Comments | an_ardent_rain: One-Shot: The Reluctant Suitor

an_ardent_rain

One-Shot: The Reluctant Suitor

Jul 27, 2008 14:28

Firefly "The Reluctant Suitor"
pre-Rayne

( Copper for a Kiss Prompt Challenge, prompt #32: line )

firefly, complete, one-shot, challenge, effect, rayne, written mid-08, bizarro, general, author approved

Comments 25

gilove2dance July 28 2008, 02:28:00 UTC

But... Naked Jayne. Jayne with arms and legs and abdomen and not-girl man parts and... very very naked Jayne.

Fav line! Made me laugh and laugh and then sigh cause it is so very true! Hahahaha

an_ardent_rain July 28 2008, 03:03:05 UTC

Hee - yes, a naked Jayne is indeed wonderful incentive. Heh. Glad you liked the line. And thanks so much for the feedback! :)

idyllictorture July 28 2008, 08:43:41 UTC

I thought this was absolutely fantastic. This is exactly how River's crush would manifest itself. And your take on her mind and its rhythms is wonderful.

an_ardent_rain July 28 2008, 14:12:07 UTC

Thank you so much! I had a blast writing it, and it turned out almost exactly how I wanted it (which NEVER happens for me - heh). I'm so pleased you liked it; thank you for the feedback! ^_^

idyllictorture July 28 2008, 18:34:41 UTC

And I hate you a little. I had a fic with a Tarzan/Jane reference, but you used it 10 times better.

an_ardent_rain July 28 2008, 21:21:27 UTC

Oh! *hides* No hating! Hee hee hee. I've never come across the reference before, actually - and I was surprised I hadn't, actually. His name is Jayne, Simon calls him an ape... It seemed obvious to me. Heh. I'm flattered you think I used the reference well, though! And I'd really love to read the fic you wrote with it.

how_obscure July 28 2008, 17:03:34 UTC

I, too, compliment you on the incredible River voice. I loved all of the references and tangents. Your little lines of poetry were great! I would love to see more from you.

an_ardent_rain July 28 2008, 19:35:58 UTC

Thank you so much! I'm so proud... I figured that I did well with River, but the response I've gotten has just floored me! *blushes*

I'm so glad you liked the poetry! I love playing with words and meter and it just tickled me to death that someone noticed. Hee hee. Thanks so much for the feedback!

seegreen August 2 2008, 15:26:59 UTC

How fun and fabulous! As others have commented, your River voice has a wonderful rhythm and non-sensical coherence to it. Wonderful references and meandering connections between images . . . You brought me right along for a ride through River's mind, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

More than anything else, I loved the way you ended it all - hinting at possibilities is sometimes better than full closure.

Thanks for sharing!

an_ardent_rain August 2 2008, 18:40:54 UTC

Thank you so much! I'm so proud of the response I've gotten - I did try to keep the River-voice flowing and in-character and it seems that I've succeeded. I really tried to make it seem as though, when reading, one was right there with River.

And I'm glad you liked the way it ended! I was afraid that it was too closed... But I'm glad you thought it worked!

Anyway, thanks again for the feedback. :D

elaine451 August 5 2008, 01:25:15 UTC

Not so convoluted and crazy...rather spectacular! Wonderful dialog, so River and Jayne. 'I will wait to make you lavendar another day'. So loved all of it!

an_ardent_rain August 5 2008, 13:45:30 UTC

Hee - thank you! I'm glad it wasn't too convoluted; some of it seemed really choppy, which, yes, was the intention, but I was afraid I'd overdone it in a few places. And "spectacular"? Oh, how flattering! :D And as far as what she meant by "lavender", well I associate each color of the rainbow with one of the sevendeadly sins, and purple=lust. So lavender is lust mixed in with real affection. Hee.

Thanks again!