MASTERPOST: Marked By Death - (Jared/Jensen, R)
Title: Marked By Death
Artist: jdl71
Author: amypond45
Rating: R
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Summary: Jensen has The Gift, which allows him to see dead people and the reapers who escort them to The Great Beyond. Jared is a reaper who appears to Jensen several times while he grows up. By the time Jensen’s eighteen, he’s in love. Then things get complicated.
Art Link: A03
Fic Link: A03
A/N: Many thanks to this year’s spn_reversebang for hosting this event and to jdl71 for the inspiring art that prompted it! Also to jdl71 for the beta!
//**//**//
The first time Jensen sees the dark-haired man, he’s six years old and holding his mother’s hand at his grandfather’s funeral. The dark-haired man stands off to the side, watching as the minister reads prayers from his little black book.
Standing next to the dark-haired man is Jensen’s grandfather, looking younger and healthier than the last time Jensen saw him.
Jensen tugs on his mother’s hand and points. She looks over, but her gaze slides across her father and the dark-haired man like she can’t see them.
That’s the first time Jensen realizes he has The Gift. It’s a family thing, passed down through the generations, but it skipped his mother, came straight to Jensen from his grandmother, the one everyone says is crazy.
When Jensen looks back, the dark-haired man is staring straight at him, a little frown creasing his face. It’s a kind face, Jensen decides as he gives the man a shy smile.
The dark-haired man’s eyes widen in surprise.
“He’s a reaper,” Jensen’s grandmother explains. “Reapers escort the dead to their new life.”
They sit together at Grandma’s kitchen table, shucking peas. Jensen watches his grandmother’s gnarled hands, sure and steady as she splits the green stalk, freeing the peas inside. She’s already filled half the bowl, while Jensen still struggles with his first pea pod.
“He seemed nice,” Jensen comments. “Not scary at all.”
“Reapers are kindly,” Grandma says. “They help us to leave our old lives behind. Usually, we’re ready to go anyway, especially if we’ve been sick or in pain for a while.”
“Like Grandpa,” Jensen suggests.
Grandma nods. “That’s right,” she agrees. “But sometimes we need a little coaxing. We don’t want to go if we’re leaving unfinished business behind.”
“Unfinished business?”
Grandma nods again. “Like a child who isn’t fully raised, for example.”
Jensen thinks about that for a minute. For some reason, Grandma’s words make him think about his mother, who’s been sick a lot lately.
“Sometimes, it helps to reassure them that you’ll be fine without them,” Grandma says. She gives Jensen a serious look, like she needs him to understand. To remember.
She’s gone by summer. This time, Jensen doesn’t go to the funeral.
The next time Jensen sees the dark-haired man, he’s thirteen and standing at his mother’s deathbed. His aunt and uncle have left the room to have another argument about him, and Jensen’s alone with his dead mother.
Until he isn’t.
“Jensen.”
Jensen looks up and there she is, looking younger and healthier than he’s ever seen her. The dark-haired man stands beside her.
His grandmother’s words fill his mind, as if she’s standing right next to him, reminding him of their last conversation.
He gives his mother a small smile. “I’ll be okay, Mom,” he tells her. “You can go now.”
She smiles sadly and nods, dragging her gaze away from him to look up at the dark-haired man.
“I’m ready,” she tells him.
As they turn to leave, the dark-haired man looks back, locking gazes with Jensen. His eyes are green, or maybe blue, not dark like Jensen had imagined.
He’s beautiful.
When Jensen’s eighteen and lying in the wreck of his first car waiting for rescue, he sees the dark-haired man again. It’s a multi-car pile-up in fog and ice that happened so fast Jensen barely had time to hit his brakes before he was rear-ended, pushed sideways into the car in front of him, and hit again by another car. His legs are numb and his neck hurts. There’s blood blinding his vision from hitting his head on the windshield.
The dark-haired man stops next to Jensen’s broken car and Jensen blinks at him with his one good eye. He can’t seem to lift his arm to brush the blood away.
“What’s your name?” he croaks painfully, throat so sore he can barely speak.
“Jared.” The reaper’s gaze is sympathetic, as if he can feel Jensen’s pain. “But I’m not here for you, Jensen.”
“Okay.” Jensen’s eye slides closed and he’s out.
When he comes to, he’s in the hospital. He’s broken his collarbone, an arm, and one of his legs, but he’s going to heal, the doctor tells him. He’s not going to die.
Jared hovers in the background, watching him. When the doctor leaves, Jensen puts his good hand out, and Jared takes it. His skin is warm, smooth. Jensen doesn’t know why he ever thought it wouldn’t be possible to touch Jared, but now that he knows he can, he feels better.
“Why are you here?” he asks. “Doc says I’m gonna live.”
Jared blushes, ducking his head as dimples pop in his cheeks. He rubs his thumb over the back of Jensen’s hand before letting it go. Jensen feels the loss immediately.
“Three people died in that crash,” Jared says. “I’ve been busy until just a few minutes ago. I wanted to check on you.”
“I’m glad you did,” Jensen says.
Jared lifts his multi-colored eyes and frowns, as if he’s confused about something.
“What?” Jensen coaxes.
Jared gives a little shake of his head. “I’ve just never met anyone like you,” he admits. “Someone who can see me when it’s not their time, I mean.”
Jensen smiles, even though it hurts. He’s high on pain medication, but there’s still a low-level ache everywhere.
“You’re a reaper,” Jensen says.
“That’s right,” Jared agrees. His eyebrows go up, but Jensen can tell he’s not surprised. “You know about us.”
“My grandma told me,” Jensen says. “She could see dead people and the reapers who came for them, too. Like me.”
Jared nods. “I can’t stay,” he says with genuine regret.
“Where do you go?” Jensen asks. “When you’re not here, I mean.”
Jared takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. “I have a boss, just like everybody. His name’s Jeff. He doles out the assignments, tells me where I need to go next. We usually meet in a diner.”
“So you were human once? Like me?”
Jared nods. “I got reaped before my time. Now I’m on the team, making up for my reaper’s mistake.”
Jensen frowns. “That doesn’t seem fair. Why can’t you just come back among the living where you belong?”
Jared’s sad smile returns. “It doesn’t work that way,” he says. “I can’t ever go back.”
“Why not?”
Jared looks away, and Jensen could swear there are tears in his eyes. “My time has passed,” he says softly. “Even if I went back, I’d be a man out of time. Not natural.”
“You could be with me,” Jensen suggests. A little thrill of excitement at the prospect of sharing his life with Jared courses through him. Makes him reckless. It might be the painkillers, but being around Jared definitely makes him feel good.
Jared brushes the back of his hands across his eyes, smiles shakily. “I wish I could.”
“Well, why not?” Jensen persists. “Tell your boss you want to go back. Tell him you met somebody and you want to get to know him better. Tell him you need a second chance.”
Jared scoffs lightly and rolls his eyes. “Not sure Jeff would take well to that idea. He’s pretty old-fashioned. Likes to give orders, doesn’t take suggestions well.”
“Well, too bad for him.” Jensen knows he’s being brash, even cocky, but he really, really likes Jared. He feels like he’s known him all his life.
And he really, really wants to get to know him better.
Jared’s dimples pop again as he grins. “You’re impossible.”
“It’s been said.” Jensen takes a deep breath, ignores the way his chest aches. “You deserve a second chance, Jared. You do.”
Jared rolls his eyes. “Says the guy who lost his whole family to the guy who reaped every single one of them.”
Jensen sucks in a quick breath. He didn’t know. He only knows about his mom and grandfather.
“My dad died when I was a baby,” Jensen says. “You were there?”
Jared’s eyes grow fond. “The first time I saw you,” he admits, then blushes. “Is that weird?”
“Not even a little bit,” Jensen insists firmly. “That explains why I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.”
Jared nods, solemn. “The moment I saw you, I thought I knew why my accident happened: so I could find you. I never would’ve known you otherwise. Our timelines don’t overlap.”
Jensen thinks about that. Soulmates, his mind provides helpfully. We’re soulmates.
“I should go,” Jared says finally.
They gaze at each other silently for a few minutes. Jensen thinks he could gaze at Jared forever. Then Jared turns his head, as if like he hears someone calling him, and when he looks back his eyes are sad.
“I have to go.”
Jensen swallows and nods. He watches as Jared turns away, hunching his shoulders a little. Jared looks back when he gets to the door, gives a little wave.
Jensen’s in love.
Jensen becomes a little obsessed after that. He reads the local paper for obituaries, shows up at funerals and graveside services, looking for Jared.
But each time, it’s a different reaper. A young woman with red hair, who stares frankly at him. A blond woman who smiles sympathetically when she sees him staring at her. An older man shows up several times, frowns when he catches Jensen’s eye, shakes his head disapprovingly.
“Tell Jared I want to see him,” Jensen says to the man, his desperation making him bold.
The man frowns deeper before turning his back on Jensen, guiding his newly-dead charge between two trees, where they seem to disappear. Jensen has the distinct impression that this reaper is Jeff, the boss Jared told him about.
After the fifteenth funeral with no Jared, Jensen gets the impression that he and Jared have been deliberately separated. Jeff’s sent Jared away somewhere Jensen won’t be able to find him.
It frustrates the hell out of Jensen. The next time the sympathetic blond woman shows up, Jensen confronts her.
“Tell your boss I’m not giving up,” Jensen tells her. “I’ll find Jared if it takes the rest of my life.”
The reaper smiles at him. “I know you will,” she says kindly. “Some of us are counting on it.”
The dead man standing next to her looks startled. He stares from her to Jensen, then back to her.
“He can see us?”
The reaper nods reassuringly. “He has The Gift,” she tells him. “Not many humans do.”
The man stares intently at Jensen. “Will you tell my son that I love him?” he asks. “We left things on a bad note, and I just want him to know. I left my journal under a loose floorboard in my closet. He should read that. Will you tell him?”
“Of course I will,” Jensen answers without hesitation.
It takes a while to find the man’s son; their rift was obviously years old, and the son isn’t there at his father’s funeral. When Jensen finally tracks him down, the son doesn’t believe Jensen, but Jensen has the distinct feeling he will after he finds his father’s journal.
It feels good to help in some small way. It feels right.
A few months later, Jensen finally sees Jared again.
Jensen’s twenty-six. He’s a college graduate with a good job as a physical therapist, something he always knew he’d be good at. He’s helping people. He understands human bodies, the challenges of staying healthy, the demands of intense physical exercise and competitive sports, the injuries and rehabilitations, the struggles to stay limber with age. He’s grateful he can share that understanding with others.
Jared looks the same, of course. He never ages. He looks about twenty-two, younger than Jensen now. It’s the first time Jensen’s assigned an age to the reaper, but he sees now why people trust Jared so easily. He reminds the elderly folk of their grandsons. For all his lanky height, he’s slim and loose-limbed, still a young man who hasn’t finished filling out.
“I’m on leave,” he tells Jensen. “I’ve got twenty-four hours.”
It’s early evening, the sun’s just set. Jared just appears suddenly in the parking lot of Jensen’s workplace as he’s leaving work, so Jensen brings him home, feeds him, fingers brushing the back of Jared’s neck when he gets up to clear the dishes.
When Jensen turns away from the sink, Jared’s there, pushing up between his legs, pinning him against the counter. Jared leans down for a kiss, and Jensen’s hand slides into Jared’s hair. Jared’s lips are soft. His tongue pushes against Jensen’s mouth and Jensen opens for him, heat spreading low in his belly, making him hard.
Jared’s hands roam down Jensen’s body to his ass, kneads the flesh through Jensen’s jeans with his big hands. Jensen gasps as Jared picks him up, displaying an upper body strength that Jensen had only fantasized about. Jensen wraps his legs around Jared’s waist, tips his head back and moans as Jared buries in face in Jensen’s throat, devouring his skin with little bites and licks.
Jensen’s never been so turned on. He slides his hands down over Jared’s big back, shivering as Jared’s hands explore his body in turn, tugging his clothes out of the way so he can reach bare skin. Jensen kicks his shoes off, lets Jared unbuckle his belt, open the zipper on his jeans. He lifts his ass so Jared can yank his jeans and boxers off, helps Jared push them down and off. He winces as his bare ass hits the cold countertop, then Jared crowds in again and Jensen wraps his bare legs around the big man’s waist as Jared kisses him deeply.
One of Jared’s big, warm hands slides up Jensen’s bare leg to his waist, under his shirt, pulling Jensen harder against him so that his erection rubs against Jensen’s through his jeans.
“Off,” Jensen gasps between kisses. “Bed.”
Jared pulls back enough to divest Jensen of the rest of his clothes, then picks him up off the counter like he doesn’t weigh a thing. Jensen wraps his naked body around Jared again as the big man carries him down the corridor to Jensen’s bedroom and lays him down gently on his back on the bed. Then Jensen watches as Jared stands up and undresses in front of him, eyes never leaving Jensen’s. Jared’s body is slim and youthful, his chest and arms nearly hairless, his cock hard and weeping. He’s beautiful, just as Jensen had known he would be.
“You’re perfect,” Jared murmurs as his eyes roam over Jensen’s body, echoing Jensen’s thoughts. “It’s like you were made just for me.”
“Come here.” Jensen reaches his arms up, and Jared doesn’t have to be asked twice.
Their bodies move together in a dance that Jensen feels he’s always known the steps to. When Jared slides inside him, Jensen feels complete, as if there was always a space there for Jared, waiting. It’s like nothing Jensen’s ever known before, but he’s always known it, too. They belong together, always and forever.
They spend the night making love, sleeping curled around each other for a while, then waking up to do it again. In the early hours of the morning, just as the light filters into the room, Jensen opens his eyes to find Jared hovering over him, stroking his cheek.
“I don’t want to sleep again,” Jared says. “I don’t want to miss a single moment.”
Jensen reaches up, curls his hand around the back of Jared’s neck, and pulls him down so he can kiss him. He kisses Jared’s lips, his cheek, tips his head down so he can kiss Jared’s forehead. Jared grins, and Jensen kisses his dimple.
“We’ll be together again,” he promises. “This isn’t all we get.”
Jared’s eyes fill with tears. “Jeff said this is a one-time thing,” he says miserably. “No do-overs. When the twenty-four hours are up, I go back. I can’t stay here.”
Jensen clasps the back of Jared’s neck, looks up at him with an assurance and confidence he shouldn’t feel, but somehow does.
“This isn’t all we get,” he repeats. “I know it.”
“Jensen.” Jared sighs, puts his head down on Jensen’s chest.
Jensen runs his fingers through Jared’s silky hair, soothing him.
They spend most of the morning in bed, until hunger finally drives them to the kitchen, where Jensen makes bacon, eggs, pancakes and coffee. They sit at Jensen’s kitchen table in t-shirts and boxers, barely taking their eyes off each other.
“So you’re human,” Jensen states finally.
“Temporarily,” Jared agrees.
“How did you die?”
Jared rolls his eyes. “Hit by a car crossing the street,” he explains. “I wasn’t supposed to die, but the reaper who took me was new.”
“So you got his job,” Jensen notes.
Jared takes a deep breath. “Yeah. They didn’t know what else to do with me. It wasn’t my time to move on. There wasn’t space for me in the Beyond yet. And I couldn’t go back.”
“Why not?”
Jared shrugs. “It’s just the way it is. If you leave your body, you can’t ever go back. It’s the rules.”
“What happened to the guy who reaped you?”
“He moved on, I guess,” Jared admits. “I don’t really know. He wasn’t cut out to be a reaper, that’s all I know.”
“Do all reapers move on eventually?”
“I don’t know. I guess so. Maybe.” Jared frowns thoughtfully, as if he’s trying to remember something. “I mean, a couple of the reapers who were on my team when I first started are gone now, so I guess they’ve moved on.”
“But you don’t know where they go,” Jensen clarifies. “Just like you don’t know where the spirits you reap go.”
Jared shakes his head. “It’s above my pay grade,” he admits. “None of us knows what comes afterward. We just know it’s there. The Beyond.”
“Does your boss know?”
Jared shakes his head again. “Jeff’s a real rule-follower. I don’t think he was ever human, or if he was, it was too long ago for him to remember. He gets his orders straight from the top, and he never deviates from them.”
“So he’s the Big Reaper.” Jensen chuckles. “Death himself.”
“Oh no,” Jared shakes his head. “There’s no such thing. Just a bunch of us, doing what we do. There are dozens of Jeffs. Thousands. All doing their part in the Grand Scheme.”
“Is there more than one Beyond?” Jensen’s speculating now. He doubts Jared can answer his question.
“I honestly don’t know,” Jared admits. “Sometimes, I think there must be a different place for the bad people, but I’ve never reaped anyone like that. I think there are bad reapers who do that, although I’ve never met one. Everyone I’ve ever worked with has been pretty decent.”
Jensen’s pretty sure everyone who ever met Jared liked him. Jared’s the most likable person Jensen’s ever met.
“Doesn’t it make you sad, being around so much death all the time?”
Jared’s eyes widen, as if Jensen’s just said something shocking.
“No way,” he insists. “I’m doing something really good. What I do helps people. Once they get over the shock of their own deaths, most of them are pretty grateful. They get to be young and healthy again, and they get to leave all the pain and sadness of their final years. It’s good work, mostly.”
“But what about the times when you have to reap a young person?” Jensen persists. “Somebody who dies in a car accident, for example? Or a child who dies of some awful disease? Doesn’t that suck?”
Jared’s eyes grow soft. “Somebody like me, you mean? I left behind my parents, my sisters and brothers, friends who loved me. I get it.”
It occurs to Jensen that Jared’s really good at reaping. He makes all the spirits feel cared about.
“Does anybody ever refuse to go?” he asks curiously. “I mean, just flat out tell you, ‘No! I’m not going!’?”
“Sometimes,” Jared agrees. “Not very often, but once in a while a spirit will try to cling to their life here on Earth, no matter how hard I try to convince them to leave.”
Jensen nods. “So what do you do?”
Jared sighs. “Sometimes I call Jeff,” he admits. “And he talks to them for a while, gives them the hard news about what happens to spirits that don’t cross over.”
Jensen feels a shiver go up his spine. “What happens to them?”
Jared smiles as he shakes his head. “They become ghosts, of course. Disembodied spirits who are tied to Earth, usually by something like their career, some unfinished business they can’t tear themselves away from. Or someone they loved they don’t want to leave.” Jared pushes his chair back, leans back as his eyes grow sad. “Their businesses go on without them, of course, and their loved ones eventually die themselves, so ultimately they’re alone. Lonely Earth-bound ghosts eventually fade away, forgotten and afraid. It’s not a pretty end.”
Jensen shakes himself, rises from the table to clear the dishes.
“Something tells me that doesn’t happen very often,” he says as he stacks the dishes in the sink. No way he’ll waste time washing dishes on this day. Their time is too short as it is.
“No, it doesn’t,” Jared agrees. “But it does happen. I always feel bad for them.”
“Well, that’s enough about death for now,” Jensen says as he dries his hands on a dish towel. “How about a shower?”
The rest of the day passes too quickly, of course. At a certain point, it occurs to Jensen that Jared’s taking their impending separation way too seriously.
“I’ll see you again,” Jensen reminds him. “You’ll still be around, reaping spirits. I’ll find you in some cemetery somewhere.”
Jared shakes his head. “I’m being transferred,” he says, miserable and anxious again. “I don’t know where, but I know it’s somewhere you won’t find me. Even the rest of my team doesn’t know where I’m going, so you won’t get any answers by asking them.”
“But that isn’t fair,” Jensen blurts. “You aren’t doing anything wrong! Falling in love isn’t against the law!”
“It is for us,” Jared says. “Reapers aren’t supposed to get involved with humans. We’re not supposed to have feelings for them other than sympathy. And we’re definitely not supposed to become romantically attached to a living person. I’ve messed up your life enough as it is!”
“No, you haven’t,” Jensen insists. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Oh yeah?” Jared huffs out a humorless laugh. “When’s the last time you dated, huh?”
“I’ve dated people!” Jensen insists. “I just don’t get attached, that’s all.”
“Right. Because of me! Because you’re in love with me!”
“Well, yeah.” Jensen shrugs. He doesn’t see the problem. “You’re kind of the love of my life, Jared. I don’t really want anybody else.”
“Exactly! Don’t you see how messed up that is?” Jared paces the bedroom floor, gesturing with his long arms, his beautiful hands. Jensen finds it hard to concentrate. “Jensen, I’m not alive. I’m not a suitable partner for you in any way.”
“Yes, you are,” Jensen insists. “You’re perfect.”
“No! I’m not! I’m dead! You’re hanging out with a dead guy! And it - It’s not healthy! You spend more time in cemeteries than you do in places where living people are living.”
Jensen shakes his head. “I went to college. I have a degree, a job, an aunt and uncle who tolerate me and let me visit them at Christmas.”
Jared stomps his foot. “Not good enough! Where’s your boyfriend, Jensen? Why don’t you have a real-life boyfriend?”
“Because I have you,” Jensen says. He knows it’s lame, but it’s true. He doesn’t want anyone else. He never has.
Jared rolls his eyes, gestures toward the ceiling as if he’s looking for guidance.
Jensen doesn’t let it slide. “Listen, Jay. Listen to me.” He takes a seat on the edge of the bed, willing Jared to take him seriously, to stop his overheated display of hopelessness.
This will work. Jensen’s sure of it.
“I’m a freak,” Jensen begins. “I’ve always been obsessed by death. It’s who I am. It’s part of The Gift I inherited from my grandmother. I’m not fully human, or at least I’m not only human. When I was young, she warned me about becoming obsessed with death. She knew this would happen, or something like this could happen. And she assured me that it was okay. The Gift isn’t a bad thing. Being able to see reapers and dead people isn’t something to be afraid of. It can be a way for me to help people.”
Jared stops his pacing, lays his hand on Jensen’s cheek, and caresses his cheekbone with his thumb. His eyes are soft and full of love, and Jensen wants to be looked at like this by this man forever.
“You’re a freak, all right,” Jared murmurs fondly. “I can’t imagine my life - or my existence - without you.”
Jensen nods. “We’ll figure it out,” he promises. “We’ll find a way.”
As the sun sets, they lie on the bed, facing each other, clasped as close together as they can manage. Jensen keeps his gaze deliberately steady, even as Jared starts to fade. His heart races but he doesn’t panic as Jared’s expression shifts, as awareness sets in and his eyes wander frantically.
“I can’t see you! Jensen! You’re fading!”
His voice echoes, as if from far away. Jensen tries to hug him tighter but his arms are already empty.
“Jensen!”
Jared’s eyes, wide with terror, are the last thing Jensen sees.
Jensen takes the week off work to look for Jared. He goes to every funeral, every burial, but none of the reapers will talk to him. They’re all new, none of them even know Jared. Their eyes fill with various expressions of sadness, curiosity, even fear. Jensen gets the impression that they know about him and Jared, but they can’t or won’t help. They’ve got their orders.
Jensen tracks down a woman in Louisiana who has The Gift. Her name is Danneel, and she’s been expecting his call. She understands his situation immediately.
“I had a dream about you and your reaper,” she says.
Jensen’s not even surprised. “Can you help me find him?”
“You already know how to find him,” Danneel says. “He told you.”
Instantly, Jensen remembers the exact moment in his conversation with Jared when Jared told him that spirits never return to their bodies once they’ve left.
“Astral projection,” he says.
“Hmmm,” Danneel agrees.
“But I’ve never done it,” Jensen muses. “What if I can’t get back?”
“Oh, you can get back all right,” she assures him. “But he doesn’t know that. He’ll think you’re dead.”
“And he’ll show up to reap me,” Jensen finishes. “He’s been promised that much.” He’s not sure how he knows that, but it makes sense. Of course Jared would be Jensen’s reaper when the time came.
Then he flushes with guilt. It’s a dirty trick to play, just to get Jared to come to him.
“I’ve got a good feeling about this,” Danneel says. “Don’t get cold feet, now. He’ll forgive you. And the powers-that-be may finally acknowledge your predicament.”
“You think so?” Jensen hadn’t thought of that. “You had a dream about that, too?”
“No, just a hunch,” Danneel says. “Sometimes my hunches turn out, though.”
Jensen thanks her, she wishes him luck, and he ends the call.
Just in case things don’t turn out the way he hopes they do, Jensen sends an email to Chad, his co-worker, telling him to check on him if he doesn’t hear from Jensen by Monday morning. He doesn’t expect to die, but if something goes wrong, his Uncle Jim and Aunt Samantha will get notified, at least.
Jensen lowers the blinds and turns out the lights. He lays on the bed and closes his eyes, using his physical therapy training to induce a state of deep relaxation. As he begins to meditate, he imagines his soul disengaging from his body, bit by bit. First, he imagines moving his fingers without actually moving them. Then his hands, raising astral projections of his arms, followed by his eyelids. When he can see his arms raised above him while still lying on the bed at his side, he heaves himself up to sitting, swings his legs around, and stands up, leaving his body behind on the bed, asleep.
“Jensen!”
Just as he hoped, Jared’s right there. The panic in his face almost makes Jensen falter, and when he grabs hold of Jared on instinct, he almost falls through him instead.
He’s using all of his psychic energy to keep himself together. Jared’s less solid than the last time. Jensen has to concentrate to keep himself and Jared on the same astral plane, but somehow he manages. Jared grabs him back, steadies him, even lets Jensen pull him into a manic hug.
Jared allows it for a moment, then he pushes Jensen away, staring at him with a mixture of horror and fear.
“What the hell have you done?” Jared demands. He glances at Jensen’s body on the bed, then back at the man he’s holding at arm’s length in front of him.
Jensen shakes his head. “It’s not what you think,” he insists. “I’m okay, I promise. I just needed to see you.”
Jared frowns. “You can’t go back.”
“Yes, I can,” Jensen insists. “I’m just an astral projection. It’s something we can do.”
“We?” Jared’s confusion increases.
“Those of us with The Gift,” Jensen clarifies. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. Don’t you see? It’s a way we can be together. Not permanently, maybe, but once in a while at least.”
Jared’s speechless for a moment. He stares at Jensen, eyebrows high as if he can’t understand what Jensen’s telling him, as if he doesn’t get Jensen’s frantic excitement.
“I know it’s not a perfect solution,” Jensen offers. “But it’s better than nothing, right? At least we can have some time together this way.”
Jared finally collects himself. He shoves a hand through his hair, shakes his head, and shifts his feet nervously.
“I don’t think my boss will let me,” he says. “I think - When they find out, they’ll reassign you to a different reaper.”
“That’s okay, that’s okay,” Jensen assures him. “You don’t need to be my reaper now. We’ll see each other anyway. Whenever. You make the schedule, and I’ll just -” He sweeps his arm out behind him, gesturing to the body on the bed. “I’ll just do this.”
Jared runs his hand through his hair, rubs the back of his neck, dips his chin to his chest.
“Jensen…”
“I can keep us both corporeal,” Jensen assures him. “We can go out, stay in, hang out, whatever.” Jensen smirks. “We can have sex, Jay.”
Jared looks up, smiles a little for the first time, dimples popping. “You know I want us to be together, Jensen. In every way, as much as possible.”
Jensen nods, reaches out to grasp Jared’s bicep.
“Okay then.” He pulls Jared in, keeping their gazes locked. He slides his other hand up Jared’s chest, recognizing the turned-on, helpless look in Jared’s eyes. “Let’s do this.”
As their lips touch, Jensen feels a little electric shock zip through him. Jared starts, obviously feeling it, too. When they draw apart, Jared touches his mouth, a look of wonder in his eyes.
Jensen grins at him. “I guess I’m a little excited,” he admits.
“I guess you are,” Jared agrees, grinning back at him. When his eyes fill with emotion, Jensen shushes him, wiping a single tear from his cheek. “I thought I’d never see you again. Until you died, of course, and then I’d have to talk you into crossing over, and I wasn’t sure I could do it. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to let you go.”
Jensen takes Jared’s head in his hands, tips it down so he can press a kiss to his forehead.
“Now you don’t have to,” he promises. “Now we can be together for the rest of my life.”
“I won’t be able to let you go, even then,” Jared says in a choked voice. “It’ll be even harder to let you go after an entire lifetime.”
Jensen kisses Jared’s temple, his cheek. “We’ll figure it out,” he murmurs as he kisses Jared’s lips.
They take their time, undressing slowly, kissing and touching every inch of each other’s bodies. When Jared slides inside him, Jensen feels the same sense of completion that he felt when they did this with their physical bodies. He holds Jared as he comes, wipes his tears away as he cries, kisses his cheeks and tastes salt. He knows his mind is creating all the sensations from his own memories, but it feels real. Feels new.
When they’re both exhausted and sated, they lie twined together on the bed, next to Jensen’s physical body, and Jared can’t help reaching out to touch.
Jensen sighs, closes his eyes as he feels Jared’s hand on his cheek, registering each of Jared’s touches to his physical body just as he does with his astral body.
“You’ll age,” Jared muses.
Jensen opens his eyes, watches Jared caressing his physical body’s cheek. It should be weird, but it’s not. It’s just them.
“We’re soulmates,” he reminds Jared. “Our souls will always look like this.”
Jared shakes his head. “You should get to live your life, Jensen,” he says. “You deserve that.”
“Living my best life is spending it with you,” Jensen says with a shrug. “I don’t want any other life.”
Jared shakes his head again, but he doesn’t argue.
“You’ll be just as beautiful when you’re old and gray,” Jared tells him with such conviction it makes Jensen smile.
He doesn’t tell Jared that he’s already had a premonition about what they’ll do when Jensen’s life is over. He doesn’t tell him that he’s pretty sure Jared’s boss won’t make him leave Jensen ever again. Jensen has a really good feeling about this, and eventually he’ll tell Jared all about it, but not now.
Now they have all the time in the world.
It’s unconventional, their relationship, but Jensen’s convinced it can work. It will work. He’s in love with a dead guy he shouldn’t have met in the first place, but the universe decided to throw them a curveball, and all Jensen feels is lucky.
He’s pretty sure he’s got enough psychic energy to make Jared visible to others when they want to go out in public, but he’s just as happy staying home. Maybe he’ll introduce Jared to his co-workers and friends sometime, just to see the envy in their eyes. He knows his aunt and uncle will love Jared. Everybody will.
Jensen looks forward to showing Jared how to live, giving him experiences that he lost when his life got unfairly cut short. In return, Jensen can help Jared with his reaping, carrying messages from the dead to the living, helping make the transition easier for everybody.
Of course, they both have jobs to do. All couples do. They’ll come home to each other from now on, which will make both of their jobs more bearable. Their love and support for each other will make them both better at their jobs. Jensen knows this with a certainty that’s probably more than a little prescient. His Gift tells him so, and it hasn’t been wrong yet.
Sometime later that night, towards morning, Jensen has a dream. In it, he’s lived a long, full life with Jared by his side. They’re standing side by side on the front porch of the house they’ve shared for many, many years. Across the street, a bus stops, brakes squeaking, hydraulics breathing like a bull, engine rumbling. The door folds open.
Jensen turns to Jared, whose eyes are wide with wonder. They’re holding hands.
“Ready?” Jensen asks.
Jared’s eyes fill with tears. All he can do is nod.
They step off the porch together, in sync, and walk towards the bus.
fin
