i was doing so well

[amw]

It's been a few weeks since i drank more than one or two beers. Like, that's how i control it, i only buy one or two, and then i only drink one or two. And, lately, that's only been once a week or so. Alcohol fucking sucks

Comments

[geminiwench]

My mom does **exactly** the same thing... she is bi-polar... and she chooses to work herself to death (not at a job... but at the actual work of life...wherever she is) to avoid the Big Feelings. When she is depressed she simply sleeps as much as possible, and when she's manic it's a rollercoaster of activity... but none if it is very *satisfying*, except the one thing she loves: Horses.

[amw]

I wonder what the one thing i love is? I think it is going to new places. Also dancing to techno music. Both of which i haven't really been able to do for over a year.

It's comforting to know there are some other people around who manage bipolar without meds. I know it's unpopular, especially in the US, but honestly i'd rather live a more unconventional lifestyle without meds than try live a "normal" life with them. I felt like they kind flattened everything for me, as well as centering my life around dealing with my mental illness instead of just getting to live it.

[geminiwench]

Actually my mom has been medicated for about 25 years... about about the last 15 of those 'stable', meaning... NOT going off them randomly. But, I'd argue her suicidal tendencies are so high, and only happen during her depressions (but she cycles quickly... usually a full 360 per week) and her manic manifestations are for the most part fairly healthy and she flabbergasted to remember she was seriously considering and fantasizing and planning suicide the day or two before... sorta thing. But, she's always been an 'out-there' person... and the meds do sorta... keep her somewhere in the middle (rather than bouncing between extreme highs and extreme lows) which can be frustrating for her, but... with them she's allowed to do more of what she likes, more regularly and with a little forethought, rather than just the nose-dive into bed and/or 'the next thing

[olamina]

Trying to "hold it together" takes its toll as much as anything else.

I am happy to see there is a date for you to get back on the move. I hope good food and stories await you.

[dadi]

*hugs*
I felt a lot of that before my adhd diagnosis. And I still can't really believe how much better things are now, with just a low dosage of meds, when before I took loads of the bipolar meds and still had horrible freakouts. Mental illness sucks big time. I'm thinking of you <3

[opakele]

You are doing better than a great many.

I am glad you have plan to move forward.

It is time to move on.