Comments | an_lagat_glas: Robin Hood: Cold

an_lagat_glas

Robin Hood: Cold

Jan 18, 2010 21:07

Title: Cold
Characters: Isabella, Guy
Rating: PG
Word Count: 823
Spoilers/Warnings: none
Summary: an evening on their journey from England to France (preseries/post-3x10)

A/N: cross-posted to isabella_giz; written for the rh_intercomm challenge. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

( Isabella never thought a person could be so cold )

isabella, robin hood, fic, guy

Comments 15

ladykate63 January 19 2010, 06:43:52 UTC

As always, absolutely lovely writing. So descriptive and vivid, and so poignant. I especially love the bit about Isabella and Guy repeating Latin phrases to while away the time, and about Isabella reluctantly stamping out the fire.

This is great also:

They eat in silence. If she were older and more cynical, as she will be, Isabella might have called it companionable.

an_lagat_glas January 24 2010, 23:44:30 UTC

Thank you! hulamoth is probably responsible for the Latin . . .

(The comment has been removed)

an_lagat_glas January 24 2010, 23:45:21 UTC

I can't imagine they would have very much to say to each other at this point . . . and thank you!

unsentimentalf January 19 2010, 10:02:58 UTC

I love the ambiguity of that first line. But the whole thing is beautifully done; the absence of words of comfort for Isabella contrasted with the care Guy takes of her.

an_lagat_glas January 24 2010, 23:53:19 UTC

Thank you : ) Guy having to be her brother and her father-figure, while at the same time carrying all that guilt? Ah!

eyrial January 19 2010, 12:01:57 UTC

Ooooh I love this it shows a quite subdued side of Isabella, really cleverly and beautifully written :)

(also thanks to you we're now 3rd, which to be honset is going to be the best we can do so keep it up!)

an_lagat_glas January 24 2010, 23:46:43 UTC

Thank you!

(woohoo! I just wish I had more time!)

jagnikjen January 19 2010, 13:59:45 UTC

This was really sad and heart-rending. Great job. I enjoyed it a lot. You have a lovely writing style.

Just a comment on this line: "If she were older and more cynical, as she will be," --this is sort of out of step with rest of the piece. First, Isabella was fairly young, and she could not look ahead in time to know that she *would* end up cynical; second, this is not something an eleven- to thirteen-year-old would really think; and third, it's taking a step out of the deep point of view from which the rest of the piece is written.

an_lagat_glas January 19 2010, 18:58:54 UTC

What I was trying to get across--and you're right, it's not very clear--that she feels alone in the world--with her brother. But what she's feeling and why are something she can't really articulate until she's older and thinks back on the situation.

Now that I'm not knee-deep in editing, I can also see the disconnect in how it jumps from a pretty close focus on Isabella at that moment to pulling back a fair bit. Thank you for your comments!