothing not his, left behind nothing he needed, then stood and looked out the window without seeing any of the beautiful city laid out before him.
Eiji turned as Keigo stepped out, dressed, hair in place. He smiled again, a feat more difficult than the last one, and moved away from the window. "I'd better go."
Keigo said nothing, pulling him closer for a kiss, and let him go.
Eiji kept his tears at bay until the train cleared Paris.
Eiji eventually settled in London. He kept to himself there, working at a tennis club, providing instruction and, occasionally, opposition in a game. He didn't expect happiness, but the ache eased as time passed.
He kept up with his self-defense courses, under no illusion that he would remain unfound. Between the two, his days passed easily.
The nights… did not go so easily, but he bore them as well as he could. And he noted, with some surprise one day, that he'd been gone from Tokyo for a year.
After that, it got easier. He still kept to himself, but he relaxed a little, getting to know his neighbors at least by name, rather than just by sight. He read the business section about what happened in Tokyo, cutting out stories about Keigo. It surprised him how few he collected when he looked back, but it happened often enough to let him know how the company - and it's CEO - did.
His second summer in London had just ended when someone knocked on his door. He looked up from the want ads - he needed a job for the winter - and then went to answer it.
He nearly shut it again, and stopped himself before the other man could stop him. "Kabaji?"
The hulking bodyguard nodded. "You've had your vacation. It's time to come home."
Eiji blinked and stepped back to let him in. "What?"
Kabaji entered and closed the door behind him. "You've made your point. It's time to come home."
Eiji stared at him. "I can't just…."
"Kikumaru. It has been long enough."
"You don't even like me!" Which wasn't exactly true, and Eiji knew it. Kabaji didn't like the relationship; Eiji didn't know how the big man felt about him, personally.
Kabaji eyed him. "My opinion is not important. Atobe needs you."
Eiji backed away again. "He's fine."
"No."
"It's been two years."
"Do you care so little for him?"
"No!" Eiji froze, staring at him. "No. Don't ever think that. But to cause him to compromise…."
Kabaji took his arm in a grip Eiji knew he couldn't break. "He understands that. He understands, better than he did. It is time to come back."
"You're sure."
"Yes."
He only hesitated a moment, pushing the overwhelming urge to scream for joy in the back of his head. "Let me go. I'll be ready to go by tomorrow morning."
"I'll arrange the flight," Kabaji said, letting him go. "There is one tonight, and one tomorrow night."
Eiji ran into his bedroom. "Tonight. I'll be ready by tonight."
He couldn't calm down. It took him no time to toss the clothes he wanted into his suitcase, emptying the rest of his things into garbage bags even as he spoke to the landlord on the phone. When he'd finished, he took his extra food to one neighbor, a college student who never seemed to have enough, and the clothes to another neighbor, who collected for charity and would know who to give them to. He got to the bank just before it closed, emptying his account, and left everything else - he'd take care of it from Tokyo.
Kabaji met him at Heathrow with his ticket, and they boarded within two hours.
Eiji couldn't sleep, staring out the window at the dark sky. He didn't bother Kabaji, either, who slept the whole way, waking only as the plane began it's descent.
They took a cab from Narita, still in silence. Eiji trusted Kabaji, especially on this, but he worried about his reception, how Keigo would act, treat him…. He kept those worries to himself until they reached the drive.
"You're sure?" he asked as the cab came to a stop.
"I am sure," Kabaji said deliberately, and leaned forward to pay the cabby. Eiji climbed out, and Kabaji followed. "Go. I will get your luggage."
Eiji nodded and went to the door, hesitated, and then opened it and went in.
He felt like a whirlwind sucked him in; the butler took his coat, and then two maids (who came from nowhere) walked him toward the library. "Keigo-bochama is at breakfast, and will leave for work soon," one of them said as the other brushed his clothes and straightened them, still walking quickly. "He will be glad to see you."
They reached the library door, and the one maid quickly combed Eiji's hair before the other pushed the door open. "Someone here to see you, Keigo-bochama," she said with a bow, and gave Eiji a gentle push into the room.
Keigo looked up, frowning, but the expression eased into something more neutral when he saw Eiji. Eiji stood frozen in the doorway, staring.
He looked… good. Not great, no, but good. Thinner, more worry lines (and frown lines) in his face, but he didn't look as bad as Eiji had feared he would. "Keigo, I…."
"I'm not dreaming. Right?"
Eiji walked forward, only a couple of steps, that joyous scream clawing at his throat. He swallowed it down. "If you are, I'm having the same dream."
Keigo stood up and moved blindly around the table, walking to meet him. "How long do you think it'll last?" he asked, stopping more than an arm's length away.
Eiji couldn't stop trembling. "The rest of our lives?" he asked hesitantly, and closed the space between them. He reached up to touch his lover's face, and then Keigo kissed him.
For the second time, a whirlwind swept him away, and when he came to his senses, he lay in Keigo's arms, in their bed, completely spent.
"You should sleep," Keigo whispered in his ear.
"But if it's a dream…" he protested.
Keigo laughed softly. "It's not a dream. You're here."
Eiji hesitated, unwilling to say more - he couldn't very well ask Keigo to stay, when he'd just returned from leaving him - and closed his eyes.
"I won't leave," Keigo whispered. "Sleep."
When Eiji slept, Keigo slipped from the bed and pulled his robe around him. Outside the bedroom, he found Kabaji waiting. "Where did you find him?" he asked.
"In London," Kabaji said. "It took approximately five minutes to convince him to come back."
"Any loose ends?"
"A few, but nothing he can't take care of from here."
Keigo nodded. "Good. Thank you." Back inside, he sat in the overstuffed chair and made a few phone calls, straightening out the mess he'd made by not going in to work.
He'd figure out what to do with Eiji and work tomorrow, or next week. He didn't want to think about that now. He opened the drawer next to his bed, took out the collar, and shook it, listening to the too-long-silent bell. Then he crawled back into bed with the redhead, and began to wake him up. He could sleep later.
Much later.