Aiba-chan's Recomen Arashi Remix [TRANSLATIONS] 05.15.2009
Insomnia attacks. Luckily, I usually have a weapon: translating. :) So I've gone and done it again with another Recomen! translation. You may not believe, but translating has therapeutic effects on me. LJ-cut, on the other hand, makes me want smash my head against a brick wall. -_- This was done almost 24 hours ago, and LJ-cut finally decided to play nice.
Kind reminders:
+ My translations should NOT be used elsewhere without my consent. If you want to use my translations for something, please PM me and tell me how you intend to use them. Please respect this rule: 30-minute radio shows do take time to translate.
+ If you enjoyed the translations, I'd love to hear from you! :) Comments are ♥♥
Highlights from this Recomen!
# If you ever need a foolproof pick-me-upper, you'd do best listening/reading this week's show. I think he laughs probably half of the show. :D
# I can't give away anything about the personality test =x It is revealing, though, and Aiba-chan is a bit freaked out by it.
# Hicupping cures to try...
♪♪ I just want to take this opportunity to say hello to my regular readers. ^^ I hope you enjoy my translations (and hopefully the many more to come)! If you stop by to read, I'd love to hear from you. I've been seeing little posts and comments in other places (forums and personal blogs, mostly) that let me know that my translations are being read (note: this does not mean using my translations (see above reminders); I mean that I can see and tell that other fans are finding out more about their ichiban through these translations). That makes me a very happy translator (that's what I'm here to do-- to help comprehension of what our Stormy boys are saying)! So thank you to my regulars, welcome to new readers, and Arashi rainbow confetti for everyone. :)
This particular Recomen can be found HERE (MF). *radio file credit: ysy2021 :)
A=Aiba-chan
C=Chika-san
A: Even if you lock your phone, don’t lock your heart! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening! This is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. It’s already mid-May. Are you alright, Chika-san? Have you caught the May disease?
C: I’m fine.
A: May disease…
C: What exactly is “May disease”?
A: I don’t know.
C: What are the symptoms?
A: May disease… well, they say there is such illness, right? I’ve heard that many businessmen catch this disease. What are the symptoms?
C: Um, I’m not quite sure.
A: But you’ve heard that…?
C: But there are some people who aren’t able to adapt well to new environments, thus developing depression. For example, students…
A: Ooh!
C: Or new employees.
A: I see. This all starts in April?
C: April is when most schools start and new employees start working. Then there’s Golden Week (*usually a break starting in late April to early May due to heavy concentration of national holidays; usually lasts a week, as the term suggests), where there’s a little break.
A: There’s a little break…
C: That’s when… how should I put it… their efforts to adapt to new situations get off track.
A: I see. So you shouldn’t take that break in May.
C: Right.
A: That’s how you prevent the May disease.
C: Right, right.
A: Want to get started?
C: With such personality quizzes?
A: Let’s.
C: This is from radio pen name AB-gata-san (*Blood type AB-san) from Tokyo.
A: Thank you!
C: This is a personality quiz.
A: Okay.
C: “You are at a playground. There is someone playing on the swings. That child is getting ready to leave. How many more times will this kid swing before heading home? Of course, your answer can be zero, saying that the child doesn’t swing any more times.” So this is about swings.
A: What should I do? Oh, going forward and back counts as one swing, right?
C: Right. So the kid is on the swings, but is thinking about leaving. Who knows why we know the kid wants to leave.
A: Oh, but the kid’s thinking about leaving, okay. I can picture this now. The kid wants to leave, but is still swinging because s/he needs to come to an agreement with him/herself. You know what I mean?
C: You mean, like a force of habit? (*the word Aiba-chan used is “dakyou”; the word Chika-san used is “dasei”. They sound similar, so it is likely that Aiba-chan misused a word again.)
A: Yeah, so this must be a small girl.
C: Okay, okay.
A: Really cute, you know, with long hair.
C: Okay. So she’s already stopped swinging.
A: Yeah.
C: So she’s not moving her legs front to back.
A: And… one, two, three, four, she wants to get off here but it’s still too dangerous, so she goes five, six, seven. Seven! How’ does seven sound?
C: Ah. So she wants to get off at four swings but it’s too dangerous?
A: That’s because I envisioned a girl for this scenario.
C: Right.
A: If she just jumps off, it’s dangerous.
C: Gotcha.
A: Four times is still dangerous.
C: So seven?
A: So after much compromise, seven. Wait, not ‘compromise’, I meant ‘force of habit’. (*again, “dakyou” vs. “dasei”)
C: Seven. Is that your final answer?
A: That’s my final answer.
C: The number of swings is the number of years it will take until you meet the person you are going to marry. That’s what it says.
A: Wait, what does this mean?
C: In seven years, you will meet the person with whom you will marry.
A: From now?
C: That’s right!
A: Oh! That’s rather… adult, no, wait, that’s not the word I want. What, what is it? I’m going to be rather old (* “dandy” is Japanese slang which points to a group of men in their forties).
C: No, no, no. You’re 26, right? Seven years from now would make you 33.
A: Oh, that’s not so bad.
C: Yeah. So in four years, you’re going to want to marry someone, but you decide not to.
A: At age 30?
C: Yeah.
A: That’s really realistic.
C: [laugh] Yeah.
A: [laugh] Isn’t this personality test a bit scary?
C: Mm-hmm.
A: In four years, I’ll have intentions to marry, but then say, “Whoa, there, not so fast!”? [laugh] Due to a ‘force of habit’.
C: A force of habit.
A: Are we using “force of habit” still?
C: A force of habit adds three more years.
A: Three more. At 33?
C: At 33, you’ll be…
A: Oh, I guess I won’t be that old.
C: Yeah, that’s normal.
A: In this day and age.
C: Right.
A: That was quite interesting. It was surprising. Thank you very much! Anyway, let's get started. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening once again! This is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. This radio program is brought to you from Bunkahousou in Hamamatsu city and broadcasted nationwide. Without further ado, here’s tonight’s first number. Please take a listen; this is Arashi’s “Ashita no Kioku”.
[Arashi - “Ashita no Kioku”]
A: Yikes, my eyes are bloodshot.
Ootsuka-kun: It’s radio.
A: Oh, right. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! A-1GP Saikyou kettei-sen! (*The Best of the Worst Play-offs! The “A” stands for “Aiba”, and GP stands for “grand prix”) In this segment, we’ll introduce the “best of the worst” stories you’ve sent in. We’ve got plenty to read for you this week as well, so let’s get started. This is from radio pen name Ayano-chan from Fukuoka: “I became a high school student this year. Our school has a lot of stairs. In fact, there are 3,692 steps total. Getting to my classroom alone takes 346 steps. Don’t you think having 3,692 steps is the ‘best of the worst’? That, and don’t you think I’m the ‘best of the worst’ for counting all those stairs? Just for reference, there are elevators but students are not allowed to use them. This is a high school.”
C: That’s crazy.
A: It is. How many stories do you think it is? How many stories does a typical high school have? 5-6 stories?
C: But they have 3,692 steps, right? That’s… what?
A: Yeah, so…
C: If one step is about one meter in height, well, that wouldn’t be feasible.
A: Yeah.
C: Even if one step was ten centimeters, it would become 369 meters.
A: So there must be many stairways. There’s more than one way of getting to the second floor.
C: Oh, I see. She said, “Getting to my classroom alone takes 346 steps”, and that’s already quite a lot of stairs.
A: This should mean that there aren’t any obese kids at this school. Most of the students are probably rather on the slim side. Even if they don’t do a thing, they become slim.
C: They have elevators but students can’t use them.
A: Exactly.
C: So they have to take the stairs.
A: That’s a good thing. It’s good for you, and it builds muscle, too. That’s a good “best of the worst”. Let’s go on. This is from radio pen name Raspberry-san from Saitama: “My school’s tennis team is the ‘best of the worst’. One of the nets at our school’s tennis courts is broken. We’ve ordered a new one but it hasn’t come yet. I’m part of the cross-country team, and one day, I was running the perimeters when I noticed that the broken net had been replaced. But the net is obviously smaller than the ones around it. In disbelief, I got closer to the tennis courts, only to find that the replaced net was not one for tennis, but table tennis. I was taken by surprise, but the members of the tennis team were practicing as if nothing was unusual. Doesn’t this seem like the ‘best of the worst’?” It is…
C: Is that even possible? The net is for table tennis!
A: [laugh]
C: The length of that must be my wingspan, at most. That’s about it.
A: It’s a out the length of this table we’re using today. We could blow a whistle and start a game, right?
C: You’d have to tie several of those together in order for it to be the width of a tennis court.
A: [laugh] So this means that…
C: Or they just put it in the middle?
A: [laugh] How embarrassing!
C: Tie it up with string on both ends and have it dangle in the middle like a fundoshi (*this is the garment sumo wrestlers wear; Chika-san is referring to the middle section where the fabric dangles). If you’re going to use a table tennis net, might as well just use string instead.
A: [laugh] But you wouldn’t be able to visualize it that way. You need a bit of some meshed fabric to get a feel for things.
C: Right… the net.
A: There has to be an actual net. This is the “best of the worst”. Wow, I’m about to just burst into laughter. Wow! Moving on. This is from radio pen name Ami-chan from Chiba: “Please hear my ‘best of the worst’ story. In elementary school, there were kids who could shoot milk out of their nose, right? The other day, I had natto (*fermented soybeans) come out of my nose. I was eating natto during dinner but it went down the wrong way so I started to cough. I found one soybean in the tissue I used to cover my nose. My mom was disgusted as she said, ‘You’re in high school, act your age’, and my older brother jeered, ‘I could never go out with a girl who shoots natto out of her nose’. Isn’t this the ‘best of the worst’?” It comes out, huh?
C: I guess so.
A: I guess anything can come out. The two are connected, after all.
C: But there’re times when rice goes down the wrong way and a grain comes out of your nose.
A: It hurts, though, doesn’t it?
C: Yes.
A: Natto… but if this comes out of your nose, wouldn’t it leave a stench?
C: And the sliminess.
A: [laugh] So even if you haven’t had natto in a while after that, it’s as if you did. Wouldn’t it be like that?
C: Well, there’re small and large soybeans.
A: And chopped ones.
C: Those, too.
A: [laugh] I see. Here’s our next story: “At the middle school I go to, there is a Japanese teacher (* “kokugo” is the study of Japanese literature, and the closest equivalent of this would be English in western schools) with blood type AB-. In Japan, those with this blood type are one in 4,000. Yet, my teacher says that there are plenty more AB-s in the family. Because there are so few of this blood type, blood transfusions can be difficult. That’s why they’ve joined a AB- community where they help out one another. Isn’t that the ‘best of the worst’? Just for reference, our first Japanese class ended with this story.” [laugh]
C: What about the class?
A: All the teacher did was share a story!
C: During the introductions, the teacher said, “I am blood type AB-!”, then proceeded to expand on this topic for the next 45 minutes.
A: Right. The teacher was all, “Did you know there’s a community for such people? We help each other out!” And while the story was still being told, the bell rang for class to be let out. “What about Japanese class?!” is probably what the students said about that. That was by radio pen name Yuko-san, sorry about that. I wonder if I’m RH positive or negative. I’m AB blood type, but… there’s an RH positive and an RH negative?
C: That’s right.
A: Which do you think I am?
C: What?
A: [laugh]
C: Am I supposed to be able to tell just by looking?
A: I wonder if there’s any noticeable differences.
C: What? You mean in terms of how it affects personality?
A: Yeah.
C: It must be that not everything comes from direct genes (*parents’ genes). Just because a parent is RH negative doesn’t mean the child is, too, I bet.
A: Yeah. I actually have a fair share of friends who have AB blood types. They’re either AB or B, so there must be an RH negative in there somewhere. I know a family consisting only of AB blood types.
C: Really?
A: The husband, the wife, the two kids… they’re all AB blood types. I’ll make sure to ask my friends so I know whether or not there are RH negatives in the bunch. I’ll go and get myself checked as well. Let me read one last e-mail. Should I read it? Yeah, I’ll read it. This is from radio pen name Aiba-chan daisuki-san from Aomori, thank you very much. “I saw something awful recently. My great-grandfather and my mom were kissing. I don’t even know why they were kissing, but isn’t this the ‘best of the worst’? Yes, it is! It is, right?
C: The “best of the worst”!
A: [laugh] I was debating whether or not to read this one. Because it really is “best of the worst”.
C: Well, the grandchild is adorable to the grandpa.
A: For the great-grandfather.
C: If he is a great-grandfather in relation to this person, the mom is the grandchild, right?
A: Right, right, right. His grandchild is cute.
C: Exactly. [laugh]
A: That’s all it is. It’s not like… well, it’s not really…
C: His grandchild is cute no matter how old she gets! Her mom is still his grandchild. [laugh]
A: Right. That’s right. So that’s just super! Okay, then. [laugh] If you have any “best of the worst” stories, please send them in. That was A-1GP Saikyou Kettei-sen.
Ootsuka-kun: Even that voluptuous model is listening in on this show.
A: For real?! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Oshiete Aiba-chan! (*Tell us, Aiba-chan!) Here, I’ll answer questions you’ve sent in via postcards! We’ve got plenty this week as well, so let’s start: “I’m always tuning into your show! I have a question to ask. Do you know the song ‘Nihon no Mikata’ by Yajima Biyoushitsu? Starting at 0:52 seconds, the voice sounds so much like you, Aiba-chan. In fact, it is your voice. Please take a listen for yourself. This sounds like your voice and no one else’s.” Hm, yet another one of these. In the past, we’ve gotten “This sounds like Daigo-kun”, “This sounds like Hiking-walking’s Mr. Suzukicks”, among many others. But 0:52 seconds into “Nihon no Mikata”, it says. Does it really sound like me?
C: Which voice are they referring to out of the three members (*Yajima Biyoushitsu consists of three men)?
A: That tickles my curiosity, too. We’ll have to listen to it to check. Moving on. This is from radio pen name Jaylin-san from Yamagata: “Tell me, Chika-san! Aiba-chan, konaiba (*konbanwa + Aiba; konbanwa means “good evening”), Chika-san, konaiba. Chika-san, you said in a previous show that you didn’t watch Shiranai hou ga shiawase datta jujitsu, but have you had the chance to watch it since? People I know have mentioned that the TV show plays like a radio show. There’s a character named Shiranuga botoke who tells us facts that we would rather not have wanted to find out. I call him “Black ojanioshi hakase”. I liked Aiba-chan’s not-so MC-ish style, and found the show to be hilarious. Chika-san, why did you miss watching the show, of all people? I suggest you get a hold of a recording immediately.” You’re being told off, Chika-san.
C: Is that so? What was it, anyway?
A: [laugh]
C: It was a late night special show, right?
A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most raved that it ran much like a radio program. Jaylin-san calls the character, “Black ojanioshi hakase”.
C: The Shiranuga hotoke?
A: Yeah, he’s called Shiranuga botoke.
C: Oh, Shiranuga botoke.
A: He’s this character. The complaint is that that TV special was like a radio show, so why didn’t my radio partner watch it? Jaylin-san is mad about that.
C: She’s mad.
A: “I suggest you get a hold of a recording immediately”, it says. Maybe she wants you to be more like Shiranuga botoke, the way he uses dark humor.
C: Oh, so this is criticism?
A: [laugh] It may be criticism directed at you.
C: Ah, so I should learn from the show and up my skills.
A: [laugh] Right, up your skills.
C: Got it.
A: You sure?
C: Yeah.
A: Jaylin-san, I hope you got all that. Next one is from radio pen name Saki-chan from Fukushima: “I heard a long while ago that if you grip your wrist really tightly, you can stop hiccupping. I tested this out at school by gripping my right wrist until it hurt, and the hiccups really stopped. Upon asking my friends, no one knew about this method, but I think it works.” Wow, I didn’t know that. Is it true?
C: But methods for stopping hiccups…
A: There are a lot of them.
C: We had some mailed in before, but they either work or don’t work, results vary depending on the person.
A: You know of that traditional method of scaring someone, right?
C: Yeah.
A: Has that ever worked for you?
C: Even when I have the hiccups, or there’s someone in front of me who has the hiccups, the idea of “scaring” them out is usually on our heads, so…
A: [laugh] So you couldn’t be scared.
C: No. The idea is already assumed. [laugh]
A: There are still people, though. If they see someone hiccupping…
C: If you tell them to scare you, the next second, they’re already saying, “Boo!” [laugh]
A: [laugh] “Boo”? What do you mean “Boo!”
C: Boo!
A: You wouldn’t use, “Boo!”
C: Even worse are the ones that hit you on the back, like “wham!”, because it’s not scary; it just hurts.
A: [laugh] Ouch!
C: Those people…
A: They exist!
C: The hiccups don’t stop.
A: They don’t. I understand that. But I said this before, but I usually use the “drink as much water as possible” method. That works best for me.
C: [laugh] You might start feeling sick in yet another way.
A: [laugh] Right wrist, huh? I gotta try this one out. Moving on. This one is from radio pen name Noko-chan from Yokohama: “When I drink soda, the insides of my ears get unbearably itchy. My family members all have that reaction. This doesn’t happen unless we’re drinking something carbonated. Aiba-chan, has this ever happened to you? Let me know.” Hm… this has never happened. When she drinks soda, her ears… the inside of her ears gets itchy. Maybe she can drink soda while picking at her ears with a Q-tip, then.
C: I think the fizz in the soda irritates her ears.
A: The inside of her ears?
C: Your ears and throat are connected, right?
A: Have you ever had the phenomenon of having the insides of your ears itch?
C: Well… it’s natural for the insides of your ears to itch sometimes.
A: [laugh]
C: But I don’t know when else.
A: True.
C: I bet if this doesn’t happen with non-carbonated beverages, it must be the fizz that’s irritating her ears.
A: True. She must be more sensitive to it than others. There are issues such as these, I see. Well, that was “Tell me, Aiba-chan”. Now, I’d like you to give this number a listen. Remember from earlier? Yajima Biyoushitsu’s “Nihon no Mikata”. The part from 0:52 seconds sounds just like me, she says. She wanted me to listen to it, so let’s play it. Here it is: Yajima Biyoushitsu’s “Nihon no Mikata”.
[Yajima Biyoushitsu - “Nihon no Mikata”]
A: Send your postcards to Bunka Housou Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix!. Zip code 105-8002. E-mail address: Arashi@joqr.net. Please put the name of the segment in the subject. You can also send us a message through the Bunka Housou website. So time’s just about up, but our 26th single will be on sale starting on the 27th, which includes “Ashita no Kioku” and “Kimi wa Muteki”. These two songs are both single releases, one is the theme song for Sakurai Sho’s drama, The Quiz Show, and the other is the CM song for Kosé. Please give both a listen. This was Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Your radio partner was Aiba Masaki from Arashi. See you again next week! Bye-bye!
Kind reminders:
+ My translations should NOT be used elsewhere without my consent. If you want to use my translations for something, please PM me and tell me how you intend to use them. Please respect this rule: 30-minute radio shows do take time to translate.
+ If you enjoyed the translations, I'd love to hear from you! :) Comments are ♥♥
Highlights from this Recomen!
# If you ever need a foolproof pick-me-upper, you'd do best listening/reading this week's show. I think he laughs probably half of the show. :D
# I can't give away anything about the personality test =x It is revealing, though, and Aiba-chan is a bit freaked out by it.
# Hicupping cures to try...
♪♪ I just want to take this opportunity to say hello to my regular readers. ^^ I hope you enjoy my translations (and hopefully the many more to come)! If you stop by to read, I'd love to hear from you. I've been seeing little posts and comments in other places (forums and personal blogs, mostly) that let me know that my translations are being read (note: this does not mean using my translations (see above reminders); I mean that I can see and tell that other fans are finding out more about their ichiban through these translations). That makes me a very happy translator (that's what I'm here to do-- to help comprehension of what our Stormy boys are saying)! So thank you to my regulars, welcome to new readers, and Arashi rainbow confetti for everyone. :)
This particular Recomen can be found HERE (MF). *radio file credit: ysy2021 :)
A=Aiba-chan
C=Chika-san
A: Even if you lock your phone, don’t lock your heart! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening! This is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. It’s already mid-May. Are you alright, Chika-san? Have you caught the May disease?
C: I’m fine.
A: May disease…
C: What exactly is “May disease”?
A: I don’t know.
C: What are the symptoms?
A: May disease… well, they say there is such illness, right? I’ve heard that many businessmen catch this disease. What are the symptoms?
C: Um, I’m not quite sure.
A: But you’ve heard that…?
C: But there are some people who aren’t able to adapt well to new environments, thus developing depression. For example, students…
A: Ooh!
C: Or new employees.
A: I see. This all starts in April?
C: April is when most schools start and new employees start working. Then there’s Golden Week (*usually a break starting in late April to early May due to heavy concentration of national holidays; usually lasts a week, as the term suggests), where there’s a little break.
A: There’s a little break…
C: That’s when… how should I put it… their efforts to adapt to new situations get off track.
A: I see. So you shouldn’t take that break in May.
C: Right.
A: That’s how you prevent the May disease.
C: Right, right.
A: Want to get started?
C: With such personality quizzes?
A: Let’s.
C: This is from radio pen name AB-gata-san (*Blood type AB-san) from Tokyo.
A: Thank you!
C: This is a personality quiz.
A: Okay.
C: “You are at a playground. There is someone playing on the swings. That child is getting ready to leave. How many more times will this kid swing before heading home? Of course, your answer can be zero, saying that the child doesn’t swing any more times.” So this is about swings.
A: What should I do? Oh, going forward and back counts as one swing, right?
C: Right. So the kid is on the swings, but is thinking about leaving. Who knows why we know the kid wants to leave.
A: Oh, but the kid’s thinking about leaving, okay. I can picture this now. The kid wants to leave, but is still swinging because s/he needs to come to an agreement with him/herself. You know what I mean?
C: You mean, like a force of habit? (*the word Aiba-chan used is “dakyou”; the word Chika-san used is “dasei”. They sound similar, so it is likely that Aiba-chan misused a word again.)
A: Yeah, so this must be a small girl.
C: Okay, okay.
A: Really cute, you know, with long hair.
C: Okay. So she’s already stopped swinging.
A: Yeah.
C: So she’s not moving her legs front to back.
A: And… one, two, three, four, she wants to get off here but it’s still too dangerous, so she goes five, six, seven. Seven! How’ does seven sound?
C: Ah. So she wants to get off at four swings but it’s too dangerous?
A: That’s because I envisioned a girl for this scenario.
C: Right.
A: If she just jumps off, it’s dangerous.
C: Gotcha.
A: Four times is still dangerous.
C: So seven?
A: So after much compromise, seven. Wait, not ‘compromise’, I meant ‘force of habit’. (*again, “dakyou” vs. “dasei”)
C: Seven. Is that your final answer?
A: That’s my final answer.
C: The number of swings is the number of years it will take until you meet the person you are going to marry. That’s what it says.
A: Wait, what does this mean?
C: In seven years, you will meet the person with whom you will marry.
A: From now?
C: That’s right!
A: Oh! That’s rather… adult, no, wait, that’s not the word I want. What, what is it? I’m going to be rather old (* “dandy” is Japanese slang which points to a group of men in their forties).
C: No, no, no. You’re 26, right? Seven years from now would make you 33.
A: Oh, that’s not so bad.
C: Yeah. So in four years, you’re going to want to marry someone, but you decide not to.
A: At age 30?
C: Yeah.
A: That’s really realistic.
C: [laugh] Yeah.
A: [laugh] Isn’t this personality test a bit scary?
C: Mm-hmm.
A: In four years, I’ll have intentions to marry, but then say, “Whoa, there, not so fast!”? [laugh] Due to a ‘force of habit’.
C: A force of habit.
A: Are we using “force of habit” still?
C: A force of habit adds three more years.
A: Three more. At 33?
C: At 33, you’ll be…
A: Oh, I guess I won’t be that old.
C: Yeah, that’s normal.
A: In this day and age.
C: Right.
A: That was quite interesting. It was surprising. Thank you very much! Anyway, let's get started. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Good evening once again! This is Aiba Masaki from Arashi. This radio program is brought to you from Bunkahousou in Hamamatsu city and broadcasted nationwide. Without further ado, here’s tonight’s first number. Please take a listen; this is Arashi’s “Ashita no Kioku”.
[Arashi - “Ashita no Kioku”]
A: Yikes, my eyes are bloodshot.
Ootsuka-kun: It’s radio.
A: Oh, right. Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! A-1GP Saikyou kettei-sen! (*The Best of the Worst Play-offs! The “A” stands for “Aiba”, and GP stands for “grand prix”) In this segment, we’ll introduce the “best of the worst” stories you’ve sent in. We’ve got plenty to read for you this week as well, so let’s get started. This is from radio pen name Ayano-chan from Fukuoka: “I became a high school student this year. Our school has a lot of stairs. In fact, there are 3,692 steps total. Getting to my classroom alone takes 346 steps. Don’t you think having 3,692 steps is the ‘best of the worst’? That, and don’t you think I’m the ‘best of the worst’ for counting all those stairs? Just for reference, there are elevators but students are not allowed to use them. This is a high school.”
C: That’s crazy.
A: It is. How many stories do you think it is? How many stories does a typical high school have? 5-6 stories?
C: But they have 3,692 steps, right? That’s… what?
A: Yeah, so…
C: If one step is about one meter in height, well, that wouldn’t be feasible.
A: Yeah.
C: Even if one step was ten centimeters, it would become 369 meters.
A: So there must be many stairways. There’s more than one way of getting to the second floor.
C: Oh, I see. She said, “Getting to my classroom alone takes 346 steps”, and that’s already quite a lot of stairs.
A: This should mean that there aren’t any obese kids at this school. Most of the students are probably rather on the slim side. Even if they don’t do a thing, they become slim.
C: They have elevators but students can’t use them.
A: Exactly.
C: So they have to take the stairs.
A: That’s a good thing. It’s good for you, and it builds muscle, too. That’s a good “best of the worst”. Let’s go on. This is from radio pen name Raspberry-san from Saitama: “My school’s tennis team is the ‘best of the worst’. One of the nets at our school’s tennis courts is broken. We’ve ordered a new one but it hasn’t come yet. I’m part of the cross-country team, and one day, I was running the perimeters when I noticed that the broken net had been replaced. But the net is obviously smaller than the ones around it. In disbelief, I got closer to the tennis courts, only to find that the replaced net was not one for tennis, but table tennis. I was taken by surprise, but the members of the tennis team were practicing as if nothing was unusual. Doesn’t this seem like the ‘best of the worst’?” It is…
C: Is that even possible? The net is for table tennis!
A: [laugh]
C: The length of that must be my wingspan, at most. That’s about it.
A: It’s a out the length of this table we’re using today. We could blow a whistle and start a game, right?
C: You’d have to tie several of those together in order for it to be the width of a tennis court.
A: [laugh] So this means that…
C: Or they just put it in the middle?
A: [laugh] How embarrassing!
C: Tie it up with string on both ends and have it dangle in the middle like a fundoshi (*this is the garment sumo wrestlers wear; Chika-san is referring to the middle section where the fabric dangles). If you’re going to use a table tennis net, might as well just use string instead.
A: [laugh] But you wouldn’t be able to visualize it that way. You need a bit of some meshed fabric to get a feel for things.
C: Right… the net.
A: There has to be an actual net. This is the “best of the worst”. Wow, I’m about to just burst into laughter. Wow! Moving on. This is from radio pen name Ami-chan from Chiba: “Please hear my ‘best of the worst’ story. In elementary school, there were kids who could shoot milk out of their nose, right? The other day, I had natto (*fermented soybeans) come out of my nose. I was eating natto during dinner but it went down the wrong way so I started to cough. I found one soybean in the tissue I used to cover my nose. My mom was disgusted as she said, ‘You’re in high school, act your age’, and my older brother jeered, ‘I could never go out with a girl who shoots natto out of her nose’. Isn’t this the ‘best of the worst’?” It comes out, huh?
C: I guess so.
A: I guess anything can come out. The two are connected, after all.
C: But there’re times when rice goes down the wrong way and a grain comes out of your nose.
A: It hurts, though, doesn’t it?
C: Yes.
A: Natto… but if this comes out of your nose, wouldn’t it leave a stench?
C: And the sliminess.
A: [laugh] So even if you haven’t had natto in a while after that, it’s as if you did. Wouldn’t it be like that?
C: Well, there’re small and large soybeans.
A: And chopped ones.
C: Those, too.
A: [laugh] I see. Here’s our next story: “At the middle school I go to, there is a Japanese teacher (* “kokugo” is the study of Japanese literature, and the closest equivalent of this would be English in western schools) with blood type AB-. In Japan, those with this blood type are one in 4,000. Yet, my teacher says that there are plenty more AB-s in the family. Because there are so few of this blood type, blood transfusions can be difficult. That’s why they’ve joined a AB- community where they help out one another. Isn’t that the ‘best of the worst’? Just for reference, our first Japanese class ended with this story.” [laugh]
C: What about the class?
A: All the teacher did was share a story!
C: During the introductions, the teacher said, “I am blood type AB-!”, then proceeded to expand on this topic for the next 45 minutes.
A: Right. The teacher was all, “Did you know there’s a community for such people? We help each other out!” And while the story was still being told, the bell rang for class to be let out. “What about Japanese class?!” is probably what the students said about that. That was by radio pen name Yuko-san, sorry about that. I wonder if I’m RH positive or negative. I’m AB blood type, but… there’s an RH positive and an RH negative?
C: That’s right.
A: Which do you think I am?
C: What?
A: [laugh]
C: Am I supposed to be able to tell just by looking?
A: I wonder if there’s any noticeable differences.
C: What? You mean in terms of how it affects personality?
A: Yeah.
C: It must be that not everything comes from direct genes (*parents’ genes). Just because a parent is RH negative doesn’t mean the child is, too, I bet.
A: Yeah. I actually have a fair share of friends who have AB blood types. They’re either AB or B, so there must be an RH negative in there somewhere. I know a family consisting only of AB blood types.
C: Really?
A: The husband, the wife, the two kids… they’re all AB blood types. I’ll make sure to ask my friends so I know whether or not there are RH negatives in the bunch. I’ll go and get myself checked as well. Let me read one last e-mail. Should I read it? Yeah, I’ll read it. This is from radio pen name Aiba-chan daisuki-san from Aomori, thank you very much. “I saw something awful recently. My great-grandfather and my mom were kissing. I don’t even know why they were kissing, but isn’t this the ‘best of the worst’? Yes, it is! It is, right?
C: The “best of the worst”!
A: [laugh] I was debating whether or not to read this one. Because it really is “best of the worst”.
C: Well, the grandchild is adorable to the grandpa.
A: For the great-grandfather.
C: If he is a great-grandfather in relation to this person, the mom is the grandchild, right?
A: Right, right, right. His grandchild is cute.
C: Exactly. [laugh]
A: That’s all it is. It’s not like… well, it’s not really…
C: His grandchild is cute no matter how old she gets! Her mom is still his grandchild. [laugh]
A: Right. That’s right. So that’s just super! Okay, then. [laugh] If you have any “best of the worst” stories, please send them in. That was A-1GP Saikyou Kettei-sen.
Ootsuka-kun: Even that voluptuous model is listening in on this show.
A: For real?! Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix! Oshiete Aiba-chan! (*Tell us, Aiba-chan!) Here, I’ll answer questions you’ve sent in via postcards! We’ve got plenty this week as well, so let’s start: “I’m always tuning into your show! I have a question to ask. Do you know the song ‘Nihon no Mikata’ by Yajima Biyoushitsu? Starting at 0:52 seconds, the voice sounds so much like you, Aiba-chan. In fact, it is your voice. Please take a listen for yourself. This sounds like your voice and no one else’s.” Hm, yet another one of these. In the past, we’ve gotten “This sounds like Daigo-kun”, “This sounds like Hiking-walking’s Mr. Suzukicks”, among many others. But 0:52 seconds into “Nihon no Mikata”, it says. Does it really sound like me?
C: Which voice are they referring to out of the three members (*Yajima Biyoushitsu consists of three men)?
A: That tickles my curiosity, too. We’ll have to listen to it to check. Moving on. This is from radio pen name Jaylin-san from Yamagata: “Tell me, Chika-san! Aiba-chan, konaiba (*konbanwa + Aiba; konbanwa means “good evening”), Chika-san, konaiba. Chika-san, you said in a previous show that you didn’t watch Shiranai hou ga shiawase datta jujitsu, but have you had the chance to watch it since? People I know have mentioned that the TV show plays like a radio show. There’s a character named Shiranuga botoke who tells us facts that we would rather not have wanted to find out. I call him “Black ojanioshi hakase”. I liked Aiba-chan’s not-so MC-ish style, and found the show to be hilarious. Chika-san, why did you miss watching the show, of all people? I suggest you get a hold of a recording immediately.” You’re being told off, Chika-san.
C: Is that so? What was it, anyway?
A: [laugh]
C: It was a late night special show, right?
A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most raved that it ran much like a radio program. Jaylin-san calls the character, “Black ojanioshi hakase”.
C: The Shiranuga hotoke?
A: Yeah, he’s called Shiranuga botoke.
C: Oh, Shiranuga botoke.
A: He’s this character. The complaint is that that TV special was like a radio show, so why didn’t my radio partner watch it? Jaylin-san is mad about that.
C: She’s mad.
A: “I suggest you get a hold of a recording immediately”, it says. Maybe she wants you to be more like Shiranuga botoke, the way he uses dark humor.
C: Oh, so this is criticism?
A: [laugh] It may be criticism directed at you.
C: Ah, so I should learn from the show and up my skills.
A: [laugh] Right, up your skills.
C: Got it.
A: You sure?
C: Yeah.
A: Jaylin-san, I hope you got all that. Next one is from radio pen name Saki-chan from Fukushima: “I heard a long while ago that if you grip your wrist really tightly, you can stop hiccupping. I tested this out at school by gripping my right wrist until it hurt, and the hiccups really stopped. Upon asking my friends, no one knew about this method, but I think it works.” Wow, I didn’t know that. Is it true?
C: But methods for stopping hiccups…
A: There are a lot of them.
C: We had some mailed in before, but they either work or don’t work, results vary depending on the person.
A: You know of that traditional method of scaring someone, right?
C: Yeah.
A: Has that ever worked for you?
C: Even when I have the hiccups, or there’s someone in front of me who has the hiccups, the idea of “scaring” them out is usually on our heads, so…
A: [laugh] So you couldn’t be scared.
C: No. The idea is already assumed. [laugh]
A: There are still people, though. If they see someone hiccupping…
C: If you tell them to scare you, the next second, they’re already saying, “Boo!” [laugh]
A: [laugh] “Boo”? What do you mean “Boo!”
C: Boo!
A: You wouldn’t use, “Boo!”
C: Even worse are the ones that hit you on the back, like “wham!”, because it’s not scary; it just hurts.
A: [laugh] Ouch!
C: Those people…
A: They exist!
C: The hiccups don’t stop.
A: They don’t. I understand that. But I said this before, but I usually use the “drink as much water as possible” method. That works best for me.
C: [laugh] You might start feeling sick in yet another way.
A: [laugh] Right wrist, huh? I gotta try this one out. Moving on. This one is from radio pen name Noko-chan from Yokohama: “When I drink soda, the insides of my ears get unbearably itchy. My family members all have that reaction. This doesn’t happen unless we’re drinking something carbonated. Aiba-chan, has this ever happened to you? Let me know.” Hm… this has never happened. When she drinks soda, her ears… the inside of her ears gets itchy. Maybe she can drink soda while picking at her ears with a Q-tip, then.
C: I think the fizz in the soda irritates her ears.
A: The inside of her ears?
C: Your ears and throat are connected, right?
A: Have you ever had the phenomenon of having the insides of your ears itch?
C: Well… it’s natural for the insides of your ears to itch sometimes.
A: [laugh]
C: But I don’t know when else.
A: True.
C: I bet if this doesn’t happen with non-carbonated beverages, it must be the fizz that’s irritating her ears.
A: True. She must be more sensitive to it than others. There are issues such as these, I see. Well, that was “Tell me, Aiba-chan”. Now, I’d like you to give this number a listen. Remember from earlier? Yajima Biyoushitsu’s “Nihon no Mikata”. The part from 0:52 seconds sounds just like me, she says. She wanted me to listen to it, so let’s play it. Here it is: Yajima Biyoushitsu’s “Nihon no Mikata”.
[Yajima Biyoushitsu - “Nihon no Mikata”]
A: Send your postcards to Bunka Housou Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix!. Zip code 105-8002. E-mail address: Arashi@joqr.net. Please put the name of the segment in the subject. You can also send us a message through the Bunka Housou website. So time’s just about up, but our 26th single will be on sale starting on the 27th, which includes “Ashita no Kioku” and “Kimi wa Muteki”. These two songs are both single releases, one is the theme song for Sakurai Sho’s drama, The Quiz Show, and the other is the CM song for Kosé. Please give both a listen. This was Arashi - Aiba Masaki’s Recomen! Arashi Remix. Your radio partner was Aiba Masaki from Arashi. See you again next week! Bye-bye!