113. as the world keeps spinning 'round
Title | as the world keeps spinning 'round (you hold me right here, right now)
Chapter | 1/2
Rating | pg-13
Characters | Nate/Serena
Summary | AU 4x10. Tell me what happened and I'll believe you.
"Tell me what happened."
Serena glances up from the magazine she's reading; she hadn't looked up when the door had first opened, expecting Eric to be there and to dive into another attempt to convince her that she belongs here and needs the help they can give her. Instead, she gets Nate and she's a bit surprised by the ferocity in his eyes.
She straightens up a little, the sleeve of her sweater falling off of one of her shoulders. "What?" she asks faintly.
"Tell me what happened," he repeats, walking toward her. "I have other stuff going on, okay? I have other stuff going on and it's big and it's important; it's my fucked up family. Dan keeps saying that this doesn't sound like you, but I know you - this is what you do and I have too much going on right now to let you pull me back in, but I…I can't just not believe you. So tell me what happened. Tell me what happened, and whatever it is, I'll believe you.'
"Nate," she whispers.
He sits down at the foot of her bed, shoulders hunched and muscles tensed; she wonders what has happened now, whether it's the Vanderbilts or the Archibalds, whether or not he needs her. "Tell me."
She takes a deep breath and does as asked. "I don't remember. I really don't. One minute I'm arriving at the party and the next I'm waking up and I don't know where I am. I can't remember anything."
"S," he sighs.
"I didn't overdose." She leans toward him. "I didn't, not on purpose. That's not…I'm not like that anymore. I'm not sixteen."
There is a heaviness in his eyes that she's not used to. "I loved you when you were sixteen."
Her heart slams against her ribs and it takes a lot of courage to say, "You loved me last spring."
He stares at her for a moment, long and hard. "Do you remember…what you were thinking? When you got to the party…"
She hears his unspoken question loud and clear; were you going to choose me?
Slowly, she sits up more, folding her legs in front of her and abandoning her magazine. "I shouldn't have gone away this summer."
Nate blinks, startled by her words and the apparent change of subject, and waits patiently for her to continue.
"I shouldn't have run away, I should have…stayed, and figured things out."
"I don't understand," he admits wearily. "I don't know what there is to figure out. I know."
"I know you do," she whispers, her hand inching across the mattress; she longs to touch him but knows she can't.
"So why don't you?"
She sighs, feels scared and caged and broken in this room that isn't hers, this room with windows and a door that doesn't lock. "I keep thinking about what you told me at Brandy Library," she murmurs. "What if it had been me, at that ball? What if you'd told me and I'd heard you?" She blinks rapidly. "Everything would've been so different." They wouldn't be here right now.
"Maybe," he agrees in a low voice.
She presses her lips together to keep them from trembling. "Do you think I did it?"
Nate rubs a hand over his eyes. "Serena." He says her name in a rush, packed tight with emotion. "For a long time - since I've known you, practically - I thought I could wait forever for you. I thought I would wait forever for you. But when we broke up in the spring I realize that I'd never been waiting for you. I was waiting for you to wait for me, chasing you and you never fucking…slow down." He's looking anywhere but at her face. "And I'm still running after you like an idiot."
The burst of clarity doesn't hit until her lips meet his; she's leaning over to kiss him before she even knows what she's doing.
It's a slow-building kiss that she wants to savour forever. His mouth is warm and he tastes like sweetened coffee. They don't touch in any other way, just his lips and hers lips and she's so reluctant to break this moment, but she has to.
A little breathless, she looks into his dazed eyes and confesses, "That was what I wanted. That night at the party."
He stays silent but his hand moves, fingers tapping lightly against her kneecap, palm sliding against her thigh. He moves steadily upward, over her hips and her stomach, skimming upward still until he pauses for only a second, feeling the weight of her breast in his hand before his fingers play over her collarbone and her neck before he finally settles his palm against her face, thumb running absently over the apple of her cheek.
She can't breathe.
And then he kisses her and it's like oxygen, his body suddenly against hers and she falls back onto the bed. Her fingers thread into his hair and the way her hands push her shirt upward, seeking her skin, feels a little like desperation. She gasps his name when he breaks the kiss, moving to kiss her abdomen, hooking a thumb into the waistband of her leggings and pulling them down slightly so that he can kiss along her hipbones.
Tears spring to her eyes and spill down her cheeks, and when he notices he slips an arm underneath her and tugs her down the bed until she's lying under him, their bodies aligned once again.
She feels shaky with the weight of repressed sobs. "I didn't do it."
He's silent for a moment, and then another, and tears build up in her throat - he said he'd believe her.
"Okay," he finally says.
She swallows. "Okay?"
"Okay." He kisses her eyelids.
"I don't need to be here."
He covers her mouth with his and she arches up underneath him, feeling needy all of a sudden, gripping at the sleeves of his shirt.
Nate kisses the corner of her mouth and she almost hears a smile in his voice when he warns her, "You gotta play fair, baby."
"I am." She knows they're not talking about the same thing but she still insists, "I didn't do anything."
He presses himself against her and she closes her eyes. "I'll pull some strings," he says gently. "I'll stay here with you tonight if you're scared."
She is, but that isn't the point. "But I didn't - "
"I know."
The fight goes out of her and she lets him kiss her, soft and coaxing as he pulls her shirt down and her leggings back up and smoothes her hair gently.
It's enough, for now - if he knows.
Chapter | 1/2
Rating | pg-13
Characters | Nate/Serena
Summary | AU 4x10. Tell me what happened and I'll believe you.
"Tell me what happened."
Serena glances up from the magazine she's reading; she hadn't looked up when the door had first opened, expecting Eric to be there and to dive into another attempt to convince her that she belongs here and needs the help they can give her. Instead, she gets Nate and she's a bit surprised by the ferocity in his eyes.
She straightens up a little, the sleeve of her sweater falling off of one of her shoulders. "What?" she asks faintly.
"Tell me what happened," he repeats, walking toward her. "I have other stuff going on, okay? I have other stuff going on and it's big and it's important; it's my fucked up family. Dan keeps saying that this doesn't sound like you, but I know you - this is what you do and I have too much going on right now to let you pull me back in, but I…I can't just not believe you. So tell me what happened. Tell me what happened, and whatever it is, I'll believe you.'
"Nate," she whispers.
He sits down at the foot of her bed, shoulders hunched and muscles tensed; she wonders what has happened now, whether it's the Vanderbilts or the Archibalds, whether or not he needs her. "Tell me."
She takes a deep breath and does as asked. "I don't remember. I really don't. One minute I'm arriving at the party and the next I'm waking up and I don't know where I am. I can't remember anything."
"S," he sighs.
"I didn't overdose." She leans toward him. "I didn't, not on purpose. That's not…I'm not like that anymore. I'm not sixteen."
There is a heaviness in his eyes that she's not used to. "I loved you when you were sixteen."
Her heart slams against her ribs and it takes a lot of courage to say, "You loved me last spring."
He stares at her for a moment, long and hard. "Do you remember…what you were thinking? When you got to the party…"
She hears his unspoken question loud and clear; were you going to choose me?
Slowly, she sits up more, folding her legs in front of her and abandoning her magazine. "I shouldn't have gone away this summer."
Nate blinks, startled by her words and the apparent change of subject, and waits patiently for her to continue.
"I shouldn't have run away, I should have…stayed, and figured things out."
"I don't understand," he admits wearily. "I don't know what there is to figure out. I know."
"I know you do," she whispers, her hand inching across the mattress; she longs to touch him but knows she can't.
"So why don't you?"
She sighs, feels scared and caged and broken in this room that isn't hers, this room with windows and a door that doesn't lock. "I keep thinking about what you told me at Brandy Library," she murmurs. "What if it had been me, at that ball? What if you'd told me and I'd heard you?" She blinks rapidly. "Everything would've been so different." They wouldn't be here right now.
"Maybe," he agrees in a low voice.
She presses her lips together to keep them from trembling. "Do you think I did it?"
Nate rubs a hand over his eyes. "Serena." He says her name in a rush, packed tight with emotion. "For a long time - since I've known you, practically - I thought I could wait forever for you. I thought I would wait forever for you. But when we broke up in the spring I realize that I'd never been waiting for you. I was waiting for you to wait for me, chasing you and you never fucking…slow down." He's looking anywhere but at her face. "And I'm still running after you like an idiot."
The burst of clarity doesn't hit until her lips meet his; she's leaning over to kiss him before she even knows what she's doing.
It's a slow-building kiss that she wants to savour forever. His mouth is warm and he tastes like sweetened coffee. They don't touch in any other way, just his lips and hers lips and she's so reluctant to break this moment, but she has to.
A little breathless, she looks into his dazed eyes and confesses, "That was what I wanted. That night at the party."
He stays silent but his hand moves, fingers tapping lightly against her kneecap, palm sliding against her thigh. He moves steadily upward, over her hips and her stomach, skimming upward still until he pauses for only a second, feeling the weight of her breast in his hand before his fingers play over her collarbone and her neck before he finally settles his palm against her face, thumb running absently over the apple of her cheek.
She can't breathe.
And then he kisses her and it's like oxygen, his body suddenly against hers and she falls back onto the bed. Her fingers thread into his hair and the way her hands push her shirt upward, seeking her skin, feels a little like desperation. She gasps his name when he breaks the kiss, moving to kiss her abdomen, hooking a thumb into the waistband of her leggings and pulling them down slightly so that he can kiss along her hipbones.
Tears spring to her eyes and spill down her cheeks, and when he notices he slips an arm underneath her and tugs her down the bed until she's lying under him, their bodies aligned once again.
She feels shaky with the weight of repressed sobs. "I didn't do it."
He's silent for a moment, and then another, and tears build up in her throat - he said he'd believe her.
"Okay," he finally says.
She swallows. "Okay?"
"Okay." He kisses her eyelids.
"I don't need to be here."
He covers her mouth with his and she arches up underneath him, feeling needy all of a sudden, gripping at the sleeves of his shirt.
Nate kisses the corner of her mouth and she almost hears a smile in his voice when he warns her, "You gotta play fair, baby."
"I am." She knows they're not talking about the same thing but she still insists, "I didn't do anything."
He presses himself against her and she closes her eyes. "I'll pull some strings," he says gently. "I'll stay here with you tonight if you're scared."
She is, but that isn't the point. "But I didn't - "
"I know."
The fight goes out of her and she lets him kiss her, soft and coaxing as he pulls her shirt down and her leggings back up and smoothes her hair gently.
It's enough, for now - if he knows.