TutiXNagayan!!
Well, here it is! (After much deliberation... and editing, and stress that was entirely unnecessary...) ;)
Title: Jyuuden Kanryou
Author: analine
Pairing: TutiXNagayan
Rating: PG
Warnings: shounen-ai/yaoi…
Disclaimers: I don’t own Prince of Tennis, or TeniMyu. Everything seen here is entirely fictitious, and has no basis in reality. ;)
A/N: My first TeniMyu/RPS fic, inspired in large part by kooriyoukai's Suigan no Ai! :) Enjoy! (takes place during the 3rd Musical...)
X-posted to tenimyu and betaed (amazingly!) by kooriyoukai
***
Nagayan was not happy. And what made it even worse was that he knew he shouldn’t be letting something like this bother him. It was silly. Ridiculous, actually. Maybe he was just tired, or stressed. Performances had started this week and everyone was feeling drained. That had to be it.
Because this was just a stupid comment, made by someone he really wasn’t even friends with. Maybe they had all just been spending too much time together… or something. He reminded himself again that Shiozawa really didn’t know anything about him. Or Tuti.
Nagayan sighed.
It was strange. Usually he really didn’t care what people said or thought about him, especially if they were outside his circle of friends. He usually tried to radiate a certain aloofness around people, but in the end, he figured that this probably proved that he was just as wrapped up in himself and his image as everyone else was.
He sighed again, and was glad for once that no one was around to see his mood right now.
He had managed to escape to the hallway, and was thankfully away from those stupid cameras too. Usually he didn’t mind them at all; he actually thought it was kind of fun, having a ready-made audience following them around all the time. But today he was sick of it. Maybe he was sick of everything, actually, but after a second he realized that this couldn’t be it, because it really felt wrong to think of it that way. Performances were half over, and soon it would be the end-until the next time, if there was a next time, and even that could be months away. So he should be enjoying this now, and there really was no reason for him to feel this way. This was supposed to be fun. That was the point after all, right?
But he hadn’t really been having that much fun lately, he admitted to himself, reluctantly. Mostly because of this weird, nostalgic, sad feeling he’d had for days, ever since rehearsals had ended. And while he knew everyone would be sad sooner or later, when things started wrapping up, Nagayan was sure even Kime would laugh at him for feeling like this already. It was just strange; he was in a strange state of mind, he figured. He felt almost lonely, and Nagayan hated that.
He started walking down the hallway, towards the food table, so that it would at least appear that he had some purpose for being out there. He wished he could get Shiozawa’s comment out of his head, but instead he found himself repeating everything to himself for what felt like the hundredth time.
He had been standing around earlier, wondering where Kime had wandered off to, as usual, and for some reason he had found himself half-listening to some of the younger cast members joke around about something or other. Couples? Slash? He really wasn’t listening, but his ears perked up when he heard someone say something about the Golden Pair.
He had been honestly surprised then, when Shiozawa had said that he and Tuti, or their characters rather, were the most popular couple with the fans by far. Well, that was good, he was thinking. Nagayan liked being popular.
Then Shiozawa had turned to him and laughed, saying that they were lucky because he and Tuti didn’t have to try very hard at all to make their fans happy. Nagayan had laughed too, though he felt a twinge of something as the thought sunk in, and wondered why he felt almost embarrassed.
Then someone else mentioned, sounding amused, how it seemed that a lot of the fans had really taken to seeing the two of them as the Golden Pair. Both on and off-stage.
“Yeah, I don’t know where they get that from though, maybe because you’re such a tease?”
Nagayan felt amused eyes on him, and wondered why everyone seemed so quick to laugh at Shiozawa’s joke.
And it was stupid. He knew that it didn’t mean anything. But for some reason, he was feeling his mood turn downhill quickly.
Kimeru, who was suddenly next to him, had placed a hand on his shoulder, and whispered knowingly, which kind of creeped him out, as usual, “Angry? It was just a joke, ne?”
Nagayan knew that Kime was right. It was stupid to be angry about this. And angry wasn’t even the right word, anyway. Bothered, maybe, but he wasn’t angry, that wasn’t really it. In fact, he probably would have made a similar comment himself had no one else said anything.
Angry, or bothered, or whatever, the point was that now Nagayan was thinking about something that he had been trying not to think about for a while now.
He didn’t like being reminded of the strangeness that was his relationship with his stage partner, or the fact that he thought about their relationship at all. It was just weird. Tuti was weird, their relationship was weird, and maybe now he felt like it wasn’t just in his head. For a comment like that to be made, even as a joke, meant something. Or maybe not. Maybe it didn’t mean anything. He wasn’t sure.
Nagayan never really knew what to think about Tuti. There were times when things were great between them. When they were working by themselves, on duets or dance numbers, or during downtime at rehearsals, as long as too many people didn’t bother them, they got along really well. They would joke around, comfortably, and Nagayan felt himself letting his guard down to the point where he felt like he could be himself, and this was a really nice thing, something that Nagayan valued a lot. But there were other times, the times that maybe everyone else saw, where he felt like everything was just off between them. He was sure that most of the cast didn’t even see them as friends at all, and for some reason that bothered him. Maybe because he could see exactly why they thought that sometimes.
Half the time backstage, Tuti was busy being Tuti, telling jokes or off doing something else entirely; Nagayan really wasn’t sure most of the time. And he hated how often he found himself trying to compete for Tuti’s attention, or trying to ignore the tightness he would get in his throat when Tuti would effortlessly ignore him in the crowd. And he really wasn’t sure where this stemmed from, or why it bothered him.
Nagayan knew that he needed to feel accepted, and that it somehow seemed like a rejection of sorts, when the bond he felt so often with his stage partner could be made to seem invisible in the presence of the rest of the cast. Because even just on a professional level, this connection was important to him. And sometimes he wanted everyone to see it.
He just couldn’t figure Tuti out; maybe that was what it came down to. He wasn’t sure what Tuti thought of him.
Nagayan knew that he received a different type of attention from the rest of the cast than Tuti did with his comedic routine, and he sometimes wondered if Tuti was intimidated by this, though he couldn’t figure out why he would be. Because he was sure that Tuti knew that it was an act, that his ploys for attention, and his flirtations especially, were usually generated out of boredom, or curiosity. Nagayan wasn’t really like that with his friends. He hoped he wasn’t like that with Tuti when it was just the two of them. He didn’t think he was. He was himself, right?
Nagayan really wasn’t sure why he was thinking about this so much. Maybe he just didn’t like people having misconceptions about him, especially someone like Tuti, whom he knew he had let his guard down around. He wanted Tuti to like him. To respect him. Or maybe he had just enjoyed the thought of him and Tuti forming this grand off-stage friendship, and he was disappointed because it hadn’t materialized? Maybe that was it. Maybe he felt that time had almost run out, and that he wasn’t fully comfortable with the level of friendship they had reached? There was a connection, sure, but… it wasn’t consistent. And it left Nagayan feeling insecure and off balance sometimes, and he hated that. Now that the performances would be over soon things had been feeling more and more strained, in a way, which is not how he wanted this to end.
It made him nervous, and his stomach felt tight thinking about it. He was laid back most of the time, but… every once in a while something would just get under his skin like this, and he hated that he wasn’t able to just let it go.
He figured he had been thinking these things for a while, and when Shiozawa had made that comment, something had clicked, and he found himself wondering if maybe it really was so simple. Maybe no one took him seriously at all, including Tuti. Maybe that was why he hadn’t really gotten close to Tuti after all this time. Maybe this was why sometimes he felt like he couldn’t fully trust anyone else in the cast except for Kime, who didn’t really count. He wasn’t sure.
Nagayan sighed again, because it was making him tired, thinking about all of this. It suddenly occurred to him that he was still wandering around out here in the hall aimlessly, and that he had been out here for a long time. He knew that he really needed to just get over this, at least for right now, or people would start asking him what his problem was, and he really didn’t want that.
Despite telling himself this, Nagayan’s contemplative mood was fading quickly, and suddenly he was feeling like an angsty fifteen year old again. He was sick of this. Damn Tuti. What did he care if Tuti or anyone else thought he was a tease, or anything else.
Tuti, who was so much nicer and sweeter to everyone than he could ever be. Who gave him that funny look when he made crude jokes or made fun of the other cast members, even if he was usually joking. It wasn’t berating, just this slightly amused look that said he saw right through Nagayan’s act. Well, whatever, Nagayan knew he could see right through Tuti’s act too. He was sure he wasn’t being fair, but his mind had turned to almost blaming Tuti for his mood instead of himself.
He was really just mad that he was letting this get to him so much. There was a performance in less than two hours and he was getting so angry he couldn’t even see straight. About absolutely nothing.
And then Nagayan realized who was walking down the hall towards him. With that big dopey grin on his face. Nagayan almost wanted to smile, despite himself, but he had long conditioned himself against that smile, because it annoyed him to imagine Tuti thinking his act could work so easily on him. Tuti would have to try a bit harder to make him smile, especially right now.
Before they even got within ten feet of each other, Nagayan was, without even realizing it, throwing out the bait that Tuti took every time.
“You don’t want to talk to me right now, Tuti. I’m grumpy.”
He shot Tuti his best leave-me-alone glare, hoping half-heartedly to scare him away, though he was sure the smile he was suppressing showed a little. Damn Tuti. Nagayan tried to stay in his sour state of mind at least a bit longer. He knew he would never get to the bottom of this if he just fell into his usual little game with Tuti.
His look was ignored though, and in fact, it almost seemed like Tuti’s smile had grown a little. Then Tuti opened his mouth, and said, his voice sounding effected and serious in that weird way that he had sometimes, “Takashi, Kimeru said to-”
“Stop calling me that,” Nagayan interrupted, watching a mixture of mock-hurt and then amusement flash across Tuti’s face. “When did I ever say that you could call me that anyway?” He could hear how moody he was sounding right now, and was sure Tuti was close to laughing out loud at his childish act, especially since he was sure Tuti could tell he didn’t mean any of it.
But instead, Tuti’s expression seemed confused. Maybe he was winning the game today, Nagayan wondered, but had a feeling that wasn’t it. He sighed and rolled his eyes before he realized it. “Never mind. What did Kime say?”
Tuti was watching him, looking more and more confused by his attitude the longer he tried to keep it up. But after a second, Tuti shook his head and grinned.
“Just that you needed me to cheer you up,” he said and then winked. “I told him it was a bad idea, that my jokes don’t work on you, but…”
Nagayan sighed again, but stopped himself from rolling his eyes, realizing once again that he had no idea how Tuti simultaneously seemed to completely understand him but remain totally clueless at the same time. He studied Tuti’s face, but really wasn’t able to read anything past what seemed like amusement and vague concern, probably from being worried that Nagayan was about to yell at him.
“It’s nothing, Tuti. And can’t you take a hint, I said…”
“Yeah, yeah, to leave you alone, but you have that I-want-attention pout all over your face, so what am I supposed to do?”
Nagayan was smiling back, a little deviously, before he realized it. This is what always happened between them, and while it was nice, and comfortable, he did actually want to resolve this, at least in his mind, for himself.
He reminded himself that he was mad, and that he really wanted to know what Tuti thought about Shiozawa’s comment, otherwise he’d be thinking about it later. He tried to think of an indirect way to bring it up. It didn’t even matter if he ended up looking like an idiot, he was thinking, because he really just wanted to know. He wondered if Tuti would laugh, because he knew this was going to sound really stupid. But he couldn’t help it.
He wanted to enjoy the performance tonight, and if he was thinking about this he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to. If anyone could help him get over this, he knew that Tuti could. Which was weird, because wasn’t this Tuti’s fault in the first place? Nagayan shook his head, and decided to stop trying to figure it out and just ask the damn question.
He lowered his voice, and tried to sound casual, “Sometimes I just wonder what people think of me, you know? This cast? I hate wondering about that kind of stuff, but...” He tried to downplay how much he wanted some kind of reassurance right now. He lowered his voice again, and tried to look annoyed instead of suddenly insecure like he felt. “I don’t know, it’s stupid. I’m just…tired I guess.”
Tuti was staring at him, silently. His face was strange though, as if somehow Tuti seemed to know exactly what he was thinking. Nagayan swore that he would kill Kime if-
“Takashi…” Tuti’s voice interrupted his thoughts and suddenly Nagayan felt his stomach tense up a little, and he tried to push away the sensation. He rarely saw Tuti intense like this, and it was almost disarming. He realized he was holding his breath, as he waited for what was coming next, because he realized that he honestly had no idea what Tuti would say while he was looking at him like that.
“I really think that everyone has a lot of respect for you,” Tuti finished finally. “Everyone is grateful to you for how hard you’ve worked, and for everything you’ve done. Everyone really likes you, ok? I don’t think you have to worry about that at all.”
Nagayan let out a long breath, thinking how silly he had been to get nervous just then. What had he thought Tuti would say, anyway?
“That’s not what I meant,” Nagayan said and pouted, though he couldn’t help but admit that Tuti’s words had made him feel better. Then he smiled, a little nervously when he realized that Tuti was staring at him with a slightly amused look on his face. He thought for a second and then frowned again, “It’s not like I think everyone has to like me.”
“You sure?” And then Tuti laughed, loudly, and Nagayan found himself laughing too after a second.
“Well, you know, it’s just… I didn’t mean it that way.” But they were both laughing, and Nagayan found that he no longer remembered really what his point had been, or what it was that was bothering him about his relationship with this person in front of him, because right now he felt good again, he felt the comfort of a good friend, and someone who understood him. He wasn’t sure if this was a good or a bad thing though…
“Sit,” Tuti commanded, a smirk on his face.
“What?” Nagayan said automatically, confused, because he had been kind of lost in his thoughts.
“Sit. You’re tense.”
And then Nagayan realized what he meant. And he smiled, for real this time. Tuti gave the best backrubs in the whole cast, and though Nagayan always tried to seem indifferent, secretly he really loved them, because they were really good, and because it was one of the few times that he knew he could secure Tuti’s undivided attention.
Because even after long, grueling dance rehearsals that left everyone aching, all it took was a glance and Tuti would ignore the half dozen requests from other cast members, joking that if he didn’t accommodate his doubles partner, it would hurt their game immensely. Nagayan never argued with this reasoning.
He dropped to the floor immediately now, not really being able to hide how much he was looking forward to this. He crossed his legs in front of him and tried to get comfortable, even though this was difficult because the floor was hard. And cold. Nagayan frowned a little at this, rolling his shoulders back and then stretching his arms above his head before settling down to wait patiently for Tuti to work his magic. Tuti laughed to himself at these familiar preparations, before he sat down too, just slightly closer than was perhaps necessary. Nagayan closed his eyes, and wondered what Tuti was waiting for.
After another second, Tuti’s fingers began to explore his back, skillfully, at just the right pressure, searching for knots, and Nagayan sighed loudly. Tuti knew what a sucker he was for this anyway, so he figured it didn’t matter.
Nagayan soon got lost in how nice it felt to have warm, strong fingers kneading his shoulders and working their way down his back, sending pleasant shivers down his spine here and there.
They were both silent, and Nagayan had to admit, he was starting to feel a lot better. Good, even.
His breath caught a little when he felt Tuti’s fingers brush against the skin on his neck, before moving down his back again. He had been caught up in the rhythm of Tuti’s fingers for a while, and now he found that he was anticipating when Tuti would work back up to his neck, because each time there was a slight touch of fingers on bare skin, and a tiny current of electricity that moved through him, surprising him every time. Nagayan was sure Tuti noticed, because with each pass it seemed like his fingers would linger just a little longer, until Nagayan wondered if he hadn’t been doing it on purpose the whole time.
For some reason this amused him. He was sure it was no secret to Tuti how good he was making him feel. As always, he attributed this to his heightened sensitivity when it came to people touching him, and pushed any other thoughts out of his mind. He wondered what Tuti was thinking after a second though, but then decided he really wasn’t willing to entertain that thought right now. Because right now he was feeling good, and relaxed, and his tension was gone, and he didn’t want it to come back. He sighed and leaned back into Tuti’s hands a little, feeling the pressure on his muscles increase as the distance between them closed slightly.
Then all of the sudden Tuti moved his hands away. The lack of pressure threw them both off balance, at least that was what Nagayan figured must have happened. Either that or Tuti had just pulled him on top of him, which was entirely possible too. They were both laughing, and it took Nagayan a few seconds before he realized how weird this must look, and that he really should get up. Because somehow they had ended up in a precariously compromising position, right in the middle of the hallway, and he could feel Tuti’s chest rumbling with laughter against his back. Yeah, he really needed to get up.
“Baka…” Nagayan pushed himself forward and into a standing position, extending a hand to Tuti, who as usual, was still lying on the floor laughing at his own joke.
After they were both standing, Nagayan turned to walk towards the dressing room, and Tuti followed.
“You’re good at that, you know,” Nagayan said, turning to Tuti as they were about to walk through the doorway. Nagayan wondered for a second if that seemed vague, but then figured that he didn’t mind letting Tuti take that whatever way he wanted. “I feel better, ” he finished, and this was true, he was thinking. He felt completely, one hundred percent better.
Tuti was surprisingly quiet, before he smiled, and then winked, almost mischievously, a glint of something almost dangerous in his eyes that made Nagayan wonder just what Tuti thought they were talking about. He would have to remember to ask Tuti about that later, maybe after they’d both shared a few drinks after the show, but he figured that it really didn’t matter… for right now, anyway.
As they walked into the large dressing room, and Nagayan watched Tuti blend into the crowd, a slight smile crept across his face and lingered there. Nagayan wondered if he just might have figured Tuti out a little better after all. At this very moment, he was honestly happy, and he could feel somehow that things would probably be ok, in the end. They were the Golden Pair, after all, right? Well, sort of… or maybe not so much, he realized, but that was okay too, and the more he thought about it the more he almost wanted to laugh out loud. Either way, it was ok. For now things were fine, and he knew that they were going to put on a good show tonight, and that he was going to have his friend there with him, by his side.
"Jyuuden kanryou," he thought to himself, and smiled, because never before had those two simple words felt so true.
OWARI
Jyuuden kanryou = recharged
Baka = idiot
Title: Jyuuden Kanryou
Author: analine
Pairing: TutiXNagayan
Rating: PG
Warnings: shounen-ai/yaoi…
Disclaimers: I don’t own Prince of Tennis, or TeniMyu. Everything seen here is entirely fictitious, and has no basis in reality. ;)
A/N: My first TeniMyu/RPS fic, inspired in large part by kooriyoukai's Suigan no Ai! :) Enjoy! (takes place during the 3rd Musical...)
X-posted to tenimyu and betaed (amazingly!) by kooriyoukai
***
Nagayan was not happy. And what made it even worse was that he knew he shouldn’t be letting something like this bother him. It was silly. Ridiculous, actually. Maybe he was just tired, or stressed. Performances had started this week and everyone was feeling drained. That had to be it.
Because this was just a stupid comment, made by someone he really wasn’t even friends with. Maybe they had all just been spending too much time together… or something. He reminded himself again that Shiozawa really didn’t know anything about him. Or Tuti.
Nagayan sighed.
It was strange. Usually he really didn’t care what people said or thought about him, especially if they were outside his circle of friends. He usually tried to radiate a certain aloofness around people, but in the end, he figured that this probably proved that he was just as wrapped up in himself and his image as everyone else was.
He sighed again, and was glad for once that no one was around to see his mood right now.
He had managed to escape to the hallway, and was thankfully away from those stupid cameras too. Usually he didn’t mind them at all; he actually thought it was kind of fun, having a ready-made audience following them around all the time. But today he was sick of it. Maybe he was sick of everything, actually, but after a second he realized that this couldn’t be it, because it really felt wrong to think of it that way. Performances were half over, and soon it would be the end-until the next time, if there was a next time, and even that could be months away. So he should be enjoying this now, and there really was no reason for him to feel this way. This was supposed to be fun. That was the point after all, right?
But he hadn’t really been having that much fun lately, he admitted to himself, reluctantly. Mostly because of this weird, nostalgic, sad feeling he’d had for days, ever since rehearsals had ended. And while he knew everyone would be sad sooner or later, when things started wrapping up, Nagayan was sure even Kime would laugh at him for feeling like this already. It was just strange; he was in a strange state of mind, he figured. He felt almost lonely, and Nagayan hated that.
He started walking down the hallway, towards the food table, so that it would at least appear that he had some purpose for being out there. He wished he could get Shiozawa’s comment out of his head, but instead he found himself repeating everything to himself for what felt like the hundredth time.
He had been standing around earlier, wondering where Kime had wandered off to, as usual, and for some reason he had found himself half-listening to some of the younger cast members joke around about something or other. Couples? Slash? He really wasn’t listening, but his ears perked up when he heard someone say something about the Golden Pair.
He had been honestly surprised then, when Shiozawa had said that he and Tuti, or their characters rather, were the most popular couple with the fans by far. Well, that was good, he was thinking. Nagayan liked being popular.
Then Shiozawa had turned to him and laughed, saying that they were lucky because he and Tuti didn’t have to try very hard at all to make their fans happy. Nagayan had laughed too, though he felt a twinge of something as the thought sunk in, and wondered why he felt almost embarrassed.
Then someone else mentioned, sounding amused, how it seemed that a lot of the fans had really taken to seeing the two of them as the Golden Pair. Both on and off-stage.
“Yeah, I don’t know where they get that from though, maybe because you’re such a tease?”
Nagayan felt amused eyes on him, and wondered why everyone seemed so quick to laugh at Shiozawa’s joke.
And it was stupid. He knew that it didn’t mean anything. But for some reason, he was feeling his mood turn downhill quickly.
Kimeru, who was suddenly next to him, had placed a hand on his shoulder, and whispered knowingly, which kind of creeped him out, as usual, “Angry? It was just a joke, ne?”
Nagayan knew that Kime was right. It was stupid to be angry about this. And angry wasn’t even the right word, anyway. Bothered, maybe, but he wasn’t angry, that wasn’t really it. In fact, he probably would have made a similar comment himself had no one else said anything.
Angry, or bothered, or whatever, the point was that now Nagayan was thinking about something that he had been trying not to think about for a while now.
He didn’t like being reminded of the strangeness that was his relationship with his stage partner, or the fact that he thought about their relationship at all. It was just weird. Tuti was weird, their relationship was weird, and maybe now he felt like it wasn’t just in his head. For a comment like that to be made, even as a joke, meant something. Or maybe not. Maybe it didn’t mean anything. He wasn’t sure.
Nagayan never really knew what to think about Tuti. There were times when things were great between them. When they were working by themselves, on duets or dance numbers, or during downtime at rehearsals, as long as too many people didn’t bother them, they got along really well. They would joke around, comfortably, and Nagayan felt himself letting his guard down to the point where he felt like he could be himself, and this was a really nice thing, something that Nagayan valued a lot. But there were other times, the times that maybe everyone else saw, where he felt like everything was just off between them. He was sure that most of the cast didn’t even see them as friends at all, and for some reason that bothered him. Maybe because he could see exactly why they thought that sometimes.
Half the time backstage, Tuti was busy being Tuti, telling jokes or off doing something else entirely; Nagayan really wasn’t sure most of the time. And he hated how often he found himself trying to compete for Tuti’s attention, or trying to ignore the tightness he would get in his throat when Tuti would effortlessly ignore him in the crowd. And he really wasn’t sure where this stemmed from, or why it bothered him.
Nagayan knew that he needed to feel accepted, and that it somehow seemed like a rejection of sorts, when the bond he felt so often with his stage partner could be made to seem invisible in the presence of the rest of the cast. Because even just on a professional level, this connection was important to him. And sometimes he wanted everyone to see it.
He just couldn’t figure Tuti out; maybe that was what it came down to. He wasn’t sure what Tuti thought of him.
Nagayan knew that he received a different type of attention from the rest of the cast than Tuti did with his comedic routine, and he sometimes wondered if Tuti was intimidated by this, though he couldn’t figure out why he would be. Because he was sure that Tuti knew that it was an act, that his ploys for attention, and his flirtations especially, were usually generated out of boredom, or curiosity. Nagayan wasn’t really like that with his friends. He hoped he wasn’t like that with Tuti when it was just the two of them. He didn’t think he was. He was himself, right?
Nagayan really wasn’t sure why he was thinking about this so much. Maybe he just didn’t like people having misconceptions about him, especially someone like Tuti, whom he knew he had let his guard down around. He wanted Tuti to like him. To respect him. Or maybe he had just enjoyed the thought of him and Tuti forming this grand off-stage friendship, and he was disappointed because it hadn’t materialized? Maybe that was it. Maybe he felt that time had almost run out, and that he wasn’t fully comfortable with the level of friendship they had reached? There was a connection, sure, but… it wasn’t consistent. And it left Nagayan feeling insecure and off balance sometimes, and he hated that. Now that the performances would be over soon things had been feeling more and more strained, in a way, which is not how he wanted this to end.
It made him nervous, and his stomach felt tight thinking about it. He was laid back most of the time, but… every once in a while something would just get under his skin like this, and he hated that he wasn’t able to just let it go.
He figured he had been thinking these things for a while, and when Shiozawa had made that comment, something had clicked, and he found himself wondering if maybe it really was so simple. Maybe no one took him seriously at all, including Tuti. Maybe that was why he hadn’t really gotten close to Tuti after all this time. Maybe this was why sometimes he felt like he couldn’t fully trust anyone else in the cast except for Kime, who didn’t really count. He wasn’t sure.
Nagayan sighed again, because it was making him tired, thinking about all of this. It suddenly occurred to him that he was still wandering around out here in the hall aimlessly, and that he had been out here for a long time. He knew that he really needed to just get over this, at least for right now, or people would start asking him what his problem was, and he really didn’t want that.
Despite telling himself this, Nagayan’s contemplative mood was fading quickly, and suddenly he was feeling like an angsty fifteen year old again. He was sick of this. Damn Tuti. What did he care if Tuti or anyone else thought he was a tease, or anything else.
Tuti, who was so much nicer and sweeter to everyone than he could ever be. Who gave him that funny look when he made crude jokes or made fun of the other cast members, even if he was usually joking. It wasn’t berating, just this slightly amused look that said he saw right through Nagayan’s act. Well, whatever, Nagayan knew he could see right through Tuti’s act too. He was sure he wasn’t being fair, but his mind had turned to almost blaming Tuti for his mood instead of himself.
He was really just mad that he was letting this get to him so much. There was a performance in less than two hours and he was getting so angry he couldn’t even see straight. About absolutely nothing.
And then Nagayan realized who was walking down the hall towards him. With that big dopey grin on his face. Nagayan almost wanted to smile, despite himself, but he had long conditioned himself against that smile, because it annoyed him to imagine Tuti thinking his act could work so easily on him. Tuti would have to try a bit harder to make him smile, especially right now.
Before they even got within ten feet of each other, Nagayan was, without even realizing it, throwing out the bait that Tuti took every time.
“You don’t want to talk to me right now, Tuti. I’m grumpy.”
He shot Tuti his best leave-me-alone glare, hoping half-heartedly to scare him away, though he was sure the smile he was suppressing showed a little. Damn Tuti. Nagayan tried to stay in his sour state of mind at least a bit longer. He knew he would never get to the bottom of this if he just fell into his usual little game with Tuti.
His look was ignored though, and in fact, it almost seemed like Tuti’s smile had grown a little. Then Tuti opened his mouth, and said, his voice sounding effected and serious in that weird way that he had sometimes, “Takashi, Kimeru said to-”
“Stop calling me that,” Nagayan interrupted, watching a mixture of mock-hurt and then amusement flash across Tuti’s face. “When did I ever say that you could call me that anyway?” He could hear how moody he was sounding right now, and was sure Tuti was close to laughing out loud at his childish act, especially since he was sure Tuti could tell he didn’t mean any of it.
But instead, Tuti’s expression seemed confused. Maybe he was winning the game today, Nagayan wondered, but had a feeling that wasn’t it. He sighed and rolled his eyes before he realized it. “Never mind. What did Kime say?”
Tuti was watching him, looking more and more confused by his attitude the longer he tried to keep it up. But after a second, Tuti shook his head and grinned.
“Just that you needed me to cheer you up,” he said and then winked. “I told him it was a bad idea, that my jokes don’t work on you, but…”
Nagayan sighed again, but stopped himself from rolling his eyes, realizing once again that he had no idea how Tuti simultaneously seemed to completely understand him but remain totally clueless at the same time. He studied Tuti’s face, but really wasn’t able to read anything past what seemed like amusement and vague concern, probably from being worried that Nagayan was about to yell at him.
“It’s nothing, Tuti. And can’t you take a hint, I said…”
“Yeah, yeah, to leave you alone, but you have that I-want-attention pout all over your face, so what am I supposed to do?”
Nagayan was smiling back, a little deviously, before he realized it. This is what always happened between them, and while it was nice, and comfortable, he did actually want to resolve this, at least in his mind, for himself.
He reminded himself that he was mad, and that he really wanted to know what Tuti thought about Shiozawa’s comment, otherwise he’d be thinking about it later. He tried to think of an indirect way to bring it up. It didn’t even matter if he ended up looking like an idiot, he was thinking, because he really just wanted to know. He wondered if Tuti would laugh, because he knew this was going to sound really stupid. But he couldn’t help it.
He wanted to enjoy the performance tonight, and if he was thinking about this he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to. If anyone could help him get over this, he knew that Tuti could. Which was weird, because wasn’t this Tuti’s fault in the first place? Nagayan shook his head, and decided to stop trying to figure it out and just ask the damn question.
He lowered his voice, and tried to sound casual, “Sometimes I just wonder what people think of me, you know? This cast? I hate wondering about that kind of stuff, but...” He tried to downplay how much he wanted some kind of reassurance right now. He lowered his voice again, and tried to look annoyed instead of suddenly insecure like he felt. “I don’t know, it’s stupid. I’m just…tired I guess.”
Tuti was staring at him, silently. His face was strange though, as if somehow Tuti seemed to know exactly what he was thinking. Nagayan swore that he would kill Kime if-
“Takashi…” Tuti’s voice interrupted his thoughts and suddenly Nagayan felt his stomach tense up a little, and he tried to push away the sensation. He rarely saw Tuti intense like this, and it was almost disarming. He realized he was holding his breath, as he waited for what was coming next, because he realized that he honestly had no idea what Tuti would say while he was looking at him like that.
“I really think that everyone has a lot of respect for you,” Tuti finished finally. “Everyone is grateful to you for how hard you’ve worked, and for everything you’ve done. Everyone really likes you, ok? I don’t think you have to worry about that at all.”
Nagayan let out a long breath, thinking how silly he had been to get nervous just then. What had he thought Tuti would say, anyway?
“That’s not what I meant,” Nagayan said and pouted, though he couldn’t help but admit that Tuti’s words had made him feel better. Then he smiled, a little nervously when he realized that Tuti was staring at him with a slightly amused look on his face. He thought for a second and then frowned again, “It’s not like I think everyone has to like me.”
“You sure?” And then Tuti laughed, loudly, and Nagayan found himself laughing too after a second.
“Well, you know, it’s just… I didn’t mean it that way.” But they were both laughing, and Nagayan found that he no longer remembered really what his point had been, or what it was that was bothering him about his relationship with this person in front of him, because right now he felt good again, he felt the comfort of a good friend, and someone who understood him. He wasn’t sure if this was a good or a bad thing though…
“Sit,” Tuti commanded, a smirk on his face.
“What?” Nagayan said automatically, confused, because he had been kind of lost in his thoughts.
“Sit. You’re tense.”
And then Nagayan realized what he meant. And he smiled, for real this time. Tuti gave the best backrubs in the whole cast, and though Nagayan always tried to seem indifferent, secretly he really loved them, because they were really good, and because it was one of the few times that he knew he could secure Tuti’s undivided attention.
Because even after long, grueling dance rehearsals that left everyone aching, all it took was a glance and Tuti would ignore the half dozen requests from other cast members, joking that if he didn’t accommodate his doubles partner, it would hurt their game immensely. Nagayan never argued with this reasoning.
He dropped to the floor immediately now, not really being able to hide how much he was looking forward to this. He crossed his legs in front of him and tried to get comfortable, even though this was difficult because the floor was hard. And cold. Nagayan frowned a little at this, rolling his shoulders back and then stretching his arms above his head before settling down to wait patiently for Tuti to work his magic. Tuti laughed to himself at these familiar preparations, before he sat down too, just slightly closer than was perhaps necessary. Nagayan closed his eyes, and wondered what Tuti was waiting for.
After another second, Tuti’s fingers began to explore his back, skillfully, at just the right pressure, searching for knots, and Nagayan sighed loudly. Tuti knew what a sucker he was for this anyway, so he figured it didn’t matter.
Nagayan soon got lost in how nice it felt to have warm, strong fingers kneading his shoulders and working their way down his back, sending pleasant shivers down his spine here and there.
They were both silent, and Nagayan had to admit, he was starting to feel a lot better. Good, even.
His breath caught a little when he felt Tuti’s fingers brush against the skin on his neck, before moving down his back again. He had been caught up in the rhythm of Tuti’s fingers for a while, and now he found that he was anticipating when Tuti would work back up to his neck, because each time there was a slight touch of fingers on bare skin, and a tiny current of electricity that moved through him, surprising him every time. Nagayan was sure Tuti noticed, because with each pass it seemed like his fingers would linger just a little longer, until Nagayan wondered if he hadn’t been doing it on purpose the whole time.
For some reason this amused him. He was sure it was no secret to Tuti how good he was making him feel. As always, he attributed this to his heightened sensitivity when it came to people touching him, and pushed any other thoughts out of his mind. He wondered what Tuti was thinking after a second though, but then decided he really wasn’t willing to entertain that thought right now. Because right now he was feeling good, and relaxed, and his tension was gone, and he didn’t want it to come back. He sighed and leaned back into Tuti’s hands a little, feeling the pressure on his muscles increase as the distance between them closed slightly.
Then all of the sudden Tuti moved his hands away. The lack of pressure threw them both off balance, at least that was what Nagayan figured must have happened. Either that or Tuti had just pulled him on top of him, which was entirely possible too. They were both laughing, and it took Nagayan a few seconds before he realized how weird this must look, and that he really should get up. Because somehow they had ended up in a precariously compromising position, right in the middle of the hallway, and he could feel Tuti’s chest rumbling with laughter against his back. Yeah, he really needed to get up.
“Baka…” Nagayan pushed himself forward and into a standing position, extending a hand to Tuti, who as usual, was still lying on the floor laughing at his own joke.
After they were both standing, Nagayan turned to walk towards the dressing room, and Tuti followed.
“You’re good at that, you know,” Nagayan said, turning to Tuti as they were about to walk through the doorway. Nagayan wondered for a second if that seemed vague, but then figured that he didn’t mind letting Tuti take that whatever way he wanted. “I feel better, ” he finished, and this was true, he was thinking. He felt completely, one hundred percent better.
Tuti was surprisingly quiet, before he smiled, and then winked, almost mischievously, a glint of something almost dangerous in his eyes that made Nagayan wonder just what Tuti thought they were talking about. He would have to remember to ask Tuti about that later, maybe after they’d both shared a few drinks after the show, but he figured that it really didn’t matter… for right now, anyway.
As they walked into the large dressing room, and Nagayan watched Tuti blend into the crowd, a slight smile crept across his face and lingered there. Nagayan wondered if he just might have figured Tuti out a little better after all. At this very moment, he was honestly happy, and he could feel somehow that things would probably be ok, in the end. They were the Golden Pair, after all, right? Well, sort of… or maybe not so much, he realized, but that was okay too, and the more he thought about it the more he almost wanted to laugh out loud. Either way, it was ok. For now things were fine, and he knew that they were going to put on a good show tonight, and that he was going to have his friend there with him, by his side.
"Jyuuden kanryou," he thought to himself, and smiled, because never before had those two simple words felt so true.
OWARI
Jyuuden kanryou = recharged
Baka = idiot