i'm losing my thread

[amw]

So, i suppose it was inevitable. Whenever i have been in North America (or Australia for that matter) my mental health has been utterly disastrous. It's in these new world nations where i was diagnosed bipolar, where i spent years taking prescription medication just to stay stable, where i spent years as a daily drinker and/or illegal drug user to

Comments

[nahele_101]

Go to Portugal. Warmer, and decent public transportation.

[amw]

This is a good tip. I've never been to Portugal, but it seems like an interesting place. The nice thing about Europe in general is that there are a lot of different countries and cultures to visit in relative close distance to one another. It's a lot of bang for your buck when you are traveling. The other thing that's really disappointing about North America (although i always knew it was the case) is how very expensive it is to simply keep a roof over your head. Accommodation is outrageously expensive, even basic rental accommodation. I don't know why that's the case when there is so much land here.

[geminiwench]

At least there are still WAY fewer cops around you now, then there were in China

[olamina]

I love this option!

[amw]

This is a very intriguing idea!! Right now the land border is closed, so i would need a very good excuse to go the US (or pull a yuppie move and take a plane, because air border is not closed, for some reason), but i have definitely pondered doing some volunteer work on a ranch. I'm not a really big fan of wwoof/workaway setups because i feel like in some ways they are exploitative (giving room/board to tourists but not paying minimum wage to locals)... but it feels different if it's a friend of a friend, then it's just people helping one another out

[geminiwench]

You know, I think you'd really get along with my mom, and she with you. She's an outsider sort and always has been. She's an artist, an expert horseman... but not in the snobby way.. she's 100% cowboy and pioneer sort. She might have 10 acres, but she's living in a 10'x12' converted chicken coop... no power, no water, and a wood stove. She likes being free to just... do whatever she feels like and not be beholden to other people.

It's not a working farm.. she doesn't make any money off what she grows or does... she's just a radical lady in her 70s who could use a hand and is trying to figure out how to stop being a hoarder and learn to let go of... well, A LOT of things (internally and externally). She's not demanding, aggressive, angry or anything... she's really a sweet person. But she struggles with mental health, too... always has... she likes the manic times, but the depressions are hard... crushing, even. I think you know what I mean.

[carriea31]

Shoot. I am so sorry....I can feel your unhappiness as I read. Like others here, I thought, oh man....go to Europe. I don't know the logistics of that, but perhaps some time thinking of another location to try is in order.

[amw]

I just cracked the other day. I think i am doing a bit better now after two nights of 8 hour sleeps. I do believe i would be happier in Europe, it's definitely a much more pleasant place to travel without a vehicle, and it's no complexity to get there - just jump on a plane! - but i feel like i've committed to Canada now. Both the situation with my current landlord, and some conversations with friends back in Ontario who miss me, people are expecting me to be here into next year. I don't know what to do. I was hoping i would be happy to hibernate over the winter and restart everything in spring, but it seems like that's just making me more anxious.

[carriea31]

Yeah. I could see why that feeling of being expected to be in a place, especially one that you aren't happy being in, would leave you with a rather ... itchy feeling. :/

[olamina]

Woman, get outta there!!

[amw]

I feel like i'm locked in now, because my landlord canceled the booking of the couple who were originally going to move in here in January. She said she didn't want to deal with the hassle of changing tenants and anyway i am a low maintenance tenant. I told her that i couldn't guarantee her i would be staying the whole time, but i think she's kind of set it up in her head that i will be here for longer, even though i've made it very clear that i am traveling.

I'm wondering if i should just do some small, local trips despite the cold, just as a way to get a change of scenery. It feels like a waste of money paying rent here and then paying for accommodation somewhere else too, but i suppose it's no different from how things would be if i was on a lease.

[olbuksings]

Wishing you well from the windward side of Lake Ontario...