a searching and fearless moral inventory...

[anahata56]

I am posting this public because, as I said before, it is my deepest wish that people who are grieving and who have suffered loss be privy to the thoughts of one person who suffers with them, and who understands. It is my hope that some person I have not met takes solace here, and finds, in identifying with my reflections, a certain sense of peace

Comments

[bloomingheather]

Belle, darling, dear friend, I never forgave you because I feel there is nothing I have to forgive you for. You did NOTHING WRONG. Yes, Michael's death was tragic, but you are not to blame. Michael isn't to blame. Did you pressure him to pack the truck up himself, drive across country and unpack the truck? Surely not. And while it may not have been the wisest decision in the world, I can't find fault with Michael for doing what he did. He loved you. He still does.

Neither you nor Michael could have known what would happen. Love, you two made each other so happy. There should be no shame in that, no guilt. I know that's what you, both of you, feel right now, but I just can't see it. I only hope what I've said can help you in some way.

Take care of yourself dear one. And, as always, {{{{HUGS}}}} for you.

[anahata56]

It DOES help.

Thank you, and {{{HUGS}}} back.

[medusadawn]

I didn't know Michael and I don't know his friends. I do know that his friends are very loyal to him and that you are loyal to him (yes, I did say loyal and I know some may think differently

[anahata56]

Thanks, Dawny...

I love you, too.

And this helps a great deal.

[anahata56]

Trying very hard to do the ignore thing, but when people reach up and poke you in the hottest button you possess, it really, REALLY does some damage.

You help--a lot.

How'd you get so sensible when you're such a dork?

Life & Death

[siliconshaman]

Okay, one more time.
You Did Not Kill Micheal !

The stress of moving didn't either. Otherwise he would have died during the move, NOT after. days, weeks after...

Ok?

I know you feel responsible, guilty even. It's called survivors guilt. The fact that someone took that and twisted it to play upon your worst fear, indicates that they are one sorry, sad and sick individual. [lit.]
It does not make it true just because you believe it.

Now you know I'm a shaman. You know I talk to the dead, 'bout as easily as most people make long-distance phone calls.
[it's just not something I tell people often, so I'm taking a risk here.Almost all of them say the self-same thing

Re: Life & Death

[anahata56]

Wow...

I HEARD that, Shaman.

OK, I know you don't say things to be all sweetsie poo, even though you ARE a marshmallow sometimes.

But I know you wouldn't lie to me about this. And this helps me, a lot.

I love you, you know that? And not in that flip, offhand way that you tell people who are your online buddies.

I really love you.

Shaman--tell him. Out of all the people I know, I have more faith in your ability to tell him than anyone else.

I just can't stand the idea of him being sad about this.

Re: Life & Death

[siliconshaman]

Mashmallow, pshaw ! [grin]

Yeah I know you love me Belle, same back atchaya! Which is why Michael comes through so strong at times for me...

He knows how you feel, just done telling him but he knew anyhow.

It's only a small bit of lingering regret he has, there's so much else to see and do for him. He's very happy about Paul being there. He has plans for when the two of you eventually cross over. [ I don't know what, nor do I want to! ]

I'm sure it was always destined that you'd meet, and I'd guess that this all was something that needed to happen. [ a guess, as if the PTB would tell me! ]

I'm assured it'll be worth it all. [so he says !]
I reckon you'll find out eventually.

Until then, keep on dancing !

Re: Life & Death

[madfedor]

There are times when a warrior must do a thing despite all of the human reasons to not do it. There is often only one way to do it effectively, that way being at the bottom of the list of preferences.

Honor to you, my brother.

At your service,
Fedor

[ms_interpret]

I have never once considered the possibility that you were in any way to blame for Michael's death. Ever. In any way. It simply never crossed my mind. After I got the news (from zem, that sweetheart), after I stopped crying and hyperventilating, my first thought was along the lines of "THANK GOD he took that trip!". I couldn't have stood it if I'd known he'd been alone and unhappy when he died. When you described his last day, the meal he ate, the lovemaking, I was filled with so much peace, knowing that he'd died happy. You were a blessing to him. You were *there* with him. You gave him true love while he was dying (even if he didn't know he was dying). And for that, I will always be grateful. Thank you, Belle. Thank you so much

[anahata56]

Well, kiddo, if you were aiming to make me cry, you succeeded...;)

But I mean it--thank you.

Thank you for grokking it.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for understanding.

And thank you, thank you for calling me that name....