I thought it was world-renowned...maybe I'm wrong, but you might want to check...something I am far too lazy to do this morning.
I think I would remove the word "truly" from the fifth stanza, as I feel like it makes the last line too long and therefor awkward, also I think it's redundant.
For the sake of symetry, you may want to rearrange so the second to last stanza is four lines, and the last one is three. Since you have this 5-4-4-5-4 thing going on, the 3 line stands out...better for that to be the last one, imho.
otherwise, it's an interesting piece. Clean it up a bit and it could be really great, dear. :)
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I thought it was world-renowned...maybe I'm wrong, but you might want to check...something I am far too lazy to do this morning.
I think I would remove the word "truly" from the fifth stanza, as I feel like it makes the last line too long and therefor awkward, also I think it's redundant.
For the sake of symetry, you may want to rearrange so the second to last stanza is four lines, and the last one is three. Since you have this 5-4-4-5-4 thing going on, the 3 line stands out...better for that to be the last one, imho.
otherwise, it's an interesting piece. Clean it up a bit and it could be really great, dear. :)
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