Fic: This Trip Has No Narrative Hook (PG/The Bakers--original)

[amproof]

Title: This Trip Has No Narrative Hook
Author: amproof
Artist: firefly1344 Art post
Genre: original, gen
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Author’s Notes:This is written for journeystory. Thank you to nickygabriel for being a wonderful, hardworking mod throughout and for making this a rewarding and pleasant experience. Thank you to firefly1344 for being a joy to work with and for her wonderful art. It

Comments

[storyfan]

Wow. This is so very, very good. From the comments I'm thinking there's more of this somewhere?

Your characters are so well-rounded, an attribute I don't find in a lot of short stories. Even though Mark is gone, I get a good sense of who he was and what he valued. I understand Oliver's fears for Ian and empathize with him - he loses his brother and greatly fears losing his son in some way.

Although we didn't see much of Gail, I learned enough to like her quite a bit.

For some reason, I was relieved when Oliver and Ian left James' place. I don't know if I didn't quite trust James or what. I kept thinking that something would happen to Oliver and then nobody would be able to find Ian. I'm glad that didn't turn out to be true.

Anyway, great job! It's a good kickoff to the journeybang.

[amproof]

Thank you very much. :) The Bakers is a novel I've been working on off and on since 2003. Some people have seen bits of it. I wrote this story especially for journeystory, but it will also be the final chapter in the novel when I get to that point. So, that's probably why the characters seemed so well-rounded. I've been living with them a long time. :) James is a good guy, but I think you're picking up on Oliver's feelings towards him--why would Mark stay there instead of going home? So, I think being suspicious is a valid reaction!

[storyfan]

This is the sort of book I'd like to buy. I hope you publish it one day.

[amproof]

I will try very hard to finish!

[revlisacat]

I really enjoyed this story -- it was lovely! By the way, I currently work at a funeral home and cemetery, so the dialog about Mark's box was great (and you did a good job making it realistic, too).

[amproof]

Thanks very much. I'm sad to say that I know those details from indirect personal experience, via a young cousin telling me about spreading her father's ashes. I still wasn't sure I had everything right, though.

[lorrainemarker]

This was a lovely story. You shared their journey, both physical and emotional with a light delicate touch. Kudos.

[amproof]

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it!