They've been home barely 10 hours and the phone is ringing off the hook. I feel confined in the bedroom again, i just want to get the fuck out of here, i can't deal with this right now it's all getting in the way of my mind.

I feel like an outsider here. Today i was not doing well, i just wanted to lie in a ball, but i figured a walk to Blockbuster would be the least i could do, get out of the house and find some movies for the weekend. When we walked back school was out and the streets were overrun with brats. I was craving something made out of pork so i went to ( Read more... )

Last night i dreamt i was grinding my teeth so much that they fell out. I could taste the blood in my mouth. I might need to rethink that statement that things are all right in my dreams.

I am going downstairs to eat breakfast now, yes i am.

Years ago i wanted a crucifix. Not for any particular religious reason, i don't think, just because i liked how they looked. I remember i got like 2 or 3 from various people in the space of a few months. One is really traditional with a half-naked Jesus hanging on it. I wore it every now and then somewhat randomly, up until a few years ago when ( Read more... )

I'm still half asleep, what better time to write? In a couple hours J is home from work, then we have her parents' 30th anniversary thing, then tomorrow's going to be a total write-off because of the bridesmaid party whatever thing. So i have a couple hours. My life is all sandwiched in between Other Shit right now, i take whatever i can get. ( Read more... )

I have a migraine. I can't stop crying. I'm still in bed. J told me i'm not trying hard enough, that i'm supposed to be working. That makes me feel dandy.

Re: the Proposition 8 decision - what a fuckin downer. New England is pretty much sewn up and there's a valiant effort going on in New York but California still can't get it together. Sigh. Obama's proving to be useless on repealing the Defense Of Marriage Act (and Don't Ask Don't Tell for that matter). Uniting American Families Act (to ( Read more... )

Can't i have ONE fucking morning where i wake up without ten thousand people in the goddamn house? For fuck's sake!

Yesterday i was particularly fragile because one of the organizations i called i must have transposed the digits or something and this chick goes "hello". I ask if it's the organization i wanted, and she lets loose with: "Don't you think if i actually was then i would have answered the phone that way? I'm sick of all you people calling me! " ... ( Read more... )

I tried to contact a shrink through a number of different organizations. Most of them don't provide services unless you are registered on the state's health insurance plan and referred via your primary care physician, which i obviously don't have. The few that are community outreach type places have a waiting list. I've left messages and now all ( Read more... )